


In the pouring rain

by Kuroi22



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Age Difference, Animal Death, Cheating, Divorce, Drug Dealer, Gang Violence, Gangs, Homelessness, Human Trafficking, Hurricanes & Typhoons, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loneliness, M/M, Mafia AU, Oikawa is bad, Poverty, Revenge, Suicide thoughts, Toxic Relationship, Violence, like really bad, mention of prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 88,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27491059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroi22/pseuds/Kuroi22
Summary: He was married. And he loved his wife. But he couldn't stop thinking about that boy sleeping on his bed. About that boy who was lost and only wanted a home. About that boy named Tobio who appeared in his life by chance, on that pouring rainy day.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Nicolas Romero, Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru (sided)
Comments: 73
Kudos: 135





	1. Tobio

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back at my RomeKage bullshit, this time with a multi-chapter fic and with violence and ANGST!

_He was married. And he loved his wife. But he couldn't stop thinking about that boy sleeping on his bed..._

**********

He's curled up under the blankets, trembling. He's scared and cold. He had been on the rain for a long time. Maybe for days, alone on the streets. Nicolas feels he has to protect him, to safe him. Or, at least, doing something for him.

He has a light fever. Nicolas had given him some medicine and he waits, hoping he would feel better. Nico brings one more blanket and wraps him up. He opens his eyes; they’re looking hurt and scared. He can’t understand what was happening. His condition makes his vision blurry, and he can’t focus on who is there. Nicolas notices how the eyes are blue. So pretty…

"Don't worry" Nico says, soothing him with a soft caress on his head. "You're safe, I’ll take care of you”

He falls sleeps, feeling secured. Nicolas leaves him alone to rest, but he stays attentive. Nicolas feels restless, worried and impatient to ask him who he is and what he could do for him. He looks so young that he wonders if he is underage. If that’s the case, he’ll need to contact to his parents or family and assure them that their son is okay. But he can’t find anything relevant between his clothes, he has no phone or money. It’s strange on a young guy, Nicolas thinks.

Nicolas waits. After a few hours, it seems like the boy feels better. The fever has finally low down, and he’s awake. Nicolas has left something for him to eat at the nightstand, and he eats with hunger. He looks happy, with having some good cooking. Nicolas feels proud of his culinary aptitudes.

Also, he looks so cute…

He visits him later. His cheeks have got a nice colour and he looks healthier than before. But he’s still a little thin, on Nicolas opinion…

"My name's Nicolas Romero. I found you on the street, you had a light fever” Nicolas explains, sitting on the bed. “Are you better?"

He nods.

"I'm Tobio. Thanks for the help…"

"Do you want me to call someone for you? Your family or a friend?"

"I live alone"

That awakes more questions in Nicolas. Is that boy alone? Does he have anyone? He suddenly feels protective of him.

"You can stay here until the rain stops"

Tobio looks at the window. There's a heavy storm outside, it's impossible to go out. Tobio doesn’t look pleased of that.

"I don't want to bother you"

"No problem! I live alone too” Nicolas smiles, he doesn’t want him to feel like he’s not welcomed there. The poor guy seems kind of lost. “Be my guest”

While Nicolas prepares something for himself to dinner, Tobio is in the shower. Nicolas has lent him some of his clothes and a clean towel. He senses Tobio a little awkward around the house, and he can’t blame him. He’s on a strange place with an unknown man. But he wishes for him to relax, he looks too distrustful.

Nicolas hears him roaming around the bedroom. It’s strange, to feel someone else on the house. Normally, it’s so quiet that he has to make some noise to feel less alone. It’s nice, to have him there. He feels the ambiance livelier. Tobio arrives to the living room, when Nicolas is cleaning the dishes he used for dinner. He’s carrying his clothes.

“Uh… where can I put this? They are dirty, I don’t want to mess anything…”

“Don’t worry, we can put it on the washer. I’ll change the sheets too, so you can have them fresh and dried”

“I can do that”

“Sit down and rest, you seem tired” Nicolas leaves the kitchen and goes to his bedroom, followed by Tobio.

At the end, Nicolas accepts his help. The boy just wants to be grateful to him. Also, with that Nicolas discovers that Tobio is a bit shy, but he seems like a good kid. He's diligent. Nicolas likes him, he's a good company. But, sometimes, he notices him quite nervous. He's watching outside from the window at any time. He seems out of focus when he's not speaking to him. He seems... a bit scared of something Nicolas can’t guess.

The rain doesn’t stop, it’s even heavier than on morning. It’s time to try to sleep with all that noise outside. Nicolas lets Tobio to continue using his bed, as he can sleep on the couch. Tobio looks ashamed and awkward at the offer, but Nicolas insists.

"Uh... Romero-san..."

"You can call me Nicolas, it's fine"

"How can I thank you for this...?" he lows his voice. He is grateful, but he hides something more in his eyes. Nicolas can see that, but he chooses not to tell him.

"I just let you sleep on my bed, it's not like I saved your life!" Nicolas laughs, to ease him.

Tobio looks at him. He feels nervous.

"I don't have any money..."

"You don't have to pay me, silly"

Tobio looks confused. He feels he has to make it up to him for all the attention he has given him, and that usually means money or some kind of favour.

"Go to sleep, Tobio. Its late"

Tobio doesn't answer, he just goes away to the bedroom. Nicolas forgets the issue and prepares the couch to sleep on it. He put some blankets and pillows to make it more comfortable. He isn’t used to sleep there, but it can’t be bad! What’s really wrong is that he usually sleeps bad if there’s a storm outside, and now sleeping in the living room makes it worse as he hears little noises from the house. All in all, he lays wide awake.

He hears a noise coming from the hallway. From his bedroom. Is Tobio sleepless too? That’s bad, Nicolas thinks he needs more rest but he doesn’t want to be pushy. However, he sees him crossing the hall, sneaky, while putting his big jacket on. He wants to go out, and he can’t allow this.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Tobio jumps, alarmed. He steps away, almost touching the wall. He’s up to something and Nicolas got up.

“I…I have to go”

“In the middle of a storm? I don’t think so. It’s dangerous, to be on the streets. The wind is so strong”

“Please, Romero-san…”

“At least, wait until daylight” Tobio shrinks, like he’s protecting himself. “I’m not angry, I just don’t want you to be outside in the pouring rain. You can get sick again”

“I don’t want to…”

“If tomorrow the weather is better, I myself will drive you home, you don’t have to worry. Go back to sleep”

“You don’t understand… I have to go now”

“What are you hiding there?” Nicolas asks, seeing how Tobio is hiding one of the jacket’s pockets. He tries to catch his hand but Tobio steps away, and gets more stressed because of the accidental yanking. “Stop, Tobio”

Nicolas’ grip is too strong, Tobio contemplates. He stops the tussle and lows his head. Nicolas doesn’t release his arm, but he softens the grip. With the free hand, Tobio reached something from the pocked. It’s a small plastic envelope that contains a suspicious white powder. Tobio can’t look at the man again, though Nicolas isn’t angry. He’s worried.

“Tobio…, it’s this what I think it is…?”

“I… It’s not mine” Tobio mutters. Nicolas sighs. “It’s true! It’s not mine… I have to bring it to someone…”

“So, you’re a trafficker…?” Nicolas asks. That guy is too young to be involved in something like that. 

“Sometimes… It’s not like I do this every day, but… That’s why I can’t stay here. Please, don’t call the police…”

“Tobio…”

“Please, Romero-san… I’m leaving right now; I don’t want to bring you trouble… Please, let me go…” 

Tobio brings himself close to Nicolas, touching his arms. He’s pleading him, he’s so scared… Nicolas can’t help it. He holds his hands, close to his chest.

“Tobio, I won’t call the police if you promise you’ll wait. No one’s going after you in the middle of a storm. No one is that stupid to roam around with a typhoon alert”

Tobio looks at him on the eye. Nothing in this man is telling him that he’s going to do something harmful to him, but he has seen too much. He just needs reassurance, a sing that he can completely trust Nicolas. On his part, Nicolas smiles. He can’t help staring at those blue eyes, and hold him and tell him that he’s safe. It’s bigger than himself.

“I promise you nobody would harm you here. You’re safe” Tobio looks still startled, but less scared. “Come on, let’s go to sleep”

Nicolas hugs him by the shoulders and escorts him to the bedroom.

“Romero-san…”

“Ah, too formal. It’s Nicolas!”

“Romero-san” Tobio keep saying. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not a heartless man!” Nicolas smiles. “I just can’t leave someone out there, soaking wet. Now, sleep. Let’s see what tomorrow comes”

He leaves Tobio there and goes back to the couch. Tobio doesn’t come out again, and Nicolas hopes he will rest a bit more. He understands why he’s so scared, but that makes him wonder. How a kid like him can end in something like drug dealing? He has seen a lot of young boys doing it, and he can’t imagine what would happen to them. It was sad, that society fails to those children. He can’t stop thinking in how Tobio is one of those.

Also, his biggest fear right now has just been confirmed. On morning, the storm is getting bigger, almost reaching the typhoon category. No one should go out of their houses and everyone have to wait until it ends, praying that it won’t destroy anything valuable. Nicolas feels that he’s safe in his house, for now, but Tobio doesn’t think the same.

“My house… it will be destroyed! I have to go…”

“You heard the news; we have to stay inside”

“All my things, and… They would be gone!”

“Is your house prone to floods?”

“I life on the fucking street!” he shouts. He then looks at him, ashamed. “I… I’m sorry. I need to go…”

“Hey, don’t worry…” Nicolas puts his hand on his shoulders. “You can’t fight against a typhoon, Tobio. Whatever happened, we’ll find out later. I’ll help you to get your things back”

“What if I can’t bring everything back…? Where would I go?” Tobio trembles. “I can’t lose my house…”

“Come here…” Nicolas brings him closer, embracing him. Tobio hides his face on his chest.

A thunder explodes against the building, the windows tickle. Tobio makes a little jump, scared of it, but being on Nicolas arms he ends up snuggling against him.

“It’s okay” Nicolas whispers, soothing him down. But Tobio soon pulls apart. “I still have electricity. Do you want to watch tv?”

Tobio doesn’t have the time to answer, because Nicolas brings him to the couch. He makes him sit on it and he then switched on the tv. Tobio snuggles against a cushion, trying to not pay attention to the rain clattering the window glass.

“What’s your favourite movie?” Nicolas asks.

“It’s not like I see a lot of films…” Tobio looks at the screen. “Why do you have so many options for kids?”

“Ah, my son likes to watch them when he’s around”

“I thought you said you live alone…”

“I do. I’m here for work, but I’m Brazilian. My family is there”

Tobio isn’t a talkative person, but Nicolas’ voice is soothing. His calm and deep voice makes him want to listen more, and he needs a distraction from the storm outside.

“Do you miss them? Your family” he asks, hugging himself into a ball.

“Sure. It’s hard to be far from your loved ones, but it’s okay. I won’t be here forever”

Tobio isn’t really paying attention to the tv. He watches how Nicolas is scrolling the menu trying to choose something to see, his hand pressing gently the remote control. He has big and strong hands. Well thought, he looks strong all of him, maybe he does exercise. He looks like a healthy man too. He must have such an easy and peaceful life… Tobio hugs his legs, getting near Nicolas.

“What’s your job…?”

“I’m the sales manager of a business” he says, putting down the remote control. “I’m here to negotiate with a Japanese company”

“That’s seems cool…”

“Well, some days are better than others!” Nicolas smiles. “But I can’t complain”

Tobio gets lost in his smile. He’s so confident and cheerful… It must feel right, to feel this way all the time. Tobio allows himself to look at him more, but soon he jumps out of fear when a thunder cracks the sky. He almost forgot the storm outside.

“Are you okay?” Nicolas asks. Tobio starts to shake, he can’t control it, and Nicolas hugs him to keep him calm. “There, there… It’s okay, you’re alright”

“I… I shouldn’t get this scared because of a storm” Tobio mumbles against Nicolas chest. “Only kids act like that…”

“I hate storms too, they felt awful during my childhood. I remember my house always got floods because of it. It was so unstable I could never sleep. And even know, I feel restless when a storm hit

“Really?” Tobio can’t believe him. He seems so confident that its impossible he can fear something.

“Yeah. Everybody fears something, I’m not the exception. It’s okay to be scared” Nicolas says, smiling. Tobio sat up, without breaking the hug. “We can keep company to each other, so both of us can feel well”

“Thanks…” he says, resting the head on his shoulder.

He’s so warm, he also smells good and he’s comfortable. He brings security, so much that Tobio can close his eyes and sleep without minding the loud thunder outside. He can sleep knowing he’s safe for now.

All the comfort of a couch, all the soft blankets and the security of a house… 

He never felt like that…

It feels like a dream.

But although he feels good, reality hits like a truck when he wakes up again. The rain isn’t stopping, and the typhoon is going to strike tomorrow. Nicolas has the news on, watching how the government is telling people to stay at home and which measures they can have to prevent major damages. He looks tense, he keeps his hands together and bits his lip.

“I need to go…” Tobio says, worried. He gets up and looks for his big jacket.

“You can’t go out”

“I will be back!” he can’t spend more time there, while his ‘house’ is probably being destroyed by the heavy rain and wind. He quickly goes out the house, before Nicolas can stop him.

But Nicolas follows him without thinking twice.

“Tobio!” he runs after him. Tobio is already on the apartment hall. That boy runs too fast… “Wait! It’s dangerous!”

Nicolas jumps the last steps of the stair to be faster. He can see Tobio on the street, moving haphazardly due to the strong wind. As he gets out, he has to cover his eyes because the rain keeps hitting against him, the drops being cold and sharp. He tries to hurry himself; he can see Tobio struggling with a flooded street and he might need help. He reaches him and grabs him by the hand keeping him balanced.

“This is insane, you will get hurt!” Nicolas shouts, the noise of the storm is too loud.

“You don’t understand! I need to go!” Tobio tries to scape, but Nicolas is stronger. But he knows how to fight bigger men than him. He nails down his hand and scratches it. Nicolas let him go, so he runs away.

Tobio knows where he’s going, but with the water falling down the street is impossible to walk straight. The curtain of rain covers his vision and the wind is trying to make him fall. Also, the thunder and lightning aren’t stopping and they make him even more anxious.

He trips on the water and fall on his knees. A small wave hits his face and Tobio coughs repeatedly. In the middle of the fuss, he hears Nicolas approaching so he gets on his feet and continue walking. He’s soaking wet again and his hands has some scratches, but it doesn’t matter. He needs to arrive… He wishes it isn’t to late.

He can already see his alley, his not-longer safe place. The water is running free around there, and being an abandoned zone, the buildings are inaccessible. He normally uses a container to jump on the window hole of the building, but now the container is gone. The flood must have drag it away…

Tobio walks backwards to have enough space to run and jump. But although the window is on the first floor, it’s still high to reach it like that. Tobio falls on the ground, and this time it hurts more than before. By the time he gets up, Nicolas arrives.

“Are you hurt?” he asks, worried. Tobio shakes his head.

“I need to go in. Help me jump”

Nicolas squats and prepares his hands to push Tobio up. This way, Tobio can grab the ledge and climb the wall. He jumps again through the window and ends in a pool of rain water. He almost needs to swim to stay afloat. None of the windows have glass, so everything is a mess inside.

His mattress floats on the water and his cardboard boxes are melted and the things inside them are scattered around. His house is so unstable that he needs to hurry and get out quickly. But first, he has to find them…

He hears them meowing. They are standing on the ledge of a second window, trembling of fear and coldness. Tobio swims towards the four scared kittens, he catches them and carries on his arms. He can’t swim correctly, now, so getting back to the window is getting harder and harder.

Just when he reaches the window ledge the floor succumbs due to the heaviness of the water. All the things go down, except him who is holding on to the window. He sits on the window looking at his house breaking down. He holds the kittens close, feeling them like the only thing he has left now. He will have to sleep on the streets again…

“Tobio, are you okay?!” Nicolas shouts, in the alley. Tobio throws himself out of the window, soullessly. The impact on the floor makes his legs tremble, and he even trips but Nicolas catches him on time. “What was that noise…?”

“The floor… M-my house is gone…” Tobio shakes from the cold and desperation. “I could save them, but… Oh my God… My house. What am I going to do…?”

He stars shaking and he hides his face on Nicolas’ shoulder. He can’t take it anymore. All this time spent trying to make himself a home has been destroyed by the rain. That’s why he hates storms so much… he has to start again from the beginning, trying to survive with the bare minimum…

“Let’s take them to home” Nicolas says, hugging him with one arm. With the other hand he caresses the kittens. “We have to keep them dry and give them food”

“Hey, you two!” a firefighter says, on the street. “You better go to your home; this is going crazy!”

“We’re heading to it right now!” Nicolas says, moving Tobio along.

“Stay on your house for now, try to spend the night with anything you have at home” the firefighter says. “Don’t go on the outskirts, there are floods there”

“Sure, thank you”

Nicolas walks with Tobio under his arm, keeping him safe from the wind and rain. Tobio, on his part, embraces the kittens who are meowing for warmth and food.

Tobio feels overwhelmed when they reach Nico’s house. He can’t proceed things well, too many shit have happened in his life in a short period of time. He needs to sat down and think properly, but he’s too tired for it. He’s also afraid his fever might return again. It’s Nicolas who takes care of the kittens; he carries them and puts them on the sofa. He covers them with a blanket and rub the cloth against their bodies to dry them off and keep them warm

“Tobio, can you go to the kitchen and see if anything can work for them? I don’t have cat food” he asks, but Tobio seems off. “Tobio?”

“Ah, yes… Sorry…” he says. He then walks off to the kitchen and starts searching for food. He finds some ham and canned tuna. “Maybe this could work…”

He goes to the living room and sits on the floor to face the cats. He shreds the ham and gives the little pieces to the kittens. They smell the food and starts eating it. One of them searches for Tobio’s hand and rubs his head against it.

“They are looking for you” Nicolas says, with a smile. He keeps caressing them. “How did you find them?”

“Their mother came to visit me from time to time, she even allowed me to get near the kids. But she died not long ago, some people killed her…”

“Poor girl” Nicolas says. He looks Tobio, who stills seems sad. He understands what he’s experiencing, so he wants to cheer him up. “Do they have names?”

“That blond one is Kei. The orange is Shou, the brown is Guchi and the white one is Yachi. They follow me everywhere, and they meow a lot but they are patient. I usually find food for everyone, but sometimes it’s not enough. They are learning to hunt, so soon they will able to look for food by themselves. But they will sleep with me, like their mother did! They know their names when I call them, and Guchi and Shou are always looking for caresses. Kei is more independent and Yachi is quite shy, but she’s the cutest!” Tobio’s eyes shine, and Nicolas can’t help but smile at that. “I… Maybe I should look for myself first. That’s what everyone tells me… I’m stupid”

“Not at all!” Nicolas says. “Love is never a stupid thing, even if it’s a human or an animal. It shows that you are kind. Those kittens need help too, and you’re here to take care of them. Animals know this, they will help you back in their own way”

“Do you think so…?”

“You’re a good person, Tobio” Nicolas thinks that would help him to feel better, but it’s the contrary. Tobio looks down again.

“I’m not sure about that…”

“Why…?”

“I’ve done terrible shit, Romero-san” Tobio sentences, without looking at him. “Dealing with drugs is the less horrible I did”

Nicolas doesn’t say anything. Tobio belongs to the streets, so he should know better. He should understand that kind of life leads to dark places. Judging by the drug dealing, Tobio can perfectly be part of a trafficking network and who knows what other kind of things.

“Sorry, I might sound like a stupid optimistic” Nicolas says. “But, at least believe me in that taking care of the cats is not stupid of you”

“Fine…” Tobio looks at him again. “Now I just have to find another place to live…”

“I’ll help you. We can find you a habitable place, you’ll see”

“You’re sounding THAT optimistic”

“Sorry, but I really want to help you. Let me try”

Tobio isn’t sure, but he nods. One of the cats, Shou, starts climbing on Nicolas’ legs and he rubs the head against his chest.

  
******


	2. Rain

_Don’t you get it? After all this time? You belong to me. Only me._

_'Tobio-chan…'_

Tobio wakes up, suddenly. He sat up, ready to run away if that man is around him… But he’s not at his made-up house, not even in the streets. He’s lying on a couch, with three cats sleeping and purring on his stomach. A wet cloth falls from his forehead. He’s been feverish again for two days. He pats Yachi, who purrs louder.

It’s still raining outside, and it seems to get worse as the hours goes by. He doesn’t like that… He already has lost his house, when this nightmare is going to end? If he has to run away, the rain must stop now.

He hears a soft giggle. Nicolas is near him, sitting on the floor and playing with Shou. He moves his hand for the cat to jump and bite it softly. Tobio stares at him, Nicolas is smiling so softly that he can’t look away. He seems happy to take care of the cats. But Nicolas soon catches him out.

“Oh, you’re awake!” he says. “How are you feeling?”

“Kind of dizzy” Tobio answers sincerely. “Any fresh news?”

“We’re still confined. It’s possible that we’ll have to evacuate the city…”

“You’re joking, right?”

“I wish”

Tobio lets out an exhausted sigh and lay again on the couch. Now that their human is awake, Yachi and Guchi move to him searching for pampering. Tobio tries to distribute the caresses for each kitten. They immediately start purring, while Kei remains asleep on his lap.

“You’ve been sick for a long time” Nicolas says, resting his arms on the couch, next to him. “I’m starting to worry”

“It’s just a fever”

“Are you sure? Do you feel nauseous or anything?”

“Don’t diagnose me…”

“Okay… are you hungry? I’m going to prepare something for lunch” Tobio doesn’t reply because he knows Nicolas would worry again. Nico stands up and walks to the kitchen, being followed by Shou and Guchi meowing for the incoming food.

Tobio takes another second to look at them. Nicolas is already used to the cats, and the kittens trust him enough to play and considering him a food provider. He’s glad he could safe them and bring them here. He stands up a bit slow, his head still dizzy, and carries Yachi and Kei. Kei bits him because he has wakened him up but soon, he stays calm again.

Nicolas is already heating food up; he has bought food that can be well preserved during long periods of days. He starts humming a song, he always looks happy when he cooks. Tobio leaves Kei and Yachi with the other two cats, who are playing with Nicolas’ slippers.

But with the movement, the dizziness gets worse. He tries to stand still, but he can’t take it anymore. He runs to the bathroom.

“Tobio!” Nicolas tries to follow him but he can’t go further than the corridor.

“Don’t…” Tobio mumbles, weakly. “G-go away…”

Nicolas stays where he is. He understands that he needs some privacy but he’s still worried. If he feels worse, he might need more medical supplies.

“Are you okay…?” Nicolas says. Tobio opens the door after that. “Tobio, I’m worried… I think I’m going to call a doctor”

“No” Tobio says, dryly. “No doctors”

“You’re sick”

“Nothing new. It’s none of your business…”

Nicolas sighs. Usually Tobio is a calm and a bit shy guy but other times he come out as harsh when he’s feeling pressured. Nicolas understands that he barely knows him and his distrust is justified, but he can’t help but wanting to take care of him. He looks sick and weak.

“Go to bed, Tobio” he escorts him to the bedroom. He helps him to lie on the bed and cover him, and he then leaves to look for a basin. “Try to sleep. I’ll do something light for you to eat”

Tobio mumbles something like a complain. Nicolas carries the kittens to the bed for them to keep Tobio company. The cats snuggle against him, purring.

“Rest well” Nicolas says, before leaving the room. Tobio watches him go. Nicolas’ phone rings and he can hear him talking in a foreign language. “ _Sim, estou bem. Talvez eles nos evacuem, mas estaremos seguros. Estou num bairro bom, aqui as enchentes não são tão ruins. Eu ainda tenho eletricidade e comida, vou sobreviver”_

His voice sounds softer in his mother tongue, cheerful and quite singing. Tobio can’t understand what is he saying, but it helps him to fall asleep easily.

He can’t say for how long has he been sleeping, but Nicolas wakes him later with a soft shake.

“Tobio, wake up. We need to leave” he says, softly. “They’re evacuating the zone”

“Fuck…” he mumbles. Evacuation during a sickness means to be even more dependant of Nicolas. He’s a nice man, but Tobio doesn’t want to mess up his life.

Tobio sits up. Nicolas walks around the room, placing warm clothes in a bag. There was a cardboard box partly covered by a blanket, Tobio can hear the little meows of the cats.

“I’ve gathered food, clothes and a first aid kit” Nicolas explains, while he grabs a raincoat out the wardrobe. “Tobio, please, wear this over your jacket. It will protect you more”

“What about you?”

“I have the biggest coat ever!” he says, bringing out a big yellow snow coat. “Can you carry that bag?”

“Yeah…” Tobio bends to grab the bag, but with the movement he gets dizzy. Nicolas holds him and helps him to put the bag on his back. Nicolas also lend him the box of the cats.

“Don’t get away from me” Nico says, before opening the door. Tobio nods, holding on the box.

They get out on the hall, ready to climb down the stairs. Nicolas stays near Tobio, grabbing his arm to help him walk, because the dizziness is making him go a bit disorientated.

“Where do we have to go…?” Tobio asks, seeing all the flat neighbours also leaving their houses. 

“A Mall have been habilitated to receive this neighbourhood” Nicolas says. “We might need to share a car, but mine’s on the parking lot. It’s inaccessible right now…”

“Nicolas!” someone shouts, when they reach the second floor. It’s a man of the same age as Nicolas’, who wears a short beard. “They have secured a road; I can drive to the Mall. Come with me”

“Thank you, Fukurou! Let’s go, Tobio…”

They join the neighbour, Hirugami Fukurou, who leads them to his stationed car. Chaos is reigning outside; running people, ambulance sirens, orders screamed by firefighters. The rain hits hard against them and the wind makes walking almost impossible. Tobio loses his balance, he’s not strong enough to fight the weather so Nicolas crosses an arm around his shoulders, protecting him from it. Tobio focus on keeping the blanket secured so the kittens won’t suffer more.

Hirugami opens his car doors and Nicolas helps Tobio to sit on the backseats.

“Nico, who’s that?” Hirugami asks, before Nicolas can go in.

“Short story: I found him on the streets, I’m helping him. Let’s go”

Nicolas sits next to Tobio and closes the door. He embraces Tobio once again, and the boy doesn’t complain. Instead, he rests his head on Nico’s shoulder. He looks tired.

“Sleep. We’ll need to drive slow for the rain, you can take the time to rest”

Tobio closes his eyes. The kittens meow louder, stressed, and Nicolas put his hand inside the box to caress them. They immediately stay close to his hand, recognizing him. 

Hirugami picks up two more people who fits on the car, and he starts it on. He drives to the nearest mall where emergency services have already prepared the place. The travel is slow, other cars are agglomerating on the road while a lot of people do reckless things because of desperation. Police officers try to control them, but sometimes it’s impossible.

After a while, Tobio wakes up to throw up once again. Nicolas is prepared for this and takes a plastic bag out of his pocket.

“What happens?” Fukurou says.

“I don’t know, he’s been sick for days” Nicolas answers.

“Uhh, Nico…”

“I’ll search for a doctor once we arrive”

“No, no doctors…” Tobio mumbles.

“I will worry less if a doctor sees you” with that, Tobio doesn’t complain but he’s not completely at ease. He tries to hide a mock of pain while his hand reaches his abdomen. Nicolas sees him. “What happens? Is your stomach hurting?”

Tobio doesn’t answer.

“We’ve arrived” Hirugami announces. “I better look for a doctor…”

“Yes, please” Nicolas says. He helps Tobio to get out the car. “Let me carry the box. You can lean on me”

They walk slowly, but Tobio feels weaker than before and soon his legs loose strength and make him fall on the floor. Nicolas tries to cushion his fall by holding him and helping him lie on the floor.

“Tobio!” he says, worried. Tobio closes his eyes, his hands trembling. Nicolas holds them and keeps his head up. “Hold on…”

Luckily, a doctor arrives leaded by Hirugami. She kneels next to them.

“Okay, can you tell me your name?” she asks, her hands reaching his forehead. Tobio is slow to answer.

“Kageyama Tobio…”

“For how long have you been feeling this way?”

“Um… I don’t know…”

“I would say for more than two days” Nicolas says. “At least, for the fever. He starts vomiting just a few hours ago. And his stomach is hurting”

“Tell me if this hurt” the doctor says while she presses his hand over Tobio’s belly. Tobio shakes his head until she presses a spot. The doctor holds his face. “Look at me”

Tobio opens his eyes. Only with that, the doctor starts to understand what can be happening. Nicolas sees it too, thanks to the light of the Mall. Tobio’s eyes have a yellowish tint on the sclera.

“He should go to a hospital; we can’t treat him here. He needs a full diagnose and a better treatment. It can be dangerous”

“No… Not hospitals” Tobio moves away from her, gathering all the strength he have left to crawl. He ends up bumping into Nicolas. Tobio grabs him by the coat. “Please, Romero-san…”

“You heard it; you need to go” Nicolas speaks softly. Tobio looks so distressed that he can’t scream or scold him. But he can’t waste time either, if Tobio can be in danger. “it safe to drive him?”

“Yes” the doctor says. “The ambulances are too saturated, right now”

“Good. Fukurou, please, lend me the car” he says. Hirugami gives him the keys. “And keep an eye to the cats…”

It seems that Tobio is more worried for the cats than himself, as he reaches for the box. Nicolas stops him and helps him to stand up.

“Thank you” Nicolas says to the doctor. Then, he takes Tobio to the car and lay him on the backseats. “Don’t worry, you’ll get better”

“Please, don’t bring me to the hospital…” Tobio says, holding his hand. “I can’t go there…”

“They will be too busy to interrogate you. Once you’ll get the diagnose, they’ll probably release you. You don’t have to worry”

“No…Him… He will know where I am…”

“Who?” Tobio doesn’t answer, he’s too confused for that. Nicolas supposes that it’s due to the fever. “I will stay with you”

Nicolas has to move away to go in the car and drive. He hears Tobio whining, and he’s quick to start the car and drive to the nearest hospital. When he arrives, he bride-style carries Tobio, who complains while claiming that he can perfectly walk. With that, Nicolas notices that Tobio is light, despite his hight.

They go inside the emergency room and Nicolas demands attention. The situation in that hospital is chaotic, dure to the typhoon there are so many injured people coming and some of them need immediate treatments. They wait a bit, Tobio hiding his face on Nicolas’ shoulder. Nicolas wonder if its because of the sickness or that person who would know where hi is. Was that caused by a delirious moment or it’s something Nicolas should worry about? He doesn’t know a thing about Tobio’s life…

A nurse finally can come to see Tobio. She asks a few questions and Tobio answers with a low voice. He’s nervous and he doesn’t want to continue in this place, but he can’t escape. Some doctors come with a stretcher and lie him down. Tobio gets even more nervous, and Nicolas tries to follow them.

“Please, stay outside” a nurse tells him. “There’s a lot of people here, we need to make enough space for everyone. We’ll notify you when he’s fully attended”

“Okay…” Nicolas understands the situation, but Tobio extends his arms to him while they take him away. His heart makes a bump, seeing him so lost.

Nicolas sits down on the waiting room. He feels nervous and restless, he scratches his hands and bits his lips. He doesn’t know why he feels so distressed by someone who have met just two days before. How that boy has turned to be so important that he’s waiting in a hospital in the middle of a typhoon instead of staying in the evacuated zone.

But the image of Tobio, trying to reach for him, his shiny eyes and the whines of pain intensifies the protectiveness that he’s been feeling since he found him on the streets. He wants to go in and hold his hand, or hug him until he stops shaking of fear. He also needs to know what’s happening to him, which sickness he’s having and what can he do for him.

Hours pass by, probably by the amount of work the sanitarians are having. Nicolas doesn’t look at the time, but he’s sure it’s late at night when a nurse approach.

“You can go in, he’s safer. Come with me” she says, and Nicolas is quick to stand up and follow her. “He’s infected with hepatitis E. It’s normal, with the floods the weather is creating. He’s being treated right now; he should be fine but he’ll stay here for a couple of days to see how he evolves”

“Thank you…”

“You were quick to bring him here, it could be worse if you had wait”

Nicolas sighs relived. He did it right, by bringing him to a hospital and not listening to him and his complains. Tobio looks scared to be there, but Nicolas thinks it’s better to be alive than dying like that. He follows the nurse to a room, where Tobio is lying awake on a bed. Nicolas approach him and sits next to him.

“How are you?” Nicolas asks. Tobio looks tired, but Nicolas worries less now that he knows that he’s being treated.

“I don’t want to stay here…”

“It’s for your health”

“Exactly…”

“Tobio, you have a serious disease… You need to rest well, but also you need the medication and security of a hospital. You need it. Don’t do stupid things”

“Look, you don’t need to know that but… There’s someone who can know where I am, if I stay here. He has contacts…”

“The hospital is a chaos right now, no one would ask for you”

“You don’t understand, right…?” Tobio sighs. “Of course, not…”

“But who’s this, that you’re so afraid of…?”

Tobio takes the time to answer, he’s deciding if it’s safe enough to say something like that. Names are too powerful and walls have ears in his world. But he ends trusting him.

“It’s Oikawa-san…”


	3. Nicolas

_I’m sorry, you had to fall in love with someone like me._

  
  


After a few days, Tobio looks better. He’s still hospitalized, but he’s out of danger. Nicolas visits him every day, although the floods are still a thing on the city. The rain is less heavy now, but it still going on in a soft drizzle.

Tobio thought Nicolas would stop seeing him once he’s better, but he’s there every day. He wonders why he still taking care of him, now that he’s not that sick. And yet, whenever he appears each morning, Tobio has to fight off a little smile.

“It’s been crazy! The parking lot was full of water, but luckily the cars are fine. I can drive mine” Nicolas explains. “We’re out of light now, but it’s fine. We have recollected clothes and food and we’re giving out to other people who needs it. Also, we volunteered in helping in searching for missing people”

“You’re very kind…” Tobio mumbles.

“In this type of crisis, we need to help each other, right?” Nicolas smiles.

“I think I haven’t done anything for you, though…”

“You were sick, it’s okay. Oh, by the way, how are you today?”

“I feel better. They told me I could be out of here soon”

“That’s great!”

“But only if I have a clean space to go… They don’t want me to be exposed and get sick again”

“Oh, it’s fine. My house isn’t flooded! Our zone is out of danger, so yesterday we came back”

“I’m not sick anymore, you don’t have to take care of me”

“I feel responsible”

“Why do you bother so much about me?”

“I lived in a poor neighbourhood; I know how hard it can be to be alone. If it wasn’t for the kindness of other people, my family and I would have it even more difficult. And we also help others. It’s human decency”

“It’s hard to think that humans have decency after all I’ve seen…”

“I promise you, not everything is bad” he dishevels his hair, and Tobio smiles more. “Ah, my boss is messaging me. I need to help in the office…”

“Go. It’s my lunch-time, you won’t miss anything”

“Good, _bom proveito!_ I’ll see you later, eat everything”

“What am I, a kid?” Tobio says, smiling.

“You need to gain more weight, you’re too thin”

“Yes, Dad” Tobio says, mockingly. Nicolas laughs.

The nurse comes in when Nicolas leaves. He salutes her cheerfully, he always does so with every worker there. He’s that handsome visitor that everyone loves to have around. Tobio can understand why they like him. He’s so easy to talk and he lifts the mood, which is a really needed thing in that moments of disaster.

Tobio notices when he’s not around. Everything seems to weight more when he’s alone, and it’s something new to him. He has been wandering on the streets for month, all alone, and he never felt like that until now. Until that man appeared.

“Can I go for a walk when I finish? I need to move” he asks.

“Of course, but don’t go far. There’s still a lot of hustle on the corridors”

That’s enough for him. He only needs to stretch the legs and move a bit. If he stays there alone, he would start feeling restless. The issue of being in a public area is still an issue for him. He still feels insecure.

He eats everything on the plate. He has been struggling in finding food all his life, he values it. He hardly ever can have a full meal three times a day. He leaves the tray on a side and get up. He searches for the slippers and puts the gown Nicolas brought to him. He gets out of the room and starts walking the corridor.

There, everyone is walking fast. There’s a lot of work to do and Tobio tries to stay away from the first floors. But when he decides to go back to his room, someone grabs him by the arm and takes him to a maintenance supplies room. Tobio fights back, his heart bumping fast of fear. The man covers his mouth and keeps him against the wall. He’s trapped by someone stronger than him and that’s a bad sing. No one would move him like that in the hospital, what if it’s…

“Kindaichi…?” he whispers, once he sees the man who has drag him. If he’s here it means that Oikawa can be near too. “What are you doing here…? How did you find me?”

Kindaichi doesn’t release him, but he loses his grip up.

“I’ve been looking for you all these months” he says.

“Leave me alone, don’t follow me”

“He’s furious, you know?”

“I swear Kindaichi, you didn’t see me here. Please”

“He will know sooner or later, and then I will be the one punished for lying!”

Tobio ditches from his hands and looks at him severely. He knows Kindaichi since almost forever, and he knows that he can be weak to the pressure that Oikawa puts when he’s in his bad mood.

“Listen… You will tell him that my house has been destroyed by the floods, which is true. That would work to make him think I’m missing or dead”

“He will still look for your body”

“I don’t care, it’s not my problem anymore. I’m out of this. Now, leave me alone”

Tobio walks to the door, but Kindaichi takes him by the wrist and moves him to him again. Kindaichi looks serious and a bit angry.

“Who’s that man, Tobio…? The one who visits you every day?”

The fear grows fast. The last thing Tobio wants is that they would know about the existence of Nicolas. He’s a normal man with a normal life who shouldn’t be involved in this. Tobio gets closer, making a direct eye contact with him.

“No one” he says, harshly. “Understood?”

“Since when you care about someone?” Kindaichi spats with bitterness.

“Stay away from us, Kindaichi”

“Us?” Kindaichi roars. “Oikawa won’t like that”

“Don’t threaten me, and let me go. Forget about me”

Tobio moves away, ready to go. Kindaichi tries to grab him again but Tobio is quicker and pushes him away. He might be skinny now, but he still has strength left. He walks away as soon as he can and he’s glad Kindaichi doesn’t follow him. He’s smart enough to not cause a scene in a hospital, were doctors and nurses could help him.

But he’s still worried. For how long will he be safe here? Kindaichi won’t keep his mouth shut for long… He just hopes he doesn’t talk about Nicolas to Oikawa. Who knows what he might do…?

He returns to his room and sits on the chair, facing the window. He wants to go out of here soon, being here is dangerous now that Kindaichi is around. He also prays for the safety of the man who rescued him…

But Nicolas isn’t aware of anything. He’s still the same, helping his co-workers to clean the office. His mind is full of worries about his job, his apartment complex and, also Tobio. First of all, he hopes him to be fully recovered. He knows how hard it is to deal with an illness, it’s draining and painful. He’s glad he’s safe and can be home in a matter of days.

Nicolas carries all the trash bags out of the building and throw them in a big container on the street. He helps another workmate to throw out some debris until the boss makes them stop and rest for a while. Nicolas is going out the building to get some fresh air when he hears a horn. It’s Fukurou, in his car.

“What a day!” Nico says, getting in the car.

“You’re telling me, Nico” Fukurou says. “I was helping my brother in sheltering animals. My back hurts from carrying big dogs!”

“We’re not that young anymore” he giggles. “Do you mind leaving me at the hospital?”

“Again? Didn’t you visit him this morning?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t stay long because Boss called me. I want to stay longer, it’s his dinner time” Nicolas explains it like it’s already a routine, but Fukurou doesn’t think the same. He keeps quiet. “What?”

“I don’t know, Nico. I think you care too much”

“He’s alone, it’s the bare I can do”

“You’ve accepted him in your house, even though the typhoon is already over. You keep seeing him on the hospital and you probably will take care of his medication. It’s… too far, for someone you don’t know nothing about”

“It’s not that bad, Fuk. No one deserves to suffer alone”

“Just… don’t be so carefree. People have used you too much for being that considerate. Look at your wife­—”

“Fukurou” Nicolas cut him off. “don’t go there”

Hirugami doesn’t add anything else, Nicolas wouldn’t have answered anyway. In Fukurou’s opinion, Nicolas is too blind for some things. He drives to the hospital and waits for Nico to jump out the car. He drives off once Nicolas enters the building. Fukurou hopes that guy won’t be a problem to Nicolas and that he ends up being the good guy Nico says he is.

For now, he has to go back to the hospital a few days after, to pick the guy up. Nicolas is with him and he apologies for making Fukurou come. Tobio looks better than when he first saw him, he has a soft pink on his cheeks and he even gained a little weight.

“Thank you, for taking care of my cats” Tobio says.

“It’s nothing. My brother Sachirou is a vet, he’s coming home almost every day just for them. It’s the only way I see him more than once in three months!”

“Tell him how Kei destroyed your plant!” Nicolas says, amused.

“Ah… he threw my cactus on the floor. I tried to stop him but he just looked at me and…”

“Kei is like that…” Tobio says. “I’m sorry he caused you trouble”

“The cactus survived, it’s fine”

“Fuk, can we go to the pharmacy? We need to buy the meds” Nicolas announces. “And we can also pass by the supermarket to buy food. What do you want for lunch?”

“Whatever you want” Tobio says.

“It’s your ‘welcome home’ meal, come on”

“Um… Then, pork curry rice with egg… I don’t know why, but I love that dish. I haven’t eaten that in ages!”

“You’ll have to help me to prepare it”

“Okay”

Fukurou sighs, watching them through the rear-view mirror. He can swear he just has seen that guy smiling faintly. He can help but worry. Nicolas’ marriage may be not as honest as it should be, but he’s still a husband. And, sometimes, that extrovert personality might be seen as flirty. And Tobio seems to be already attached to his side. He follows him around the supermarket like a puppy. It happened the same at the pharmacy. Fukurou has seen the same expression in his family dog.

“We’ll buy this too; the lady of the third-floor needs groceries. She can’t go out, she’s too old to be dodging things on the street” Nicolas explains. Tobio nods and helps him with the bags.

Suddenly, Fukurou feels left out. Nicolas is shoving Tobio around the supermarket because the guy is amazed. He surely spent a lot of time starving on the streets for being that surprised. Nicolas buys him stuff even though Tobio tells him no. He’s spoiling him too much. Fukurou is left behind like he’s just their chauffeur.

“Let’s go” Nicolas says after a while. “Do you want to join us to lunch, Fuk?”

“No” he says immediately. “Sachirou is home today…”

“Oh, that’s fine. He can come too”

Fukurou ends accepting it, maybe it will be better if Sachirou is there and he wouldn’t be alone there, like a third-wheel. They go home and deliver the groceries to their neighbour. Then, they go to Fukurou’s apartment because Sachirou’s there with the kittens.

“Hi, I’m Hirugami Sachirou” Hirugami’s brother says. “I took the liberty to check on your cats, they are now dewormed. I’ve also bought food and a litter box”

“You didn’t have to bother…” Tobio mumbles. He feels weird every time someone does him a favour. “They didn’t cause you trouble, did they?”

“They’re good cats. Come and grab the bags!”

Sachirou guides Tobio to the kitchen, where the Hirugamis have the cat food. Just when Tobio crosses the hallway, he starts hearing the cat’s meows. They have recognized his voice, and Shou is the first one who comes running to him and almost screaming of joy. Shou jumps from the floor to Tobio’s leg and hooks his tiny claws to his pants. Tobio carries him.

“Hi, Shou” Tobio says, patting him. Shou starts purring loudly. He walks again, as he hears the loud meows of Yachi and Guchi on the living room. They come immediately after seeing him and they rub themselves against his legs.

“Aww, look at them” Nicolas says. “How they love you!”

Tobio smiles, feeling the warmth the kittens are giving to him. He carries Guchi and Yachi too, and holds them tight. He then searches for Kei, and finds him standing on the window ledge. He isn’t looking at them and Tobio, who finds it weird, approaches him. Kei doesn’t want to be touched; he looks offended.

“What’s wrong?” Tobio asks.

“Nothing, he’s angry that you left” Sachirou says. “He’ll get over it, once you settle down again”

“Haughty boy…” Tobio mumbles, scratching Kei’s ears. He tries to not purr. “Let’s go home”

Since Tobio is holding three cats, Nicolas is in charge of carrying the fourth one. At home, Tobio sits on the couch and leaves the cats on his lap. They keep on purring, happy to see their human.

“This is so sweet, Tobio” Nicolas says. “They were lovely with me, but with you is different”

“Well, I’m their dad”

Nicolas smiles and sits next to him. He caresses Yachi, who’s less shy with him now.

“Have you taken your meds?” Nico asks. Tobio nods. “When do you have the doctor appointment?”

“Next month, but I won’t go”

“Why? They need to know if your medication is correct!”

“I told you. I already spent a lot of time there”

“This Oikawa guy again? You didn’t tell me anything more about him, though”

“You don’t need to know more, it’s better to stay away from him”

“I can’t stay away from him if I don’t know who he is”

“He’s a doctor, he has contacts in every hospital of the city. He can find me easily”

“Your stalker is a doctor…?”

“Not really legal, though… And his methods lead to unsolicited experimentation… You won’t believe what he did to some patients…”

“Are you serious?”

“Pretty much. I was with him the whole time… But I don’t want to talk about that. Let’s eat…”

“Okay…” Nicolas isn’t sure of what to feel about that. If he starts imagining what this guy could’ve done, he may overthink it. Tobio looks uncomfortable, so he decided to stop it there. “Let’s cook that rice!”

Tobio leaves the cats on the couch and follows Nicolas to the kitchen. Nico notices how distant Tobio is while cooking. Maybe, he’s thinking about that Oikawa… He must be a scary man if he’s that scared and tense. 

“Hey” he draws his attention. “Why is this your favourite food? Did you cook it often, before?”

“I… really don’t know” Tobio mumbles. “I just know whenever I eat that, I felt good and it brings me a strange sensation. Like… it’s something familiar”

“It reminds you of your parents?”

“No. I never knew them, as far I can remember”

“You were _that_ young, when you started living on the streets?”

“A lot of things happened, I guess. I wasn’t even living in Japan. The first full memory I have is being with Oikawa-san and traveling around…”

“I see…”

“There must be someone who cooked this dish for me… long time ago”

“Why don’t you start searching them? Maybe they’ll help you…”

“I don’t remember anyone; how can I look for them?” Tobio looks distressed.

“Hey, it’s okay” Nicolas tries to calm him down. “It happened a long time ago, it’s normal to not remember them”

Tobio sighs and stops his cooking process. He closes his eyes to focus, but he can’t do it anymore. He ends slapping his forehead hard out of anger. Nicolas lowers his hand and turns Tobio towards him.

“Keep calm, Tobio. Those things aren’t easy. It goes step by step. I’ll help you; we can sort out things and come up with some clue to follow”

It doesn’t seem to work; Tobio looks even more stressed. He starts shaking his head and whining.

“Why do you care so much?”

“My answer hasn’t changed, Tobio”

“I don’t understand you!” Tobio shouts, stepping away from him. He roams around the kitchen. “Why do you bother? Why do you accept a stranger in your home? Why do you buy me stuff? Why do you want to help me so much? I don’t have anything to give you… Not monetarily, at least…”

“You don’t owe me anything, I’m doing this because I want to”

“But… why?”

“I was poor and sick, Tobio. I’ve been there, too. And if it wasn’t for my mother and neighbours, for their kindness, I wouldn’t be here”

Tobio stops wandering to look at him. Nicolas looks like a strong healthy man; he can’t imagine him being poor. And also, his apartment shows that he has money to spend. But if he thinks deeper, he finds that he doesn’t really know Nicolas. And his life experience has teach him to never judge appearances, as those who once looked nice turned out to be the most horrible people on earth. But he decides to trust him.

“What happened…?”

“Ah, story time!” Nicolas says, smiling. He leans on the counter and looks at him. “I was diagnosed with leukaemia at 10 years old. It lasted until I was 17”

“What…?”

“I know the pain. I know the fear of dying… I understand you”

Tobio doesn’t know what to say. He’s recovering from a painful but still light illness compared to Nicolas’. It could’ve been worse if he waited for more, but now he’s home with some pills.

Nicolas tilts the head to make Tobio follow him to the couch. They sit down, Nicolas leaning on the backrest and resting his head on his hand. For him, it’s like a typical conversation. For Tobio, it’s different. He feels tense, because he’s not used to someone being so open about themselves. Nobody trusted him enough to do that.

“My treatment needed to be done in a private hospital, which means only the rich people can access to it. My mother had to work a lot, to pay for it. My grandparents and other neighbours were always helping her, giving her clothes or food. I sometimes spent time at their houses because usually my mother had two jobs. My father left two years after I was diagnosed, he couldn’t bear with it”

“That sucks…”

“Yeah… I remember that time when a storm blew our roof away. We had to live at our neighbours’ house. Water, a destroyed home, a sick boy… Don’t you relate?”

Tobio doesn’t answer because he does relate. Nicolas smiles, knowing it.

“Kindness is selfless. Whoever wants to pay you for something live-risking, isn’t right. We didn’t choose to be sick or to be poor, but we can choose to be humane”

“Humane…? I can’t be that”

“You are” Nicolas says, patting Shou, who is demanding attention. “I have enough money to maintain us, so it’s really the least I can do”

“Don’t belittle yourself…” Tobio whispers. “You saved my life”

“Then, you can take it as a way of continuing it” Nicolas draws his hand near Tobio, placing it on his cheek. “Leave the past behind. Fuck that Oikawa off. Take the reins of your own happiness, Tobio”

Tobio’s eyes shine, his gaze stuck on Nicolas. His cheeks turn pink. He leans on, and Nicolas is suddenly nipped by alert. He might have gone too far, like Fukurou always says… but Tobio ends up resting his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes and letting out a soft and long sigh.

“Thank you, Romero-san…” Tobio says.

“Call me Nicolas…”

“Thank you, Nicolas”


	4. Drink

_You owe me this. Without my help, without me, you’d be dead by now_

“My sweet doll. The world is all ours. I’ll give everything to you. We will rule them. Just the two of us”

“The entire world?”

“All of it. I will rip every piece of this world and give it to you”

“That’s impossible, Oikawa-san…”

“I will make it possible”

Tobio opens his eyes, almost feeling the touch of that man. He’s been dreaming about Oikawa for the past days, some of the dreams are more like memories of a time when Oikawa wasn’t a sadist. He knows how mean and sadist Oikawa can be, but he preferred to dream about the protectiveness he had rather than having nightmares because of him.

He looks around the living room. He’s sleeping on the couch with the cats, covered by a soft blanket he doesn’t recall putting on. Maybe, Nicolas did that for him… Speaking of him, the house is silent so he supposes he’s at his workplace. The sun is filtering through the window and its light is warm and cosy. He feels like falling asleep again, so he closes his eyes. But the doorbell rings.

Tobio lets out a growl and get up. He hears a soft meow of one of the cats but he can’t stop and pat him because the door keeps ringing. Tobio walks to the door and open it. It’s Hirugami’s brother.

“Hi” Sachirou says. “I need help but my brother is out for work. Do you want to help me with the shelter?”

Tobio is slow to react, still affected by the sleepiness. He’s awakened by a soft woof, Sachirou has come with a dog. The animal walks to him and starts smelling him, and Tobio steps back.

“Don’t worry” Sachirou says, patting the dog. “He’s a good boy. So, do you want to come with me?”

“I guess… I have to change first. If you don’t mind, stay outside” Tobio looks at the dog. He looks kind but he’s used to abandoned street dogs. And he’s already hearing Kei growling. “The cats won’t like him here”

“I’ll wait here”

Tobio leaves Sachirou and the dog and goes to the bedroom. Nicolas has given him some of his clothes, so he changes into them. He grabs his big jacket and crosses the corridor again. At the door, he turns around to see the cats and they are looking at him from the couch. They meow at him and Tobio feels bad for leaving them, even if it’s just for a few hours.

“They will be okay” Sachirou says. “They have enough food; they can handle it by themselves”

“Yeah… but it’s sad” Tobio leaves the house and closes the door behind them. “So… to the shelter, you say?”

“Yeah, we’re getting new animals due to the floods. Some of them are injured, but that’s on me. You can help with the others who are lost, we need to find their owners. I’m binging Koutarou here because he loves playing with other dogs. He will help them” Sachirou lends him the leash. “Come on, have him”

“What…? But I don’t know how to walk a dog!”

“He’s patient enough, he’ll behave”

Tobio takes the leash and, luckily Koutarou stays calm. He even looks like he’s smiling at him. With a sigh, Tobio calms himself. He can do this, it’s just a dog. Tobio starts walking and Koutarou follows him easily.

“See? You’re doing it good”

“Usually, dogs bark at me…”

“My brother told me you live on the streets, right? Wild dogs are territorial, as you might know… But house dogs are more chill, Koutarou likes people”

“I see” They walk in silence for a while. Tobio is thinking too much, how much Hirugami knows about him? He’s feeling insecure right now. “So… your brother talked to you about me”

“Not really, he doesn’t know much. I just know that you live now with Nicolas-san, and he found you on the street. Nothing more”

“Good…” that’s all they need to know.

Sachirou doesn’t say anything else until they arrive at the animal shelter. There, he explains Tobio what he can do there while he’s treating the injured animals. Tobio is in charge of training the dogs. Some of them need a little of exercise after a long recovery so he just has to run around the enclosure with them. Tobio has lost some strength due to the weight loss, so he finds it as an opportunity to get fit too. The dogs quickly try to follow his pace, the bigger ones have it easier than the smaller dogs. After making them jump, he also fills their feeders and all of the dogs come running to him, wagging their tails.

Tobio likes seeing all the dogs happy. He leaves them eating alone, because Sachirou has told him that dogs can get aggressive if someone is near their food. Tobio goes to the bird cages and he spends a few minutes trying to talk to a parrot. He always has liked birds, but he doesn’t know how his cats might react to a parrot. And also, he’s living with another person who might dislike having that many animals at home…

“Are you done, Kageyama?” Sachirou says, a few hours after. “I can’t leave right now, I have too much work left. Can you head to my brother’s house and bring Koutarou with you? He’s getting bored and he need to walk”

“Okay” Tobio feels confident. He’s been treating the dogs there and it has been good, so he doesn’t see a problem.

“Thank you! I’ll make it up to you” Sachirou says, before disappearing on the clinic zone.

Tobio takes the leash and abandon the shelter with Koutarou. The dog looks a bit tired from playing with the other dogs, but he stays on his side being a good boy. But when Tobio starts walking through darker streets, the dog stops moving. He sits and whims, he doesn’t want to go there.

“Come on, nothing will happen” Tobio says. For him, wandering around dark alleys and lonely streets is his daily bread. He prefers them to the bright and crowded avenues. Koutarou whims again and Tobio pulls the leash. “Come on, move. We’ll arrive even earlier”

“I didn’t take you for a dog walker” a man says, on the alley. Tobio is quick to turn around and face him. “Did you forget about our deal?”

True, Tobio still have debts to pay. That man belongs to a drug trafficking business, and Tobio had to bring some goods to other dealers. But he doesn’t have the plastic bag anymore…

“I… I need more time. Just that”

“I gave you enough, little boy. We had a deal” the man approaches, and Koutarou starts growling.

“Listen… I’ll do it, okay?” Tobio tries to lie. He can’t tell him that he lost the bag. “Just wait”

“Some things can’t wait. You had one job” the man stops, his face near Tobio’s. “If you don’t do your part, you’ll get it, understood?”

“I’ll do it”

“We trusted you because we know Oikawa. Remember that if you fail, Oikawa will be accountable to us”

“I don’t work for Oikawa anymore!” Tobio raises his voice. Oikawa will know that he’s in the city if that man talks.

“Then we’ll ask him where you are and we’ll make you pay your debts, little boy”

“He doesn’t know where I am, you’ll just waste time”

“We’ll see about that. You know how this works; you can’t miss your punishment if you fail us… Or maybe we can change of business…” the man reaches his hand to Tobio’s cheek and caresses him. “I’ve heard that you’re a moonlighter”

Just when he caresses his lips, Koutarou starts barking. The dog feels how tense Tobio is and immediately takes the man as a bad one. His barks are enough to make the man move, but not too much to make him leave. Koutarou interposes between Tobio and the man, protecting him.

“I suggest you to leave” Tobio says. Now that he has the dog, he’s feeling confident. “I will pay when I can. Don’t follow me or I’ll unleash the dog…”

The man stays where he is, cautious. Tobio starts moving away but he grabs him by the shoulder. Bad idea, because Koutarou jumps and bits his arm. The man screams and steps away.

“Don’t touch me!” Tobio shouts back. He stops Koutarou and keeps him near, the dog still growling aggressively. The man walks away, his arm is hurting too much to fight back. When he disappears, Tobio tries to calm the dog down. “That’s it… Good boy…”

Koutarou licks his hand and wags his tail, happy to be able to help. Tobio looks at the alley, now with no one on sight. He doesn’t know if that attack might trigger something else, or if the man would seek any kind of vengeance. For now, he’s grateful to have the dog here.

“You win” he says. “We’ll go down the avenue…”

He takes the lead to the bright streets of the city, leaving the dark alleys behind.

He’s still thinking about that when he arrives at his building. He has check if the man or someone else is following him and for now he’s safe. He feels tired, so he wishes for a good nap when he arrives at home. But first, he goes to Fukurou’s apartment to leave the dog there.

He feels a bit ashamed to be so comfortable around a house that isn’t his. Just upon arriving, he feels warm and secure, he already has memorized every inch of the place. He’s already so used to living here that he notices the problems in a second.

The cats are meowing and running everywhere, knocking off some plants and ornaments. The sofa is all scratched and so are the curtains.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Tobio shouts, chasing the cats. He’s able to catch Yachi, but the others are uncontrollable. Shou and Guchi can’t stop moving around and Kei jumps on the furniture, ready to throw the glass vases. “Kei, no!”

Kei looks at him, but that doesn’t stop him. He slaps the vase, throwing it on the floor. It shatters instantly.

“Kei, you bad cat!” Tobio says, catching him by the neck. “This isn’t our house, why you’re doing this?!”

Kei scratches his hand and Tobio releases him. Tobio growls and moves to clean the mess. He kneels down and starts piling up the pieces of glass. He feels one tiny glass sticking on his knee and he mutters some insults. He just left them alone for a couple of hours and they are completely wild.

“Tobio, you left the door open!” Nicolas voice can be heard on the corridor. He’s home, and he’ll see the mess. Tobio freeze. “Oh, god, what happened here?”

“I wish I know!” Tobio says, exasperated. “I left with Hirugami and when I came back, the cats have done all of this. I’m sorry, I’ll clean everything up!”

“Don’t pick up the glass with your hands, you’ll get hurt” Nicolas says, looking for a broom. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why they did this…”

“Don’t worry. I think they didn’t like to be alone, they are still babies”

“They never did that when we lived on that building”

“Getting spoiled, huh?” Nicolas giggles.

“I’ll do it” Tobio says, taking the broom away from Nicolas hands. “They are my cats, I’ll clean. Please, catch the cats if you can…”

“Sure thing” Nicolas goes after the cats. Shou is the first to go with him, he appears to have a linking to Nico. Guchi is nowhere to see, probably hidden. Kei hisses at him. “I think Kei doesn’t like me”

“Stupid cat, he’s the one who fills your food bowl!” Tobio scolds the cat.

“Calm down, Tobio” Nicolas says. “I think they’re bored here. They don’t have any toys or anything to play. We can buy them something!”

“Ah, yeah, spoil them even more. They are wild cats; they should know things are never easy”

“Don’t be that hard on them. You’ve taking care of them since the beginning, they don’t even know how to hunt well. It’s normal for them to be already used to a home. Right, little buddy?” Nicolas scratches Shou’s ears. Shou starts purring.

“They destroyed your house…” Tobio keeps saying, almost feeling it too personal.

“It’s never easy to have pets on a house. Koutarou has bitten all of Fukurou’s shoes”

“But the cats aren’t yours, they’re mine. I should’ve kept an eye on them. What’s more, I shouldn’t even have left home…”

“Come on, you’ve the right to go out. Don’t worry, they will learn to be left alone during the day” Nicolas watches him clean; he’s growling and with an angry pout. He’s so tense. “Did something happen?”

“Uh… no”

“You’re a bad liar. Fukurou has told me that you went to the shelter with Sachirou. Didn’t you like it?”

Tobio stops sweeping. He sighs.

“Is your friend always watching me and then tells you what I do, or what…?”

“He’s not doing it for wrong, he just cares. Now, can you tell me what happened? Can I help?”

“I need the bag. _That_ bag” Tobio is straightforward, and Nicolas doesn’t need anything else to know what he’s talking about.

“Why?”

“You know why. It’s not mine”

“You don’t have to do it”

“I do, they will pay me money. It’s my only income”

“Find a job, then. You can have a normal life”

“If I don’t finish my actual errand, they won’t let me have a ‘normal’ life. Now tell me where you hide it, I know you did”

“I throw it, I don’t want that in my house”

“Fine, you’re gonna get me killed now!” Tobio shouts, scaring Yachi in the process. Nicolas stays imperturbable.

“I’m not the enemy, Tobio”

Tobio releases the broom and growls. He sits down on the couch, defeated.

“I’m being followed enough; I can’t let more people to do so” he explains. “It won’t be fair for you… If they see you helping me, they can go against you too…”

“They can try, I can perfectly report them. I’m legally covered”

“Can you report them if you’re dead?!” Tobio shouts again. Nicolas sits down next to him and caresses his back to calm him down. “I can’t let you be the hero. Not here…”

“That’s on me, Tobio. I want to help you”

“Why? What am I, a princess in distress?” Tobio scoffs.

“No, you’re a good person who deserves a better life”

“Shut up” Tobio says, with a little smile. Nicolas sweet words always make him cry and he’s a bit fed up of it. He doesn’t want to seem weak and a cry-baby only because someone is good to him. But he’s glad he has him there, so he holds his hand.

By doing so, he caresses his engaging ring by accident.

“Some of my colleagues are going out tonight” Nicolas says, ignoring it. “Do you wanna come with me?”

“With your workmates?” Tobio laughs in irony. “Sure, dude”

“What? We can bring friends; I’ve already invited all the youth of our building!”

“Ah, so Hirugami can sneak on me. Perfect”

“Give him a change, he’s a good guy. Come on~ Maybe his brother might go too if you are there. It’s a change to meet new people. _Safe_ people”

“But the cats…”

“Don’t worry about them, we’ll go to buy some toys for them after lunch. They will be entertained” Nicolas makes puppy eyes. “Come on, Tobio~ Say yes ~ We’re not old hags, we can party!”

Tobio plays hard to convince, he likes to see Nicolas begging him to come. He smiles, delighted by the attention.

“Okay” he ends saying. Nicolas smiles wildly. “But you better show me the best party of my life, or else…”

“You won’t regret it, I’m a party animal”

Tobio trust him in it too.

At night, Tobio and Nicolas meet at the parking lot with some neighbours including Fukurou. Sachirou is there too, and he brings his boyfriend and some friends with him. They wait for more people to come and then get in the cars to go to the place. Tobio goes with the younger ones and Hoshiumi, Sachirou’s boyfriend, is quick to interrogate him.

“So, you live with Romero”

“I see I’m on everyone’s lips…”

“Are you two dating?”

“Wh-what?! No, of course not!”

“You aren’t?” Sachirou says, on the steering wheel.

“What your brother has told you about me…?”

“Nothing, but I know he suspects something. And we have just seen how close you seem to be”

“Yeah, yeah” Hoshiumi says.

“He’s my… uh…, roommate, I guess”

“We have a roommate and we aren’t like that!”

“You can’t expect Ushijima to be like that, Kourai” Sachirou says. “But yeah, you seem to get along pretty well”

“Nicolas is gentle with everyone, I’m not the exception…” Tobio excuses, although he’s not quite happy to say that.

“Maybe you can do some moves, tonight. Try him and see if he’s like that with everyone~”

“Shut up…”

Tobio doesn’t answer anything else, he tries to not paying attention to the couple’s insinuations. He can’t do any move with Nicolas, come on. Nicolas will think weird about him if he suddenly jumps on him… and, also, he’s married. It’s a big no no.

When they arrive at the bar, Nicolas is already greeting his colleagues. He looks happy and laughs a lot. Tobio can’t help but stare. It’s the first time he sees him outside home zone. His social skills are outstanding, even though he’s a foreigner. 

“Come on, let’s grab some drinks” Hoshiumi says, waking him up.

“Yeah, stop staring at your crush”

“Shut up!”

“Hey, newbie” Hoshiumi says, changing the topic. “I bet you can’t win me over drinking!”

“Kourai, don’t fight”

“Shush, weak-ass. This is between me and a rival”

“Don’t cry when you lose” Tobio says, suddenly feeling great with the challenge. Hoshiumi fires up and drags him at the bar counter.

A few hours later, Tobio is very drunk but not as much as Hoshiumi. Sachirou has to stop them. Hoshiumi is screaming that he wins and Tobio whines back.

“None of you’ve win” Sachirou says. He has drunk a few cups, but he’s not drunk as them. “Go outside to catch some fresh air…”

He catches them by the t-shirts and drags them outside. Upon arriving at the entrance, they meet with the other guys. Tobio goes straight to Nicolas.

“I win” he tells him, clinging on his arm. Nicolas is a bit tipsy too, so he doesn’t mind. “I win to Hoshiumi-san…”

“That’s great, Tobio!” Nicolas says, happy for him.

“Let’s have a dance competition!” Hoshiumi screams.

“Please, no” Sachirou begs, but Tobio doesn’t think the same. Sachirou is dragged to the dance floor by Hoshiumi.

“Let’s go” Tobio says, taking Nicolas by the hand. “You’ll be my partner”

“I’m flattered” Nicolas giggles. Tobio snuggles against him, and he grabs him by the waist. “I am not considered to be a good dancer. I don’t want to mess up your competition. I’ll try my best”

“You talk a lot…” Tobio mutters, to himself. He looks at him, straight on his eyes. “But I like that. I like your voice”

“Thank you” Nicolas says, genuinely.

“And you? What do you like about me…?” Tobio caresses his arms and ends entwining his hands up on Nicolas’ neck. He can’t stop looking at him, and Nicolas feels the same.

“Um…” Nico thinks. “Your eyes. They are so pretty. Beautiful”

Tobio caresses his hair. He’s still looking at him, almost dazed. His hand travels through his curls and scratches lightly his short beard. He takes his time to contemplate him, while Nicolas just… smiles. Bastard.

“You’re so handsome…”

Nicolas is about to answer, but Tobio trips and falls on the floor. Tobio starts giggling and muttering insults to himself, and Nicolas picks him up.

“I think you need some fresh air, young man” Nicolas says, laughing. “Let’s go”

Nicolas guides him through the bar and they go outside without separating their hands. Tobio walks a bit uneasy, but Nicolas helps him to not get hurt.

“Prrr, it’s cold here” Tobio says, snuggling against Nicolas.

“Let’s go to the car, I have the jacket there…” Nicolas says. Tobio waits for him to get the jacket. “Are you okay…?”

“Stupid Hoshiumi-san… I won’t fall for his tricks again…” Tobio nods to himself. “But I’m not that drunk, thou!”

“Sure, you’re not, honey” Nicolas laughs. He leans on the car, his arms crossed. “So, you find me handsome”

“You heard…?”

“I’m always listening” he smiles. Tobio makes a pout and tries to lean on the car, but he’s on the hood and he almost falls back. Nicolas catches him on time. “Oh boy, you’re gonna get hurt tonight!”

“Dumbass…” Tobio mutters to himself. He manages to sit well on the hood and not falling this time. “You’re always here to save me, huh?”

“Of course!” Nicolas smiles. “I like saving you. You’re so cute when you smile because of me…”

“That’s a little pretentious” Tobio says, smiling. He finds Nicolas looking attentively at him. “Speak Portuguese to me…”

“You won’t understand it”

“I don’t care, I like it when you talk like that”

Nicolas thinks about what he can say. He smiles, he has come up with something funny. 

“Se ser sexy fosse um crime, você passaria a vida na prisão”

“What did you say?” Tobio asks, curiously. Nicolas shakes his head, laughing. “Come on, tell me!”

“It’s a silly thing” Nicolas says. Tobio starts shaking him. “Stop! I’m just cat-calling you!”

“Really? What did you tell me?”

“It’s just… I say that if being sexy was a crime, you’ll be in jail…”

“That’s just dumb!”

“I told you!”

Tobio starts snorting and Nicolas joins him soon in a fit of laughter. They sighed, exhausted form the laugher. They look at each other. Nicolas giggles again, and Tobio smiles. He lowers his gaze just to look up seconds after that. Nicolas’ eyes are shining a lot and Tobio feels his face burning.

“você é um anjo…” Nicolas mutters.

“What...?”

Nicolas doesn’t answer. He leans on and kisses him on the lips. Tobio quickly embraces him by the neck, keeping him closer. He opens his legs to let him come closer. His head spins around, a bit dizzy, but he keeps the kiss longer. Nicolas is a bit clumsy today, but he’s commanding it well. Tobio lets out a small moan and Nicolas deepens the kiss.

“What are you doing…?”

Everyone’s there, they catch them in the act. Even though Sachirou and Hoshiumi are happy for Tobio, they don’t know the truth as Fukurou does. And needless to say, he’s shocked. 

“Nico, you’re married, remember…?” he says, which surprises his brother.

“Ah…” Nicolas says, still recovering from the previous scene.

“Let’s go home…” Fukurou says, taking him by the shirt. “Sachirou…, take Tobio. He can spend the night at your house… It will be for the best”

“Okay…” Sachirou mutters, watching his brother leaving with Nicolas. He then looks at Tobio, who’s fully red. “Come on, let’s go…”

Tobio steps down the car hook and wobbles a little. Sachirou helps him to get inside the car, but before that he tries to see where Nicolas is. He’s already with Fukurou, so he can’t look at him one more time.

Tomorrow will be a hell of a day…


	5. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this destroyed me. Proceed with caution.

_ I’m sorry. I love you. _

Kei is looking at him, his feline yellow eyes stick on his. He seems about to jump at any time. He dislikes having Nicolas sitting on the couch, where his human normally is. Nicolas is feeling judged by a cat. He tries to not look at him, but he also has Fukurou on the house, complaining about his behaviour. He can’t focus on anything.

“In what where you thinking…?” Fukurou says.

“I won’t talk until you give me a pill, my head hurts”

“Serves you right, for spending the night drinking and not controlling yourself”

“I’m not a kid, you don’t have to scold me”

“You’re acting like one! What is happening, Nico? Since when you’re a cheater?”

“Fuk, I have enough by judging myself, thank you”

“Don’t you remember what you told me? ‘Fukurou, I’m married’. That’s what you told me”

“So… you’re jealous, that’s it? 

“Don’t say bullshit, that’s over. Why aren’t you stopping that kid?”

“I kissed him, he’s not to blame”

“You don’t know him. You’re just obsessed by being a hero or something. He’s an adult, right? He’s not a child to be taken care of. He’s…”

“He’s what? Poor? So that’s your reason to not help him? I didn’t know you where such a classist”

“Ugg, you’re such a histrionic I can’t talk to you without you making up some drama!”

“Listen, I want to help him. It’s me who keeps him here, he sometimes has show me that he’s even ashamed to be asking me basic things. It’s not him… I feel like I  _ have  _ to protect him”

“Why? You’re not his father”

“I know, it’s not that. I like having him here, his presence… I want him to stay. I know I’m married; it’s haunting me. But…”

“Dear God, Nico…”

“I still have to clear my mind and figure out what’s happening”

“If your wife knows…”

“Débora won’t know anything about that…”

“If she discovers it, you know she won’t forgive you”

“I know…”

Nicolas rubs his forehead. It still aches from the night before. He’s tired, he couldn’t fully sleep because that damn kiss. He’s 30, he shouldn’t behave like a teenager. And yet, he’s longing to see Tobio again. He already misses him at home… 

And also, he needs to talk to him.

“I’ll go to pick up Tobio, he should have woken up by now…” he says, and he hears Fukurou sighs. “Look, Fuk, this is a matter between me and Tobio now, okay? I need to talk to him alone… and figure out things with him”

“Sure, sure… But I’ll go with you in the car, I have to leave Koutarou with Sachirou…”

“Fine”

Nicolas feels safe inside his car, but he’s still a bit shaky. He wants to be alone to think better, but Fukurou has decided to be a nuisance. It’s his way of punishing him and Nicolas would think that he deserves it, but right now he finds it annoying. The only thing soothing the atmosphere is Koutarou, who is happy to see him and demands pampering. 

“Okay, now go” Nicolas says, when he parks the car. Fukurou looks at him, offended. “I want to talk to him here”

“Sure…” Fukurou leaves the car. “Koutarou, let’s go”

The dog takes his time to lick Nicolas as a goodbye. 

“Wake Tobio up for me, will you?” Nicolas says, smiling. Koutarou woofs and wags his tail, he jumps out the car and runs up to Sachirou’s flat. Nicolas sighs and waits there.

Apparently, Koutarou follows his command. When the door is opened, he sneaks in the house trying to find the person who he has to wake up. Tobio is sleeping on the couch, in a bad position. The dog is quick to lick Tobio’s face. Tobio growls deeply. Koutarou, seeing that his mission is completed, he runs towards Hoshiumi who’s sleeping on the couch next to Tobio.

Tobio’s head spins when he gets up, the alcohol ingested still doing havoc. Sachirou comes with a pill. 

“I feel like shit” Tobio mumbles.

“You two drank quite a lot” Sachirou says, siting next to his boyfriend who’s still struggling to wake up. “Do you remember last night?”

“Yeah…” Tobio says. He slaps his forehead. “I kissed Nicolas…”

“I didn’t know he’s married… Did you?” Sachirou says, to which Tobio nods. “Then why…?”

“I don’t know… But it felt good, you know?”

“My brother said he’s outside, waiting for you”

“Really…? Are we really going to talk about kissing while I look like a zombie…?”

Sachirou giggles.

“You can take a shower; I’ll lend some of my clothes”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you gotta be clean for your  _ talk _ ”

“I swear to God…” Tobio growls while standing up. He meets Fukurou’s gaze and feels incredibly judged, so he runs fast to the bathroom. 

He enters to the shower and almost drown himself under the water. He bumps his head softly against the wall. In what was he thinking, that night? How could he kiss a man who is married? Surely Nicolas would be upset. Maybe he even wouldn’t like to have him around anymore. And he would deserve it. He can’t take profit of a man who has taken care of him all this time. He feels gross. 

“Dumbass…” he mumbles to himself. “Why do you have to fuck things up every fucking time…?”

_ “You’re a little whore” _

Tobio shivers. Oikawa’s words haunt him more than before. 

He looks at himself on the mirror. 

“Pack your things, Tobio, you’re leaving” he says. He then laughs bitterly. “What things…? You don’t own anything…” 

He goes out the bathroom after changing clothes. He feels weird, wearing someone else’s clothes, but then again, he has been wearing Nicolas shirts for the past days. It’s the best thing he knows to do: stealing.

He passes by Fukurou when he leaves the flat. He surely doesn’t want him near Nicolas, and it’s reasonable. He’s like a parasite. 

He sees Nicolas’ car parked on the street. He sighs deeply, clinging on his sweater. He feels like he deserves it, but he’s not ready for the rejection. He walks to the car and open the door. He jumps in, closes the door and stays silent. He can sense Nicolas’ eyes scrutinizing him. 

“Did you have breakfast?” Nicolas asks. Tobio shakes his head. “Good”

Nicolas starts the car. He drives in silence, but he seems more relaxed than Tobio is. Tobio is squeezing his hands due to the anxiety and Nicolas… Nicolas just drives to a McAuto. 

Tobio is still processing the situation when Nicolas drives away from the restaurant. He has ordered coffee and cookies. 

“Come on, eat something” Nicolas says. He parks the car and starts drinking his coffee. Tobio picks up his cup and make a little sip. He feels a bit better with the warmth of the drink. He sighs and looks at Nicolas. 

“Tobio…, I’m sorry” Nicolas says. “I don’t want you to think weird about me… If anything, I totally respect you and I didn’t want to jump on you or anything. I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable”

“It’s me who’s sorry. You’re married and I should’ve stopped it. But I didn’t because I liked that and I feel like I’m using you…”

“I kissed you, Tobio. I am the one who’s married and should’ve behave. But guess what? I didn’t because I liked it too”

“Why…?”

“You looked so beautiful, laughing and all… God, I feel like a pervert”

“No” Tobio says, very serious. “You’re good man! You’ve taking care of me and for free. You’ve been nothing but kind and good to me. It’s me who’s wrong here. I… I always do this. I use men, I steal them… I make them do things for me… That’s what he taught me. That’s what I do…”

“Are you really using me, Tobio?” Tobio stays silent. Then, he shakes his head. Nicolas caresses his cheek. “Then…?”

Tobio leans a little on his hand. When he notices that, he himself backs off. His lip tremble and he catch a cookie to bit it hard. He sighs, trying to calm himself down. But it’s impossible. 

“I don’t get you, Nicolas. You don’t seem to understand! Everyone notices it. Everyone finds it weird that I’m living with you. Surely Hirugami-san finds me gross that I’ve kiss you while you’re married. Everyone knows what I am. And you… You’re dumb!”

“Whatever Fukurou has told you, don’t listen to him”

“He doesn’t have to say anything. I’m not good for you”

“Who says that?”

“I’m not a good boy. I’m not a role model. I don’t have a stable job. I’m not studying in a prestigious university. I didn’t even go to school! I’m a parasite. I’m invisible. I don’t even exist for my country. I steal. I sell drugs. I do blackmail. I seduce people and then use them. I whore around. I’ve killed…”

With all of that, Tobio can’t hold it anymore. He crushes the cookie with his hand. He hits the glove compartment of the car. He hides his face under his hands and screams loudly. 

“Why aren’t you regretting it…? Why are you always so sweet to me…? I don’t deserve it”

Nicolas stays silent and hugs him. Tobio embraces him back, tightly. Nicolas breaks it off softly and rests his head on Tobio’s forehead. 

“Better?”

“Yeah…”

Nicolas smiles and Tobio hides his face on his shoulder. Nico rocks him and caresses his hair.

“I didn’t go to school either” he says. “I was poor too. And maybe I didn’t end like you because I was too sick for that, but who knows? I’ve seen a lot of young guys like you. I could’ve been one of them. Don’t forget that I know, Tobio, I know what you’re being through”

“You have money” he muffles, snuggling against his shoulder.

“Still I don’t forget where I come from. And… I didn’t gain it by working alone, I get it through marriage…”

“Really…?”

“My wife’s uncle had a business and he hired me because she said so. And I met her because her parents were doctors who treated me… In a way, our relationship is more like a deal…”

“You don’t love her?”

“I thought I did but it was because that way it didn’t weight too much. When I’m with her, I feel like I’m owing her something that I don’t know about, something even bigger than my life”

“That’s not good… You said so, there are things that can’t be a debt”

“Yeah but… I have a son with her, you know? It’s not that easy”

“What if I tell you that I think like that too…? I would be dead by now. I feel like I owe you my entire life…” Tobio breaks the embrace. 

“Well… I just want to know you better to rip off that thinking of yours” Nicolas smiles and taps Tobio’s forehead with his fingertip. Tobio catches his hand and lowers it. “You’re not like my wife, I’m not like her. I want to know you and see what this means. What do you say?”

“I’m scared, Nicolas…” Tobio confesses. 

“I know,  _ gatinho” _ Nicolas lifts the other hand again to touch his cheek. “We’ll be slow. I won’t push you to anything. I won’t touch you if you don’t want to. We’ll have our own space to sort things out”

Tobio smiles a little. 

“Okay…” he says, playing with his hand. 

He’s so gentle… so kind and patient. Tobio never met someone like him before. All the people in his life have been violent, sadist, selfish and manipulative. He never knew goodness… and Nicolas feels like a fresh breath of spring. And when you are in the middle of permafrost, that little warmth of the sun and the soft wind feels like paradise. Tobio wants to taste it more, so he leans on him and kisses him fully on the lips. It feels soft but passionate, it’s deep but it feels like a first kiss. It’s not possessive, it’s not controlling, it’s not lustful. It’s sweet, curious and gentle. 

Tobio feels a different kind of desire when Nicolas leans on him. Nicolas is respectful and his kisses aren’t demanding but asking for his acceptance. Tobio wants to feel it all. He wants to experience it, the softness, the kindness, the love…

But Nicolas’ phone starts ringing. Tobio growls uncomfortable and Nicolas giggles. He asks for forgiveness by kissing his neck and leaving a hickey under the collar of his shirt. He gets up and answer the phone, while Tobio sips his coffee.

“What??” Nicolas says, on the phone. “We’ve just been there an hour ago! How? What did you hear? Are you okay? Yeah, we’re going right now”

“What happens?”

“It’s our neighbour…” Nicolas explains, looking shocked. “She says our flat has been broke-in…”

“Nicolas…” Tobio mumbles. He turns pale, already guessing what happened. Nicolas gets it and quickly starts the car. 

When they arrive at the apartment, they already can see the door wide open. The lock is broken. They go inside the house and see everything upside down. Someone has been searching for something and they created a huge mess.

“What the hell…?” Nicolas mutters. “They must have seen Fukurou and I leave and they take profit of it…”

“It’s obvious what they were doing here” Tobio says, accusatorily. “They were looking for my little white bag. Look at this! They’ve been crazy looking for it! But no, it’s not here because you thew it away. Now what? They will know I lied!”

“I only wanted to protect you”

“Great job! Now they know where I live!”

Tobio’s scolding is interrupted by a loud growl. It’s from one of the cats. Tobio tries to localize them but they are out of sight. He looks around the living room and when he hears another growl, he knows it comes from under the couch. He kneels down. Shou hisses, scared. Yachi is with him. 

“Shou, Yachi, it’s me” he says, soothing them. Shou meows back. “It’s over. We’re here…”

Both Shou and Yachi stays there, hidden. They look scared and Tobio leaves them alone, they need to calm down by themselves and leave the couch by their own pace. He starts searching for Kei and Guchi, instead. But he can’t find them on the living room.

“Kei, Guchi!” he calls them. He hears a frightened meow. He follows the sound and finds both snuggling cats lying on the floor, on Nicolas’ bedroom. Kei immediately stands up and approaches meowing loudly. He comes and goes, he wants Tobio to follow him. Something is happening…, Guchi isn’t moving.

Tobio runs to the cat, worried. Guchi’s breathing is too weak to be good, he doesn’t move any whiskers and he releases a soft meow. 

“Guchi… What happens baby? Come on, stand up…” Tobio says. His hand trembles when he tries to pat the cat. He notices then that the cat is injured. “No, no… Please, stand up… Please, Guchi…”

“Tobio…” Nicolas whispers. He points at the wall, where there’s a bloodstain. 

“No…” Tobio roars. “No… What they have done…? My cat… Guchi, please, stand up… Please…”

Guchi meows again, but it denotes pain. Tobio looks at Nicolas, unable to think what to do. Nicolas trembles when he sees the desperate look on Tobio. His kitty is hurt, and he can’t do anything for it. Judging by the blood and the state of the cat, the thieves might have hurt him.

“Listen… I’ll call Sachirou…” he tries to calm him down. He wants to believe there’s a chance for the little cat. “I’m sure he will know what to do…”

“Please, hurry up…” Tobio begs. Nicolas can’t see him like that anymore, so he flies away to the living room to make the call. Tobio stays with Guchi, he lies down next to him. “Guchi, please… Please, be okay… Please…”

Kei also joins them and snuggles against them. The cat is also worried about his brother, and he rubs against Tobio because he notices him too unstable. Nicolas comes back and kneels beside them.

“Tobio… Sachirou wants to check him” Nicolas says. Although Tobio feels he’s hiding information, he doesn’t complain. “We’ll try to move him out. We need a plain surface to carry him and a warm cloth”

Tobio nods quickly. He doesn’t want to leave Guchi alone, so it’s Nicolas who prepares everything. Nicolas brings the cover of a shoebox and some towels. Tobio tries to move Guchi, but the cat shrieks of pain and Tobio starts howling, horrified of hurting his kitty. Nicolas holds his hands. 

“I’ll do it” he says. He then leans to move the cat, who yells again. This time, Kei also meows and hisses, trying to attack Nicolas who’s touching his friend. “Tobio… Please, go to the living room with Kei and wait there”

Tobio wants to stay but Nicolas doesn’t want him to witness it. He picks up Kei, who meows loudly, and goes to the living room. Shou and Yachi are come out of hiding and they meow too, scared of Guchi’s shrieks. Tobio sobs, he’s willing to go to his baby’s side and calm him down. Nicolas comes to the living room, carrying Guchi on the cardboard. 

“Here, have him. I’ll drive to the clinic” he says, lending the cat with extremely carefulness to Tobio. Tobio carries him with the same delicateness. He whispers sweet words to the cat while they walk the stairs and go out the building. Nicolas drives carefully to not hurt the cat. They arrive at the vet, where Sachirou is already there. He receives the cat and takes him inside his clinic after asking Tobio and Nicolas to wait there. 

Tobio is restless, he moves around the waiting room whining. Nicolas is trying to keep calm, but it’s almost impossible. He’s worried for the little cat too. He has taken care of him so much that he feels like its his own cat. But he’s trying to keep serene for Tobio, who’s uncontrollable. 

Sachirou is quick to come back. He has bad news, judging by the face he’s doing. Tobio runs to him and clings on his vet coat.

“Please, tell me he’s okay…” he begs.

“Kageyama…” Sachirou says, slowly. As a vet, he’s experienced so many moments like that but it’s still hard to deal. “He has received a huge bang against the wall. He’s suffering too much; I can’t heal him. It will still hurt a lot, and he won’t have a good life if we continue… I’m sorry, but it’s the only option for him. He won’t suffer for long”

“No… No, don’t tell me this. You have to heal him! You’re the vet! You have to do it!” Tobio isn’t really aware that he’s screaming. 

“I’m sorry”

“Heal him! Please, heal him! I’ll do anything for it, I will pay you more! Please, heal him. It’s my cat, my baby… Please!” Nicolas is quick to come at his side and caress his back. “Nicolas, he can’t do that… He has to heal him. Guchi has to be okay!”

“Tobio… We can’t condemn him to life with pain. The best decision is helping him this way, he won’t suffer in the process” Nicolas holds his face. Tobio’s eyes are shinny and watery, he’s so desperate to cling onto hope. “Honey, you can stay with him until the end. He will love to see you for the last time…”

Tobio is already crying when he goes in the office. His baby cat is lying on the table, wrapped in the cloth. He’s still immovable, but he meows softly when he feels Tobio next to him. With care, Tobio lays his head on the table, his nose touching the cat. He caresses him softly and Guchi gives him a weak purr.

“I’m sorry, baby… I couldn’t protect you. I wasn’t there…” he mumbles between sobs. “Please, forgive me…”

Guchi meows again and tries to lick his hand. 

For the next minutes, the only thing that can be heard on the room are Tobio’s loud cries. He sounds too hurtful, too hopeless… He holds the cat against his chest, rocking him. He’s broken because he couldn’t help his kitty. He’s horrified by the thinking that Guchi has suffered all the time he wasn’t home. How lonely he must’ve felt without his human. How cold it must’ve been without a warm hand to pat him. How he must’ve gotten in the way of the thieves, to try to protect the house as the good kitty he was. 

Nicolas’ throat tries to hold back a sob. He can’t look at how lost Tobio looks right now. He hasn’t seen him like that before, not even when he was so sick his life was in danger. Not even when he lost his house or he confessed his fears. This is a matter bigger than that. It is the lost of a loved one. It’s the death of a small creature who has given him the warmth and unconditional love that only an animal can do. 

The best thing he can do for Tobio is to kneel next to him and hug him very tightly, bring him the security he has lost right now. Tobio, still holding the cat, hangs onto his shirt and cries against his chest. Nicolas stays still, giving all the time he needs to cry everything off. After a while, he caresses his hair when he notices his cries are starting to get weaker. 

“We will incinerate him and keep him with us” Nicolas says. “He will still be part of our home”

“I want him alive…” Tobio whines. 

“He’s not suffering anymore…”

“They’ve killed him, Nicolas. That should’ve been me. That should’ve been my neck!”

“Who would take care of the other three cats without you? Are you saying that you prefer to abandon Shou, Yachi and Kei? What about them, Tobio? They need care too. They need you. Their Dad. If it should’ve been you, what would’ve become of your kids?”

“They have you…”

“Kei dislikes me, Yachi is still too shy and it’s not the same for Shou even though he likes me. I’m not you, Tobio” Nicolas forces him to look at him. Tobio seems so lost… “Let’s go home, we’ll bring Guchi home later. You need to be with your cats now, more than anything”

Tobio let’s himself be picked up by Nicolas. He rests his body on him, he only has the strength to walk. Nicolas embraces him and guides him to the car. He stays with Sachirou a bit more, finishing some papers and he meets with Tobio again. He hates to be separated from Tobio; it burns to not being able to hug him more. But he has to drive. 

The ride is in a deathly silence. Tobio isn’t barely moving, he keeps his head down and his body shrunken. He’s not crying, at least not out loud. Nicolas wants to respect his silence, but he’s willing to talk to him. He can’t bare the gloomy atmosphere than surrounds Tobio. He’s worried, he wants to touch him, to hug him and tell him that everything will be okay. His heart is stinging from the incapacity of helping him.

When they arrive at home, the only thing he can tell him is:

“Go to bed, Tobio. Try to rest…”

Tobio looks at him. His blue eyes now looking stone cold. He’s sure he won’t be able to rest after that but he obeys. He throws himself on the bed, without changing clothes. Nicolas lets him be, seeing that Shou and Yachi are already heading to him. He won’t be fully alone. But Kei still misses… Nicolas tries to find him to bring him back to Tobio, but he finds him lying on the floor, just where Guchi was a few hours ago. 

“Kei go with Tobio, he needs you” he tries to tell him. Kei hisses at him. 

Nicolas leaves him alone; it must be hard for a cat to not have his brother with him. So confusing. He sits on the couch, trying to sort things out. He dislikes the feeling of loneliness he’s staring to get. He feels so hopeless too, so lost. He knows it, things won’t be the same for Tobio. He starts seeing one important issue that he has not been paying enough attention. 

Tobio is so unstable…, and maybe he has always been. He feels he needs to be stronger for him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not responsible of what will happen to some certain French students—


	6. Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta add a little spice

_Fool. My stupid, dumb doll. What did I teach you?_

It’s late at night and Tobio is still awake. He’s curled up on the couch, looking at the window. He has Shou and Yachi are sleeping on his lap, he caresses them absently. He has spent the past few days restless. Nicolas wants to give him space but he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He wants to do something, but he can’t think of anything. For now, he watches from afar.

Kei hisses at him once again. He’s always antagonizing him and that’s a problem, since Kei has now settled in Nicolas’ bedroom. He’s guarding the spot where Guchi was, like he’s waiting for his return. Like he’s keeping his seat. Nicolas feels that the three remaining cats are a bit disorientated, they can’t understand where his brother has gone. Kei is still meowing for him. And it only makes it harder for Tobio who misses his little cat.

“Why do you hate me so much…?” Nicolas says, softly. He can’t be mad at a cat, but he wishes to get along better with him. He kneels down and stretches his arm to him. Kei bends his back but he approaches to smell the hand. “I want us to be friends, buddy”

Kei bits his hand and runs away. Nicolas sighs, tired.

“Nicolas…?” Tobio mumbles, he has heard him. Nicolas stands up and appears on the living room. “Aren’t you sleeping?”

“I could ask you the same” he says, sitting next to him. He hugs Tobio from behind and let him rest against his chest. 

“It will rain again, right…?” Tobio says, in a low voice.

“Yeah, at dawn. It will be light, though. You don’t have to worry” Nico says, soothing him. He lays his head on Tobio’s. “Tobio…, I’m worried. How can I help you…?”

“Can you change the past?” Tobio answers, bitterly.

“I wish… But since we can’t, what are you gonna do now?”

“I talked with Hirugami about Kei… He says he can very distressed about the loss of Guchi… Not only my cat died, but another one is depressive…”

“That means he will need more attention, right? You just have to share your love with him”

“It’s not enough. I am not enough… How could I let this happen…?”

“It’s not your fault, Tobio”

“I knew they were going to do something to me…”

“We already had this conversation. What could you have done against them, if you were at home?”

“I would be dead, probably”

“Do you want to be…?” Nicolas asks, carefully. His body tenses, he’s hoping to not hear what’s he guessing. He really doesn’t want to listen.

Tobio turns around to see him. Even in the dark of the night, Nicolas can see his face. His dull and dark eyes. He dislikes that immediately.

“During the months I was on alone on the streets, my cats were the only reason I still fought… And now I failed them. I failed Guchi. I’m failing Kei… Who knows when I’ll fail to Shou or Yachi…?”

“You didn’t fail them” carefully, Nicolas holds his face in his hands. “Their mother trust you enough to come to you, because she knew you will take care of them. You rescued them from the floods, they could be dead by now because the building was destroyed! They are growing up now and are being fed. You found them a good home! And they love you a lot. You didn’t fail!”

“Kei hissed at me, yesterday. He hates me now!”

“That’s not true. Kei is guarding Guchi’s place, he’s not hating you. I see how he searches for you and wants you nearby. In fact, he hates me more than before. It’s not you”

“Seeing him on that spot only makes things worse…”

“He needs to recover from it…, and he will. You too” Tobio shakes his head, releasing his face of Nicolas’ hands. Nicolas hugs him, instead. He hugs him tight, he rocks him and caresses him, until Tobio stops fighting. “You just need time. It will be better, you’ll see. Guchi will be a good memory, and not all of this”

Tobio doesn’t answer, but he stays like that. That’s a win for Nicolas.

“No one can’t know what would’ve happen if we have died…, so you can’t be sure that everything would’ve been okay, even if you were alone. Your cats needed you alive. And… And we wouldn’t have met. Do you regret meeting me?”

Tobio looks at him and releases a hand from Nicolas embrace to caress his face. Nicolas smiles and leans on to touch Tobio’s nose with his. They stay like that, feeling each other close, when they hear a soft meow. “Mnm, I think we’re waking the cats up. We better sleep too… Do you want to come to bed with me?”

It would be the first time they share the bed, Tobio thinks. He feels it as an important step. But then again, it’s Nicolas. It would be okay. And he prefers to have him by his side when the rain comes at dawn. So, he nods. Tobio carries the kittens and lay them on the bed too. They quickly snuggle again and Tobio draws himself near Nicolas. Nico hugs him.

“I know there are more things going inside your head” Nicolas whispers. “And I want to know all of it. But, for now, rest well. We’ll talk tomorrow”

“Okay…” Tobio mumbles.

It’s hard to sleep for both of them, but Nicolas falls first. Tobio watches him for a while, he sleeps so calm… He’s always so confident and happy-go-lucky. How can he do that? Apparently, his life hasn’t been easy and yet… How?

How can he smile like that…?

Tobio caresses his hair, then his face. Nicolas releases a soft murmur in his sleep, but he doesn’t wake up. Tobio leaves a kiss on his cheek and then lays again on the bed. He stares at the ceiling. He’s afraid of messing things up, things that Nicolas could have been working on to make his life better. His happiness, for instance. He has already messed up his house, he wouldn’t forgive himself if something bigger than that happens.

It’s starting to rain. Although it’s a drizzle, Tobio has a bad feeling. He always has them when it’ raining, it’s like the sky is announcing something to come. And usually, it’s something bad.

He hears a soft meow. It’s Kei, who’s looking at him from the end of the room. Tobio stretches his arm over the end of the bed.

“Come here” he says, softly. Kei approaches slowly, he rubs against his hand when he arrives. Tobio scratches his chin. “You like me again? Come, hop in”

Tobio taps the bed and Kei obeys. Once he jumps, the cat discovers Nicolas sleeping next to Tobio and immediately freezes. He stays still, watching his movements.

“Come on Kei… He’s sleeping” Tobio whispers. He makes the cat lay on his side, the one contrary where Nicolas is. “Are you jealous? Is that big cat threatening you?”

Kei meows back and climbs on top of his chest. He sits there, guarding him. Tobio feels that if Nicolas moves now, he will probably be attacked. He hopes for him to be a quiet sleeper. For now, Tobio caresses and scratches Kei to make him feel calm. Kei closes his eyes and starts purring. Tobio kisses the cat’s head and keeps caressing him until they both fall asleep.

When he wakes up, it’s still raining outside. It continues being a soft drizzle, but still the sky is grey and cloudy. He doesn’t want to feel down because of the weather so he decides to make breakfast. He sits up on the bed and looks at Nicolas, who’s still deep asleep. Tobio smiles seeing how Shou is sprawled on Nicolas’ neck and face. Both of them are snoring loudly.

Tobio scratches Shou’s head and the cat purrs and rubs against Nicolas thinking it’s him who’s touching him. He looks so at ease sleeping on Nico that Tobio leaves him like that. It’s cute, he likes to see that Shou likes Nicolas like that. He now hopes for Yachi to open up to him and for Kei to stop being possessive.

Speaking of them, they wake up and meows at him as a good morning.

“Let’s go to have breakfast” Tobio says, getting up of the bed. He goes to the kitchen followed by the cats minus Shou. He opens the can of food and fills the feeders. “There you go, eat everything”

He leaves them eating alone. He opens the fridge and looks for something to prepare. He wants to cook something, although he isn’t used to it. He feels like doing it for Nicolas, who’s always making the meals. He takes a sip of the milk carton while measuring the rice cups. He wants to prepare a complete Japanese breakfast, although he hasn’t eaten it in his lifetime. But he wants to show off.

When he’s placing the dishes to fill them, he feels a cat rubbing against his leg. He smiles, ready to meet the sweet kitty who always does that.

“Hi, Guchi…” but he shuts up quickly. It’s Shou, not Guchi. Of course, it isn’t him…

Shou meows to have his attention. He picks him up and kisses his head. He feels sad for having mistaken him for Guchi. But sometimes he sees him everywhere. In the movement of the curtain, a plastic bag or a pillow laid on the floor… It only makes things worse.

“Bom dia” Nicolas says, entering in the kitchen. He hugs Tobio’s waist with one arm and proceeds to leave a kiss on his cheek. “Are you cooking?”

“Mnm, yes” Tobio says, a bit distracted.

“I… think something is burning, gatinho”

“Fuck” quickly, Tobio leaves the cat at Nicolas’ hands and runs to the stove. He turns it off and tries to rip the fish stuck on the pan. He growls while he leaves it under the sink.

“Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of food left to eat!” Nicolas soothes him, seeing how Tobio is very frustrated. “The rice looks good”

“Yeah, the only fucking thing I do mildly good. And it’s a bit mushy…” Tobio growls again.

“Are you okay? What are you angry at?”

“Myself”

Nicolas is quick to leave Shou on the floor and then hold Tobio’s hands.

“It’s okay, no one knows how to cook one day to another. It’s just practice” he tries to say, but Tobio shakes his head. “I don’t mind, Tobio. Don’t be that hard on yourself”

“I just… I can’t seem to focus on anything”

“That means you have to rest!” Nicolas holds his writs and guides him to the couch. He sits him down and puts on a blanket. Tobio is making a little pout and Nicolas can’t help but give him a little kiss. Tobio intertwines his arms around his neck, keeping him close. “Oh, you want cuddles, baby boy?”

He sits next to him and Tobio quickly snuggles under his arm. Nicolas caresses his hair, in circles. Tobio does so in his chest, almost synchronized.

“What are you thinking?” Nicolas asks. He wants to understand what’s happening to him, in order to help him. “It’s not only for the burnt breakfast, right?”

“I mistook Shou for Guchi. I really thought it was him…”

“Ah, it happened to me the other day. I thought it was a cat and then I was just sweet-talking to a sock!” Tobio looks at him. “It happened recently, it’s normal to still feeling him around”

“Did you have pets before?” Tobio asks, playing with Nicolas’ sweater cords.

“They weren’t entirely mine; they use to wander around the neighbour. But I did take care of some baby birds one time. When I was diagnosed for the first time, I was always on my bedroom while my mother tried to find money. So once, a bird did a nest on my window”

“Cute…” 

“My mother’s fuss because I was wasting bread with them instead of me wasn’t that cute” Nicolas giggles. “They were three babies, with their two parents. I was an only child with a father that left home… It was a way of seeing the family I wanted”

“I’m sorry…”

“It was tough, not gonna lie. But that make me closer to my mother, so I’m glad for that part”

“I’m glad too” Tobio says, without thinking. Nicolas looks at him. “I… I’m glad, because you’re here now”

Nicolas smiles.

“Meu gatinho fofo” he says, sweetly. He kisses him repeatedly on the cheek. He then looks at him on the eye. “I’m glad you’re here too, Tobio”

“Nobody told me that before…” Tobio mumbles, his face starting to burn.

“Same here”

Tobio looks at him. He plays with his hair; he likes touching the curls. He leans on and kisses him. Nicolas deepens it, putting a hand on his neck. Tobio grabs his hair, keeping him closer. He puts the other hand on his shoulder and with a quick movement, he’s on his lap. Nicolas starts attacking his neck, leaving kisses and soft bites all around the skin. Nicolas’ hands trace his body, from his waist to his legs. Tobio kisses him on the lips once again, making it a bit more aggressive than the previous one. They break it off to look at each other’s eyes.

“Touch me…” Tobio whispers and Nicolas quickly obeys. 

His hands land on his hips, bringing him closer. They start caressing the tights and one of them is quick to grope the ass cheek. He leans to kiss the neck once again, while his hands keep touching up everywhere. Tobio gasps and moves his body back to front, rubbing against his crotch. He desires to hear more sounds from Tobio, so one of the hands lowers his pants. Tobio rests his forehead on Nicolas’, his hands gripping on his shoulders. Tobio huffs again.

“Ah!” Nicolas screams, suddenly, breaking the contact. Tobio is confused trying to see what has just happened. Nicolas looks hurt. It’s Kei, who is stuck on Nicolas’ ankle.

“Kei, stop. Leave him. Go away” Tobio tries to drive him away. Kei hisses but Tobio hisses back. With that, Kei shuts up, offended. Tobio bends to one side to move him away with his hand. “Go with your siblings, you bad kitty”

Kei goes away, looking dejected. Tobio stands up to inspection the scratch. Nicolas’ ankle is bleeding a little bit, not too much but still. Tobio runs to the furniture, where there are medical supplies on one of the drawers. He takes up a band-aid and returns to Nicolas.

“I’m sorry” he says. Nicolas tries to but the band-aid by himself, but Tobio moves his hand away. It feels like it’s his responsibility so he sits on the floor and proceeds to heal him.

“I can’t believe a cat just has interrupted me” Nicolas says, his face hiding beneath his hand. He then looks at Tobio.

Tobio smiles. Then, he releases a soft snort. Nicolas joins him, giggling.

“Poor Nicolas” Tobio teases, caressing one of his knees. “Is a little kitty antagonizing you?”

“I can’t blame him” Nicolas says, leading a hand to his chin and raising his head. “I’m stealing his Dad…”

Tobio, who’s still on the floor, gets up on his knees. His hands trace Nicolas’ legs up to his abdomen.

“I still need to tame the bigger cat, first…” he whispers, unbuttoning his pants. Nicolas pulls back his hair and guides him forwards.

“Go ahead, gatinho” Nicolas roars.

After that, Kei doesn’t bother them anymore. And Tobio wouldn’t have allowed it. He needs to take care of Nicolas, now. Of his man…, he doesn’t want distractions. There’s no way he wants those moans and Portuguese words to be interrupted. He wishes he could understand everything he’s telling him, from the sweet tones to the darker and nastier ones. He loves to be called all those names, to be treated kindly but also harsh. It’s a mix, and Nicolas can give him that.

He loves to give him pleasure enough to bring him to climax. Right now, it’s a thing he’s not regretting to have learnt. The best of it it’s seeing his face. His bitten lips, his closed eyes, his Adam’s apple gulping down and his eyebrows slightly furrowed. He looks so hot and handsome that he can’t stop. He keeps on touching, licking, kissing, swallowing… He wants to be the owner of those moans. 

The hot guy changes for the sweet one who hugs him and gives him cuddles afterwards. He loves the duality. It’s a perfect combination. Tobio snuggles between his arms and let himself be touched, because he’s still has to finish too.

It’s the first time Tobio doesn’t notice the rain.

“We didn’t have breakfast, at the end…” Nicolas mumbles, caressing Tobio’s back. He’s resting his head on his shoulder.

“I did” Tobio says, and Nicolas giggles.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“It’s okay, I want cuddles now” he says, curling up. “We can eat the rice at lunch”

“Fine” Nicolas says, giving a kiss on top of his head. “I have to do something later, on the afternoon. Do you want to come?”

“Where?”

“Last year I participated in a charity food program. It’s December, so it’s the time when they gather the most. I think I’ll go to leave something there”

“You’re always this kind…”

“There’s a lot of people without food, on winter. Oh, well, what can I tell you?” Nicolas waits for the answer. Tobio does a quick glance at the window. “It’s okay, if you don’t want to come”

“I want” Tobio says, firmly. “It’s not raining too hard, is it?”

“It doesn’t look like. We’ll be fine with the raincoats”

Tobio thinks it’s safe enough to go to a charity centre. He went there once, in the past. Those people aren’t dangerous and they won’t sneak on him either, if someone ask for him. So, in the afternoon, he puts on one of Nicolas’ raincoats and they both leave home with a shopping cart. Inside there’s a few bags with food. Tobio has prepared a lunch box with some of the rice that left.

He’s a bit nervous when they go outside. The drizzle is still going on, and although it isn’t really a problem, he’s still wide awake. Nicolas notices it and grabs his hand. Tobio smiles and snuggles against his arm, to protect himself from the cold.

They arrive at the centre, where they have to queue up. There’s a lot of people there, because as Nicolas said, December is when there’s more food programs than the rest of the year. Tobio observes everything, seeing how the volunteers are packing the bags and dividing it by boxes. He remembers that time when he went to one of these centres, searching for food…

“Have you been here before?” Nicolas asks. It’s almost like he can read his mind.

“Yeah… I went just two or three times, when I first came in Japan”

“Where were you, before?”

“I don’t remember… I think they talked in English, so I suppose it was the US”

Before Nicolas could comment on that, an old lady approaches them. Tobio hides instinctively, because the woman is looking directly at him. Apparently, she’s one of the volunteers.

“Aren’t you…?” she says. “I remember you! You were so little… What was your name? Are you Tooru?”

“No” Tobio is quick to answer.

“Sorry, your names are quite similar… Tobio, is it?” the lady smiles. “You’ve grown so much! I’m glad you’re helping us now”

“Yeah…”

“This little guy loved strawberry yoghurt so much!” she says, including Nicolas on the conversation. “Your brother liked milk bread, right?”

“He’s not my brother”

“Oh, you were always together that I thought you were family. My bad! Well, I have to leave you for now. There’s a lot of things to prepare. See you later. I’m glad I’ve seen you again, Tobio. And you too, Nicolas!”

The woman leaves them and Tobio feels like he can breathe calmer. She has been nice and sweet; the problem isn’t that. Nicolas feels that, once again.

“What happens?” he asks. Tobio shrugs. “Is Tooru that Oikawa guy?”

“Yes…”

“It’s okay, dear. We’re doing charity work, so he’s not here”

“You’re right… He didn’t like that place, so that’s why we didn’t go more”

“Great. Oh, it’s our turn”

Both of them takes out the bags from the cart and places everything on the counter. Nicolas volunteers to bring everything at the storage room so they also help to organize the boxes. Tobio is still thinking in how he was given one of those boxes as a kid, and how amazed he was to see food. He remembers how starving he felt and how Oikawa said that the full box was theirs. He felt so happy…

“Are you okay, Tobio?” Nicolas says after a while.

“Yeah… it’s just… I’m remembering things. It’s weird. I don’t recall that lady’s name or whatever, but she does know me”

“I suppose seeing a kid here all alone it’s not easy to forget… Did no one ask you where your parents were?”

“They started asking after a few visits. Oikawa lied and pull up excuses every time”

“Didn’t he want to be saved? I’m sure you could’ve been help by social services or something like that”

“He said they would separate us… and he didn’t want that”

“And you? What did you want?”

“He was the only one I had so… I was scared of the idea”

“We can leave, if that’s making you uncomfortable” Nicolas says, caressing his shoulders and arms. “We are already done here”

Tobio nods. Nicolas crosses an arm over his shoulders and, after saying good-bye to the volunteers, they leave the centre. Outside the rain is a bit harder than earlier and Tobio gets even more nervous. Nicolas tries to calm him while he’s taking out the umbrella.

“I have an idea!” he says. “I’m in charge of dinner today”

“You’re always cooking”

“I don’t mind. Today I’ll cook you that dish you like so much. We can use the rice you did for lunch”

“I would like to be able to cook a whole meal…” Tobio is feeling down once again, Nicolas is starting to worry. Tobio is so sensitive these days.

“Look, you’ll do something for me. I’ll go home, I’ll prepare a nice bath for us and, then we’ll have a great meal”

“What am I supposed to do here?”

“You will buy me the ingredients. We can make a mix between Japanese and Brazilian food. If you find all the ingredients, of course. What do you say? Will you do that?”

“Yes” Tobio agrees immediately, he likes being useful for once.

“Great! Let’s go” Nicolas opens the umbrella and Tobio quickly moves under it.

They start walking together, Tobio holding to his arm. To distract him from the rain, Nicolas tells him some stories about his daily life as a newbie in Japan, all of them including funny and dumb moments to make him laugh.

When they are arriving at their block of flats, Nicolas stops.

“The supermarket is on that corner” he tells him. He then takes out his card of his wallet. “Use this”

“What do I have to buy, exactly?”

“Everything you want” he says. “Including the yoghurt, you like!”

“I don’t want to spend your money…”

“Oh, come on. Treat yourself, it’s on me. I like strawberries too!” Nicolas smiles. He lends him the umbrella. “Take this with you. I’ll head to home to prepare the bath”

“Okay…”

Tobio stays there, watching Nicolas go. He feels a little lonely, down on the rain, but he tries to ignore the feeling. He has a mission to do and it’s to do the shopping. It’s his first time, so he’s a bit impatient. It’s not like he hasn’t gone to a supermarket before, but now it doesn’t include the stealing part. He has money, although he doesn’t want to spend much of it. He wants to be better than his past self.

As Nicolas has said, there’s rice at home so he just needs a couple of ingredients to fulfil his meal. Now that he’s shopping, he stops to think about something crucial: he doesn’t know what’s Nicolas favourite food. Could it be something Brazilian? He doesn’t have a clue about their gastronomy… What could he possibly like? He eats everything he cooks and his meals are healthy and variated, so he can’t guess it by that.

He looks around the supermarket, looking for something that Nicolas hasn’t tasted by far. Maybe he can go for something so Japanese that he couldn’t have tried it before… but, wait, does he have any allergies?

He feels that Nicolas knows a lot about him, but not the contrary.

Tobio tries to ignore it, he doesn’t want to overthink in the middle of a supermarket. He picks up some Japanese desserts and sweets, hoping that Nicolas likes sugar. Then, he passes by the lactic corridor. There are so many yoghurt flavours… but he feels bat just by looking at them. One thing is to buy food for Nicolas, who’s really paying, and another thing is to take profit of it…

He looks once again at the yoghurts. They look delicious. Last time he tried one, he was like 10 years old. Maybe he can grab one… just one. Or two. For Nicolas. He has just said he likes strawberries… so he grabs a pack of six and put it on the cart. He sighs deeply, already feeling bad. He hurries up to pay and leave the store.

He has spent too much time there, thinking about buying or not the damn yoghurts. Nicolas is waiting for him at home. When he’s on the street, the rain is hitting harder and harder. He runs to his building; he doesn’t bother to take out the umbrella. He just wants to go… home.

He grabs well the bag and climbs up the stairs. Nicolas has left open the door for him, knowing he’s coming after. He can already feel the warmth of the house and he can fantasize about that nice bath that Nicolas told him he’d prepare. 

But when he’s at the living room, he sees Nicolas on the floor surrounded by the cats.

There’s blood everywhere.

And he isn’t moving.

“Nicolas!” he screams, running to him. He caresses him, trying to check him. He’s alive. “Oh no… Nicolas, wake up! What happened?”

Nicolas mumbles something, he’s hurting. He has a huge bruise all over his face and his nose is bleeding. It happened recently. Tobio helps him to sit up. He then takes out his shirt and press it on his nose.

“Talk to me… What happened?” Tobio asks again, his hands shaking while he’s looking for more bruises.

“They just… went in… A group of people. I couldn’t do much…”

“No, no, no…” Tobio curses. “Are you hurt? What did they do?”

“Help me go to the bed…” he demands. Tobio crosses Nicolas’ arms over his shoulder and he helps him to stand up. Carefully, he guides him to the bedroom and he gently sits him down.

Tobio runs to the living room to catch some first-aid supplies. He lays Nicolas down and starts cleaning his wounds.

“Nicolas…” Tobio mumbles, still shocked. “It’s them. They killed my cat and now they hit you…”

“I didn’t know who they were… I just opened the door and…”

“You’re too friendly!!” Tobio scolds him. He’s too worried, too shaky and too guilty. “Did they ask for me…?”

Nicolas doesn’t answer. Tobio already knows, it’s obvious they wanted him. They must know who Nicolas is and then they hit him as a punishment, like they did with Guchi. He can’t imagine what would’ve happened if they had the same intention… if they had killed him…

“Tobio…” Nicolas catches his hands, although the movement causes a little pain. “I’m okay, I just need to rest…”

“This is my fault…”

“They didn’t come after the drugs; you don’t have to worry for that”

“I don’t care about the fucking drugs, I care about you, dumbass!” Tobio shouts. “This shouldn’t have happened! This shouldn’t be you… I should’ve been with you; they would have beaten me instead”

“I wouldn’t have let that happen. Besides… they knew who I was, so they perfectly knew you weren’t around”

“Thanks for making this worse! So, they’ve been following me, they were spying on us and they take profit that I was out of home… Oh God, I can’t imagine what could’ve happened…”

“They didn’t want to kill me”

“How do you know!? They could’ve carried knifes! Or beaten you harder! Maybe you have more injuries you aren’t telling me about. How are your ribs? How about haemorrhages!?”

“Tobio…”

“No, shut up! This could have been worse! What if they’d killed you?! Can’t you see how would I feel?! They knew you are important to me”

“Tobio…” Nicolas insists. Tobio shuts up, but his breath is heavy. He’s angry and worried. He feels like crying but also wanting to punch something. Nicolas looks at him, calmly. “Please, bring me some ice. I need it in my face”

Tobio growls but he quickly goes to the kitchen and opens the freezer. He grabs some ice package and covers it with a cloth. He goes back to the bedroom and puts it on Nicolas face. first, Nicolas hisses of pain but he soon calms down.

“You have to tell me everything that happened” Tobio says. “Everything, Nicolas. How they looked like. What they said… How do you know they weren’t here for the drug thing?”

“Because they just left before hitting me, they didn’t look for anything and they didn’t ask for the drugs”

“What did they say to you?” Tobio asks again, but Nicolas doesn’t want to talk. “Nicolas, talk!”

“They did say your name…”

“Continue. How many were they?”

“I don’t know, maybe five? Three or four of them held me and there were two more. One of them seemed like the leader, he commanded them… He did the most hits.

“A leader…? How did he look like? What did he say?” there’s silence, once again. “Fuck dammit, Nicolas, talk!”

Nicolas sighs. He really doesn’t want to tell him, because even he knows what happened and who beat him. He lowers de ice pack.

“He said something like ‘You dared to touch my Tobio-chan’. He was tall and with wavy hair… And, damn, he had a good punch…”

Tobio’s face is undecipherable. His eyes go black, his back arches. He looks like a cat about to jump. In reality, he already knew who’s behind the attack. But he didn’t want to believe it. Although he still freezes him of fear, he can’t help but feel territorial.

He has broken-in on his house. He attacked Nicolas. _His_ Nicolas.

“I don’t like that look, Tobio…”

Tobio doesn’t answer, he just gets up of the bed. He goes around the house, looking for something. He knows there must be something around…, something he would leave here as a sing or as a threat. He checks on the cats, the three of them are fine. He looks for any missing object or maybe a new addition. Nothing seems to be touched.

He’s not at ease, but he decides to clean some of the blood that Nicolas left on the floor. He grabs a wet cloth and wipes it off. Kneeled down, he can see the thing he’s looking for. It’s a blue envelop hidden between the sofa cushions. Tobio runs to it.

He knows. It’s a letter, and its blue colour is too significative. That’s the last clue he needs to finally discovers who has been here. He breaks the envelope to read the letter. It’s Oikawa’s handwriting. And it says…

_"I’ve found you, little traitor <3 ” _


	7. Cage

_I want you to be free, but you aren’t. You’re closed in a cage_

Tobio walks fast, his head high. It’s better to have a haughty manner while walking those narrow paths. He already knows the direction he’s going; he doesn’t need to stop and look around. He can’t let himself to be seen as someone lost. Or scared. He isn’t scared, he’s angry. Intimidating enough to be left alone.

He’s passing by the port. Late at night, after the rain, no one’s here working around. At least, not the legal ones. There are people hiding in the shadows, watching him. They surely know who he is, he once ruled a few zones of the harbour. With Oikawa…

The mere thought of Oikawa makes him shake, this time out of anger. How dare he? How dare he to hurt a man who has only given him kindness…? Why can he let him go?

He passes away two big blue bunkers. There’s a warehouse in front of him, and he circles the perimeter trying to find a secondary door, where the office should be. Once he finds it, he knocks on the door. No one answers and he hits the metal again.

“Open! I know you’re there” he says, raising his voice. He knocks harder. “Kindaichi, open the fucking door!”

Finally, the door is opened. Kindaichi isn’t able to look at him at the face, he looks stressed. He’s about to complain about Tobio’s shouts, but Tobio is quicker than him and pushes him.

“You fucker, son of a bitch” Tobio spits out. Kindaichi realises that Tobio is furious, because he usually doesn’t insult like that. “You told him where I was! You told him about Nicolas!”

“He already knew it when he asked!” Kindaichi also raises his voice. “What I was supposed to do? Lie to him and then what? Suffer the consequences while you’re fucking your landlord? Hell no!”

“He’s innocent!”

“Well, if you had been more careful playing with drugs, maybe he wouldn’t have known where you are!”

“Did they talk with Oikawa?”

“Of course, don’t ever forget that you were part of our group. You acted under our name; even thought you are a miserable traitor”

“Traitor? For trying to live?”

“You were perfectly fine here. You were Oikawa’s best machine, you had everything!”

“If you continue like that, I’m gonna punch you on the fucking mouth so you don’t speak about what you don’t know”

“I am wrong, though? You were the leader’s toy. Everyone who feared Oikawa feared you too, because of who you represent. You were untouchable, until now…”

“You don’t know anything I’ve been through with him”

“I know that you just had to open your legs and Oikawa gave you everything you asked”

That’s the last straw. Tobio punches him on the face, with all his strength.

Kindaichi trips and has to recline on the wall. His lip is cut and starting to bleed. Kindaichi clenches his teeth. He stands up and proceeds to slam Tobio against the wall, holding him by his neck. Right now, Kindaichi surpasses him by hight and strength, but Tobio wants to fight off. He kicks him on the shinbone and then shoves him, but Kindaichi is fast to kick his stomach with his knee.

Tobio falls on the floor. Kindaichi immediately jumps on him, trying to hit him more, and Tobio struggles to keep him on line. 

A laugh suddenly interrupts them. There’s a man leaning on one of the door frames, his arms crossed, his head high and his smile growing.

“Why are you always on top of my doll whenever you have the change, Kindaichi?”

“Oikawa…”

Oikawa tilts his head and Kindaichi draws away from Tobio. Oikawa starts walking to him and Tobio tries to back out but Oikawa is faster. He kicks him on the chest, making him fall on the floor again. He maintains his foot on top of him so he won’t move away easily. Oikawa kneels down and grabs him by the shirt, lifting him

“Did you miss me, my dear?” Oikawa says, in a singing voice. “Did you already get bored of that man and you come to me once again?”

“You’re a coward” Tobio growls. “You went five against one. If you’d faced him all alone, he would’ve win you”

“Oh, really? Do you want me to show you what I did?”

Immediately after that, Oikawa punches him on the face. Since he’s grabbing his shirt, Tobio doesn’t fall but he stays there perfectly to be punched once again. Oikawa grabs him by the hair now and hits him on the stomach. Being the second time Tobio is beaten at the stomach, he ends up throwing up.

Oikawa holds him with one arm. With that, he brings him near and rocks him. He leans on to speak with a fake sweet whisper.

“What did you say to him, huh? That I am a horrible monster? Me, who I only want the best for you?” Oikawa caresses his hair. “Me, who I love you so much? That’s how you treat me? You abandon me and then you go around lying like the filthy bitch you are…?”

“If you’re so angry at me…” Tobio says, panting. “Why didn’t you go after me…? Why him…?”

“Because, my dear, he touched my little doll.” Oikawa makes a silence. Then, his voice gets darker. “And you let him do it…”

Oikawa grabs him by the hair and slams his head on the floor. That leaves Tobio a bit off, when Tooru turns him up. Oikawa is on top of him now, and holds down his arms immobilizing him. He leans on to whisper on his ear.

“You’re mine. Don’t you get this? After all this time… you belong to me. Only me, Tobio-chan” he sits up and proceeds to hold his chin to force him to look at him.

Tobio’s head hurts too much but he tries to stay awake.

“You made me believe that… But it’s not true anymore” Tobio looks at him straight in the eye. “I have him…”

“What…?” Oikawa nails his fingers on Tobio’s chin, his smile grows bigger. “You little fool… He doesn’t love you! Come on, Tobio-chan, think deeper. A married man suddenly pays attention to a young and cute boy? Doesn’t it ring a bell to you? Yes, honey, he’s like every man that you fucked when you whored around for some money”

“No… He’s different” Tobio tries to sit up, only to get dizzy. He can feel the blood falling from this forehead down his face. “He likes me…”

Oikawa smile widens, but his eyes are more open than before. He starts giggling until it becomes a guffaw. He slaps both hands on Tobio’s cheek and he leans on his face, staying close.

“My dumb doll… My fool, little boy. What did I teach you? There’s no love for people like us… There’s no romance… No fairy tales. No good endings… We only have each other. And you abandoned me for a guy who just gave you food. That’s low, Tobio-chan”

“You can’t imagine what he has done for me…” Tobio takes advantage of Oikawa’s shocking state to push him aside and try to run. But Oikawa reacts quicker and grabs him by the leg, dragging him.

“You, ungrateful brat” Oikawa roars. He punches him on the face once again, to make him fall. He stands up and proceeds to kick him on the guts. “What have _I_ done for you?! It means nothing?! I saved you! I took care of you! I feed you, I warmed you, I protected you!”

With every sentence, a hit is made. Tobio can’t barely breath, he just tries to protect himself with his arms. But still, Oikawa’s kicks are too strong to handle.

“I did everything for you!!” Oikawa screams.

Tobio doesn’t have time to defend himself, he’s being dragged around like a ragdoll. Oikawa grabs him by the shirt and then slams him against the wall. He then drags him again and holds him by the hair.

“Look at you. Once strong and feared, my matsuri doll… Now you’re just a rag doll” Oikawa kisses him on the head. Tobio can’t focus, his head is spinning and his face is swollen, he can’t open one of his eyes. There’s blood everywhere, he sometimes feels like he’s drowning in it. He coughs a bit. “You must know, Tobio, that the last hit we gave to your precious lovely man was made by Kindaichi. Right?”

Kindaichi has been hidden on a corner all this time, watching from afar. He knows that once Oikawa explodes like that, it’s better to stay away. Oikawa forces Tobio to look at Kindaichi.

“Look at him, Kindaichi. We gave him safety. We all took care of this spoiled brat ass. We were all for one, and this bitch now is depicting us as some kind of monsters. Me, who I love him so much. You, who has been on his side all this time…”

Kindaichi tries to not make eye contact, but he ends up doing so. Oikawa almost doesn’t blink; his eyes are wide open and stick to his.

“Do you remember what he said to us?” Oikawa continues. “Leave Tobio alone, he said. How dare he, Kindaichi? How dare he tell us what do to with our little Tobio?”

Kindaichi sighs. He tries to not look at Tobio. He’s starting to tremble; Oikawa’s voice sounds like Thunderdome. A soft voice charged with poison. A smile that is no longer sweet.

“I feel sorry for you, Kindaichi. With how much love you gave to him, and yet… How ungrateful. But of course, he finds Nicolas more attractive. He’s stronger than you! He’s handsomer. He’s caring… He loves him, come on! As if you don’t love him too…”

He knows that once he looks at Tobio, it’s over. But he does so. His eyes travel from Oikawa’s to Tobio’s. Tobio is panting, bleeding, his face is full of bruises and he looks ready to faint. But his eye…, the one that’s still opened, is looking at him directly. Angrily. He’s still looking defiant.

“He calls me a coward. And yet, he came after you. He threatened you on the hospital, he shows up here and hits you! If he’s so angry at me, why hurting you? I think you know the answer, Kindaichi…”

Kindaichi’s breath starts getting faster. He tries to look away from Tobio, so he starts walking around the room. But Oikawa still hasn’t finished.

“He always considered you weak… Lesser than anyone. You only mattered to him when he wanted… He knows you have a crush on him and he uses it in his favour. Oh, my Kindaichi… He doesn’t see any value in you”

Tobio growls a bit. He can’t talk. Oikawa releases his hand from his head and stands up, knowing that Tobio is too weak to move. Then, he walks towards Kindaichi, who’s still dealing with this.

“You aren’t weak, Kindaichi” he says, placing the hands on his shoulders. His smile now is less scary, but still creepy. Oikawa caresses his cheek. “You are even stronger than him. You cared for him; you did everything a good gang mate could do. You did good. It’s him, who isn’t worthy of you”

“I’m… I’m not weak” Kindaichi mutters. Oikawa moves on his side and makes him walk to Tobio.

“Of course not. You showed me that by how you kicked Nicolas. That strong man who apparently can beat us… That means, my dear, that you’re above them. Look at him, now… Lying on the floor. How lame, right?” Oikawa grabs Kindaichi’s chin to make him look at Tobio. “Show him how we do this, Kindaichi. How we beat them. How they aren’t superior”

Kindaichi is shaking. He feels enraged, but he stills tries to control it. He considers that he has treated Tobio right. He has cared for him and he has helped him with gang tasks. He was always there…

He looks at Tobio trying to find something to make his mind change. Maybe an apologise. Or a beg. Anything that can make him forgive him.

But Tobio is still defiant.

“Fuck you…” he manages to say.

Kindaichi kicks him on the face. Tobio faints immediately.

He’s alone when he wakes up. His whole body is hurting and he can’t move anything without it causing a sharp pain. His nose isn’t bleeding anymore, but he’s stained and the dried blood on his face makes it harder for him to keep the eye open. The other one is closed; he feels it throbbing. He tries to breathe although his ribcage is sore. He tries to focus his vision. It’s blurred but he can see the place, it’s the same office where he went before. They haven’t move him of place, but he’s handcuffed by one arm.

He gazes a window, too high to climb. But thanks to it, he can see that it’s morning. Surely Nicolas already know that he’s not at home…

Tobio tries to move. His bruised arms are slow to react, but he manages to turn up. He waits for his body to relax and stop hurting, he’s facing the grey ceiling. He hears the door opening and footsteps getting nearby. The newcomer doesn’t talk, but leaves a metal object on the floor. Tobio moves his head. It’s a bowl of food and, standing up there’s one of Oikawa’s guys: Yahaba.

“Come on, eat. There’s no fun if you die starving” he says.

Tobio turns on a side, his bruised face touching the cold floor. He sighs of relief, that helps in reducing the pain. The metal bowl is filled with white rice. He’s not really hungry, but even if he was, he wouldn’t accept it. He draws a hand to the bowl but instead of eating he throws it to Yahaba. It doesn’t reach him because he hasn’t enough strength, but it’s worth to make Yahaba angry.

“Are you stupid?” Yahaba says, kicking the bowl. The bowl hits Tobio’s forehead, where he has a wound that’s almost dry but now it starts to bleed again. “I can’t believe you. You don’t seem to know what privilege you had here… Now everyone will throw themselves at you… All because you decided to leave”

“Shut up…” Tobio growls.

Yahaba steps on his arm. Tobio thought he wouldn’t feel any more pain but he lets out a howl. He can’t know if its broken, just that it’s aching like hell.

“Serves you right” Yahaba says before leaving the room.

Tobio tries to rub his arm to soothe the pain. He hears the door opening again, and he shivers. Who’s coming now? Another one to kick him or insult him? How many of them will come? But the newcomer doesn’t do any harm. He places a hand on his shoulder and tries to lift him up. He puts a plastic bottle on his lips but Tobio tries to fight.

“It’s water. Drink” he says. Tobio recognize the voice and starts drinking, desperately. A bit of water drips off his mouth but he doesn’t care. He drinks all he can.

The other guy leaves him on the floor again. He grabs a chair and sits down right under the window. Iwaizumi looks at him once again. Then, he lowers his gaze to his mobile phone. Tobio’s breath is calmer now, with Iwaizumi in the room, he can close his eyes and sleep for a while.

“What do you want from him?”

Tobio is awaken by Iwaizumi’s voice. He sounds angry. He can see him at the door. There’s Oikawa too, so he stays quiet.

“It’s a lesson, Iwa-chan” Oikawa says. “We all had to learn things by hits. He’ll be fine”

“What will happen now?”

“Nothing much, he will stay”

“You think so…?”

“He belongs here, Iwa-chan”

“And you consider this as a ‘welcome back’”

“If he would’ve been a good boy, I wouldn’t had to punish him. I won’t do that again if he stays. And he would”

“Sure”

“Did he wake up?”

At this, Tobio shuts his eyes quickly. He feels its better to fake and not face Oikawa once again. Fortunately, Oikawa doesn’t come near to see him. It’s Iwaizumi who answers for it.

“No. Yahaba’s kick has finished knocking him out”

“What a shame, I wanted to play with my doll” Oikawa whines. “Well, I’ll come later. He can’t be sleeping forever”

Tobio opens his eyes again when Oikawa is out of the room. He looks at Iwaizumi, trying to make him know that he’s glad for his help. Iwaizumi sighs tired, then he walks towards him. He kneels down next to him. Tobio hears a soft ‘click’ and he’s now free of the handcuff.

“Go out through the window. I’ll distract him. Don’t waste time”

Iwaizumi leaves the room. Now, Tobio is all alone and free to run.

It’s hard for him to sit up. His arm and upper body are too sore, and his legs are slow to move. But, as Iwaizumi said, he can’t waste time. He tries to stand up without using the arm and once he’s walking, he goes to the chair that Iwaizumi has left under the window. The wrist of the handcuffed hand is hurting but it’s still functional to climb the chair. The window is closed.

So, he punches the glass, breaking it.

He jumps up the window. He tries to shut down the whines of pain, as his body is pressed on the frame and all his weight relies on his bad arm. But he can’t hold back a scream when a glass cut his leg. Due to the injury, Tobio falls from the window to the floor. The slam is enough to cut his air and the little crystals that left from the broken window steaks on his body.

But luckily, he has fallen outside.

When he stands up, he feels the blood running down his leg. With his good arm, he holds the injured one and he starts walking limping. He can’t stop and check over his wounds, he needs to be far form there before it.

It’s night time again. He can’t know for how long he’s been trapped there, but he does know one thing: he wants to go home.

He falls from time to time; his body is getting weaker. His old injuries are hurting more and some of them are opened again from the window fall. His leg cut is stinging, he can’t move his arm and his head is still spinning around. But he needs to move… he needs to walk further. He needs to hold it until he gets home… until he gets back to him.

Once he leaves the harbour zone, he feels a bit lost. His head isn’t thinking properly, it’s aching too much to focus on following a direction. He whines, but he knows it he stops now he will fall and won’t move from there. And he’s still near Oikawa. He forces himself to keep walking.

Keep walking.

Keep walking.

Hold it.

Bear with it.

Just a little longer…

He can see the building. And the sun is rising, he must be faster. He needs to be home. He needs to see him. Once there, he can let it go.

He reaches the door. He isn’t able to think about ringing the bell. He just slams himself on the door, that will work. The one who opens the door is Fukurou. He must have been taking care of Nicolas, who’s still injured.

“Tobio…?” he says, shocked by seeing his state. “What happened…?”

Tobio doesn’t answer, he just walks in the house. He stands there, hearing the meows of his cats. He smiles, although his face is hurting. Hearing them means his home…

“Tobio!” he hears. It’s Nicolas.

His Nicolas…

Tobio makes a few steps towards him, Nicolas is getting closer. He’s worried by his looks. But Tobio doesn’t mind. His body doesn’t answer anymore and he falls on his arms. He doesn’t care about pain… he’s finally home.

“Tobio, what happened?” Nicolas says, laying him carefully on the floor. “You’re bleeding! Fukurou, please, help…”

Tobio feels safe. He tries to keep himself awake because he’s looking at Nicolas. His face is so handsome…, he loves to see his smile again. His soft and sweet smile. But for now, Nicolas’ brown eyes are worried.

“It’s okay, dear” he says, caressing his hair. Tobio’s head is now resting on his lap. “You’ll be fine”

“That’s a nasty cut…” Fukurou says, while he takes a look at Tobio’s wounded leg. “I don’t know if I can heal this. Maybe, he should see a doctor…”

“No” Tobio roars. He tries to sit up but Nicolas holds him. “Not the hospital, Nicolas… Not there. They found me there… I can’t go”

“Shh… It’s okay. Don’t move” Nicolas soothes him. “Fukurou, try it, please…”

“Okay…”

It hurts him when they removed his pants to heal him better. Fukurou starts cleaning the wound and it stings, Tobio’s body tenses as he whines. He grabs on Nicolas’ jersey.

“Hold on, Tobio…” Nicolas says, softly. He catches his hand. “Let’s heal you, okay?”

Tobio nods and looks at him, it’s a good distraction. Nicolas is gentle, he picks the tiny broken glass pieces stuck on his hand with a tweezer. Once bandaged, he kisses the hand. Then, with a cloth, he starts cleaning his face. It still hurts, but Nicolas is so careful that Tobio forgets he’s injured. He keeps on looking at his face, his eyes. His warm brown eyes have an instant calm effect and soon, Tobio snuggles between his arms and falls asleep.

He’s afraid when he wakes up. Afraid of still being in the warehouse and Nicolas being just a dream. But he’s on a bed and his cats are curled up next to him. He feels heavy and if he tries to move, his body hurt. He’s all bandaged and healed, but he still has to recover from everything.

He smells food being cook and his stomach growls. He’s hungry.

“Good morning” Nicolas says, entering the bedroom. He smiles but he looks worried. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better…, but also worse than that”

Nicolas sits down on the bed and holds his hand.

“I was so worried… You left in the middle of the night, leaving me alone… And you’ve been missing for almost two days! Where were you? You went after him, right?”

“I needed to…”

“Of course not! Look at you, he hurt you so much and for what?”

“For you. I couldn’t let him go away after beating you like that…”

“You look worse than me, it wasn’t worth it”

“You are innocent, Nicolas. You didn’t deserve all of this; they should know it”

“You don’t deserve it neither. Please, don’t do that again. Don’t put yourself in danger because of me”

“Please…” Tobio mutters, bitterly. “You were in danger because of me… Don’t you get it, after what they’ve done to you?”

“I agree that hurt. I agree that’s been scary and dangerous. But I can’t stand seeing you like that. Don’t go after him, after that Oikawa or whatever he’s called. Please, Tobio, promise me you will never do that again”

“It’s done…” Tobio says. “I’m home now, I don’t have anywhere to go besides here”

“Yes, you’re home” Nicolas smiles. Tobio looks at him and sighs. He loves that smile.

“Can you kiss me…?”

Nicolas leans on and kisses him softly, mindful of his bruises. Tobio, who can move his arm better, grabs his shirt and makes him stay. Nicolas embraces him, letting himself be the pillow. Tobio trembles a little. Now that he’s rested, he starts feeling all the depressive thoughts. He remembers Oikawa yelling and insulting, and beating him. He remembers Kindaichi, and Iwaizumi… he’s starting to get scared.

“Tobio, don’t worry. You’re okay here” Nicolas says.

“I… I was afraid… of not seeing you again…”

“Oh, querido…” Nicolas sweet talks. He kisses his head and caresses him. “I’m here. You’re safe, gatinho”

Tobio nods, feeling his warmth. He closes his eyes and rests his head on Nicolas chest. Hearing his heart beating is relaxing.

“I don’t get it, Tobio… That Oikawa said he loves you and yet he does this to you. What’s his problem?”

“He’s… like that”

“Still, there’s no reason for treating you like that”

“He wasn’t like that before, when we met… He turned weirder and sadist year by year…”

“Mind if you tell me everything?”

Tobio thinks about it. He has tried to keep Nicolas far from Oikawa and his world, but it happens to be impossible. Nicolas has been a victim too. He deserves some kind of explanation. Although he’s ashamed by the whole story, he decides it’s the time to tell everything. Nicolas would never judge him… he trusts him.

“Okay… I’ll tell you everything…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big big looong flashback is coming


	8. Tooru (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because only a bitch like Oikawa can have multiple chapters 
> 
> Read carefully if you like children and you're too aprehensive

  
_Does God hate me?_

The little kid with those big blue eyes is hiding on a corner. He doesn’t know where he is or who those people are. They speak in a language that he doesn’t know and they are far from being family. He doesn’t remember what happened or how he ended here, he just knows that he was on the street and then two guys came to him. What happened next is so blurry. He wants his grandfather back… he’s just four years old, and he’s afraid.

“What do you have?” he hears a man saying. He can’t understand a thing.

“Asian. I found him lost and I helped him~”

“Let me see him”

The two men go inside the room, where the kid is hiding. It’s not difficult to spot him, as the room is completely empty expect for the child. Also, the little kid is scared so he doesn’t move from his place. Because of that, both men can approach him without many problems.

“Oh, boy, Graham. He’s a cutie~”

“Right? But I think he’s still too little”

“He can work with Suarez. When he’s a bit older, he will be worthy of other things” that man kneels down to his height. “Hi, little one. You’re gonna make us win a lot of money”

The poor kid just stares at him, unable to answer.

“We better move, Henry. He looks rich enough to be searched for the police. We can’t stay here longer”

“Right. Go and prepare the truck. We’re leaving”

That man, Henry, moves closer and grabs the kid by the arm. The child begins to scream and kicking around but of course, Henry is stronger and soon he’s dragging him outside the room. The kid is calling for someone and begins to cry when he’s pulled inside a truck.

“Keep him quiet”

Henry tries to hold him and cover his mouth, but the child bites his hand. Out of anger, he slaps the kid harder enough to make him fall. The kid covers himself up with his little arms. He trembles of fear, but he stays quiet.

“Graham, start driving. He will be quiet, right little boy?”

The kid doesn’t answer. With that, Henry meets with Graham at the front of the truck and Graham starts driving. They leave a warehouse, passing by a wall in which there’s a paper of a missing person. Moreover, of a missing child. Tobio Kageyama.

Little Tobio doesn’t move at all. He’s afraid of that man hitting him again. He’s never experienced something like that before. In his house, everything was warm. His grandfather could never do that. Not even his sister hits him in one of their sibling fights. Thinking about them makes him cry harder. He wants his grandpa. He wants his big sister. He wants his family…

Where is he? Who are those men? Why are they talking so weird?

The truck suddenly stops and Tobio, who’s not well secured, moves around. He cries when the truck’s door is opened. That Henry guy is there again and Tobio shrinks. He doesn’t want to be touched but he doesn’t want another slap either.

“Good kid” he says. He then carries him under his arm and Tobio screams again. This time, Henry doesn’t slap him. It’s not out of compassion but because even if he’s shouting, nobody would help him. Too late. “Suarez! We have a newbie”

Suarez comes out from a house. When he reaches them, he grabs the kid by the chin to observe him better.

“Beautiful eyes. He will be useful in a few years. Leave him with the others”

They climb some stairs down and follow an underground corridor. They leave Tobio on a thin mattress, on the floor. Tobio cries louder. He has never feared darkness as much as right now. All alone, in a room with no windows. He can’t see anything.

“Kazuyo-san…” he mutters. He wants his grandpa there… He will take him out of here.

He hears something mumbling a harsh ‘shut up’. Tobio does so, out of fear. Someone has talked! He isn’t really alone on that room… As his eyes got used to the darkness, he manages to see some figures lying on the floor, like him. He snuggles up against the wall, afraid of all of them. He doesn’t know who those people are, and he has just learnt that strangers are dangerous.

But he can’t stop sobbing. He hides his head between his knees. This is a nightmare. He will wake up and grandpa will tell him that everything’s okay. He will make breakfast and they will play together…

Right?

But it’s cold. It’s uncomfortable. It’s dark. It’s scary.

And, then, someone switches on the lights. It’s a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling that creates a white blinding light. Tobio closes his eyes painfully, he opens them again carefully. He can see now where he is. It’s a grey room with two doors and its filled with people on the same thin mattresses than his. He can’t count them; he hasn’t learnt enough numbers to do so, but there’s around 20 people. All of them are very close to each other’s, as there’s not enough room to have space. The one who switches the lights is standing in one of the doors and it’s yelling at them. Tobio doesn’t understand a thing.

The people start moving. Tobio notices some adults, teens and even children of his own age. He can’t help but stare at them, he has never seen people of other nationalities and races. The man at the door yells again, this time at him. Tobio shrinks, he doesn’t like to be yelled at. That makes him cry.

“Get up!” the man shouts. He grabs him by the arm and drags him. Tobio cries louder. “You better learn to obey”

How can he, if he can’t understand them? But their language is hitting, and Tobio receives a slap before he’s released. They sit him on the stone floor, in front of boxes of white powder. They leave him alone; he’s supposed to do something with it but he doesn’t know what to do. He touches one of the bags, staining his hand.

Out of curiosity, he brings his hand to his mouth, but someone catches his wrist to stop him.

“Don’t do that” a boy says. “Or you will end looking like one of those”

Tobio follows the gaze of that boy, it goes to a few men who are at the end of the room, their eyes looking at nothing. Then, he looks back at the boy. He’s a bit older than him, but not too much. He’s the first one in taking to him in Japanese.

“You just have to close the bags” the boy explains. “And write the grams on it. Don’t drop anything. This is money for them, so they will be mad if you do”

Tobio is still staring at him. He’s not an adult, so he’s not afraid. The boy sighs and sits down in front of him. He picks up one of the bags and closes it. Then, with a permanent marker he writes down some numbers.

“Like that” he says. He tries to stand up and leave, but Tobio grabs him by the shirt. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are begging him to stay. The boy sits down again. “You must be new here… What’s your name?”

“T-Tobio. Ka… Kageyama!” he says, fully remembering how his family has taught to introduce himself.

“Good, Tobio-chan. We have to do this job if we don’t want to be punished” the boy picks up another bag. Tobio tries to imitate him, but he’s clumsy. His little hands are still unstable to grab things with delicacy, so the boy has to help him again. “How old are you?”

“Um…” Tobio counts his fingers. He draws four of them and shows the hand at the boy. “Five!”

“Four” he corrects him. Tobio nods. “I’m seven”

Tobio is a bit confused. The boy extended his hands and counts to seven, to make him understand. Now, Tobio is in awe. The boy is older than him and he knows a lot of things. He feels less alone. He keeps watching him doing his work.

“Where’s my grandpa?” he asks. The boy seems smart, he must know it.

“Not here, that’s for sure” the boy says, trying to not look at him. “And probably would never be. You won’t see him again”

“Never…?” Tobio sobs again. Even that boy doesn’t know how to go back to his family. The loneliness and fear are attacking him once again.

“Don’t cry and do the job…” he mumbled, warning him.

One of the adults, approaches. Its Graham, who comes attracted by Tobio’s constant bawls.

“What’s happening?” he says, rudely.

“Nothing. We’re working” the boy says, answering in English.

“This kid hasn’t stop crying since he came here. It’s annoying as fuck”

“He’s working with me. All of those bags have been made by him” the boy lies. Graham is suspicious, but doesn’t say anything. He goes away. “Tobio-chan, stop crying. You can get in trouble for that”

“B-but, Kazuyo-san…”

“You’ve been kidnapped. And down here… no one will hear us”

“Wh-where…?”

“We’re on the border between Mexico and the USA”

“What’s Mexico…?”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re alone here”

“I don’t like that” now Tobio is making a little pout, his eyes still watery.

“None of us do…” the boy sighs and looks at the smaller kid. “We only have each other… And I’ll do the work if you promise me you would never cry again”

Tobio nods.

“Fine” the boy says. “I’m Tooru, by the way…”

Tobio sticks by Tooru’s side. He trusts no one more than him, he’s the only one who’s not scary. Tooru sleeps next to him, with his body he’s covering the door. He also shares his food and he has acquired a thin gnawed blanket. Tobio can hug him when he has nightmares and Tooru always manages to make him work less than anyone.

He’s forgetting his family as the time goes by. It’s always so dark down here that he doesn’t even know if it’s day or night, much less what day they are living and how many times has passed since he had been kidnapped. The conditions he’s living with, makes him only hope in not being beaten if he messes something up.

He still isn’t used to the light switched on; it hurts his eyes. Tooru is already woken up, he’s the first one to do so. Or, maybe, he doesn’t even sleep. Tobio never saw him do so…

They have a morning? routine. Tooru goes first and comes back with breakfast, their only meal of the day. It consists of a bowl of rice and a plastic bottle of water. First, they eat the rice. Next, Tooru wets a piece of cloth and washes Tobio and himself. Finally, they go to work holding hands. Tobio is getting better with his hands but he’s still a bit clumsy. Tooru does all the hard work. They sit down close to a door, Tooru likes that spot because he can hear what the adults are planning on the room next to them.

Tobio is still bad at understanding English, so he doesn’t care. Tooru works while paying attention to their conversation. Apparently, they are planning to do some exchange with people, mostly kids here and some more from another place, in New York. Maybe, he can take profit of that too.

“Say, Tobio-chan” Tooru says. “Have you ever been to New York?”

“I don’t know”

“We’ll go there. And we’ll watch the city from the sky” Tobio looks at him, amazed. They’re living practically in the underground, for him watching the sky is rare. “The Empire State Building… We’ll go up there and we’ll see everything”

“What’s that?”

“You’ll see when we arrive”

Tooru is happy for the rest of the day. He hums a song while working, and Tobio likes it. He makes the ambiance easier to handle and the work flows better. He prefers that rather than the yelling of the adults or the deadly silence of the bedroom. 

Later, the adults start calling them. They are told to wait on the entrance, in line. There’s a lot of hurry, so Tobio gets nervous. He looks at Tooru, searching for reassurance.

“Don’t worry, Tobio-chan. We’re leaving…”

Tobio grabs his t-shirt while Tooru hugs him to keep him close. The adults make them to go outside and, for the first time in a very long time, the kids can see the sun. It’s afternoon, the sun is almost setting and its reddish light covers the desertic extension in front of them. Tobio is awestruck by it. It’s so open, so clean and big that he feels he wants to start running and never stop.

“Wait a little more, Tobio-chan…” Tooru says, his eyes stick to the sight. He has the same feeling. “Once we’re on the city, you’ll be free to run…”

The adults start pushing them towards a truck. Tobio whims, nothing good comes after being closed like that. He snuggles against Tooru and sees how they close the doors, depriving him from watching the beautiful view of the wide red desert.

The ride is long and tiring, although they have been sleeping on the floor. The truck is on constant movement, except for a few times that it stopped for a few hours. Tobio uses the time to sleep, as no one is waking up yelling and ordering him to work. Tooru remines awake, his arms around Tobio’s.

“I’m hungry…” Tobio mutters after a while. Tooru can just caress his arm, he can’t do much. The adults haven’t given them something to eat, they haven’t even opened the doors of the truck. They are completely hidden. “What are you doing?”

Tooru has been scratching the sailcloth of the truck with his nails. He doesn’t answer, he lets him see it. He’s making a hole to look through it. Tobio sticks his head on Tooru’s, but he can’t see anything.

“We’re on the city…” Tooru whispers. “Pay attention, Tobio… We’ll run away from here”

“How…?” Tobio says, also whispering.

“When the doors are opened, I will distract the drivers. You have to run, okay? I’ll go after you”

“But, Tooru…”

“Do as I say”

“Okay…”

Tooru hold his hand and brings him on the back of the truck, hidden behind all the other kids. The truck stops and they could hear the adults talking outside, at the doors. They open them and start taking out the kids. The truck is stationed on an alley, the back of it facing the back door of some kind of establishment.

Tooru and Tobio are the lasts ones to leave the truck. That’s perfect, accordingly to Tooru’s plan. The adults guide them towards the door, Tooru takes a second to observe his surroundings. There’s a busy street at the end of the alley…

“Tobio-chan…” Tooru whispers. “I’ll count to three… Then run”

Tobio starts shaking from nervousness. He doesn’t know well where to go or when to do so. Tooru looks so serious that it’s almost scary. He looks at where he has to go, to the street…

Tooru is starting to count to three. When he finishes the countdown, he pushes Tobio to the street.

“Run, Tobio-chan!” he shouts.

Tobio is slow to react as Tooru jumps on the adult next to Tobio to bit him on the arm and distract him. Tobio starts to run towards the street, hearing Tooru’s screams and the adult’s insulting him.

However, when he reaches the street, everything changes. There’s a lot of people walking there, who bumps into him. The cars are roaring loudly, there are someone shouting down the street, there’s an alarm going on somewhere nearby. There’s a lot of stimulus and Tobio, who is used to a quiet and dark place, receives them too high. He kneels down and covers his ears; the noise is hurting him and he starts to sob because of the stress.

Because of that, the adults find him and drags him away, back on the alley. Tooru is being held too, and another adult has just punched him to make him stop moving. He has a few other bruises. His plan of attacking the adults hasn’t been successful, as he didn’t think that he’s way younger than them. He was too focused on scaping.

“You two think you’re so smart, little bitches” an adult says. He pushes Tobio inside the building. They push Tooru too, who falls on top of Tobio. They close the doors, leaving them trapped. “Take them with the others”

Tobio is still in shock so they can drag him easily, but Tooru fights them back. He starts throwing kicks with all the rage he has, but of course he’s still a child so they can hold him without any difficulty. Tooru tries to scratch them and he even achieve to do it on one of the adult’s face.

“Fuck off, son of a bitch!” Tooru yells.

The man almost knocks him out by a punch. He grabs Tooru by the hair and drags him on the floor to another room. They push Tobio to follow them. Tooru is left on the floor, before receiving another kick. Tobio sits next to him. They are left alone with the other kids, in a room full of bunk beds. There’s only one guard.

“Why didn’t you run as I told you…?” Tooru says, bitterly. He’s still laying on the floor. Tobio can’t explain himself, because he’s still sobbing. “You’re useless, Tobio-chan”

Tobio needs comfort, he tires to touch Tooru’s shoulder but Tooru’s shakes him off. He’s angry at him and Tobio doesn’t know how to take that. Tooru is the only one who takes good care of him and who protects him… if he’s angry at him, he feels alone. He’s still affected by all the previously stress, so he starts crying loudly. This time, Tooru doesn’t hug him.

The guard yells at him to shut up, but that only make it worse. Tobio only cares about how Tooru is ignoring him. But the guard isn’t patient enough; he grabs a metal bar and yells at him again. Tobio cries, scared, but Tooru isn’t there to excuse him. He’s all alone and the guard hits him with the bar.

“Tooru! Tooru!” Tobio screams, the guard hitting him harder with the bar. “Help! Tooru, make it stop!!”

But Tooru doesn’t even finch. He stays there, curled up, while Tobio is being beaten. Soon, Tobio shut up but he’s still sobbing softly. He looks at Tooru’s back, wishing for him to turn around and hug him. To caress him and tell him that it’s okay. That he’s here to take care of him. But no, nothing happens. Tooru doesn’t care.

His body hurts when he wakes up next day. It’s the first day he has slept on a bed and although it’s not as comfortable as he wished, it’s better than the mattress on the floor. Tobio looks at his hands, they are black and blue from the beating. He looks at the bed next to him, where Tooru sleeps. He finds him awake, as always. He’s looking at him but he’s in silence. He’s probably still angry at him, but at least he’s not showing his back at him.

“Tooru…” Tobio mumbles. “I’m sorry...”

Tooru blinks slowly. Then, he sighs.

“You are nothing without me, Tobio-chan. Now, you know you have to obey me in everything. Got it?”

“Yes…”

Tooru uncovers him and opens his arms, Tobio quickly runs to him and hugs him. He snuggles against him and Tooru tucks him in. Tobio closes his eyes, finally getting the comfort he finds in the older kid. After a while, the guard distributes their dinner. It’s a bit more complete than the food they were given in Mexico, so they don’t complain.

Another difference is that they are allowed to take showers and clean themselves. At first, Tobio is a bit shy at the novelty but soon he slashes water and laughs when Tooru plays with the soap. He gently blows and a few bubbles fly around the bathroom.

“Do it again!” Tobio applauses. Tooru blows again, it’s the softest thing Tobio has seen him doing. Another bubble flies around until it popped. Tobio laughs.

“Come on, little shits!” the guard yells to the kids on the bathroom. “Hurry up!”

All the children wait in line after the shower. There are three more adults in the room who have just appeared. The guard is telling them their ages, some of them are as little as Tobio and others as old as Tooru. One of the adults, a woman, starts distributing something in the palm of the hand of some children. She puts a brown button on Tooru’s hand, but none on Tobio’s.

“What is this?” Tobio asks, a little bit envious of not having one.

“I don’t know…” Tooru says, his eyebrows frowned.

“Those who has the button, follow me” the woman says. “The others, go back to sleep”

The two remaining adults divides the children. The woman takes away the ones who have the buttons while the guard makes sure the rest of the kids go to their beds.

“Tooru!” Tobio says, already nervous of not having him on his side. Tooru looks at him, he looks anxious too. “Where are you going…?”

“I’ll be back, Tobio-chan” Tooru manages to say. “Just sleep!”

“Tooru!”

Tobio tries to go with him but the guard blocks him. Tooru disappears after a door with the other kids. The guard drags Tobio and throws him to his bed.

“Shut up and sleep” the guard says, already lifting the bar to threaten him. Tobio shrinks. “Everyone, you better sleep and keep quiet!”

The guard leaves. Tobio stays for a while in his bed, holding the sheets tightly. Tooru isn’t coming and he’s starting to worry. He wants to go with him… he can’t sleep alone.

So, he waits until the guard is out of sight. He goes out the bed and reach the door where Tooru have left. He opens it slowly, trying to not make noise. He sees some stairs that goes to an upper floor. He tries to open it. It’s kinda heavy so he needs to push harder. When he’s able to open it, he finds himself in a big room full of lights and music. Everything is colourful and he likes the red and purple lights but the sound is too loud. It bothers him too much but the curiosity is bigger. He makes a few steps further.

There’s also a lot of people. Tobio tries to walk more but the people are making it hard. He pumps into someone, who is one of the adults that gave them the buttons.

“What are you doing here? Do you have a button?” the man says. Tobio shakes his head. “You can’t be here, then. Go back downstairs”

Tobio is slow to react due to the multiple stimulus he’s receiving from the room so the man has to push him to the door. He grabs him by the shirt and climbs down the stairs.

“Hey, Fred. You let this one unsupervised” the man says to the guard. Tobio shrinks of fear.

“Stupid kid” the guard says, slapping him. He grabs Tobio and brings him to his bunk bed. “Stay here or else you will eat the fucking bar”

Tobio doesn’t move. Both the guard and the other man leave. Tobio covers himself with the sheets, trying to process what he has seen. The room was too chaotic for his likings but he wants to discover more from it. It’s so different from the basements of Mexico that the curiosity is too strong. And too dangerous.

It’s not until much later that he feels a weight on the bed, next to him. He also feels some tiny arms hugging him, and by that he knows it’s Tooru. Tooru is shaking so Tobio turns around and look at him. Tooru doesn’t shiver like that if it’s not from cold. He can’t see him due to the darkness of the place.

“Tobio-chan…” Tooru whispers. His voice is so low Tobio almost couldn’t hear him. “If you’re given that button, tell me immediately…”

“Why…? What were you doing…?”

“Do as I say…”

“Okay…”

Tobio doesn’t understand, but Tooru is so tense that he doesn’t dare to ask. He’s learn to trust him blindly, because everything that comes across by Tooru’s mind is a mystery to him.

But, what does that button do…?


	9. Tooru (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This flashback is going to be so long -

_It hurts_

Tooru has been laying on the bed for the past days. He even gets scolded by the guard because of his laziness, but Tooru didn’t even finch. He covers himself with the blanket, he closes his eyes and even tremble. Tobio is worried, because if Tooru doesn’t talk it means something big is happening.

“Tooru!” he calls him. Tooru doesn’t answer. Tobio climbs to his bed and shakes him. “Wake up”

“I’m awake” Tooru mumbles.

“Let’s go to the shower. We’ll make soap bubbles!”

“Go yourself”

“But I want to play with you…”

“Just go, Tobio!” Tooru raises his voice and Tobio shuts up. He doesn’t like to be shouted at, but it’s worse if it comes from Tooru.

Tobio gets out of the bed and heads to the showers, his head low. He can’t understand why Tooru has decided to treat him like that. He wants to cry; his only friend is angry at him for a reason he doesn’t know. If Tooru now ignores him, he feels trapped in a dark place, as before, alone. He feels cold if Tooru isn’t nearby. He starts trembling if Tooru isn’t there. He cries if Tooru isn’t around. He feels abandoned, if Tooru doesn’t want him.

But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t understand why some kids cry at night, when they come from wherever place that was upstairs. He still doesn’t know what that button means. Why that object has changed Tooru so much? He wasn’t like that before it…

Shower times have now become quiet. No kid wanted to play with the water or the soap. Tooru and Tobio were the only ones who did so, but now Tooru is as sad as the other children. And Tobio doesn’t feel to play alone, so he stays quiet too. After it, he waits in line with the others waiting for that button. And this time, they give him one.

It’s the first one he has. He observes it in order to find something unusual about it, something that can make it so special. But its just a plain big brown button. He remembers that Tooru has told him to say it if he receives a button, so he goes to Tooru’s bed.

Tooru hasn’t moved from his initial position, still covered. Tobio doesn’t know if he would talk to him, but he has to do it. Tooru had been very clear of the button issue.

“Tooru”

Nothing. But Tobio knows he’s not sleeping, so he’s hearing him perfectly.

“Tooru…” Tobio approaches and tries to uncover him. “Tooru!”

“Fuck, Tobio-chan, leave me alone!” Tooru shouts, facing him. Tobio steps back. “Don’t talk to me, don’t come! I don’t want to hear you!”

“B-but they gave me a button…” Tobio whims.

Tooru’s face softens. His eyes are now wide open. He sits up and takes the button off Tobio’s hand. He curses a bit, then he stands up. Without saying a word, he hides the button under the mattress of someone else bed. He then goes back to his bed and pulls Tobio to him. He covers themselves with the blanket and puts a hand on Tobio’s mouth to keep him in silence.

Tooru is restless, as he waits for the storm to arrive. He hears the adults whispering between them. Then, a loud metal noise can be heard through the room. The guard has taken out his bar.

“Someone’s missing! One of you have a button and isn’t upstairs!” the guard says. Tobio starts shaking, but Tooru makes him stay still. “Do I have to find it myself?!”

And so, the guard makes every child to stand up next to their beds. Tooru is still holding Tobio, he’s so scared of that guard. The guard keeps hitting the beds to make more noise and Tobio covers his ears. The guard stands before them, his big shadow covering the two kids. He inspectorates the beds and find nothing. Then, he moves to the other bed.

“Here you are, little bitch” the guard says, finding the button. A little girl, the bed owner, stares at him, scared.

“It isn’t mine!”

“You think I’m stupid?” the guard lifts the bar and hits the little girl. “You have orders to obey!”

None of the girl’s excuses work. She begs, trying to make him understand that she hasn’t received a button that night. But the guard doesn’t listen, he just shouts and punish. He doesn’t reason.

The room is in deadly silence when the guard goes away, it’s only broken by the girl’s cries. Tooru tucks Tobio in and hugs him under the blanket. It’s the first night since a while that Tooru sleeps with him, so Tobio doesn’t complain. But Tobio is still scared.

“Tooru…” he whispers. “That was my button…”

“Not anymore”

“She got hit because of my button…”

“You’re save, that’s what it counts. You better thank me for that”

“But, Tooru… She’s hurt”

“Not our problem. Now, shut up and sleep”

Tobio snuggles against him, but he can’t sleep. He’s still thinking about the poor girl’s screams. She got punished by something she didn’t do. That was his fault… that doesn’t feel right. And yet, he chooses to be quiet. He doesn’t want to face the guard’s bar again.

And, well, Tooru is speaking to him again… that feels good.

Also, the next morning Tooru joins him in shower time and plays with him with the bubbles. He also gives him more food from his breakfast meal. Tooru is his friend once again. But during breakfast, Tobio notices a boy staring at them. He doesn’t say a word, so it feels weird. Tobio doesn’t like to be looked at. He tucks Tooru’s shirt and points at that boy.

“You want something?” Tooru says to the kid. The boy tenses but doesn’t look away.

“I know what you did…” the kid mumbles. “He had the button”

“Oh, really? What are you going to do?” Tooru stands up and walks towards the kid. The boy also stands up.

“I’m going to say it to Fred! He has to be punished!”

“How about you shut up?” Tooru stands up in front of the kid. He’s much taller than the boy. He uses that to grab the kid by the shirt and slams him against the wall. He holds his face, his hand squeezing his cheeks. “You’re gonna taste Fred’s metal bar down your throat if you dare to say something. I’ll break your neck”

“Tooru…” Tobio mumbles, seeing how frightened the kid is. He dislikes seeing others suffering because of him.

Tooru stares long at the kid’s eyes, threatening him in silence. The kid finally closes his eyes, unable to keep his gaze. Tooru releases him and walks away. The boy stays in silence, while Tooru goes back with Tobio.

Tooru eats his food while Tobio is still processing what has happened. Sometimes, Tooru is scary…

A group of adults come to the room; they are followed by three unknown men. The adults make the kids stand up and pay attention. Apparently, those men are very rich and wants to enjoy their time with the companion they’d choose. So, there’s no buttons today. The three men splits and starts looking at the children, trying to find the one who meets their likings.

One of them, a Japanese man, comes directly to where Tooru and Tobio are. He kneels down in front of them, Tooru already covering Tobio.

“What a cute boy I see” the man says, in Japanese. He’s looking directly at Tobio. “What’s your name, little one?”

Before Tobio can speak, Tooru puts himself in between the man and the kid.

“Tooru” he says. “I’m Tooru”

The man brings a hand on Tooru’s face and starts caressing him, watching him closely.

“You’re not fully Japanese, right?”

“My mother was Japanese…” Tooru explains. “I… never knew my father, but I bet he was!”

The man turns around to face the other adults.

“Who is this kid?”

“Tooru Oikawa. I think they told us he comes from Argentina” the adults say. “Is your final decision, Mr Kawashima?”

“Yeah” Kawashima says. “I want the little one, with the blue eyes”

“No…” Tooru says, looking pale. “No, please, take me with you. I’m… I’m prettier! I’m better!”

“You’re a cutie, don’t get me wrong. But I find beauty in purity” Kawashima stands up and face the adults. “Prepare that one. I’ll be waiting in the private room”

“Of course, Mr Kawashima”

When Kawashima has finally gone, the adults come after Tobio. They catch him by the arms, and Tooru tries to keep them from taking him away. Tooru tries to pull him back to him, but another adult is already coming to stop him.

“Leave Tobio-chan alone!” Tooru screams.

“Tooru!” Tobio screams back, already crying as he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

“No!” Tooru fights back, but the adult who’s holding him is too strong. “If you touch him, you’ll get it! I’ll kill you all!”

Of course, the threats of a kid don’t really have an impact on the adults. Tobio is taken away from the room, still hearing Tooru’s screams. Tobio is nervous, trying to break free from the adults that are carrying him, but he can’t do much. They take him to a room, full of lights that blinds him a bit. They sit him on a chair and start brushing his hair. They change his clothes too into a dark and clean dress. They even put him some glitter in the corner of his eyes.

“That’s enough. Take him to Kawashima”

He’s being dragged again, down to a dark hallway. There’s a red light surrounding the place, but it isn’t shiny enough to make him see where he goes, so he trips from time to time. In the hallway, he crosses paths with other adults and some young but older than him girls who wear makeup and short dresses. They leave him in a dark room.

“Now, be a good kid and please Mr Kawashima” they say, before leaving him alone.

Tobio doesn’t know what that means. Pleasing his bosses meant to do his work well, but that was when he still lived in the border of Mexico. He’s not doing that kind of job anymore, so he’s afraid of messing something he shouldn’t do. He doesn’t want to be hit… and Tooru isn’t there to help him, teach him or even do the work for him.

Kawashima is sitting on a couch, inside the room. He’s drinking something, probably alcoholic. There’s the other two men around the room, with other kids. One of them has even chosen more than one child. They are waiting in the shadows, trembling out of fear. Tobio doesn’t like that. He sits with them while Kawashima and another man talks about something. Business, apparently.

There are two girls and another boy with him. They sit next to the men who chose them, in silence. One of the girls, who is a bit older than the rest, is in charge of filling their drinks. One of the men, an American guy, holds her tightly against him. He’s drunk.

“It’s been a right-guess, coming here. They have so many pretty things…”

“It is waste to always have the same kind” the third man says, with a strong Slavic accent. “You have basic taste”

“Tell that to Kawashima. Only Japanese…!”

“What can I say?” Kawashima says, his hand laying on Tobio’s back. “I am a traditional man”

“Whatever” the Russian man says. “Let’s finish this, I’m bored”

“Fine” the American lifts a brief case and opens it on the table. He picks up a black machine and show it to the other men. Tobio shrinks, knowing what it is. He has seen them on Mexico. It’s a gun. “This is the prototype”

“Beautiful” the Russian says. “I told you our weapons were better. Now, this design is perfect. Start the production”

“Don’t you want to see it, Kawashima?” the American gives him the gun. Kawashima opens the chamber, there’s a few bullets there. “Such a shame Japan has almost no weapons”

“I would love to have one of these. Too bad I can only use them here”

“Well, if business is over, we can have fun, now” the younger girl trembles as she hears him. “Stop crying”

He stands up and takes the two girls away. He walks towards a curtain, where a private room is hiding in the low candle lights. Tobio gets nervous when he can’t see the girls anymore.

“Let’s go” Kawashima says, leaving the gun on the table. He holds him by his arm and although he’s gentle, Tobio starts shaking of fear. He feels something bad is coming.

Behind the curtains, there’s a bed. Tobio stays there, his gaze staring at the little flame of the candles. The fire flinched when Kawashima approaches.

“If you’re a good kid, you won’t get hurt” Kawashima sits down on the bed and puts a hand on Tobio’s back, moving him. “You’re beautiful… If you behave, I might buy you”

Tobio whines when Kawashima’s hand caresses his cheek. He’s frozen, he doesn’t even cry. He keeps his eyes wide open, fixed on the monstrous silhouette marked by the red light. The man’s hands start to undress him and he feels the coldness of a room that looks like Hell.

“P-please… don’t hurt me…” he manages to say.

“Hush, little boy…”

“Stop!” someone screams. None of the kids there have said something, and much less the adult men. It’s Tooru, who opens the door and sneaks inside the room. “Please, don’t touch him”

“Sneaky boy, you shouldn’t be here”

“Make him stay, he can join if the wants it so much”

Tooru runs away from the Russian man that’s coming after him. He bumps into the table and throws it on the floor, blocking the path. He continues backing away but the American catches him and holds him on air.

“What a rebel kid. I like that” the man says, throwing him on one of the beds.

“N-no, stop…” Tobio mumbles. He tries to go with Tooru, but Kawashima holds him by the arm. Tobio starts pulling and whining. At the end, the man releases him and Tobio runs to Tooru. He tries to hit the man who’s retaining him, obviously without doing much damage. “Leave him!”

The American man holds Tobio and throws him next to Tooru. Tobio snuggles against him and Tooru takes the opportunity to grab one of the cushions and smack the man on his face. Along the movement, the cushion bumps into one of the candles on the nightstand and it falls on the floor. The candle rolls on the floor and its flame touches the curtain, which begins to catch fire.

The man gets out of the bed to extinguish the fire, and Tooru runs away with Tobio. He holds his hand tightly and they go towards the door, but one of the adult supervisors of the place comes on the scene.

“Here you are, you piece of shit”

The kids walk away until they run into the fallen table. Tobio hides behind Tooru’s back while he quickly picks ups the gun of the floor. It’s heavy and his hand trembles, but he points it at the adult.

“This isn’t a toy” the adult says, carefully. Tooru is a kid, but he can perfectly pull the trigger.

Tooru, knowing this, also points at the other men in the room.

“Don’t come” Tooru says. He’s scared of holding the gun, he knows what it can do. But he can’t low the arm. He sees the tensed bodies of the men, their movements being now slow and calculated.

They fear him.

Tooru starts walking away towards a secondary door. He knows that it leads to the main dancerooms, they probably can escape from there.

“Low down the gun” the adult says, trying to calm him down. “Tooru, put the gun down”

“Don’t come!” Tooru shouts when the man makes one step further. He keeps Tobio hidden behind him with the free arm. “Or I will shoot!”

“Come on, it’s just a kid” the American man says.

He approaches but Tooru pulls the trigger. He shoots blindly, without control and his aim isn’t the best but the bullet ends up nailing in his leg. Tobio screams at the sound, while the American howls of pain. Tooru uses this to run away. He opens the door and he and Tobio starts running through the danceroom.

They have to run through a crowd of people moving to all places. They bump into legs, some spilled drink falls on them, they hear screams over the loud music. They fall on the ground one or twice, some people try to catch them. They are being chased. The room feels like a labyrinth so they never split hands. Tooru is leading the way blindly, he just moves forward. He kicks someone out of the way and pushes some door.

And then, they feel the wind.

They are outside. On the street. On a cold winter night. 

Tooru keeps going on, it’s not safe to be so close from the club. He navigates through the streets and he continues walking until he finds a lonely alley. They stay in silence, against the wall. Tooru looks around, no one’s following them. It’s not safe to stay on the same place, but they could do for the night.

“Tobio-chan… are you okay?” Tooru asks, whispering.

Tobio seems to wake up. Now that he’s alone with Tooru, all his thoughts and emotions are coming to him. He remembers the dark red lights, the silhouette of that monster, the flames devouring the curtain, the sound of the gun. Tobio sobs and ends crying between Tooru’s arms.

Tooru should find somewhere else to go, because staying on one place is dangerous. But, for now, its good to stay there. It’s starting to snow, and Tobio is scared and cold. But they are together.

And they are free.


	10. Tooru (part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long-ass chapter to celebrate the new year!

_Rain is God’s tears. Sometimes they’re soft  
and regenerating. Others, are furious._

Tobio swings his legs, playing absently while sitting on the bench. From time to time, he looks at the grey sky to see the little snowflakes that are falling. He lifts his hand and let them fall on the palm. They’re cold and watery but it’s pretty. He shakes his head and more snow falls from his hair. Tobio smiles but suddenly shivers from the cold. He rubs his arms trying to get some warm.

Tooru is still talking with that shop owner. Sometimes, they raise their voices and argue about something Tobio can’t understand. They’re talking in Spanish; he knows it because he has heard it when they were in Mexico. But he didn’t learn it. Tooru is trying to bargain, without much success.

Tobio doesn’t understand Spanish, but he can know when someone is telling to fuck off to another person, in any language. The man goes inside his shop and Tooru looks clearly frustrated. Out of rage, Tooru starts picking up the fruit the man has outside the shop and whatever he can find. He starts running away, being chased by the owner who has clearly see him.

Tobio feels restless, but he can’t move there. Tooru has told him to wait. He swings his legs more, nervously. They’ve been walking around the streets during the past days, looking for some money. Tooru has even stole a few things but it isn’t enough.

After a while, the owner returns to his shop. Tooru has succeed, so now Tobio has to leave the bench and find Tooru in their hidden alley. He finds him sitting behind a dumpster, waiting for him. Tobio sits next to him and Tooru gives him some fruit.

“I couldn’t grab any clothes” Tooru says while Tobio bits an apple.

“Ish okay” Tobio mumbles, with his mouth full. For him, eating Is better than some scarf. He’s hungry.

Tooru grabs one of his hands, it has begun to turn blue.

“Tobio-chan, don’t play with the snow” he scolds.

“But it’s pretty!”

“Your hand will fall off from the cold. Until I don’t find any gloves, you won’t touch it” Tobio complains a bit, but he continues eating the fruit. “We have to keep moving, Tobio-chan. They can be looking for us. Maybe we should even go out of the country”

“Where…?”

“I don’t know… somewhere far from here. Where would you want to go?”

“Somewhere warmer. With a lot of sun”

“Same here…”

Tooru hugs him, it’s the only way to keep themselves a bit warm.

“Tooru, you’re cold”

“Well, it’s snowing. Obviously, it’s cold”

“You’re not warm anymore…”

“Don’t say nonsense and sleep”

Tobio doesn’t say anything else. He’s not exaggerating when he says he feels Tooru cold, because he has the thinnest clothes of the two. Tobio is wearing a light scarf and although it’s not enough, it’s better than Tooru’s clothes.

The night is falling down and the snow starts to be thicker. Tooru is trembling too much and Tobio tries to caress him and give him warmth, but it seems worthless. All the snow is falling on top of Tooru, as he keeps covering Tobio from it. His teeth start to chatter and his breath is heavier.

“Tooru…” Tobio calls, worried. Tooru doesn’t open his eyes. Tobio shakes him. “Tooru, wake up!”

Due to the shaking, Tooru falls to a side. He’s too weak to do something. Too cold. His lips are turning blue. Tobio screams for him to wake up, but it’s too difficult.

Tobio cries, his tears quickly freezing. Tooru isn’t answering, he can die on the snow and he can’t do anything for him. He can’t carry him to another place, he doesn’t know how to steal because that’s something Tooru always do. He can’t call for someone, because they will be caught.

“Tooru don’t die…”

Tooru doesn’t listen. But there’s someone who does, a black man appears from the back of the alley. First, Tobio jumps back, scared. He distrusts adults, he doesn’t know if he’s one from that club… The man lifts his hands, showing him a sign of peace.

“Are you okay? I heard your screams”

“T-Tooru is dying…” Tobio says, finally trusting him enough. Maybe he will help them.

“Oh, dear…” the man kneels besides them and checks on Tooru. “Poor boy… he’s alive, but he’s too cold. We need to give him warmth immediately”

“How…?”

“You can come to my house. It’s not big deal but we have a fire”

Tobio is hesitant again, but Tooru is in danger. The man carries Tooru in his arms, the kid looks fragile and light as paper. Tobio follows the stranger through the alley, far from the main street. They turn around a corner and they meet an enclosure that seems to be abandoned. A metal plate is served as a door but since the man is holding Tooru, Tobio opens it. It’s lighter than it seemed.

There’s an open space inside, with a firepit on the centre. There are a few mattresses on the floor and some blankets serves as curtains. There’s five people already there, three men and two women. Tobio feels scared, but the fire makes him want to stay and get warm. The man leaves Tooru on the floor, next to the fire, and another man brings a blanket. The place is still cold, but at least there’s a few coverages for the snow.

“Jalil” a woman says. “What’s happening?”

“I found them on the street. He’s freezing cold” Jalil answers. He then looks at Tobio. “Come to the fire, too. You’ll be warm”

Tobio approaches slowly. He’s still afraid of those many strangers, but he does a quick run to Tooru and lays next to him, hugging him.

“Where do you live? Are you lost?” a man asks. Tobio shrinks.

“You’re scaring him!” a woman scolds him. She then smiles at Tobio. “I’m sure you’re hungry, little one. You’re lucky, you have come at dinner time!”

At the mention of food, Tobio sits up. The woman looks nice, so he stands up and follows her to bubbly pot on top of a gas fire.

“What is this?” Tobio asks. It smells good and his guts begin to growl, demanding some feeding.

“This is gumbo” she says. “It comes perfect for cold weather. Taste it”

She picks up wooden spoon and fills it with the soup. She waits a bit and then approach it to Tobio’s mouth. The kid eats it. His cheeks turn pink from the warmth and his eyes are shiny. He shakes his hands, showing how he like it. He’s excited to eat something fulfilling.

“You like it, huh?” she says, caressing his hair. “Sit down, we’re gonna eat”

Tobio sits down near the fire pit, the other people do it so. They distribute the soup in little cups and they start eating it. They reserved some soup for when Tooru wakes up. Tobio feels happier, his stomach is filling and the warmth of the soup feels like those forgotten caresses. Suddenly, all the people there seems to be less intimidating.

“Where are your parents, little kid?” a man asks.

“No parents” Tobio says. He doesn’t feel sad anymore, he has forgotten them.

“Poor boy… How old are you? You’re look so small!”

“I’m six”

“Oh God” the woman says, hugging him. “You can stay here as long as you want. I’m Alma, you can ask me for anything”

Tobio smiles. Alma looks like a nice lady so he snuggles against her embrace. He has long forgotten the hug of a mother, so having her feels like a total new experience that it’s more than welcomed.

“Look, he’s waking up” Jalil announces, he has stayed at Tooru’s side all the time.

Tooru is moving disorientated. His eyes have difficulty in opening up, his frown fringes at noticing the warmth of the fire. He whims a bit, he’s having a nightmare. Tobio can tell it because he has them too… Tooru wakes up after a loud pant. His eyes start looking around him only to find Jalil next to him. Tooru lets out a scream and quickly steps back.

“Don’t touch me!” he shouts. He hasn’t recovered from the nightmare, he still things he’s in one.

“Tooru” Tobio says, calmly. “He’s good!”

“T-Tobio-chan… What the fuck are we doing here…? Who are those people?!”

“They helped us”

“You let a stranger come. You know how hard it was to get out of that place, just for you trusting strangers! They could have taken us back there, stupid kid!”

“But they’re good… They have food” Tobio points at the pot.

“And that is enough for you to trust an adult? No wonder how you were kidnapped”

Tobio shuts up. He doesn’t know why Tooru is so angry. He did untrust Jalil at first, but he turned out to be a good man. They all seem to be kind people. He wishes for Tooru to see that but, for now, Tooru is too scared.

“Do you want gumbo?” Alma asks Tooru. They are pretty silent but they couldn’t understand the scolding in Japanese.

“No. I will provide myself” Tooru says, dryly. “And him too. Don’t give him anything”

“It’s good…” Tobio mumbles, still affected by Tooru’s attitude.

“Come here” he demands. Tobio stands up and goes with him. Tooru takes him by the hand and takes him on a mattress. He slides the curtain to cover them. “Don’t talk to them”

“They helped us”

“You don’t know them. They can easily be tricking you. Or, who knows? Maybe they will do it in a future. You should know by now that there’s no kindness in this world”

“Why they give soup then? And why they took care of you?”

“They probably will think of a way to use us… Like they did in Mexico. Like they did in the club… We are not safe, Tobio-chan”

“Alma seems kind”

“Time will tell, Tobio-chan. You will thank me later. For now, don’t mess with them. Don’t interact. I will take care of everything; you don’t have to deal with them”

Tobio doesn’t add anything else. He still thinks that Jalil and the others are good people, but he’s starting to get the same fear as Tooru. What if it’s all a façade? What if they call someone and that someone takes them back to the club? What if they have their own club? What if they’re also selling white powder? He can’t be that trustful just because they gave him food.

Tooru’s right. He’s too naïve.

But he sometimes let himself to trust a bit and enjoy their company. Alma’s pampering is soft and lovely, so he’s with her when Tooru isn’t looking. Alma always tries to feed him although Tooru is always stealing food for the two of them. Tobio is happy to receive Alma’s treats and hiding it from Tooru. It feels nice to not fear for his life when he hides something. Brianna, the other woman there, is knitting some scarfs for the kids. Although Tooru doesn’t want one, she stills do them.

It isn’t snowing anymore, but the streets are still filled with it. Tobio loves the scene. Snow is quiet and beautiful. Tooru is outside, looking for food. He has told him to stay on the mattress, isolated form the others, but Tobio is already with them when he leaves.

Jalil announces that he’s leaving. He wants to sell some objects he has and try to bring some money from it. And Tobio wants to go with him. Before leaving, Brianna puts him her scarf and Tobio is happy to go outside by the hand of Jalil.

Jalil teaches him about the street. How to survive to it, how to be careful. Tobio listens to him in awe. Jalil is the oldest of that house and he knows a lot. He knows better than Tooru. Tooru can bark and shout as he pleases, but Tobio knows the truth. Jalil is showing him kindness. And it feels familiar. It reminds him of someone who has long forgotten about. Someone who also held his hand, who taught him everything and who accompanied him in his early age.

“Do you see that man over there?” Jalil says, pointing at a white man who wears a long-scraped jacket. “That’s Jake. Never deal with him, he’s always playing dirty. He will ask you for impossible and then scam you”

“Okay”

“Come on, let’s start with the selling” he says, opening his bag.

First, Tobio watches him how he tries to sell the objects. A lot of people refuse, so he wants to help him. He grabs some keychains and bracelets and approaches for people to buy them. Being a kid, people are more willingly to listen to him and they pity him a bit so he has better success than Jalil. Proudly, Tobio gets back to Jalil to show him his earnings.

“Jalil, look!” Tobio says, happy. “I’ve sold all of this”

“That’s great, Tobio. Good job” Jalil praises. “You know what you can do with that money? Go to that stand and buy something you like”

“Really?”

“Yes, go ahead”

Tobio runs to the stand, excited. He has never bought anything and there’s so many things that he wants to try. He’s not good at numbers and he doesn’t know how to read so he gives the money to the shop owner and he selected what he can have with it. The owner pointed at the pictures of the things while Tobio shakes or nods on what he prefers. Finally, he chooses to eat a hotdog. He asks for two, because he wants to share it with Jalil.

“For me?” Jalil asks when Tobio is back with the hotdogs. “Thank you, Tobio”

“It’s so good!!” Tobio sparks of joy when he tries the hotdog. Until now, he has tasted some cheap burgers that Tooru bought, but Tooru said he didn’t like hotdogs. Although Tobio is sure he has never really tried them to say that… “Tooru wouldn’t like that I’m eating this”

“Your friend is a bit surly, huh? Can’t blame him, tho. Streets are dangerous and specially for a kid”

“Sometimes he’s too bossy!” Tobio pouts. Then, he bits the hotdog with strength and the ketchup spills everywhere.

“Eat well, Tobio” Jalil says, giggling.

He takes out a handkerchief and start cleaning the kid’s face. He holds his chin to find more stains. But a woman sees him going to Jalil and immediately finds it suspicious.

“Excuse me” she says. “Is this child yours?”

“Yes”

“Hi, sweetie” the woman talks to Tobio. “Do you know this man?”

“Yes…?”

“Look, ma’am. We don’t want to cause trouble to anyone. We’re just walking”

“Why would he go with you? You’re clearly not his father”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you”

“Leave the child alone right now” she says, haughty.

“I am not doing anything to him”

“Jalil is my friend” Tobio says, firmly.

“Don’t worry, dear. This man won’t touch you” the woman takes her phone out and makes a call. “Police? Yes, there’s a black man kidnapping a child. Right in front of me. He’s taking him away. He doesn’t let me approach or do anything. Please, help the kid!!”

“Don’t do that, he’s fine! He’s with me”

“Don’t touch me!!” she yells, although Jalil hasn’t even moved. “He’s getting violent! Please come!”

Tobio is so confused. Jalil is a good person, he can’t understand why that woman is accusing him that much. For her, being a poor black man who’s with a kid of a different nationality is directly an indicator. But Tobio knows how those people really look… they are rich and well-dressed.

Jalil tries to leave the park, but more people intervene, believing the woman’s words. They block his path and Tobio starts whining, there’s too many people there. But exactly because of that, people think that he’s being held against his will.

It is worse when the police come. Jalil tries to defend himself but they just assault him and immobilize him. They just yell him to not move. Tobio tries to help him, but a man holds him telling him to not go. He thinks his helping the kid, but Tobio is more scared.

“Jalil!” Tobio screams, worried. The officers are holding him against the floor. Jalil is too old to suffer from that strength.

“Go, Tobio…” Jalil mumbles. He doesn’t want the kid to see that. One of the officers presses his neck to stop him talking.

Tobio tries to release himself from the man’s hand. He can’t do much by that. He bits his arm and slips away. He dodges all the people who tries to stop him. He leaves the crowd but he’s being chased. He tries to look at Jalil one more time, but he can’t stop or they will catch him. He can only hear him whisper.

“I can’t breathe…”

Tobio runs down the street. He doesn’t know if he’s being followed, but he just goes on. He leaves the main street and starts running through secondary alleys that he has learnt to be hidden. Jalil has showed him how to get home faster.

The thought of Jalil makes him cry. He doesn’t know how is he right now, or what they are doing to him. The police were too brute for someone who hasn’t done anything wrong… But he needs the help of an adult now. Alma, her wife, would do something. Or Brianna, or Eddie and Kassim. Anyone will help Jalil… Even Tooru would know what to do.

“Alma!!” He shouts when he arrives. He throws himself at her arms crying, Alma immediately worries. “Jalil has been arrested!”

“What?!”

“We have to help him!”

“We won’t see him anymore” Kassim says, angrily. “Those assholes won’t release him”

“Tobio” Tooru says, dryly. Tobio goes with him and hugs him, still scared. “Why you left without telling me…?”

“We just went to sell the bracelets!” Tobio cries. “And then some woman called the police!”

“There it is! Some stupid white chick, as always” Kassim says again. “She must feel like the hero”

“But Jalil is innocent!” Tobio claims.

“It will be difficult to proof” Brianna says. “We aren’t listened enough”

“That’s his fault” Eddie says, pointing at Tobio. “I knew they would cause trouble!”

“What…?” Tobio mumbles.

“Jalil never had problems with anyone, but now he got too attached to you. It was a matter of time he will face the consequences of having you around”

“Shut up, Eddie” Alma cuts him off. “How come it’s a child’s fault? You know how police works! They never listen to us! They kill us like nothing”

“Kill…?” Tobio whines. “Is Jalil going to die…?”

“The police are here!” Brianna announces, looking through the window.

“They’ve followed the kid!” Eddie yells. “We’re dead! Dead, I tell you!”

“Keep quiet, Eddie. They don’t know where he went. Stay silent and they will probably pass away”

“The kid should leave right now”

“The kid is staying”

Tobio is shaky. He feels like a prey, hiding from a big animal who’s hunting him. Tooru takes him to the back of the house, behind the curtain. They can see the police car lights illuminating the ceiling.

“Tooru…”

“Quiet, Tobio” Tooru says. “It isn’t good for us neither to get caught by them”

“Why…? Are they going to hurt us like Jalil?”

“No… but they will split us. You don’t want that, right?” Tobio shakes his head. “Then, we should not meet those officers”

“Why Eddie is so mad at me…?”

“I’ve told you Tobio. He never liked us here. You are another stomach to fill, which means more money to spend and less space. You are a nuisance to them. Eddie is the only one who say it aloud, but the others feel the same”

“That’s not true… Jalil and Alma are good. And Brianna…”

“Brianna has only knitted a scarf, that doesn’t turn her a hero. And look what Jalil’s good intentions lead to. Alma is her wife, if Jalil dies she will hate you”

“No…” Tobio mumbles, hurt.

“It’s your fault that their group will fall apart. They will start arguing over you and they will abandon you. They won’t want you here anymore. That’s why I told you all of that… to not trust anyone. Yes, maybe they didn’t do anything wrong to you, but you’re doing it to them. You’re causing all of their problems. You can’t go in someone’s life without ruining it”

Tobio is about to defend them, but the police are at the door, knocking it. Some neighbour has snitched and told them where Tobio lives. Eddie curses in under tone. Tooru picks Tobio’s hand and starts moving to the backdoor. Although it’s more like a hole in the wall than a door, it will be useful to get out.

“There’s no kid here, Officer” Alma says, firmly. She doesn’t flinch a bit. “I have no idea how that information has come to you”

Tooru and Tobio are outside when they hear riot. The police are inside the house, inspecting all the place. They can hear Eddie’s screams, telling them that Tobio is outside. Tooru is quick to fasten the pace, leaving the house behind. Tobio whines, wanting to be there with Alma and the others. To tell the police that they’re good and he’s okay.

But when they are down the street, the last thing they hear is a shotgun.

“Tooru, that’s a gun! They are shooting!” Tobio screams. “We have to go back!”

“Are you stupid?! You want to get shot too?”

“We have to help them!”

“Stop that bullshit, Tobio! We can’t help them, and it’s not our problem!”

“They’re my friends!”

“They aren’t! Just because Jalil picked us from the snow, doesn’t mean we are friends. You aren’t living in fantasyland, Tobio. They were waiting for something they could use us for, like anything else. That’s why Eddie was mad. Because you’re useless to them”

“Jalil…”

“You went to sell objects with him, right? Let me guess, you sell more than him. Of course, you’re a little cute kid. He knew that perfectly”

“No!”

“Yes! Everybody uses everybody. That’s how it works. There’s no place in silly babies who think the world is a good place. For fuck sake, Tobio-chan! You should know that! Now shut up and continue walking”

“No, I want to go with Alma and Jalil” Tobio crosses his arms.

“Jalil is already dead, he won’t handle police brutality. And maybe the shot was aimed at Alma. Or worse, she will be raped and sold. That’s what happens, Tobio. That’s how it goes. And yes, Eddie was right. It is your fault”

“No”

“Yes. They are black people, we are Japanese. You don’t know a thing about street life yet… They all go in ethnic groups. You stand out with them. But, of course, you wanted to go with Jalil, like the selfish little brat you are! Think twice of what you’re doing, Tobio! Or you will be killed like Jalil”

“You don’t know Jalil… He doesn’t hate me or use me. He’s not like them!” Tobio raises his voice. “Alma too! They’re good people! They are… family…”

Tooru slaps him.

“I’m your only family” Tooru roars. “Stop crying and shut the fuck up”

Tobio is too shocked to answer. The police siren can be heard near and Tooru picks him by the hand once again and drags him down the street.

Tooru keeps walking hours later. Tobio is tired but he keeps pulling him. The snow is melting and he tripped once or twice. Tooru is angry at him, so he’s silent. Tobio doesn’t try to talk to him, he fears another slap like the one before.

Tobio holds back his tears. A lot of things have happened recently, his mind is slow to sort things out. Jalil was arrested…, the police invaded his house. Tooru and him are on the street again. It feels like the stay at Jalil’s place has been a dream. A short time of peace and warmth that is already gone.

It’s starting to rain. The pretty snow is disappearing and Tobio doesn’t like that. He looks at Tooru, who continues walking even though they are getting wet. Tobio shakes a little when he decides to talk to him.

“Tooru…” he says, softly. Tooru obviously hears him, but he doesn’t answer. “Tooru, where are we going?”

Tooru remains silent for a while.

“We are going to the harbour. We’re leaving”

“The harbour?” Tobio asks. He doesn’t know what it is, he had travelled with trucks and the Bronx is far from it.

“We’ll pick up a ship, but we have to cross all Manhattan”

“How long will it take?”

“I don’t know… We still haven’t arrived at Harlem…”

“I’m tired, Tooru… Can we stop and rest?”

“No, we’ll have to save time. We’ll stop once we’ll arrive at Manhattan”

Tobio whines a bit. His feet are hurting and his eyes are closing from the tiredness. He can’t continue walking. Tooru stops and look at him. He sighs and kneels down for Tobio to climb on his back. Tooru starts piggybacking him. 

“Put the scarf over your head, it will protect you from the rain”

Tobio obeys and quickly covers his head. He rests against Tooru’s back and closes his eyes, ready to sleep for a bit. He hasn’t forgotten the previous rampage Tooru has had, but now he’s calms and protective. That duality is becoming a habit, and he doesn’t want to wate his good mood.

After a while, Tooru stops walking. He’s tired, too exhausted to continue. He also needs to rest. He wakes Tobio up and he climbs down his back.

“We need to find somewhere to shelter us for the night” Tooru says. Also, the rain is getting heavier. Tobio agrees immediately. He grabs Tooru’s jacket and follows him.

“I have some coins left. I can buy food” Tobio says, rummaging for the money on his pocket. He shows it to Tooru. Tooru counts the coins.

“Fine. Go buy something. I’ll look for somewhere to sleep”

Tobio and Tooru split up. Tobio enters to a shop and start looking around. It’s even better than the stand at the park, so he’s impressed by all the things there.

“Hey, kid” the owner says. “You’re soaking wet! You better buy an umbrella”

Tobio looks at what he’s pointing at. There’s a huge bucket full of umbrellas on display. He has never seen them before, so he smiles at the shape of the object. He chooses a light blue one with small white spots. But when he has paid for it, he has no money left. He can’t buy a whole meal or something good to make it as dinner. Tobio feels bad, because he wanted to be useful to Tooru…

He manages to buy some strawberry yogurt. He wishes Tooru would like it and not be angry at him. He looks for him outside, the rain is getting heavier. He opens the umbrella and it feels amazing to not feel the drops on his head. He moves forward, searching for Tooru. Tooru wanted to look for a place to cover from the rain, so he probably isn’t around the alleys. But he decides to wait there, since he doesn’t want to be exposed any more. There’s a lot of people there, although it’s raining.

He waits on the alley, glad that the umbrella is covering him. A lighting strikes the sky, followed by a loud thunder. Tobio feels it on his body, shaking him from head to toe. He steps back to the alley. His hand is shaky. Thunder is too loud for him to handle. He needs Tooru there, to hold his hand.

He goes inside the alley a little more. Another thunder rumbles. A strong wind starts hitting his umbrella and it twist, turning it backwards. Tobio screams angrily, holding the umbrella with all his strength. The wind and the heavy rain make him stumble and fall on the floor, in the middle of a puddle.

He stands up, cursing. He puts the umbrella correctly and tries to whip out the dirt of his already stained clothes. In between thunder, he hears some noise down the alley. There’s someone here… His first instinct tells him to run away, but he hears a whine. Someone’s crying. He holds tightly to his umbrella and slowly approaches.

There’s a man there, leaning on the wall. And then, a smaller figure is kneeling in front of him. It’s a child.

It’s Tooru.

“Room 130” the man says, giving him some keys.

“Thank you…” Tooru says, his voice almost inaudible.

The man caresses him before leaving. Tooru stays on the floor for a bit, his head low and his hair falling wet around his face. At the spike of a lighting, Tooru lifts his head to the sky. His tears camouflage with the rain, but he’s sobbing loudly. Tobio stares at him, his eyes also watery. He’s never seen Tooru cry before. He’s been angry, scary and bossy but never this. He has never shown any weakness. But he’s still a kid. And Tobio can feel his fear. It’s the same as his.

Tobio walks to him and covers him with the umbrella. By a loud thunder, Tooru turns around to see him. Tooru’s face is full of despair, he doesn’t like to be seen like that. Tobio doesn’t say anything, he just stands there, holding the umbrella. Tooru whips his face with his hands and stand up. He holds his head high, as if nothing had happened.

“What’s this?”

“An umbrella. I also bought yogurt” Tobio mumbles.

“Good. We have a room at that motel” he points at the sign. “Let’s go”

He takes the umbrella out of Tobio’s hand and he’s now in charge of holding it. Tobio snuggles against him to fit under it and they go to the motel. The receptionist is the same man as before, and he looks at Tooru in a mean way. Tobio has seen the same look on those men who came at the club.

They go inside the room. It’s the cheapest one in the whole building but it’s enough for them. They can use the bathroom to shower and they have a heater to dry out the clothes. They eat the yogurts in silence. Tooru is thinking again and Tobio isn’t allowed to go inside his mind. The thunder doesn’t stop, so Tobio finds the silence even more unbearable.

“Tooru” he says, trying him. Tooru doesn’t answer but he moves his head towards him. “Let’s go to the Empire State tomorrow”

“You remember that?” Tooru is looking at him now, frowning.

“You said we could see the city from the sky”

“Let’s go to sleep, Tobio-chan…”

Tooru is the first to go to bed. Tobio follows him and snuggles under the blankets, facing Tooru’s back. He knows Tooru isn’t sleeping, but he’s ignoring him again. Tobio tries to sleep but the constant clattering of the rain against the window is disturbing. Every time he sees a lighting illuminating the room, he shrinks on the bed and covers his ears to not hear the thunder. He sometimes sobs because of it and Tooru sighs, exhausted.

“Shut up Tobio-chan, and sleep”

“B-but the rain…”

“It’s just rain. Man up”

“The thunder is too loud… It’s scary…”

“There are worse things than that”

Of course, there are, and Tobio doesn’t want to think about them. Hearing the thunder makes him unable to sleep, and his mind starts playing with him. Every shadow he sees around the room is shaped in the form of a man, leaning towards him. The lightings are similar to the fluorescent light bulbs handing on the ceiling. The loud thunder seems like the roar of a shooting gun. The rain drops sound like the accumulated water on the street, forming puddles where Tooru is sitting there, crying to the sky.

He tries to hide on Tooru’s back, he wants a hug form him. But Tooru doesn’t move. He even feels cold. And in the morning after, he’s still distant. Tobio doesn’t talk, he just walks next to him under the umbrella.

They are arriving at Central Park right now. There’s a lot of people, the rain hasn’t stopped but it’s still drizzling. Tooru is holding Tobio too strong, but he doesn’t complain. He doesn’t want to get lost. Crossing the Central Park, Tobio can see the tall buildings on both sides of the park. They are prettier than the zone of the Bronx they stayed in. The park is also beautiful and he wishes they could stop and play there for a bit, but Tooru doesn’t stop walking.

“Tooru, what’s a Zoo?” Tobio asks, seeing the letterings.

“Somewhere where they have animals in jails”

“I want to go!”

“Didn’t you wanted to go to the Empire State?”

“We can go there too”

Tooru stops walking and turns to face him. Tobio is left out of the umbrella and he’s getting wet.

“We aren’t touring around, Tobio-chan” he says, angry. “We’re leaving the city because there’s people still following us! Did you forget that?”

“Sorry…”

“Stop acting like a child. This isn’t the place. Our lives are in danger, act like it!” Tobio nods. “We’re just going to the Empire State, get it? We aren’t risking our journey with anything else. I am doing enough by letting your little whims intervene in my plan”

“You wanted to see the sky too, you said it”

“Shut up and walk”

Tooru turns around and starts walking away. Tobio quickly follows him to get under the umbrella. He doesn’t ask to see anything else during the long walk through the city, although there are things he wished to stop and see better. He observes everything since this part of the city is flashy and attractive. Tooru is still angry so he leaves the imaginary adventures he could have around the streets for himself.

“Here. Here you have your Empire State” Tooru announces, after a while.

Tobio let out a loud gasp, look the tall building in front of him. It’s enormous, and he even feels a small compared to it. It reaches the sky…

“Let’s go in, Tooru! To the highest level!”

“Fine” Tooru says, less angry than before. “Let’s sneak in, the entrance is expensive…”

Tooru closes the umbrella and drags Tobio by the hand. They sneak in between the visitors. Tobio is so excited to be there that he lets himself be guided, Tooru knows how to go without being noticed. They do a quick run to the elevator and waited for the other people to press the buttons. Tobio wants to go to the highest level, the most expensive one, so there’s less people than before. They walk slowly now, to not be scolded by some guards.

Tooru seems more excited now that he’s fooling adults. They get far from the main group of tourists to have a good sight of the windows.

“Look, Tobio. We’re on the sky”

Tobio sticks his hands on the large window. All the big buildings he has seen previously are now under him. All the people who walked the street and even bump into them are now far away. Even the rain stops up there, and he can see rays of sunshine leaking through the clouds. He feels so above everything…

“You feel it too, right, Tobio-chan?” Tooru says, his eyes wide open. “We’re above everyone. We’re bigger, higher, better. We’ll be better, Tobio-chan. We can rule the entire world. Just the two of us”

“The entire world?”

“All of it. I will rip every piece of this world and five everything to you…”

“That’s impossible!” Tobio giggles.

“I will make it possible”

Tobio looks at Tooru, who smiles. It’s the first good smile he has seen in him so he returns it. He looks back at the sight, feeling even better. He likes the sky. He’d like to rule it. Like a King.

“Come on, let’s go. The guards are starting to notice us” Tooru says.

Tobio is happy, so he lets Tooru to take him away from the window. He catches his hand and even make little jumps out of joy. Tooru doesn’t scold him, he’s even in a good mood even after leaving the building. Tooru even starts humming a song. Tobio has never heard him do so, but he’s glad Tooru feels good.

But, of course, with him the good feelings can turn into bad ones pretty quickly.

When they arrive at the harbour, Tooru is tense and serious once again. Tobio is still in awe, looking at the ships and the blue sea.

“Are we going to pick up one of those ships?”

“Yes” Tooru says, taking two tickets out of his pocket. “I could get those fake passages. We’re leaving once we arrive at the correct ship. There’s a guy who should let us pass”

“Woah! Wait, when do you get those tickets?”

“I got them one day, when you were just playing around like the fool you are. I was making business with a man called Jake”

“Jalil told me to not trust him!”

“We won’t have this conversation once again” Tooru roars just at the mention of Jalil. Tooru pulls him harder. They arrive at a ship, where two men stands there checking everything. Tooru demands to talk to someone called Ray, but they don’t know anyone like that. “I have to talk to him, it’s important”

“We already told you, there’s no Ray here”

“But Jake told me…”

“Ah, old Jake again. Kid, you’ve been tricked”

“Of course not! I have the tickets, look” Tooru gives them the papers. They don’t even try to check it.

“Those are fake. People always come with these things; Jake knows how to scam”

“No. No I have been not scammed. I have paid for them! It was a deal!”

“Sorry, kid. But that’s how he works. Whatever you paid him, it’s all wasted. Now walk off if you don’t want us to call the police”

Tobio shivers at the mention of the police. Tooru tries to fight again but the guards just push him off the way. Tooru is shaky too, his wrath starting to get afloat again.

“Jalil was right…” Tobio mumbles.

“Shut up!!” Tooru yells, pushing him. “Shut the fuck up, Tobio! This isn’t happening… I let that disgusting man to touch me just for this! It wasn’t paid with money… I’m fucking tired. I’m tired to be used like that! Stop talking right now. I know I had to know better… Shut up”

“I am not talking…”

“Shut up!”

Tooru ends up screaming alone. Tobio steps away, not wanting to be in the trajectory of his hands.

“What are we going to do now…?”

“I don’t know, Tobio-chan, maybe you can fuck some old hag and find a roof for once!”

“Do you need help…?” someone asks in Japanese. Tooru immediately steps away but Tobio doesn’t, because that’s the voice of a kid.

“Hello” he says. “We want to leave the city”

“Tobio, shut up” Tooru snarls.

“We’re about to leave to Japan” the kid says.

“That’s outside the city?”

“Yes, of course”

“Tooru, we can leave!”

“No. Sorry but no” Tooru says, holding Tobio. “Thank you for your offer, but stay out of our business”

“Stupid brat, I am trying to help you!” the kid says, frowning.

“How we know that you aren’t working for someone? Or worse, it’s a trap”

“I’m not the one who let himself be fooled by Jake; everybody knows who he is”

“Just say for who do you work and what will happen to us if we follow you”

“Okay, I’m in a gang, that’s true. And yeah, maybe they need more members”

“I knew it! We’re being chased by people like that, we don’t want anything to do with you”

“A gang can protect you from that. Also, we’re based in Japan so it’s far from here”

“We aren’t slaves”

“You won’t be, just basic members of the gang”

Tobio releases himself from Tooru and walks to the kid.

“Will we have food?” the kid nods. “And a good bed? And nice clothes? And no mean men who touches us?”

“Yes”

“Tooru let’s go to Japan!”

“Stop!” Tooru screams. “Don’t go with him!”

“He looks nice”

“Tobio-chan, please”

But Tobio has hold the hand of the kid and they are starting to walk away. Tooru screams a little bit more and then follows them. He doesn’t want to leave Tobio alone with him. He stays behind them, checking for his pocket knife. If that kid or someone else do any wrong move, he will stab them. He’s had enough.

“I’m Tobio and that one is Tooru” Tobio explains. For now, the kid isn’t doing anything wrong. “Who are you?”

“I am Iwaizumi Hajime”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Black lifes matter


	11. Oikawa (part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three more chapters to end the flashback (including this one)

_I don’t love you_

To the left. Then from below. One step further, a few ones to the back. Dodge it. Now attack. Tobio goes to the neck and close his hands around it, pressing strongly. But the other guy pushes him easily and punch him. He blocks his hit by holding his wrist and twist it. Then he hits him with the elbow. The guy pushes him again and kicks him, and Tobio has problems in maintaining his balance. But the fight doesn’t end and Tobio throws himself back at the guy.

They both hold each other by the shirts, pushing and pulling. The guy trips and Tobio throws him on the floor. He sits on his back and hold his neck by his arms, keeping him immobilized.

“Fine, fine” the instructor yells. “Kindaichi, you would be dead by now. Focus”

“Yeah…” the guy, Kindaichi, stands up after Tobio freed him. 

“Kageyama, you know you could finish him in less movements. What’s up with you today?”

“I’m fine. I let him go easy”

“Asshole” Kindaichi says, with a smile.

The instructor leaves them alone to attend the other apprentices. Tobio and Kindaichi are done for today and they stay there, watching the fight between Iwaizumi and Kyotani. They are two of the best fighters of the gang, but Iwaizumi is clearly superior. They both are looking in awe as Iwaizumi finishes Kyotani very quickly. Kyotani is impressed too.

The instructor finishes the class and everyone leaves the room. It’s an empty garage, so they have all their bags at the back of the room. Tobio empties a bottle of water into a towel and clean his face. He would have to shower once they get to the house, but he wants to be refreshed.

“I wish I could do half the things Iwaizumi-san does” Kindaichi says, next to him.

“That means you have to think more”

“Thanks, dude” Kindaichi waits until Tobio has picked up his things. “But Irihata-sensei is right. You seem kinda off today”

“They have asked me to be in a meeting tonight…” Tobio says to which Kindaichi makes a face. “Is it bad?”

“Nah, sometimes they’re pretty boring. You don’t have to do anything, just be there and attend them if they ask something”

“They made it seem like I was giving a special task, since it’s my first time around them”

“They want other gangs to see that we have new people, that means it’s growing”

The instructor calls everyone there to leave. They walk out of the garage in a group, like they are some students going to an excursion with a teacher. Kindaichi clears his throat to speak, he looks nervous.

“Are you free after that meeting…?”

Tobio doesn’t answer, because Iwaizumi arrives. He claps both backs as a greeting.

“Good training” he says, walking with them.

“Thank you, Iwaizumi-san” they both say at the same time.

“That Oikawa didn’t show up” Iwaizumi says, a bit angry. “What is he doing now?”

“He was reading some books, again” Tobio answers. “It’s the only thing he does, even at night”

“Stupid brat. He will go blind if he keeps reading without light”

“What is he reading?” Kindaichi asks, curious.

“I don’t know, he says he want to be nurtured in everything. I lost count of how many books he has read”

“I wouldn’t mind if he actually did something with that knowledge” Iwaizumi says. “But no, he continues fucking up his sleep schedule. I’ll kick his ass”

“He never had one…”

The group arrives at their building, an old hostel of which they have used the rooms to live. Tobio shares a room with Tooru, on the third floor. Iwaizumi escorts him to his room.

“I’ll see you in a few hours for the meeting. Eat something, it’s gonna be a bit tiring”

“Okay”

“And tell Oikawa to get some sleep for me” Iwaizumi pats his shoulder before leaving.

Tobio gets in the room. Tooru is sitting in one of the beds, surrounded by books and papers. He seems interested in devouring a medical encyclopaedia. He doesn’t even lift his head to see Tobio, he just tilts it at hearing the sounds but he doesn’t stick his eyes out of the book. Tobio looks at him while he throws the bag on his bed. Tooru has shown interest in learning self-defence in the past, so he doesn’t understand why he’s choosing books over that.

He takes off his dirty clothes and runs to the shower. By the time he gets out, Tooru is still reading. He has previously been a victim of a scold if he interrupts his reading time, but sometimes Tobio is too curious. He sits on Tooru’s bed and tries to see what is he reading, but his hair is still wet and some water drops fall on the blanket. Tooru moves the books away with a wry face.

“What are you reading?”

“Useful stuff, Tobio-chan. A little bit of medicine, law, politics, business…”

“How boring!” Tobio whines, lying on the bed. “Why you don’t come to training anymore? That’s useful”

“I know what I have to know. But these books will help this gang to stop being so miserable”

“Knowing about the blood system will do that?” Tobio says, mockingly.

“You know, Tobio, for someone who doesn’t even know how to read, you’re talking too much”

“I know what I have to know”

Tooru closes the book.

“I’m going to change things here. This gang is too small and too weak. We’re at the bottom of everyone else! Almost becoming products… and I won’t allow that. Not anymore. Since the bigger gangs ignore us, we have to fight the other ones. And that idiot of our boss isn’t doing much”

“But… why are you reading…?”

“Dear God, Tobio. To know better! If boss isn’t going to do it, I am going to. I’m going to lead the gang into a better one”

“If you say so…”

“You will thank me later”

“Whatever. I’m going to have dinner. Do you want to come?”

“No. The blood system needs to be fully understood”

“Iwaizumi is getting angry with you”

“Tell him to mind his own business”

“He will kick your ass”

Tooru doesn’t answer, he keeps reading. The conversation is over for him, so Tobio leaves the room. He climbs down the stairs to the dining room. There are some members around there, in small groups.

Everyone here has already teamed up with someone, only he and Tooru are the weirdos who are alone. Tooru is always up to something and Tobio is used to be alone. That’s why he finds it so strange that Kindaichi is always trying to be around him, asking him and inviting him to things. And Iwaizumi, who is always taking care of him… This is a gang but everyone must learn to do things by their own. He can’t trust anyone… That’s what Tooru always says.

He sits on the counter of the kitchen once he picks up a bowl of microwave rice. There are other people who passes by the kitchen to eat something. A group sits on some tables and talk and laugh. Tobio watches them. They seem to get along pretty well. Even Kyotani, who seems unfriendly is with them.

“Do you want something?” Yahaba says. He was one of the first ones who disliked Tooru and him when they arrived at the gang many years ago. And his opinion didn’t vary for Tobio.

“No” he says without further ado. He can feel Kyoutani’s gaze piercing him. It’s not the same dislike Yahaba has, because it was more about strength levels. They are practically the same in terms of fighting and only Iwaizumi is allowed to surpass it.

He thinks Yahaba will leave him alone with that but no. Tonight, he’s feeling like bothering him.

“Can’t you sit in a table like normal people do?”

“No” he says, leaning even more in the counter.

“People from the street are always so… uncivilized”

“Oh, did Daddy stop the allowance to his rich baby boy and the kid decided to join a gang to show Daddy how rebel he can be?”

“Shut up”

“Hey, come on” Kindaichi says, trying to bring some peace. “Yahaba-san, stop it”

“You seem to be always defending him, Kindaichi…” Kunimi mumbles a bit bored.

“I don’t need to be defended. I can kick his rich ass without hurting myself”

“Say that again” Kyotani says, standing up. Tobio gets off of the counter.

“I am not talking to you”

“Guys” Kindaichi stands up and forces Tobio to step back.

“What’s happening?” Iwaizumi has just arrived at the kitchen. Immediately, both Kyotani and Tobio move away. “Tobio, we have to go”

Tobio doesn’t look at anyone while he leaves the kitchen. Iwaizumi is next to him, observing him.

“Is everything okay?” Iwaizumi asks. “Look, I know its hard but they’re nice once you know them”

“I’m not here to make friends”

Iwaizumi stares at him. Probably, Tooru has told him the same before. It’s already a pattern. For over the years, Iwaizumi has tried that these two guys could find a home in the gang but they’re too untrustful. He already knows that Oikawa only listened to himself but he feels like he can change Tobio’s mind. But, of course, that guy spends most of the time either alone or with Tooru.

They arrive at the hostel’s conference hall which really consist of a room with a few tables and an improvised minibar. Iwaizumi and Tobio are the only teens there, just to make others see that they are training new members. There are two bodyguards for the boss and another one for the guests. There are three more men along the Boss.

“Oh, a new pretty face. Who is that?” one of the men asks, looking at Tobio.

“He’s in training. Tobio, come here to greet them” the boss Shinoda says.

Tobio gets automatically tensed. Iwaizumi pats his back while he walks towards them. He feels all those men gaze at him, observing him. He’s the newbie, a little bunny who is getting out of the burrow. Suddenly his mind starts showing him memories from a dark room, three men, fire and a gun. He tries to restrain a shiver.

“Good night…” he mumbles.

“Kageyama Tobio” Shinoda says, crossing and arm around him. “He’s only 14 and yet one of the best fighters I have”

“Strong and pretty, huh? That’s a lethal combination” one of the guests, Yoshida, laughed.

Tobio sighs. He hates that word, and the voice that comes with it. He’s being checked once again, he feels exposed.

“Shinoda-san” Iwaizumi interrupted. “Do you want us to prepare the drinks?”

“Sure thing, Hajime”

He releases Tobio and he immediately goes with Iwaizumi. He’s glad he interrupted them, because he’s starting to get uncomfortable.

“You’re doing fine” Iwaizumi says to him, while taking out the drinks out of the small fridge. Tobio holds the bottles while Iwaizumi places the vases.

“Are they playing cards…?” Tobio mumbles, while watching how the group of men start hand out some cards.

“It’s a way of showing who’s the smartest here. Of course, they will try to cheat and win over the others, but the thing is to not being caught”

Tobio watches how one of the men hides a card on his lap. The others seem to not notice. He tries to follow their moves but he doesn’t understand what are they playing.

“Hey, where are those drinks?” the man of the card says. “Come one, pretty boy. Bring us the booth”

Tobio tenses once again. Why is he asking only him? Iwaizumi is also there to serve it, isn’t he? He has a bad feeling, but boss Shinoda stares at him. Iwaizumi gently pushes him to make him move. He can’t mess it up in his first day of being useful. Tobio places the glasses on a tray and fill them with alcohol. His hands are a bit shaky but thankefully he doesn’t drop anything. Once he arrives at the table, he leaves the tray on it and start distributing the glasses.

“Your drink, Yoshida” he says, giving him the cup.

“Wow, how rude. Where are your manners, young boy?” Yoshida says, clearly mocking him. “It’s Yoshida-san for you”

“Excuse him” boss Shinoda says. “We picked him on America. He has yet to learn etiquette”

The boss tilts his head and Tobio takes it as a sign to leave. But as he was turning around, Yoshida talks again.

“Do you need private classes, pretty boy?” he says as he laughs, and he slap his ass.

Tobio closes his eyes, feeling nauseous. His mind takes him back to that club. To that room, and those other kids who joined him. That girl who also had to give them drinks and keep quiet when that man groping her. The fear of being in that room, under the gaze of some men.

But he isn’t a kid anymore, so he turns around again and walks to the man. Tobio leans over and draws his hand to Yoshida’s lap. Yoshida isn’t expecting this so he smiles, surprised. But Tobio takes out the hidden Joker card.

“Yoshida-san, your card fell” he says, staring at him and placing the card on the table for everyone to see.

“Son of a bitch” another man says.

Everyone there is cheating, as Iwaizumi has said, but getting uncovered is embarrassing. Yoshida goes red of anger and quickly stands up. His hand goes directly to Tobio’s throat, who steps back frightened.

“Please, please” Shinoda says, trying to stay calm. “Come on, Yoshida, accept your failure and let the real men play the game”

Iwaizumi runs to them and takes out Tobio of the arm, keeping him away from Yoshida. He even gets out of the room. Tobio takes a deep breath once he’s on the hallway.

“Damn, Kageyama… Are you okay?” Iwaizumi tries to check his neck but Tobio moves aside. He nods. “You shouldn’t have done that”

“He shouldn’t have touched me” Tobio is still angry although nervous too.

“You can compromise the boss. He won’t be happy about this” Iwaizumi understands what Tobio is feeling but also, he’s worried. Tobio can get problems because of that. “Listen, stay here outside. I’ll take care of everything”

Tobio sits down on the floor while Iwaizumi gets back to the room. He takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. He can still feel the man’s hand on him but also the fear is increasing. Would Shinoda be mad at him? Would he kick him out of the gang? Iwaizumi seems worried… Should he worry too?

The meeting lasts a few hours. He tries to run away from there as soon as he sees Iwaizumi, but boss is quicker.

“Kageyama. Come here”

Tobio sighs and gets in the room. The other men have already left too, there’s only him and Shinoda. That doesn’t alleviate his anxiety. He doesn’t like being alone with strange men, although he’s been his boss for over a couple of years. Shinoda makes him sit on a chair.

“I’m sorry, Shinoda…”

“Shinoda-san” he corrected him. “Kageyama, you need to learn better manners. Otherwise, I won’t be able to trust you enough”

“You said I am one of the best fighters you have…”

“Yes, but you have a bad temper and I can’t let you mess up my things” Shinoda gets near and draws a hand to him. Tobio draws back. “You’re too pretty to be that angry”

“Listen, Shinoda-san… I’m sorry, okay? I won’t do that anymore” Tobio quickly says. He wants to get out of here.

“The thing is” boss says, placing a hand on his chin and lifting up. “this time, I’m glad you made a fool out of that asshole. So maybe we can control this temper of your to… benefit me more”

“S-Shinoda-san…”

“Don’t worry. If you’re a good boy and obey me, nothing bad will happen”

Shinoda’s hand starts caressing his cheek and Tobio can’t control his shiver anymore. There was another man who also told him that. A man who still haunts him on nightmares. He knows how this will end. Kawashima. Yoshida. Shinoda. All of them are the same. He can’t help it; the fear is too big to fight it off. His eyes start to get blurry.

He drags the chair away and quickly stands up and runs away. He doesn’t care about manners or if the boss gets angry. He wants to escape. He wants to hide and cry until the fear fades away. He runs the hallways until he arrives at his room. He’s out of breath and the tears are already falling out.

Tooru stands up and Tobio throws himself at his arms. Tooru doesn’t say anything, he stays there while Tobio stops crying.

“T-Tooru… he’s like them. I don’t want this. I want to get out. I want to go. Please, let’s go…”

“Who?”

“Shinoda… He… He caressed me and… I don’t like this, Tooru”

“I would be surprised if you do” Tooru keeps caressing him. “But don’t worry. He won’t last longer, here. I’ll take care of him”

“What will you do…?”

“He’s a bad boss, anyways. This gang won’t survive longer with him on the lead, but I can change that. I just need a change and…” Tooru keeps silence. Then, he smiles widely. “Oh, Tobio-chan! Of course!”

“What…?”

“Oh, my dear. I knew you will be useful. That asshole is too confident, we just need to low it and boooom, hit him when he isn’t expecting it! And you will help in this”

“Tooru, in what are you thinking…?” Tobio is getting scared again. Tooru laughs. Tobio doesn’t like that face, that’s the kind of expression he hates the most. It’s scary.

“You’re going to end him!” Tooru laughs again, his caresses getting harsh. “You’ll get close to him and you’ll kill him”

“What the fuck?! No!”

“Don’t you want him dead, Tobio? Don’t you want all of them dead?” Tobio breaks the hug but Tooru keeps him nearby. “They will finally stop touching us. Abusing us. They will get what they deserve! No one is going to hurt us anymore, Tobio-chan. I made a promise”

“I don’t want to kill anybody!”

“You will!” Tooru corners him against the wall. “We will end this. You will help us to get free from him. You will help into giving this gang a better future”

Tobio is still shocked from the previous encounter with the boss, now with Tooru’s cornering he feels threatened. He shrinks under Tooru’s wild gaze.

“Listen, Tobio. We’ll be free if you obey me and do as I say. I have a plan. You already fucked up once, remember? And because of that, we ended up in that fucking club. You remember, right? Where I was raped to cover you. Now shut up and do as I say, for once”

Tobio shuts up. For a while, Tooru has been confronting him about their past as if it was his fault. He tries to fight it off and think that it couldn’t be his fault but sometimes he listens too much. Tooru tried to escape once and Tobio couldn’t do anything because he got scared. He’s always messing things up.

“Tobio-chan… I once promised you that we will rule the world. And we’ll going to do it, starting by the very low. We’ll have the biggest gang of Japan and, then, we’ll jump into foreign land. And that means getting our hands dirty”

“Then get yours first… I won’t kill anyone”

“Honey, why do you think I’ve been reading all this medical stuff? I know how to kill. I am creating a lethal weapon for you. I am the brains of this, dear. You will execute it”

“I don’t want to get near that man anymore”

“You will. I am not asking you to fuck him, yikes. But you will seduce him, you will make him trust you enough to be around him and then… Gone”

“He would be stupid if he trusted me…” Tobio says bitterly. He has gained the reputation of being a lonely wolf.

“Then, change his mind. Look, Tobio, you have to start learning that you are more than brute fighting strength. You can be beautiful and that’s a better weapon. A quiet and venomous weapon…”

“Tooru, I don’t want this… Please, don’t…”

“I promise you he won’t be able to touch you more than necessary. He’s stupid enough to fall easily for pretty faces. It won’t last that much and we’ll change the world” Tooru smiles again and leaves a kiss on his forehead.

Tobio drops to the floor, still shocked. Everything is too vivid right now. He can hear the lascivious words resonating in his head, he can hear Tooru’s weird laugh. He covers his ears, as if that would do something. He closes his eyes, but he keeps seeing all of those men’s eyes excruciating him. And now Tooru’s too.

“Please, stop…”

Tooru kneels down and catches his hands, forcing him to look at him. He smiles gently, his voice turning sweet but still unsteady.

“I hear them too, those voices. Those images. Don’t worry, dear. They’ll be gone once we get stronger” Tooru says, although Tobio isn’t sure if they’re talking about the same issue. “Tobio-chan, to be powerful means to be feared. If you are feared, no one would dare to lay a hand on you. That’s why I’m planning all of this! We’ll be the strongest, the most powerful duo. But I need of your part to do it”

“I’m… I’m scared, Tooru…”

“They will be more than you do” Tooru picks up one of his books. “Listen, Tobio. I know how to create venoms! I only have to do it and you’ll pour it on his drink or something like that. He will be gone and you won’t have to stain your hands, see? There won’t be any blood, I promise you”

“Will it be quick…?”

“Sure. Look I just need those things and a lab but…”

Tobio doesn’t answer but he’s defeated. He doesn’t want to keep listening to Tooru’s plan although he’s excited for it. For Tooru is like playing, but Tobio will have to do it. He’s exhausted, so he stands up and throws himself on his bed. Tooru shuts up, a bit offended, but he can’t say anything about that because someone knocks at the door.

“This will be our secret, Tobio. Don’t tell anyone” Tooru says, before opening the door. It’s Iwaizumi.

“Hey… I just come by to see how he’s doing. The meeting was kinda awkward”

“Oh, he’s fine” Tooru says. “He’s sleeping”

“Good then. You look horrible, you should sleep too instead of reading”

“How tiresome is to be around such scatterbrains like you for an erudite like me!”

“Asshole. If I see you skipping meals once again, I’ll shove food down your throat”

“Iwa-chan, I can take care of myself, thank you very much”

“You clearly don’t”

“Iwa-chan~ Tobio-chan is sleeping. You care so much about him that you won’t wake him up, will you?”

“You’re so annoying, did you know that?”

“Of course! Bye bye ~” Tooru waves his hand and closes the door afterwards. Iwaizumi complains but he leaves after that.

Tooru hums a song while he gets back to Tobio’s bed. He sits down and caresses his hair; he leans over and whispers on his ear.

“You will make us powerful, Tobio-chan” he kisses his temple.

Tooru stands up and goes to his bed, ready to read again. Tobio just covers himself with the blanket, he just wants to sleep and forget about this day. But he can’t.

He looks dead, for a few days. It’s hard for him to get sleep, but now that he’s awake in the night he notices Tooru too much. Tooru mumbles while he studies and that makes him very uncomfortable. Sometimes he also walks around the room. He’s so restless that it makes him restless too.

He can’t focus well on training classes. He’s too stressed and uses it to calm himself down, which Kindaichi has to suffer the consequences for being his partner. The instructor has to call him out a few times until Kindaichi refuses to battle against him like that.

“Are you okay?” Kindaichi asks, after Irihata sends them to take a break.

“Of course,” Tobio says, already getting nervous. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’d been so stressed these past days. If something happens you can…”

“I said I’m fine” he says, harshly. “Stop asking”

Kindaichi shuts up, a bit hurt. Tobio feels bad, he wasn’t meaning wrong but the situation is making him too defensive. He can’t tell him that he’s planning on killing their boss, Tooru has been very clear of that. He can’t trust anyone in this.

“Sorry…” he mumbles. He can’t stand being there, in front of Kindaichi, so he gets out of the garage.

The garage where they fight is on the harbour so Tobio starts wandering around the big containers, his lungs filled of saltpetre air. He stands by a dock, seeing some ships about to moor. The see gives him mixed feelings. When it’s calm, he can stare at it for long and his heartbeats match the waves. But he has seen it tempestuous, when they left New York. It’s dangerous, strong and merciless. Too unpredictable.

Like Tooru.

Also, the sky is getting cloudy on the horizon. He wishes for the rain to not come in these moments of stress. That would be the last straw.

“Kageyama” it’s Iwaizumi. He would be harder than Kindaichi to dismiss. Iwaizumi sits on a wooden box, near him. “Come here”

Iwaizumi takes out something from his bag. It’s onigiri, so Tobio sits down to receive two. They eat in silence, Tobio isn’t able to look at him whilst Iwaizumi stares at the sea. He’s giving him time to calm down.

“Did the boss told you anything?”

“N-no…”

“Don’t mind him. He tries to be intimidating but at this point no one pays him attention, not even us”

Would they pay attention if he’s killed?

“Iwaizumi…-san” he mutters. He wants to take off this feeling, this pressure. He wants to tell him everything and Iwaizumi could make Oikawa to change his mind. Or to make someone else to do the work.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to say anything but we’re here, okay? If you need something, we’re all here. Fuck the boss” Iwaizumi laughs. “We have to take care of each other, in things like this. We’re a group”

“Maybe you are, but not me”

“Don’t say that”

It’s true, though. Yes, that gang was a group but Tooru and him have been trying to not be part of it. They are here because of the food, the roof and the security. None of the two wants to make friends…or else, everything will be messed up. Tobio knows how it is to think he’s part of a group only to finding out that he’s just a nuisance. He will bring problems, if he gets closer to them. Like Jalil…

“Look, stop thinking about work and gang stuff for a while. You could go out with Kindaichi and Kunimi, you are the same age. And, well, I know you had problems with Yahaba but maybe if you two take a change on each other… I have found friends here. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are my brothers”

“I don’t have brothers”

“Come on” Iwaizumi growls. “Whatever Oikawa has told you about it, you’re your own being. That stupid guy can isolate himself as much as he wants, but that doesn’t mean you have to do the same”

Tobio doesn’t answer, but Iwaizumi knows he has listened.

“Try to live a bit” he says, standing up. “And forget about responsibilities for a while”

Tobio waits for him to leave. He finishes the onigiri and keeps looking at the sea. Maybe Iwaizumi is right. He needs distractions, but he’s also afraid of doing something further than talk to other members. But maybe he can go out just for a night and see what happens… He doesn’t want to keep thinking about murder and treason.

So, he stands up and walks back to the garage. The group is just about to leave so he approaches to Kindaichi. He’s the only one besides Iwaizumi who has talked to. Maybe he can start with him.

“Hey…” he says. “Uh… Are you free, tonight…?”

Kindaichi looks surprised, and even a bit red. He’s slow to find the correct words to answer.

“Of course! I mean… Yes. Yeah, sure. What do you want to do?”

“Whatever you want”

“Well…, maybe we can go to the centre and… I don’t know. Maybe walk around”

“Okay”

Kindaichi is smiling like an idiot, but he’s cute so Tobio can calm down. Kindaichi won’t hurt him, he won’t use him. He can trust him… right?

They arrange on meeting at dusk, so they could have dinner while they are outside. Tobio feels relieved for not having to think about bad stuff and focus on a simple meeting. He’s curious about life outside the gang and maybe Iwaizumi is right, that he focuses too much on being a decent member. He wants to know what it feels like to go out of that place for a while.

Tobio takes a shower and has a hard time in choosing his clothes. He never really cared about it and his clothes are baggy and mostly black or grey. Would that be good for the meeting? But, if anything, why does he bother that much? Is not as Kindaichi has a good fashion sense either. At last, he puts on a dark blue sweater.

Tooru enters the room. He, for once, has gone to eat something in the kitchen. By how Tobio reacts, he knows he’s up to something. Tobio looks nervous but not tensed as before.

“Why so happy, Tobio-chan?”

“I’m going out with Kindaichi tonight” he says. Tooru raises an eyebrow and Tobio knows he’s about to complain. “What now?”

“I can’t believe you were all scared and crying before and now you’re like that…”

“It’s not the same…”

“He hasn’t done anything because you’re stronger than him, otherwise he would have jump at you already”

“No, of course not. Kindaichi is not like that, he has never hurt me and he’s kind”

“Kind. A gang member is kind… Do you hear yourself? He’s a bastard in training. He will become like those adults, like those men who hurt you so much. Please, Tobio-chan, don’t be dumb”

“He won’t hurt me, we’re comrades”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Tooru giggles. “Is Kindaichi your little friend who can and will turn on you and stab you from behind? Because that’s what absolutely will happen if you continue trusting people that much. Haven’t you learnt a fucking thing?”

“Why can’t I be happy for once!?”

“Because first you need to earn it!” Tooru raises his voice. “We have a plan for that, remember? Stick to it and don’t distract yourself with useless things!”

“It’s not useless, I just want to... to live!”

“To live? Like Jalil did? Like the one who received the shot from the police?” Tooru says, dryly, knowing that Tobio will get triggered because of it. “Do you want that to happen again?”

“No…”

“The lesser people you know, the more you will be safe. Because when the disgrace happens, you won’t be attached enough to be a victim” Tooru cups his cheeks with his hands. “There are no friends in a gang. No family. Everyone uses each other. Kindaichi too”

Tobio has to low his gaze, he’s unable to keep looking at Tooru. This is hurting too much. Whenever he decides to let things go and relax a bit, there’s always something that breaks it. Maybe Tooru is right. He isn’t here to make friends, just to survive.

Someone’s knocking at the door, it’s probably Kindaichi who comes to pick him up. Tobio doesn’t feel like talking, he doesn’t even want to see him right now. Tooru opens the door.

“Hi…” Kindaichi says, a bit nervous. “Is Kageyama ready?”

“I’m afraid no” Tooru says, with a fake smile. “He doesn’t feel well”

“Oh…”

Tobio can hear how Kindaichi’s voice becomes very little. He’s hurt. He knows that’s not true. And that only means that Tobio is ditching him, which is the very true. Tobio feels bad for him, he looked happy to go out with him before. The guilt is piercing him.

“Close the door” he demands, not bearing it anymore. Tooru giggles while he closes the door. Then, he gets back to him and kiss his forehead.

“Good job, Tobio-chan” he says. Tobio wants to fade away but Tooru holds him by the wrist and brings him to the bed. “Now, let’s check the plan again”

Tobio doesn’t listen, he’s exhausted. He can’t stop thinking about Kindaichi, he’s too sensitive and he must hate him now… He doesn’t want to listen about formulas and weird stuff.

“Tobio, I’m talking to you” Tooru says, angry. “What are you doing? Focus!”

Tobio looks at him. During all these years, Tooru has told him that he’s the only one with who he can trust. He’s afraid and anxious, and he needs someone to listen to him for once.

“Tooru… I’m tired of never feeling safe…” he confesses.

“You know how to change that. If they fear you, you will be safe. Now, focus on what I am saying. I’ll be gone for a few days to make the poison, you’ll cover me. Make up anything so the other members won’t go after me. Meanwhile, you will start getting closer to the boss”

“About that…”

“You don’t have to fuck him, just seduce him enough to make him confident around you. Then, you will pour the poison on his drink or food”

“What would the poison do?”

“It will kill him instantly. You can escape easily, even if he knows what you’ve done, he won’t be able to follow you”

“No blood?”

“No blood”

“Fine…”

He shouldn’t agree to that, but he’s fed up. He wants to do something about his life. He wants to be safe, to not be always scared of everything. Tooru always knew what to do…, maybe this time won’t be different.

But during the next days, Kindaichi doesn’t want to pair up with him in training. He’s offended. Usually, Tobio wouldn’t mind and would proceed to fight alone, but he feels guilty. He deserves to be ignored but he doesn’t like it.

The one who finally pairs up with him is Iwaizumi. Tobio is a bit excited, because Iwaizumi would be a good teacher but he’s there for another reason. While they train with fake knifes, Iwaizumi seizes it to talk.

“Where’s Oikawa?” he says, while he attacks.

“Out. Boss has asked him to do an errand” Tobio dodges him.

“Alone? We normally go in pairs”

“Yeah but… it was better if he went alone. To not be seen so easily”

“That sounds like a hard job, what’s he’s up to?”

“I… really don’t know. Ask him yourself when he returns…”

Iwaizumi takes the opportunity to corner him and stick the fake knife on the wall, next to his head. He has won the battle.

“You can’t seem to focus in anything” Iwaizumi says.

“Sorry… I’ve been sleeping badly these days. But it’s okay! I’m resting well!” Tobio adds, already seeing the incoming scold from Iwaizumi.

“What did you do to Kindaichi? He seems really struggling to approach you”

“Yeah, I might have fucked up some things…”

“Kageyama” Irihata interrupted. “Shinoda-san has just called me; he wants to see you. Go back to the hostel”

Tobio holds his breath. The boss has never asked him to come like that, much less in the middle of a training. What if he has noticed Tooru’s absence? What kind of excuse could he make up? Or worse… what if he already knows what he and Tooru are planning? Tobio leaves the garage very tensed. He even thinks of running away and hide, but Tooru is out there risking his life. He can’t leave him behind…

The boss stays at the last floor of the hostel, above everyone. He has his office and private room there. Tobio stops in front of the office door to make deep breaths. He has to get used to Shinoda’s presence from now on… until he kills him.

He knocks at the door and waits. One of his bodyguards opens the door and lets him in. After that, the man leaves the room. Tobio doesn’t like that, he’s walking alone in the lion’s den.

“Did you want to see me… Shinoda-san?”

“I see you’re getting better at manners” Shinoda says, sitting on top of the desk.

“Yes, I… Sir, I apologize for my behaviour…” Tobio mumbles, trying to be nice. It’s part of the plan, to be trustful enough. To look innocent… but he feels repulsive.

“Come here”

Tobio’s legs start to shake as he walks. He stops in front of him.

“Where’s Oikawa?”

There it goes. Now he has to invent something…

“He’s doing me a favour” he says, which isn’t partly a lie.

“A favour which I, your boss, don’t know?”

“Uh… yes, sir. Because…, you’re the reason for it” Tobio walks further. Shinoda is curious. “I want a perfect outfit to look pretty…”

“Will you look pretty for me?” the boss says, holding him by the waist.

“Yes, Shinoda-san” Tobio says. He tries to control his shaky hand, instead he put it on the man’s chest. “I want a private lesson on manners, from the boss… One of these days, when you are free, I’ll put my best clothes and come to your room…”

Tobio doesn’t recognize himself. His voice is from another person. His hand is acting by its own. His mind is cloudy because he’s about to puck if he continues. He takes off the hand over Shinoda’s chest, thinking that his words are enough to make him fall. But Shinoda’s hands are still on his waist.

“I’ll be glad to teach you a few things… but, why wait? I can make you an introduction”

Tobio isn’t expecting it. Shinoda makes him kneel on the floor, almost throwing him. His body is paralyzed by that, he can’t control his shivering anymore. Tooru said he doesn’t have to go far… but Shinoda is already zipping off his pants.

“What happens, pretty boy? Are you shy?”

Tobio wants to run. He can’t do this. But Tooru would be angry… he has to stick to the plan. He can do it. He has to fight for his own safety… And after this, he will be free.

Right?

He will be free…

When Tooru arrives at their room, Tobio is sitting on the bathroom. He has thrown up and now, he’s looking at nothing. He tries to clean his face as Tooru enters the bathroom, but Tooru already knows he’s crying. Tooru sits down in front of him.

“Now you understand what it feels like, don’t you?” Tooru says, apathetic. Tobio sobs a little more. Tooru takes out a little bottle of his pocket and places it on Tobio’s hand. “It will end. Make sure he swallows it”

Tobio leans his head against the wall and closes his eyes. He wants to disappear. No not still feel that man’s touch, or his smell, or his voice. He holds the bottle tight. It will end… it will end, Tooru says.

It will end…

It will end, he repeats to himself while he’s standing in front of the boss’ room door. He won’t have to do it again. Maybe he won’t have to touch him, he’ll just go in, offer him a drink and then… then he’ll be gone. Tooru is waiting on the hallway, ready to go in when everything happens. He nods to him, indicating that it’s time to start. Tobio knocks at the door and Shinoda let him pass in.

Shinoda’s bedroom is considerably bigger and, unlike the other rooms, it’s has been restored. He isn’t the boss for nothing, he has to show he’s better than the rest of the gang.

“Good evening, Shinoda-san…” Tobio says.

“It’s nice to see you, Kageyama. Is that the outfit you wanted to have?”

“Yes, sir” he says. He’s wearing a formal shirt. Not much, but effective. “Do you like it?”

“Classic. It’s fine, although I prefer other clothes… Come on, don’t be shy. Sit down” Shinoda hugs him by the shoulders and brings him to bed. Tobio sit down on the ledge. “I want to know why you have decided to come to me after all this time”

“I’ve been thinking in what you told me, sir. I’ve been trying to be your best fighter all this time, and now you asked me to behave better. I want to do the best I can to please you, Shinoda-san. And…” he stops talking. Shinoda has started to caress his face. “And… And I just want t-to be a good subordinate…”

“You’re so pretty when you are that shy…”

Tobio doesn’t like his lascivious tone, but he can’t mess everything up. He can bare a simple caress… But Shinoda’s hand goes to his leg. He’s leaning on. He’s getting too close.

“Shinoda-san!” he says, stopping him. “I’ve brought some drinks for you… Do you want to take some?”

“What do you have?”

Tobio takes the opportunity to leave the bed and goes to his bag, which has left on the floor. He takes out a bottle of brandy.

“I hope you like this, Shinoda-san. I wanted to be nice to you and brought a present… And I know a fine man like yourself would like something to drink”

“Sure. Let’s taste it. There’s a minibar on that counter, serve yourself too”

“I’m 14, sir”

“Do I look like I care?”

Of course not.

Tobio walks fast to the counter and takes out the vases. He opens de brandy and pours it in them. To be less suspicious, he fills one for himself although isn’t planning to drink. He covers the drink behind his body and takes out the little bottle. He drips some of it on the cups. The poison is transparent and it blends perfectly in the alcohol. Tobio’s hand is shaky and he’s glad he’s covering it from Shinoda.

Just when he hides the bottle on his pocket, Shinoda comes from behind. He hugs his waist and Tobio, who gets scared, jumps a little throwing the cups. Shinoda turns him to face him. Tobio is anxious, he spilled all the poisoned drinks.

“Don’t mind the cups, we’ll drink it later” Shinoda takes him by the wrist and throws him on the bed. Tobio tries to move away, crawling backwards, but the boss corners him against the bed head. “Why so shy right now, pretty boy?”

“S-shinoda-san…” Tobio mutters, his body tensed. “Please, wait a minute…”

“Oh, little boy. You’re a virgin, aren’t you…?” Shinoda’s eyes shine maliciously. He loves the thought of possessing a pure child and Tobio feels so small under that gaze. “Okay, go on and prepare yourself”

Luckily, Shinoda moves away and Tobio can sit up. He doesn’t like his eyes or his smile. He’s about to throw up again and the plan is about to be destroyed because he couldn’t give him the poison with the drinks. He has to think another way of doing it…

The boss is waiting for him, he can’t delay it anymore. He starts unbuttoning his shirt, trying to not look at the man in front of him. Shinoda caresses his leg once again and Tobio moves away. If he touches the pocket where the bottle is, he will know. He turns around, which Shinoda likes even more because he can touch his ass. In a second, Tobio has taken out the bottle and he keeps it hidden on his closed hand.

He has to do something about it. It’s now or never. He can’t throw the bottle away because the glass will break. And he can’t keep it on his hand because Shinoda would see it sooner or later.

He only has to not swallow it, right? So, he opens the bottle and quickly empties it on his mouth. He holds his mouth tightly, being carefully to not gulp it down. He turns around to face Shinoda. He sighs. He leans on and kiss him on the lips. Shinoda quickly opens his mouth and that’s the perfect occasion to make him swallow the poison.

Shinoda feels the liquid, and he immediately knows what it’s happening.

“You fucking bitch!” he shouts. He punches him in the face, Tobio falls on the bed and spits the remainders of the poison.

Tobio quickly climb down the bed, chased by Shinoda. Shinoda is shouting, insulting him, but he soon stops moving. He’s getting weaker, he can’t even walk anymore. He starts coughing, his hands holding his neck. He opens his shirt to get some air, but he’s getting redder and redder. His eyes also get red. His neck to swollen. He’s suffocating. His face turns from red to purple. He bends over and throws up on the floor, but it doesn’t make it any better. His nose starts to bleed, and then the corners of his eyes start dropping tears of blood. He’s growling because he can’t talk, he can’t ask for help. He isn’t recognisable anymore. His face and neck are so swollen that it’s impossible, and all the blood and fluids cover him. He falls on the floor, in the middle of a puck puddle.

Tooru goes in the room. He stares at the boss’ body and immediately roars in laugher.

“Now what, asshole?!” he shouts, kicking him. “You’re not that powerful anymore, you miserable shit!”

He gasps for breathing after all the laugh, but he’s still smiling when he looks for Tobio. Tobio is leaning against the wall and he even tries to go further. He’s trembling, his eyes stick to Shinoda’s body. He looks like a disfigured monster. And he has created that monster.

“Tobio-chan~” Tooru sings. Tobio’s body trembles even more. “My dear”

“You said it would be quick…”

“And so, it was!” Tooru giggles. 

“What the fuck is this?!” he waves his hand, trying to point at Shinoda.

“This, my boy, is our freedom” Tooru walks to him. He takes him by his hands and move him to the centre of the room. He cups his cheeks with his hands. Tooru is trembling but, unless Tobio, he’s euphoric. “Tobio-chan. You’ve made us free!”

Tobio isn’t aware that he’s starting to cry when Tooru kisses his cheeks. There’s so much going on his mind that he’s unable to react to it.

“I have… killed him…”

“Come on, you know that fucker was useless. He was leading us to extinction. This is a new future for us”

“What the others will think…?”

“I have a plan, remember? I have checked all the points and the consequences. Everything will be fine, and they’ll kiss the floor where we walk when they see all the privilege and commodities they’ll have. I need of all your strength and you need my wits. Fair use”

“But what are we going to do now…?”

“I have studies, dear. I will open my own doctor office! I know how to keep someone alive”

“W-we just have killed the boss and you want to heal other people?”

“I’m not just healing them, stupid boy. I’ll make them owe me their lives”

Tooru crosses his arm around Tobio’s shoulder and he starts walking to go out of the room. 

“Can you feel it, Tobio-chan?” Tooru says. “It’s the feeling of freedom”


	12. Oikawa (part 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear part 6 will be the last one for the flashback. I already miss Nicolas

_You took my happiness away  
  
  
_

He’s in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by darkness. He can’t see where he is, only his condensate breath. He’s starting to get cold, so he rubs his arms trying to warm up. Suddenly, he hears someone calling his name. He tries to find the voice but everything is still so dark to see. A hand grabs his wrist and it turns him around. Another hand touches his cheek.

“You’re here, pretty boy”

Out of the sudden, there’s a face in front of him. A deformed, violet, swollen man is chocking while spilling blood out his mouth. He tries to run from him but the man holds him tightly. He screams for help while the man growls in pain. The man falls on the floor, deedless but his white hand is still grabbing his wrist.

Then, a wild laugh falls around the darkness. It’s Oikawa’s laugh.

Tobio screams too. His unsteady breath matches his sweaty body, and the sunlight blinds him a bit. He’s sitting on his futon, confused by his nightmare. The poisoned body of his last boss still haunts him years later, but what freezes him is Oikawa’s laugh. He doesn’t want to hear it again.

He takes a time to calm down. He’s on his small apartment. Oikawa’s futon is perfectly done, almost like he hasn’t sleep on it. Thinking about it makes Tobio realize something. It’s morning. And Oikawa’s probably working…

He has overslept.

“Fuck…” he mumbles, jumping out the futon. He throws his pyjamas everywhere and quickly puts on some sweatpants and a simple t-shirt.

The apartment is so small that it’s easy to cross it to leave. In a second, he puts on his shoes and leaves the flat. He climbs down the stairs, skipping a few steps on a jump. And so, he starts running through the streets of Sendai.

He still hasn’t used to the change of cities. Tokyo was too big and unexplored; it feels like he hadn’t had time to know it fully. And then, Oikawa decided to split the group up and move to another place. But there’s a direction that he knows very well, and that’s Tooru’s doctor office.

It’s a little office, the building only has a few floors, to be humbler and more unnoticeable. Tobio goes in the building. Iwaizumi is sitting there with Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Iwaizumi stands up at seeing him.

“Where were you?”

“Sorry… How it went?”

“Good, for now. He’s still inside”

“Is he angry…?”

Iwaizumi prefers to not answer. Tobio understands that it’s time to go in and do his job. He leaves the waiting room to go in a changing room. He puts on a cap, a mask and a pair of gloves. He also changes his shoes. Oikawa wants him to be there with him while he works, although he always tries to keep away from the patient.

He crosses a double door to get in the operating room. Oikawa has been saving up to get some machines, but it’s still looking poor compared to a professional hospital. Still, Oikawa is able to work on that.

Oikawa is in the middle of the room, under the lights. Tobio can see his back tensing, as he already knows he’s here. Oikawa is wearing his blue clothes and he’s working on someone’s body.

“It’s been one hour and thirty minutes since I’m here. And you haven’t show up until now”

Oikawa’s voice is calm but cold. He’s focused on the surgery but he’s still angry with him.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t sleep well tonight and…”

“I want you here, Tobio-chan. I don’t care if you have sleep or not. This is a meticulous process and if something goes wrong, then all is a mess”

“I know…” Tobio walks to him, although he tries to not look at the anesthetised man on the table. “What they did to him?”

“Multiple stabbing. He’ll be safe”

Tobio already knows that. It’s part of the plan. During all these years, in order to get Tooru reliable as a doctor, the other members of the gang had assaulted the targets and then bring unknowingly them to Oikawa for him to heal them. That way, they could start talking about his great abilities and trust him despite being so young.

The victim this time is Tachibana Hiroto, a well-known man of monkey business. He’s one of the best in knowing how to provide secure money laundering without being caught thanks to his contacts. It would be good to have this man on his side and deal with him now that Tooru has saved his life.

That’s how it goes. They attack. Oikawa heals. And they pay it back. That’s how Oikawa could buy all his machines and instruments, and that’s why he could continue working. He has contacts that can cover him anytime.

“Tobio-chan, bring me that box over there” Oikawa says.

Tobio has never take part of a surgery but he’s there to obey other orders from Oikawa. He sees the box at the end of the room and he picks it up. It’s filled with cold water, and he leaves it on a table next to Oikawa.

“Another organ…?” Tobio mumbles.

“This man has been stabbed” Oikawa explains. “It’s so easy to say that one has been too damaged and I had to remove it to save his life…”

Oikawa takes a scalpel and begins to cut the body. Tobio has to look away, he still isn’t used to this. It brings too many bad memories, seeing blood and mushy things.

“I previously look through his medical history, he’ll be fine with one kidney. And, of course, if he ends being ill, he can come to me and I’ll give him the treatment” Oikawa takes out a kidney with his gloved hands and proceeds to put it on a container. “A healthy organ means good money, you know that”

“Yeah…” Tobio can look back once the kidney is well-kept on the container. “30 hours until it gets bad, right?”

“That’s correct” Oikawa says, as he is lecturing a student. “You’ll bring it to Tokyo; I have already contacted the dealer. He’ll give you the money”

“I suppose Iwaizumi-san will drive me there”

“No” Oikawa’s eyes acquire a dangerous shine, although his body remained relaxed while he’s stitching the patient. “Kindaichi has asked to bring you there. He just had gotten a motorbike…”

“Really?”

Tobio is a bit happy to hear that. He hasn’t seen Kindaichi for years since he has been living in Tokyo. Oikawa had divided the group and some of them had moved out to Sendai to help him with the clinic, but the others had stayed on the harbour to keep other activities that also brings them money.

But Oikawa doesn’t look very receptive to it, so Tobio prefers to change the subject before Tooru gets angrier.

“Who’s that with the black car parked on the street?” he asks.

“Oh, he’s just Tachibana’s right-hand man. We’ll have to speak to him while he wakes up from the anaesthesia. I had to call him in the middle of the surgery since you had overslept”

“I said I’m sorry…”

Whilst Oikawa finishes bandaging the patient, Tobio has to clean the place. He sets the organ box aside and, after Oikawa has moved the patient to another private room, he brings a mop to clean the blood. It’s disgusting for him but Oikawa always makes him do it. He then helps Oikawa to take off the robes.

“Tell Sanada-san to come to my office. It’s the man in the car” Oikawa says.

Tobio takes off the hat and the other clothes and throws everything to a bin. He goes to the hall where the others are securing the entrance.

“Everything done?” Iwaizumi asks.

“Yeah. Is Kindaichi coming, then?”

“Oh, yes. He should arrive in a few minutes. He’s literally obsessed with his new motorbike. He won’t stop showing off, you’ll see!”

“He has always wanted one. I’m glad he could finally afford it”

“Yeah… Do you need me to go for Sanada? I bet Oikawa would want to discuss things”

“Yes, please”

Iwaizumi pats his back before leaving the building. From the window he could see him approaching the car and knocking on the glass. Then, a man goes out of the vehicle and follows Iwaizumi to the clinic.

“Good morning, Sanada-san” Tobio greets him. “Tachibana-san is resting. While he wakes up, I think we could discuss some things. Tooru would like to have a talk”

“Of course,” Sanada says.

Tobio starts walking to Oikawa’s office and Sanada follows him. Oikawa is sitting on his desk, well-dressed in a simple but nice suit. He stands up after they come in the room and both him and Sanada bow as a greeting.

“You won’t have to worry, Sanada-san” Oikawa says. They sit down while Tobio stays behind Oikawa. “I took care of Tachibana-san. He has suffered multiple stabbing so it was a miracle that my co-workers find him and took him to me. I could save him before things could go even more complicated. Of course, I’m willing to supervise his recovery and facilitate a treatment in case he needs one”

“He already has a private doctor. But since I heard all the good deeds you did in the past, maybe we’ll consider in the future. How could someone as young as you be that good in medicine?”

“It’s my passion” Oikawa smiles. “Some other workers in my profession have already tested my abilities. My age has nothing to do with my knowledge. You can ask Miura-san, you know, the wife of that famous yakuza. She would’ve died without my help”

“Yes, I’m aware of that. I guess you’ll want to receive the money through bank transfer”

“That’s correct. Tobio, prepare the bill”

“Yes, Tooru” Tobio says. He sits down on a small desk at the end of the office and switches on the computer. Oikawa has listed all the prices that goes with each procedure he does, so it’s easy to stablish a final price. Tobio just have to print the document.

“I see that things are going well for you” Sanada says. “Your gang is growing fast, considering how you were before”

“We needed a new direction, that was all. Although is a shame that Shinoda-san can’t see this…”

Tobio tenses at hearing the name. At this point, everyone in the country knew that Shinoda was dead, but the killer remained uncovered. It was a well-known secret around the gang that Oikawa was involved, but no one had said a thing. They all turned a blind eye on that matter.

“This is a survival game, the strongest is the one who keeps alive” Sanada says. “If he was stupid enough to be killed, it’s on him”

“I guess we must move on from that and keep going on”

“Yeah…” Sanada doesn’t look away from Oikawa, even when Tobio gives him the bill. “Of course, the smaller gangs have it difficult to stay afloat”

“Are you insinuating something, Sanada-san?” Oikawa says, his eyes also stick on his.

“We should all be careful, but the gangs like yours better sleep with both eyes open” Sanada stands up. “I hope to see you at Mizushima’s party, Tooru-kun”

Sanada leaves the office. Oikawa stays in silence while Tobio tries to understand what happened. Could it be that Sanada is suspicious of them? Or it was pure threat from a gang member to another gang leader? Oikawa was starting to get famous in this world, and he needs to choose who is an ally and who is an enemy.

“Tobio-chan” he says, very serious. “Don’t call me Tooru in front of other people, and even less when I’m talking to an important gang member”

“You didn’t care at all before”

“That was before I became the leader. If my own team can’t respect me, who will then?”

“I respect you…”

“From now on, you will call me Oikawa-san. Even with the others. I won’t be treated like a kid; I’m playing the same cards as everyone else”

“Okay…”

“Oikawa” Iwaizumi calls from the door. “Kindaichi is here. I think it’s time for Kageyama to go”

“Sure” Oikawa says. “Go, Tobio-chan. Make sure they give you all the money. And don’t do stupid things”

That sounds like a threat, but Tobio can’t understand what stupid things he’s referring to. He has always done his work correctly. Iwaizumi gives him the box in which he has installed a band to make it easier to transport. Tobio puts in on his back, it seems like some big bag for going to a trip.

Tobio exits the clinic. Kindaichi is waiting outside, next to his brand-new huge motorbike.

“Hey” Kindaichi salutes him, already smiling. His eyes inadvertently look all over him. “Long time no see”

“Yeah. Is that your motorbike?” Tobio points at the vehicle and Kindaichi nods, proudly. “What a beast! Can I try it?”

Kindaichi moves away to give him space. Tobio gets on the motorbike and holds the handlebars. Kindaichi leans on and starts the engine, the motorbike roars loud and Kindaichi moves the bike, leading Tobio during a short distance.

“Woah!” Tobio giggles, feeling the motorbike trembling all over his body. When the motorbike stops, he almost falls from it. Kindaichi quickly holds him and stops the engine. “That was great!”

“You should get a motorbike too; you look good in one”

“Mnm, I don’t know. I don’t have anywhere to go that long… I don’t need a vehicle”

“Well, you never know. Do you want to try it again?”

“Yes!”

“You two” a severe voice says. It’s Oikawa, at the door. “I hope you can complete your mission without problems”

He’s faking the kindness in his words. His eyes are fixed on Kindaichi, who dry swallows scared. Tobio moves away to give Kindaichi enough space to get on the motorbike to drive. Kindaichi gives him a helmet and Tobio puts it on. He looks at Oikawa while Kindaichi is putting his helmet. Oikawa’s face is unemotional but his eyes are burning. This is the stupid thing he was referring to before. Kindaichi starts the engines and Tobio clings to his waist.

When they are far from the clinic, he feels free form Oikawa’s gaze. 

The speed on the open road feels liberating. The roar of the engine seems like a big monstruous animal and he’s riding it. He closes his eyes and opens his arms, he let out a giggle.

“Enjoying your ride?” Kindaichi screams due to the wind.

“Yes!! Speed it up!”

Kindaichi obeys. He speeds up, carefully in not passing the limit. It would be problematic if they are held by the police while carrying a trafficked kidney. However, Tobio’s laugh is something he wants to hear more often.

After four hours and a few stops in between, they arrive at Tokyo. Kindaichi slows down while entering the city. Tobio takes the opportunity to look at the city. He had lived there a few years ago, but he never stopped to actually pay attention to it. He never left the harbour except for some errands. They pass by the Skytree. Tobio’s eyes try to follow it. He remembers perfectly the moment he visited the Empire State Building with Oikawa. The Skytree is taller than that, and suddenly he feels the urge to go. He wants to feel tall once again. He wants to see the sky.

But he has an errand to do. And he no longer lives in Tokyo, it would be difficult to visit it. But he can wish that, someday in the future, he could go.

For now, they arrive at the harbour and Kindaichi leaves the motorbike at the garage. They no longer use it for training, they have installed an office and now it’s their operation centre. Kunimi, Yahaba and Kyotani are waiting outside. Upon arriving, only Kunimi seems unbothered by his presence here. Kyotani hasn’t forgotten that he has a battle between them to arrange and Yahaba continues disliking him since day one.

“Look who’s here. The mighty Kageyama has descended from the intellectual heavens and landed to the underworld” Yahaba says, mockingly.

“Tired of dealing with trashy people like you?”

“Guys…” Kindaichi says, exasperated.

Tobio starts walking, followed by the group. They are here to help Tobio to be more imposing, since that would mean he has a gang to protect him if the dealer tries to make things difficult. Of course, the dealer isn’t alone either. He’s with three other men. Tobio is nervous but he can’t let himself be seen as less than them. He has to be haughty enough to be respected.

He stops walking once he reaches the three men, the group surrounding him. They are outnumbering them so it can be considered as a first win.

“As we’ve agreed on” Tobio speaks. He takes off the bag leash and show the box to the dealer. “a healthy kidney. Now, show us the money”

“It’s all here” the dealer says, lifting a briefcase.

“All 600k yen?”

“Of course,”

“Kunimi, check it”

Kunimi looks bored but he obeys quickly. He knows he can’t compromise Tobio in this, or else the transaction won’t work. That would be harmful for the whole gang. Kunimi approaches and opens the briefcase. He sits down and starts counting the bills as fast as a machine. He’s the best at numbers, almost like a humane calculator. If there’s any yen missing, he would know.

“There’s 570.808 yen, here. There’s 29.192 missing” he answers.

“Where are the rest of the money?” Tobio says, drily.

“It’s everything here! He’s lying, he can’t know this by looking at money for a second”

“I’m afraid Kunimi is the best we have in counting. And 20.000 is a huge difference, too much to ignore. For the last time, where’s the rest of the money?”

“Kidneys had lowered their prices!” the dealer says. Tobio can see his lips almost curving.

“Do you think this is a joke? Fine. Kindaichi, Kyotani. Please”

Kyoutani takes out a bat from his bag and he and Kindaichi moves to the three men. They are simple dealers so they really don’t know how to fight. Kindaichi and Kyotani grabs the two companions and hits them a few times. Kyoutani even smashes the bat at one of the legs, breaking it. The main dealer is scared and cornered.

“I want that 20k yen here” Tobio says. “We can wait the whole night if you need time. But I can’t assure it to be pleasing”

“Okay! I’ll give you the money… but we don’t have it here”

“Then go for it. Guys, escort him to get the money back”

As he says, Kyoutani grabs the dealer by his shirt and pushes him to make him walk. Kindaichi joins them and they leave the zone. Kunimi and Yahaba starts collecting the money and, then, they guard the two dealer men that are struggling in standing up.

While they wait, Tobio receives a message from Oikawa. He announces that he has an emergency surgery and that he probably will be out for the rest of the night. Once again, Oikawa won’t be home to get some sleep or rest. Tobio will be alone for the night. Tobio replies, informing him he’s still on Tokyo. Oikawa repeats the same as before:

“Don’t do stupid things”

The dealer comes back with a second briefcase. He has a bruise on the face, so he has tried to escape. This time, Kunimi confirms the correct among of money.

“Thank you for your collab” Tobio says to the dealer. He takes the briefcase and, then, the group leaves to go back to the office. “You will receive your part once Oikawa checks it”

“We could split it up right now” Yahaba says. “300k for you and 300k for us. Easy”

“Oikawa-san is the one who got the kidney, which means the money is his property. He will decide what to do with it”

“We are the ones who face the dealers, which means we are at more risk of getting in a dangerous situation. Tell him we want our part”

“I already said so, he will decide what to do. I can’t do much, I was only in charge of the transportation”

“You can easily ask him to do it. You’re the only one who he truly listens. Since… you know, you are _really_ close”

“If you keep talking like that, I will tell Oikawa-san that you’re trying to break what he has stablished. And you know Oikawa-san doesn’t like conspirations”

“You’re so entitled…”

“You will receive the money you deserve by tomorrow. There’s no more to say” Tobio says. He closes the briefcase and grabs it to leave.

The only one who follows him is Kindaichi. He’s in charge of driving him back to Sendai.

“I think I’ve never seen you like that before” Kindaichi says. “So, intimidating!”

“You’re getting better at hook punches. I miss trainings…”

“You don’t do it anymore? I thought that being with Iwaizumi-san, you’d keep training”

“So, I thought. But Oikawa-san always ask me to be with him during surgeries… I barely have time to train. The only thing I do is running around the neighbourhood”

“It’s something… But it’s a shame. You were always the best in fighting”

“What do you mean ‘were’? I’m still the best” he jokes. Kindaichi laughs.

“Oh, wow. It’s later than I thought” Kindaichi says, checking the time. “We’ve wasted too much time with that dealer”

“Yeah… You’ve been driving too much for today. I don’t really want you to drive at night, you need to rest”

“But I don’t want you to leave you here”

“I’ll go by train or something, don’t worry”

“Or… you could stay at my apartment for the night. And then, I’ll drive you back to Sendai on morning”

“Really? Good”

They ride the motorbike once again to go to Kindaichi’s. Him and the other members of Tokyo have rented some rooms in a motel, so Kindaichi have one for his own. They order a pizza for dinner and sit down on the bed.

“Sorry, the room is too little” Kindaichi says, a bit ashamed.

“Don’t worry, I live in a small apartment too”

“Really? Doesn’t Oikawa keep with the biggest part of the money we make?”

“Medical machinery is expensive; he uses it all for that. We aren’t spending the money as Yahaba insinuates…”

“Well, you can’t blame him for thinking that. We are the ones who do the tough work. Although I’m surprised that you didn’t stay with us. You like fighting more than that intellectual medical stuff”

“I agree, I would be more useful… Oikawa just wants me to stay with him”

“Well, you can ask him again and… I don’t know, come with us. Motel rooms aren’t as bad as they seem!” Kindaichi smiles nervously when Tobio looks at him. “Do you want something to drink? I have beer”

“Beers, motorbikes… You’re already an adult, huh?” Tobio mocks him. Kindaichi smiles and stands up to open the small fridge. He takes out two bottles of beer and gives one to Tobio. They both make a long sip.

“I mean it, by the way. You can come with us…” Kindaichi says, unable to look at him. “Who knows when we would see each other again? Oikawa almost never order you jobs to do”

“You know how he is…, he won’t let me go”

“Come on, Oikawa would do anything you ask…”

“I’m not that sure”

“I miss you…” Kindaichi confesses, out of the sudden. It’s something he’s been hiding all this time and Tobio stops drinking, in shock. “I… I know I took distance years ago, but I was trying to forget you… I thought it was for the best”

“What are you talking about…?”

“Well, I…”

Kindaichi dares to looks at him. He’s so nervous and blushed, he bits his lips trying to say it. Tobio doesn’t need to hear it to understand it, but that doesn’t make it less surprising. He waits. And Kindaichi still looks at him so shy but simple-hearted… No one’s ever looked at him like that. So… innocent like.

That’s why he lets him get closer. Because he trusts in him, Kindaichi wouldn’t hurt him. Kindaichi is a bit shaky due to the nervousness, but Tobio doesn’t move at all. He stays still to receive a soft and kind kiss. His first kiss. Kindaichi sighs, breaking the kiss. They both stay like that, trying to understand what is happening. It’s Tobio who kisses back, because he wants to feel it once again.

Kindaichi is a bit anxious now. He’s happy that Tobio is reciprocating it, and he’s quick to embrace him trying to feel him closer. He has imagined all of this before and now it’s becoming real. He soon lays him on bed, deepening the kiss. But Tobio suddenly stops. He’s a bit flustered but he looks scared.

“What happens…?” Kindaichi says.

“What are you going to do…?” Tobio asks. He trusts him but he’s also scared by the previous experiences he had. Having a man on top of him is a bit unnerving.

“Whatever you want…” he tries to make Tobio comfortable, but he’s also nervous and that isn’t reassuring enough. “Look, it’s my first time too… We don’t have to go far, that’s fine for me…”

Tobio looks at him. No one has gone far with him, not even the men who abused him. But that doesn’t mean that he’s less scared. He stills feels the touch of Shinoda’s hand and how he forced him. But Kindaichi is different. All those men were cold, cruel and manipulative. Kindaichi is kind and patient, and harmless. It should be okay.

“Okay… but, please, don’t be on top of me…”

Kindaichi lays next to him but he still hugs him so Tobio is facing him. Kindaichi’s hand is shy but it slowly goes down. Tobio kisses him once again to get the feeling back. He closes his eyes, trying to not think too much. Kindaichi’s touches are clumsy but it’s fine like that. He’s discovering him, and not controlling him. When Kindaichi asks to receive it back, Tobio tries to imitate him. It’s hard for him, because he feels better if he’s being touched. Kindaichi doesn’t mind, he’s too excited for that. Tobio starts feeling well, he no longer thinks there’s someone else there.

He welcomes the feeling. And he’s able to moan of pleasure.

They are a little awkward afterwards. A bit shy and nervous. They know they won’t be able to see each other so much when Tobio arrives at Sendai and they spend a few days without talking to each other. Tobio doesn’t know how to start a conversation. It’s Kindaichi who texts him via mobile, with a simple “hey”. After it, they conversate almost every day about futile things but Tobio is comfortable with that. It’s like having a routine, a safe point to return when the day is over.

“Tobio-chan, I’m talking to you”

The reality is always harder to digest, specially if you have Oikawa close. Tobio quickly hides the phone, almost as an instinct. He knows Oikawa doesn’t like Kindaichi very much.

“Sorry, what?”

“Why do you spend that much on the phone lately? You barely use it. I was starting to think I bought it for nothing”

“It’s… nothing. Just a game. What were you saying?”

“We have to buy the suits for the party”

“We really have to go?”

“Of course, that means we’re growing and getting noticed. We have to make a good impression, so we better dress up well”

“I want to stay home”

“No”

“Why? Kyotani won’t go, right?”

“Because he’s not able to be in a social environment. If he goes, it would be for worse rather than good”

“Same as me, then”

“We won’t have this conversation, Tobio-chan. You will go. Now, get ready. I have to pick up the suits at Okabe’s” Oikawa puts his jacket on while Tobio whines. “Hurry Up. And don’t make that face, you aren’t a kid”

Tobio slowly gets up. He sticks to the phone while Oikawa drives. He doesn’t get out of the car, not even when Oikawa brings all the suits for the gang and places them on the backseats. While Oikawa is paying for them, Tobio takes a photo of a suit and sends it to Kindaichi. They both laugh about how ridiculous they will look in it.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Oikawa scolds him. He ends up taking his phone. “Kindaichi? Really, Tobio-chan? Once again, you’re letting yourself be fooled by this guy?”

“We’re just talking”

“Do you think I’m stupid? He’s just laughing at your jokes to attract you”

“Why do you care? It’s none of your business”

“Oh” Oikawa says, dryly. “Of course. Why would I care, that you will end being hurt? What I would do if you end up crying because he oversteps with you? Hold you until you stop crying because you’re scared?”

“He won’t hurt me”

“Shinoda didn’t do anything to you until you started showing off”

Tobio falls silent. He knows, Oikawa knows how this subject is too delicate for him. He knows about the nightmares he has; he knows how it haunts him. With the simple mention of the name, his hands start to shake.

Oikawa puts the phone on his pocket and starts driving. He looks like if what he had just said, didn’t triggered Tobio at all. It’s his method to shup him up, making him revive some bad experience and then acting as if he’s doing something good.

From now, Tobio’s phone is controlled. Oikawa checks his messages and calls before handing on the phone and Tobio has to manage somehow to make Kindaichi know that Oikawa is sticking his nose on their business. But Mizushima’s meeting arrives and all the gang minus Kyoutani will be there.

Tobio tucks his tie from time to time. He’s uncomfortable with formal wearing and Iwaizumi isn’t different. Oikawa looks good, almost familiar with the suit. He holds his head high, his hands folded in front of him. He looks impeccable. He usually doesn’t let anyone to drive his car, but he doesn’t want his suit to wrinkle. So, it’s Iwaizumi who drives. Matsukawa and Hanamaki are there too, less uncomfortable than Iwaizumi but not as presumptuous as Oikawa. Tobio is sitting in the middle of them.

“Well, guys” Oikawa says once Iwaizumi parks the car. “This is an important event for us. Don’t make me look bad, I have a reputation to build”

“Sure”

“Let’s go. The others are waiting on the entrance”

Tobio is the last one in getting out the car. He’s usually behind Oikawa at normal meetings and he really doesn’t want to stand out in a party like that. Mizushima is a very powerful yakuza and she even invited famous and rich people, including businessmen and politicians. He prefers to not be seen by those people.

Oikawa leads the group through the stairs, he looks as confident as the other guests. It’s almost like he’s familiar with the huge mansion and the golden decorations. They meet the other part of the gang at the door. Kindaichi is there and he and Tobio looks at each other. They burst out laughing, pointing at the suits.

“You look like a penguin”

“What are you, Count Dracula?”

“Behave. It’s time to go in” Oikawa roars. Both Kindaichi and Tobio shut up. Oikawa is tensed, this night. It’s better to not provoke him. Oikawa takes a breath and he goes inside the mansion, followed by the rest of the group. “Split up and find groups of people to talk good about ourselves. Fake it, if it’s worthy. We can’t be seen as less. Tobio-chan, come with me”

Tobio sticks to his side, while the others fly away.

“Tobio-chan, listen carefully. This is important so don’t mess it up, you hear me?”

“I won’t”

“Let’s go, we have to find Mizushima. With her, it will be different from the others. We have to please her, it’s important that she has a good consideration about us. This way, we could have her support. Remember that it’s her house; drink and eat whatever she offers, laugh at whatever she jokes about and listen to her. Be a good guest”

“I get it”

He doesn’t want to talk too much for that reason. He’s bad at words so he doesn’t want to mess something up with that. He will stick to whatever she demands but the one in talking will be Oikawa. It’s for the best.

Oikawa starts walking again. They cross the hall; some butlers help them with the jackets. A waiter serves them an aperitif.

“Where’s Mizushima-san? I’d want to congratulate her for that magnificent party” Oikawa asks, politely.

“The mistress is on the west wing of the mansion, sir” the butler says. And So, Oikawa and Tobio walks to the area.

“Do I have something between my teeth? Does my hair look good?” Oikawa whispers. Tobio nods. “Good. Here we go”

They walk through a corridor; some waiter offers them champagne to which they both accept. Tobio drinks it all at once and leaves the glass on a table but Oikawa keeps it on his hand. Finally, on the west wing they find Mizushima surrounded by other people.

“Mizushima-san!” Oikawa says, with a charming smile. “I’m delighted to be a guest of your marvellous party. Thank you for inviting us. You look splendid”

“Thank you. Oikawa Tooru, right?” Mizushima says. “I heard you could safe Tachibana-san”

“I did everything I could, ma’am. I’m glad to announce that Tachibana-san had has a good rehabilitation and he can go back to normal life”

“You’re too young to be a full doctor” one of the men says. “Who taught you?”

“I’m self-taught, Ito-san. Everything I know I owe it to my own knowledge and skills. I take my job very seriously”

“How someone with that professionalism is interested in our business?”

“Survivance, of course. My partners and I were in high risk of being eliminated when our former boss died. I had to do the best I could to make this gang float and continue what Shinoda-san has started”

Tobio stares at Oikawa, gulping down a second drink. He looks like another person. His smile, his manners, his words, everything is fake. And he would understand his position of being a bootlicker with people like that if he didn’t look like them… Like those empowered and dangerous men.

“So, is this your… secretary?” one of them asks. Suddenly, everybody is looking at Tobio.

“My right-hand man, to be precise” Oikawa says. He nods at him, it’s his turn to speak.

“Kageyama Tobio” he says. “Thank you for inviting us… You have good champagne”

Oikawa narrows his eyes; he didn’t like that. He took too long to answer himself and he looks vulnerable in front of all those people.

“You’re the first one to mention that, Kageyama” Mizushima says. “Of course, I provide the best quality of everything I offer. You’re free to try the rest of the banquet, you will surely like it”

Tobio looks at Oikawa, asking if he’s allowed to go. Oikawa nods.

“I would very like to” he says, although he can’t control the falseness as much as Oikawa do. “Thank you, si… ma’am!”

He bows to her and then flies away, leaving Oikawa talking with the others. Once he’s alone on a corridor, he takes a deep breath. That isn’t his usual environment and he dislikes it. Too much squandering, too much coldness and falseness. He feels like an imposter and the air is a bit suffocating. He wants to go out of here.

He picks up another glass of champagne and gulps it down. By standing next to the table, he starts looking at all the paintings that are decorating the walls. Some of them are old famous paintings that he doesn’t know anything about, and probably they come from some art dealing. Some others are portraits of Mizushima’s family and close allies. Tobio can’t imagine having someone’s face hanging from the wall. It makes him cringe a little. But there’s a photograph that catches his attention. In it, there appear the whole family of Mizushima and one of the men looks familiar. His stern face, his cold dark eyes, his shadow.

It’s way too familiar. Kawashima is a relative of her.

Tobio’s head is buzzing. Does that mean that Kawashima is in this mansion too? What if he meets him here? Would he recognize him? What would he do? Tobio puts the glass down, almost breaking it. He feels unsafe, vulnerable, endangered. And he doesn’t even know if he’s there, but the mere thought makes him tremble. He needs to run out of there…

“Kageyama!” someone calls. It’s Kindaichi, and Tobio has never been so glad to see another human being. “Here you are… Did Oikawa let you go?”

“Yeah… He’s still talking with those people. I need some air”

“Let’s go to the balcony” Kindaichi says. “I’ve been there for a while, to run away from those snob toffs”

Tobio approach quickly. Having Kindaichi there makes him be more in ease, but he’s still tense. He leans on the balcony and takes a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Kindaichi asks.

“Yeah… I shouldn’t have drunk champagne that much”

“Ah, same” he smiles. “I couldn’t bare to listen to this people without alcohol. I don’t know why Oikawa bothers that much, we never been rich or posh like that”

“He wants us to be big… And he isn’t content enough in just getting associates”

“Yeah…” Kindaichi waits until Tobio recovers a bit. “So, is Oikawa still controlling your phone?”

“He’s so annoying… I’m sorry if I stop talking out of the sudden, I have to delete the messages. Whenever he sees me talking with someone, he starts doing weird shit. It’s not my problem if he gets jealous or something”

“Are you and Oikawa… a thing?”

“What?! No, of course not”

“You are always together… Oikawa is only either alone or with you. And you even live together… I don’t know, it’s weird”

“I met him when we were really young, so… It’s more like a habit. That’s all”

“You promise me?”

“Yes, why are you doubting it?”

“I know Oikawa never liked me before, but now it seems like he hates me”

“Don’t mind him, you know he’s a weirdo” Tobio smiles at him, and Kindaichi does the same.

“So…” Kindaichi scratches his ear. He does it when he’s nervous. “What are we, right now?”

Tobio thinks about it. He feels good with him, even if it’s just a small talk. And even if Oikawa keeps appearing and yelling at him of how he shouldn’t trust anybody, he wants things to stay like that. He doesn’t want to see if Kindaichi would betray him. He doesn’t want to hear Oikawa saying ‘I told you’. He just wants… this.

“Why do you like me…?” he asks. That’s the only thing he wants to know.

“Well… you… you are so cool. You’ve always been cool! You were always so amazing in training and fighting. I bet you could kick everyone’s asses here. You’re really strong and… and, I don’t know, I think you’re amazing”

Tobio stares at his eyes. Kindaichi’s cheeks are pink. He’s being honest, as always. Oikawa is mistaken…, he won’t use him. He won’t hurt him. He’s not like others. Tobio kisses him, less shy than the first time, and Kindaichi quickly returns it. The alcohol makes everything warmer and soon both are flustered and gasping.

“Let’s go somewhere else… There’s plenty of empty rooms” Kindaichi mumbles, to which Tobio nods.

They hold hands while running down the hallway. They are giggling, excited by their little adventure of hiding from everybody. From time to time, they stop to share a clumsy kiss. They look around some rooms, to which they find some offices, bathrooms and worthless places. They are on the guest’s area, so soon they find a guest room with a king-sized bed. They laugh once again at the place and Kindaichi brings Tobio close. Tobio interwinds his arms around Kindaichi’s neck and they fall on the bed trying to not break the kiss.

“Take off that ugly jacket…” Tobio complains.

“You look good, tho…”

Tobio lets him be on top of him, this time he’s too inebriated to overthink. He grabs Kindaichi by his shirt, keeping him close. Kindaichi’s kisses turn a bit more demanding and Tobio allows it. He doesn’t want to think tonight…

But someone opens the door, almost slamming it. Oikawa has followed them, and his eyes look furious. He’s not faking anything anymore.

“I knew it” Oikawa says, his voice darkening. He steps on the room while Tobio pushes Kindaichi aside and stands up. He tries to speak but Oikawa slaps him. “You little bitch!”

“Oikawa, listen…” Kindaichi says, trying to bring some calm since Tobio is too shocked to do something.

But Oikawa doesn’t want to listen. He grabs him by the neck and slams him against the wall. Kindaichi is taller than him, but Oikawa’s hand starts pressing too much. He can’t move.

“How you dare to touch my doll…?” Oikawa roars. Once he looks at his dull and fierce eyes, Kindaichi starts trembling. “Do you know what I do with men like you…? I end them”

“Oikawa, stop!” Tobio shouts, pushing him. “We aren’t doing anything wrong!”

“All I do is trying to protect you, Tobio-chan!” Oikawa yells back. “And yet, you just whoring with whoever you please!”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is! All this time… you ungrateful kid… I’ve been sacrificing myself for you. And yet… and yet!” Oikawa is shaking too much to be drunk, but his hands move uncontrolled. His trying to talk but his thoughts are louder. “This is why all those men had come to you… You just offer to them like that… you whore”

Kindaichi takes the opportunity to stop him once again, but Oikawa notices him and punches him on the face. He kicks him to throw him on the floor. However, that’s the last blow for him. Oikawa is now too fixed on Tobio to waste time in Kindaichi. He slams Tobio against the wall, using his weight to immobilize him.

“What else can I do to make you stay…?” Oikawa growls. “What else do I have to offer for your well-being? What else do you want me to do to protect you!?”

Tobio has to turn his face away, unable to keep looking at him. He closes his eyes, feeling Oikawa too close.

“What else can I do to make you know that I’ll kill everyone who dares to touch you…? You’re mine, Tobio-chan. My doll”

Since when Oikawa talks like that? Since when he hurts him? Since when he’s so scary that Tobio starts trembling, terrified? That’s not the Tooru he knows…, that’s not the kid who held his hand and fought off the nightmares. Who is this man in front of him?

Oikawa suddenly moves away. Thinking that it’s Kindaichi, Tobio opens his eyes only to find out that it’s Iwaizumi who’s pulling him away. Despite being shorter, Iwaizumi drags Oikawa to the bed to immobilize him and Oikawa starts kicking everywhere to get free.

“Don’t touch me!!” Oikawa shouts. His eyes are so wide that it seems like they don’t see at all. He’s scared and the mere touch of Iwaizumi makes him scream in agony. “Get off of me! Don’t touch me!! Leave me alone!”

“Shut up” Iwaizumi demands. He holds him face down, trying to minimize his screams.

“Please, leave me alone… Leave me alone…!” Oikawa begs. He doesn’t see Iwaizumi anymore; he isn’t even in that room.

Iwaizumi stays there but he’s confused. He doesn’t want to let him go and attack again, but he seems so defenceless right now… Tobio’s legs stop shaking and are now able to walk, so he slowly approaches. He falls on his knees, next to the bed, to be on Oikawa’s sight. Oikawa stretches out his hand.

“Tobio-chan, help me…”

How is possible that he can look so vulnerable in a matter of seconds? This Oikawa is terrified, he doesn’t recognize anyone but Tobio. He’s so different than the violent and possessive man from before. What is happening? Oikawa’s eyes look dull but pleading, and Tobio takes his hand.

“It’s okay… It’s Iwaizumi-san, he won’t hurt you”

“He will… he will, he told me”

“Who told you?”

“They talk…”

“Who are they…?”

“I…” Oikawa hiccups. “I don’t know. They talk, they shout. They are shouting…”

Tobio and Iwaizumi look at each other. Iwaizumi moves away from him and goes with Kindaichi, who’s trying to stop his bleeding nose.

“Let’s go out of here” Iwaizumi says. “We’ll go for our jackets…”

Tobio nods and Iwaizumi leaves with Kindaichi. Oikawa has closes his eyes and he’s holding his hand with strength, turning it white. Tobio remembers that time in New York, when it was snowing and it was so cold that Oikawa almost froze to death. That time where Tooru had given him his jacket to keep him warmth and he was left with a simple t-shirt.

“Let’s go home…” he says, softly. Oikawa complains a little, but he nods.

Oikawa seems a bit somnambulist, Tobio has to guide him to the car. On the car, Oikawa rests his head on his shoulder and Tobio lets him go. He still has to process everything that happened in the mansion and, at least, Oikawa isn’t altered anymore. Iwaizumi drives once again and Tobio looks at Kindaichi, who’s outside waiting for the other car. Kindaichi is serious, very unlikely for him. He’s angry, and Tobio looks away.

Iwaizumi helps him to bring Oikawa to bed. They lay him on the futon and Tobio tucks him. Once Iwaizumi leaves, Oikawa closes his eyes and falls asleep. Tobio can’t do that, for now. He sits next to him, watching his moves. Oikawa looks exhausted and his sleep is restless. Tobio is all alone to overthink.

Who is talking to Oikawa? Is it someone from another gang? Someone who has threatened him or is manipulating him? But that wouldn’t explain why he can change so much in a short time or why can he go from a protective man to a scary monster. Oikawa has been acting strange since long ago but now it’s different. Now, Tobio sees that the boy who saved his life and helped him is no longer here with him.

Tobio falls asleep when the sun begins to dawn. He hasn’t taken off the suit, he’s too tired for that. Also, his position makes his body be sore when he wakes up at noon. His head is spinning around because of the alcohol effects and all the commotion that happened during the party. He scratches his head while he sits up. The sun is a bit annoying.

Also, he’s alone. Oikawa’s bed is perfectly done so he had his time to wake up and leave the flat. Tobio feels weird. Couldn’t Oikawa have told him that he’s leaving? Is he working? Judging by how he was last night, Tobio would say that he shouldn’t go out to work. He needs to rest…

Tobio feels like a zombie. He walks slowly and he spends a good time in the shower, with his eyes closed. He isn’t even hungry so he just lays down again. He’s about to fall asleep when someone knocks at the door. Oikawa would go in with his keys so it’s a guest. Maybe Iwaizumi or…

Kindaichi. And he’s looking at him the same he did when they split ways the night before. He’s serious and angry.

“We need to talk”

Tobio lets him pass and closes the door behind him. Kindaichi doesn’t take off his jacket, so he’s not contemplating to stay much longer.

“How’s your face?” Tobio asks, remembering his bleeding nose.

“It’s fine… It’s good that you finally care”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well… You ran to Oikawa and not to me…”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you”

“Look, Oikawa has told me everything. You lied to me… You said you two aren’t together but that’s not true. Oikawa refers to you as “his doll”. That’s not what you normally say to another gang member!”

“What did Oikawa say…?”

“That it isn’t the first time that you do this… You don’t care about anyone until someone pays attention to you and then you… you just…”

“What?” Tobio says, dryly.

“You use them until you don’t want it anymore, and then you go crying to him like they’ve done something terrible!”

“And you believe him?!”

“You never really paid me attention until the other day! I’ve tried to reach to you but you ditched me! And now that I confess that I like you, you suddenly are curious enough to spend the night with me”

“Of course, I’m curious, no one has treated me like you before”

“What am I for you, Kageyama?”

Tobio takes a second to think about it. He likes being with him, he enjoys his company. He also likes the little times he spent with him before, all the trainings and the little talks. He feels safe with him. He trusts him.

“You’re my friend”

For him, having a friend is the best thing in the world. He couldn’t trust anyone in the past years, he only had Oikawa on his side. Having someone else to trust is something completely new and welcomed. But, of course, Kindaichi doesn’t think the same.

“See!? I’m just a friend for you… We almost do it and… You don’t do that with a friend. I love you!”

“Kindaichi…”

“I shouldn’t have tried something with you, like the others said”

“Oh, so the others told you I am bad for you?!”

“Yes! They told me you will hurt me, that I shouldn’t do anything with you because you are screwing Oikawa!”

“I’m not! We never did something like that!”

“Oikawa didn’t seem to think like that yesterday. I won’t be the third wheel, Kageyama. I’m not stupid and I won’t be fooled by you”

“Well, you’re acting really stupid right now” Tobio spits.

“With how many people have you been like that? Did you do it with Iwaizumi-san too, that’s why he takes care of you?”

“Get out of my house, Kindaichi…” Tobio whispers.

“You’re a slut…”

“Get out!” he shouts.

Tobio is trembling in anger and Kindaichi doesn’t say anything else. He leaves without saying a word. Once he hears the door slamming, he lets out a scream. He’s too angry to feel sorry for himself, this time. Kindaichi is an idiot. He prefers to listen to others rather than him. He believes everything they told him and not what he has to say.

Someone knocks at the door again and Tobio opens it, angrily.

“What now!?” he yells, thinking it’s Kindaichi. But it’s Iwaizumi, who looks at him frowning. “Sorry…”

“You okay?”

“No… But, do you want something?”

“Oikawa has asked us to come to the clinic, he has some job for us to do”

“Is Kindaichi going to be there…?”

“I don’t think so, it will be here on Sendai. I think he’s going back to Tokyo today. Why? Are you in bad terms?”

“I don’t want to keep talking about that idiot. Let’s go” he puts on the jacket and leaves the flat. Iwaizumi doesn’t dare to say something.

Oikawa has arranged the meeting for just the two of them plus Hanamaki and Matsukawa. Tobio wishes it’s something easy and quick, because he’s not in the mood for gang jobs. They wait on Oikawa’s office for a while until Oikawa decides to show up. He looks clearly different than yesterday. A bit refreshed but Tobio can see the light shadows under his eyes.

“Sanada has send me a message. In Tachibana’s name, he said he wants us to collaborate in a matter of theirs. He asks me to sent my best men, and just a few people to not draw attention. They want to assault a building and they ask us for help” Oikawa explains.

“What building?” Iwaizumi says.

“It’s an old club. The owners kept drugs there and they want to take it all. Maybe you can go in by the backdoor. The club is next to an alley”

“Sounds a bit weird to me” Matsukawa says.

“Same” Oikawa answers. “But they offer us a lot of money”

“For just some drugs in a club?” Hanamaki says.

“Maybe you could go to see what is going on, you don’t have to complete the task. They ask you to be there at dusk, but you can go now and see how things are going on in that place. Keep an eye on everything you see, even if it looks harmless”

“Good”

“Go” Oikawa orders. “Tobio-chan, stay”

Iwaizumi, Matsukawa and Hanamaki leave the office.

“I thought I would go too” Tobio says, without looking at him.

“It’s too risky, I don’t want you there”

“I can go, I’m also a member”

“I won’t repeat myself, Tobio-chan”

“I’m not a kid” Tobio is already angry about Kindaichi, and now he’s starting to be even more with Oikawa. “What did you say to Kindaichi?”

“Not much” Oikawa doesn’t even look at him, he just writes something in his notebook.

“About yesterday…” he tries to say. Oikawa doesn’t move, but his eyes look at him getting darker. Tobio shuts up.

“Look, Tobio-chan. If Kindaichi is stupid enough to believe in everything they told him it’s that he isn’t worthy for you. Stop thinking about him, it’s for the better”

“You make me lose a friend…”

“Did I?”

“Stop controlling me” Tobio says. Before Oikawa could say something, he leaves the office.

He leaves the clinic and stops to take a breath. He wants all that anger to fade away, but every time he thinks about Oikawa or Kindaichi makes him feel like a volcano about to outburst. Everything is so vivid for him, and yet Oikawa is acting as if yesterday nothing had happened. And Kindaichi acts like he’s some villain who has betrayed him. He doesn’t know what to do about them anymore. Too complicated.

Maybe, having something to do would distract him. He starts walking away while he takes out his phone.

“Iwaizumi-san…” he says, calling his senpai. “I’m coming with you. Wait for me, please”

“Great. We aren’t far. What did Oikawa want?”

“He’s being annoying as fuck. And he seems to have forgotten what happened yesterday…”

“I think it’s better for him to do it. He won’t like to be remembered like that. He was… really bad”

“I’m getting tired of his shit”

“I know… but I think this is even bigger than him”

“What do you mean?” Tobio asks. But then, he saw someone near him. He seems to be hiding and talking to a phone, in a corner. “Iwaizumi-san, there’s something I have to check. Please, don’t hang up”

Iwaizumi doesn’t answer but he stays tuned. Tobio slowly approaches the man and hides behind a car, near him. He hasn’t seen him.

“Yeah, they have left the building” the man says. “Can we do it now? I see… Okay, in five minutes. I would love to see Oikawa’s face when everything will go down in flames”

Tobio is quick to attack. He jumps from behind and easily knocks him out with a few hits. The man falls on the floor, unconscious. Tobio steps on the phone repeatedly, breaking it.

“Iwaizumi-san, it’s a trap. They want to burn Oikawa’s clinic!” he says, as his last message. He doesn’t need to go further with him.

Tobio runs back to the clinic. He needs to reach Oikawa and get him out of the way. The man said that it will happen in five minutes, maybe he’ll arrive by time. He tries to call Oikawa but he doesn’t answer. He isn’t late, right…?

He arrives at the clinic, which is still in one piece. He storms in Oikawa’s office.

“We need to go! It’s all a trap!” he shouts, nervous. Oikawa doesn’t understand and Tobio starts pulling him. “They will burn down the place!”

“What?!”

Tobio continues pulling Oikawa by his arm. They reach the hallway just in time, Oikawa’s office suddenly explodes. The strength of the explosion knocks them out, they both fall on the floor.

“No… No! My things!” Oikawa yells, trying to get up. But the roof collapses and Tobio pushes him aside. “Fire… there’s fire in the surgery room. I need to extinguish it!”

“Oikawa-san, no!” Tobio yells back. “We need to go!”

“Shut up!”

Tobio drags him but Oikawa is strong. And he’s also desperate. He pushes Tobio aside and walks to the surgery room. The flames are getting higher and he has to cover his face to not get burn, but he need to go. He needs to take all the machines out of here. But the wall soon falls and Oikawa jumps back. He ends up falling too and Tobio takes the opportunity to grab him by the shirt.

“No, no… I need to go. My things… my machines… my everything…” Oikawa sobs.

“Tooru, please, let’s go!” Tobio shouts again, seeing the fire getting closer.

“Kageyama! Oikawa!” Iwaizumi shouts from outside.

“We’re here!!” Tobio shouts back.

Oikawa seizes his distraction to push him and stand up again, but Iwaizumi comes and holds him back.

“No! Let me go! Please, let me go! I have to save everything!”

“It’s already gone…” Iwaizumi says, dragging him. “Tobio, go outside!”

The smoke is getting thicker which makes it hard to breath. The flames reach the office and Oikawa’s screams are louder than before until the remaining part of the roof gives up too and falls on him and Iwaizumi.

“No!” this time it’s Tobio who screams. He quickly starts removing the ruins. Oikawa is still sobbing although he coughs due to the smoke and dust. Iwaizumi isn’t moving. “No, please… Iwaizumi-san!”

Tobio shakes him but he doesn’t wake up. Oikawa is alive but his leg is bleeding. Tobio sobs too, seeing the fire growing and moving to them. Matsukawa and Hanamaki break into the hallway after removing some ruins on the door. They check on Iwaizumi and carry him outside. Tobio forces Oikawa to stand up and they follow the others, Oikawa limping a bit.

Once outside, Oikawa falls on the floor and watches as his clinic is being devoured in flames. He screams in agony. All his efforts to bring that place to a better living are now diminished. Everything he has lost for this is worthless in the reign of fire.

Tobio watches him. He sees the kid in the middle of the rain, looking at the sky and begging for forgiveness. He sees him now illuminated by fire, his shadows surrounding him. Consuming him. This time, Tobio doesn’t have an umbrella to cover him. He doesn’t have anything to comfort him.

And he wonders if there’s still something he can do to help Tooru after this.

Iwaizumi is now resting on his bed, on his shared apartment with Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Tobio is sitting on a chair, next to the bed. He looks at Iwaizumi, wishing for him to wake up already. Oikawa has said he’ll be okay but it’s better if he could say it by himself.

Speaking of Oikawa, he’s on the living room. His wounded leg is fine, but he uses a crutch to walk better for a few days.

A few minutes later, the rest of the gang comes to the apartment. Tobio doesn’t leave the bedroom to receive them, he doesn’t want to see Kindaichi. But soon Oikawa calls him, and he stands up and goes. He rests against the wall, his eyes looking at the floor.

“I’ve lost everything in that fire” Oikawa says, his voice dull. “I’ll have to work twice to get where we were…”

“Why did Tachibana turn against us like that?” Hanamaki says. “Did they discover what we do?”

“Maybe…” Oikawa answers. He rests his chin on top of his hands. “I have asked Mizushima for help. She’s more powerful than anyone and if I could have her support, that would mean a win from us”

“Did she answer?”

“There’s someone who is willing to make a deal with us” Tobio suddenly feels observed. He lifts his head and find Oikawa’s cold gaze. “Her cousin, Kawashima. He wants you, Tobio-chan”

Tobio doesn’t move. He’s paralyzed and turning pale.

“Why would he want him?” Yahaba asks with disdain.

“He’s offering a good reward for having him”

“No…” Tobio whispers louder enough to be heard. “Tooru, no…”

“Just having you a day, it will be enough to buy another building. Imagine what we could have if…”

“No!” Tobio yells.

“My office is what it made us to be here!” Oikawa raises his voice too. “Thanks to me and my work we are alive! I’ve sacrificed a lot of things for you all, this is the least you can do”

“I agree” Yahaba says. “What have you done for the gang, Kageyama? We all sweat to survive and stay afloat. What did you do all this time? Hide behind the leader?”

“Well…” Matsukawa. “If we put it that way…”

“No, please… That man is horrible!” Tobio begs. “Iwaizumi wouldn’t like that”

“Iwa-chan is not able to vote” Oikawa says. “And if it hadn’t been for my office, he wouldn’t have had the money enough to rent this flat. Which means that, by now, he would probably be dead as we would surely live on the street”

“It doesn’t have to be forever, right?” Hanamaki says to which Oikawa nods. “Then, just hold on for a few weeks”

“You don’t understand…” Tobio says. His legs are shaking a lot, he’s trying hard to not fall on his knees. “He’s a monster… I will be more than a slave… please…”

“You’re useless, right now” Yahaba add. “We’ll be back to make deals and risk our lives to get money while you will stay on your house watching everything”

“I did thing for you!” Tobio shouts. “I fucking killed Shinoda! So, maybe this gang wouldn’t be alive if it hadn’t been for me!”

He suddenly has multiple eyes stick on him, and he feels exposed. Like a pack of wolves watching the weakest member. The black sheep. One thing is understanding that maybe Shinoda’s death was beneficial for the group and the other is confessing a murder.

“It’s clear for me” Yahaba says. “I vote yes”

“Yes” Hanamaki says.

“Yes” Matsukawa add.

“I don’t really have an opinion” Kunimi says. “Whatever”

“No” Kyoutani says, to which everyone takes as surprise. “I don’t care if he killed Shinoda. He should have defended better. He’s a fighter. He’s not a bitch”

“Tell him how you could reach to him, Tobio-chan” Oikawa says. “Tell them all how you manipulated him and make him fall for you”

Tobio sees it. Oikawa is hiding a smile with his hand. He’s smiling. He’s enjoying this torture.

Tobio starts to hyperventilate, seeing how everyone is dismissing the issue. How everyone is turning against him, not even considering what kind of danger they are sending him on. He looks at his last resort. Kindaichi will help him… he won’t leave him alone.

Kindaichi looks at him briefly, then he faces Oikawa.

“If he was a slut to kill Shinoda-san, he can be to bear Kawashima too”

That’s the last straw. That’s the hit that hurts the most. Someone who he considered a friend has just betrayed him. Tobio’s eyes start watering. He can’t even breath. Oikawa stands up.

“The meeting is concluded” he announces. He indicates something to Hanamaki and Matsukawa and they both moves to Tobio.

“No… No! No, please!” Tobio tries to escape but they catch him easily. “No! Tooru, no!! No, please!”

He wrestles to be free but Matsukawa and Hanamaki brings him on the floor and immobilize him. Tobio screams for help but no one answers. Oikawa looks at him from above while they tie him up.

“Tooru, please… no…” he begs once again.

Oikawa’s eyes shine, with a cruelty that Tobio has never seen in him. He looks like them…, like those men who enjoys torturing all the kids in the club. He has the same expression. Why Tooru doesn’t help him? Why Tooru doesn’t come and points everyone with a gun? Why Tooru isn’t holding his hand and running away with him? Who is that?

Who is this man?

Who is this monster…?


	13. Oikawa (part 6)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of flashback

_You will find the happiness you deserve_

He’s curled up, trembling. He can’t barely move. Everything is blurry and his memory is being tricky, he remembers being dragged and tied up. And, then, someone came in and took him away… He doesn’t remember the journey, and judging by his state of mind and body, he probably was drugged.

He feels like he’s four years old again and he had just been kidnapped. He wants to scream for help, but he has forgotten who to call. Oikawa won’t help him, he’s all alone now.

Tobio tries to wake up. He moves his head to see where he is. It seems like a suite room, big and fancy. There’s a Jacuzzi at the end of the room and a big wooden table on the centre. He’s lying on a big and comfortable bed. The picture windows show him that he’s on a skyscraper. A 5-star room for an enslaved guest.

He tries to sit up but his head spins and he has to lay again. Whatever they have given him, it’s quite strong. Suddenly, the door opens up. He hears the footsteps getting closer to the bed and he wishes to not see who is coming. He’s older now, but his manners didn’t change. His stern look, his cold eyes. Kawashima has just arrived.

Tobio wants to run away but his legs don’t respond. He doesn’t even manage to leave the bed, Kawashima takes him by the arm and throws him on it again. He grabs him by the face, forcing him to look at him.

“More than ten years after, we meet once again” Kawashima says, his voice strong as thunder. He starts caressing his cheek with the thumb. “Although you haven’t really changed that much… You still shake like a baby deer…”

“Let me go…” Tobio mumbles, his throat is too dry to be louder.

“I always knew we’ll see each other again” Kawashima continues. “Such boys with a strong will as you and Oikawa would surely survive and once you stepped on Japan, I knew you were here. I rule this country… So, you killed that Shinoda, right? Good boy. He was a nuisance in this world”

Tobio closes his eyes as Kawashima comes closer. He can feel his breath against his face.

“Everyone talked about you, about that boy who was always behind Oikawa. Like a shadow… Of course, things can change for you, pretty eyes. If you stay here, you’ll have everything you want. This hotel can be all yours. I’ll give you all the money you want” he kisses his neck. “Be mine…”

Tobio sobs, his body is only moving to tremble. Kawashima licks his tears and approach his lips to his, but Tobio turns his face. Kawashima holds him back and finally kisses him, but only for Tobio to bite his lower lip. Tobio tries to go away while Kawashima holds his face, but he’s caught once again. This time, Kawashima is annoyed.

He grabs him and turn him around, smashing his head against the pillow. He holds his head tightly and although Tobio is trying to kick him, he’s starting to asphyxiate. And although his body is trying to survive, his mind suddenly flies to another place. He feels like he’s dying…, and maybe that’s the best he could do.

Kawashima holds him until he feels Tobio weak. He isn’t planning to kill him but to debilitate him. This way, he won’t make a fuss while he holds him and uses him as he please. Tobio’s scream are suffocated by the pillow and that only makes him be more excited.

Tobio doesn’t remember what had happened next, moreover he doesn’t want to. He still feels his hands on him and he starts scratching his body to remove the feeling. He’s alone in the room now and he screams loudly, looking for help. But no one listens. The drugs effect is now low enough to allow him to run to the door. He slams himself against it, out of desperation, and tries to open it. But it can only be opened from the outside. He tries to open the windows but they are closed too.

He screams again, angrily. His hands scratch the skin harder. He feels him, he’s still there touching him. He feels so disgusted that he almost wants to rip his skin off. He runs to the bathroom and throws himself on the sink. He begins to splash water, his skin burning from the scratches. It isn’t enough. He ends getting in the shower and he rubs the sponge all around his body. He rubs and rubs, vanishing his kisses and the traces of his tongue. He rubs until his skin starts bleeding.

He rests his head on the wall and hugs his legs close to his chest. He feels small and helpless, like a little kid in a dark room. He cries like a child, calling Tooru to help him.

But Tooru isn’t here anymore. He has abandoned him.

Kawashima always comes at sunset, and Tobio feels weak every day at that hour. He doesn’t know how it’s possible to feel drugged if nobody comes to do so. He’s always alone, laying on the bed while wearing only a white t-shirt and simple underwear. He can’t understand his fatigue right at the moment when Kawashima wants to use him. How are they drugging him?

He wonders if it’s the food they give him. There’s a trapdoor from where they lend a tray with the meals, and he decides to not touch it for a day. He feels better but he soon starts feeling hungry. And seeing that he’s not getting drugged with it, he prefers to starve.

His mind is clear enough to fight off Kawashima when he comes once again. He bites his hand and punches him, but Kawashima also knows how to fight. Tobio is younger, so he can escape easily. Kawashima has left the door open and he runs to it, trying to be free. But on the entrance, he meets two bodyguards who catch him. He kicks everywhere and holds on the door frame while they get him back inside the room. Kawashima grabs him and covers his mouth so he stop shouting. They throw him on the bed and the two bodyguards hold him tight.

“You have a strong will but how long it will last?” Kawashima says. Then, he punches him on the face knocking him out.

He’s alone during a few days. He knows something about Kawashima’s business travel but he can’t care less. At least, he’ll be at peace… under the circumstances. He has a sore eye from the previous punch, and although it’s slowly vanishing it still hurts. He lays on the bed and denies to eat food. His body is weaker as the days go by, his stomach demands food but he doesn’t want to try anything that they’re given to him. He sometimes gets dizzy if he stands up so he sits down again and tries to sleep.

He can’t fully sleep but having his eyes closed makes him go free from the room. He suddenly hears the door opening. It can’t be Kawashima but he trembles as if it’s him. The intruder sits on the bed, Tobio can feel their weight. They touch his face, turning it slowly to inspect the bruise on his cheek.

“Why aren’t you eating, Tobio-chan?”

It’s Oikawa.

Tobio opens his eyes and immediately starts crying. Desperate, he hugs Oikawa and hides his face against his chest. Oikawa embraces him but his touch is too light to be felt.

“Tooru, take me out of here…. Please, take me out…” Tobio begs.

“Just by having you one week, has been enough to build a new office. And even a few machinery! Imagine what we will have…”

“He comes almost every night and rapes me. It hurts so much. I don’t want this. I can’t take this anymore…”

“Now you understand, don’t you?” Oikawa says, his voice a bit empty. He absently starts caressing his hair. Tobio looks at him. “To be here, I also had to do it… and more than you. It’s your time to help me, Tobio-chan. We’ll be soon rich and I’ll even buy us a big house, a mansion! Far from people and well secured…”

“I don’t want all this money…”

“You’ll thank me later” Oikawa puts the hands on his cheeks. “Be a good boy and make Kawashima happy. You’ll get out of here if you behave”

Oikawa kisses him on the forehead and smiles sweetly. In his eyes, however, there’s a shine of the cruelty that has taken Tooru away. Tobio looks at him while he stands up and pick up the tray. Oikawa leaves it on the nightstand.

“Eat”

“They put drugs on the food…” Tobio mumbles.

“You won’t die, it’s calculated”

Not only Oikawa has sold him to Kawashima…, but he’s also helping him. That’s it. He can’t trust him no longer. He can’t lend his own life to a person that would play with him just for making money. He can’t be safe with him. Who says he won’t do that again once he’s out of here?

Almost as a reflex, Tobio smashes the tray and it falls on the floor. The plate and glass break immediately, staining the carpet. His hands shake and he keeps his gaze on the food, to not look at Oikawa. Oikawa just giggles and, singing a song, he leaves the room.

Tobio covers his ears to not hear the song. It’s weirdly loud and annoying. Nerve breaking. It’s like Kawashima’s gaze. Like Shinoda’s lascivious smile. It’s a sign of something dangerous. And it means he has to escape before it hurts him even more.

Tooru isn’t here. Oikawa won’t help him. He will never do it. All signs of hope have been dissipated just now. He’s left behind, abandoned and forgotten. Like the broken glass on the floor. He feels like a tiny bit of glass shattered from a figure that was weak but still one-pieced.

He’s alone in the room and now his eyes lift up to the window. A big glass that can also be shattered. There’s two guards at the door and he still feels trapped, but the walls doesn’t seem as thick as before. There’s a whole bay window with a balcony outside. It seems bigger than him, the height of the building is frightening too. He doesn’t know how many floors the hotel has. But still…

Maybe he isn’t the only broken glass here. Outside, the sky is dark grey. It’s threatening a big storm but for the first time in his life, Tobio isn’t afraid. If he has to choose a way of dying, he prefers to let it go to nature and not to these cruel men.

He picks up a chair and smashes it against the window. He repeated it a few more times and the glass finally breaks. He steps out on the balcony, the cold and dry wind that announces a storm hits him on the face. A few piece of glass stick on his barefoot.

But, he feels free. He opens his arms and embraces the wind. He watches the shorter building under him. He sees a few birds crossing the sky, quickly trying to arrive at their homes and cover from the incoming rain. It’s time for him to fly too.

The guards at the door have heard the noise and they open the door to see what is happening inside. Tobio reacts quickly and starts climbing the railing. From there, he sees that he’s on the last floor of the building. He has to go faster since the guards are shouting and running to him.

Since the room is on the last floor, he’s climbing up to the terrace. He holds up from the cornice and stays there while the guards leave the room to follow him. Suddenly, the height of the building isn’t as nice as it seemed. His feet are slipping and his fingers are turning white from clinging on the cornice. He hears the guards shouting from the terrace.

He closes his eyes. He counts to three and let himself fall back on the balcony. He miscalculates a bit and almost falls down if it hasn’t for the railing from where he hangs on. His legs swing uncontrolled and he fight to find some balance in the air. His arms are trembling from his weight. He hadn’t been eating well, but he has the last bit of strength to climb up and land on the balcony.

The door is open. And the guards discovers him there so he starts running to leave the room. He doesn’t mind having to run down the stairs of a 10 floor building. He even jumped a few flight of stairs and sometimes he misses some of them and rolls down. But he can’t stop. He’s being chased.

He even has to push some people in the middle of the way. The chasing guards have called reinforcements and are trying to block his path. He can’t stop to think because he would waste time. He sees the elevator’s door opening and he quickly goes in. It’s the service lift, so it can only be opened by the personnel. Inside, there’s a hostess who jumps scared of the sudden intrusion. Tobio corners her and covers her mouth while the elevator’s door close.

“You will show me a way to go out of this hotel without being noticed. Right now” he says. She nods slowly and Tobio releases the hand.

“There’s the exit door for the staff…” she says.

“Good”

Tobio tries to catch air while the elevator goes down. He has to be focused on escaping, he needs no mistakes. But he can’t help but being anxious and he moves side to side, his leg bouncing and his hands clinging on the palms. The hostess doesn’t say anything while the elevator arrives at the right floor.

Tobio sees the ‘Exit’ door and quickly walks to it. Suddenly, the hostess starts shouting.

“He’s here!”

Tobio runs, already being chased once again. He slam the door and crosses a corridor. The other men are too close but he runs and runs to the last door he encounters. By the impulse, he falls on the floor when he slams himself against the door. But he’s on an alley. And there’s the street on his right.

His feet hurts against the asphalt. He could feel the first rain drops against his exposed skin. He feels dizzy for the lack of food of the previous days. But he’s not safe yet. He runs through the streets while his captors follow him by cars. He tries to sneak in alleys and car-free zones but they split in groups and he always finds their cars everywhere.

He sneaks into another alley and arrives at a bridge over a river. It’s only for pedestrians, so the cars stop at the entrance. He runs through the bridge, but something make him stop right in the middle. Oikawa is on the other side of the bridge. He knows about his escape, he still was in the hotel when that happened.

“Stop this bullshit, Tobio-chan” Oikawa says. “You have nowhere to run”

Tobio steps back, but the chasers are already getting out of the cars. He really is cornered.

“Come” Oikawa says, extending his hand. He’s like ordering to a dog. A faithful little pet that will follow him wherever the owner wants. Without complaining and forgetting about the beatings it has received. 

But he’s not a submissive dog. He’s a bird about to fly. And so he steps to a side and quickly runs to the fence. He jumps over it and falls on the river.

The roaring of the water mixes with thunder. Tobio doesn’t know how to swim, he has never learnt to. The current drags him away and the little waves hit his face and makes him cough. He tries to stay afloat but it’s merely an act of survival. The river becomes rocky and he bumps into some of them, the water filling his mouth and increasing his coughing. He tries to swim to the shore but he’s just splashing. At the end, he stops fighting and let the flow drag him away. He lays on his back, his face being the only thing that is on the surface. He has to close his eyes due to the soft drizzling of the raindrops hitting against his face.

He doesn’t remember what happened. Maybe he fainted because of the water. Or maybe he died drowned. He keeps his eyes closed and his body moves at the wave’s pace. But he’s not drowning. He’s not floating. His face is sticky and something is hitting softly his right leg. He wakes up although he feels exhausted. He coughs some extra water on his mouth and tries to sit up. He’s trapped in an edge full of rushes and mud. His hands sink on the rushes when he starts crawling to stable ground.

He lays on the grass for a while, trying to catch his breath. He doesn’t want to move, only stay there until… he doesn’t even know. He’s tired. But it’s getting dark and he’s half naked and wet. His body is cold, he needs to move.

There isn’t many people outside since the rain is getting denser. And he actually doesn’t like that because he can’t camouflage with a crowd if he needs it. All those men plus Oikawa can be still looking for him and since they know he jumped on the river, they probably will have followed the flow.

Tobio tries to walk as fast as he can. He needs to find a hidden place as soon as it’s possible. He can’t spend the whole night walking around the city. Also, the rain is getting stronger and the thunders are louder than before. Maybe he can hide in a small alley or under some balcony.

His body is at its limit. If he stops walking, he will surely fall. And he wouldn’t be able to move. He needs to find a good place, first. He can’t deflate now.

A car suddenly stops next to him and blinds him with its lights. Tobio covers his face and steps back to the wall, thinking that they’ve finally find him.

“Kageyama” it’s Iwaizumi. “Get in, hurry up!”

Tobio doesn’t think it twice. He runs and jumps in the car. He flops on the backseats and Iwaizumi switches the lights off. Now, only Tobio’s sobs and the rain against the car’s body. Iwaizumi lets him recover a bit.

“Look behind your feet, there should be a bag with some clothes” Iwaizumi says.

Tobio finds the bag and starts changing. There’s a clean shirt, pants and shoes. The shoes doesn’t fit well and irritate his feet more, but it’s something. Tobio is still kind of wet but he feels a bit warmer.

“Everybody’s looking for you…” Iwaizumi says again. “Oikawa is furious”

“You know what he did to me, right…?”

“Yes…” Iwaizumi growls. “Shit… I’m sorry. I could’ve done something!”

“I don’t think so…”

“I think the best for you is to leave Sendai. At least, until Oikawa calms down. Here, take this…” Iwaizumi takes out his wallet. “It’s not a lot, but it’s all I have with me right now. Use it wisely”

“Thank you…” Tobio says, while Iwaizumi gives him the money.

“You can stay on the car for the night, and leave on morning. I’ll try to distract them. Here, take my jacket” Iwaizumi says. He takes off his big green jacket and gives it to Tobio.

Tobio zips the jacket and curls up on the warmth of the jacket. It’s big enough to cover him well and it has a lot of pockets to keep the given money. Iwaizumi receives a message.

“Shit, it’s Oikawa. I have to go…” Iwaizumi turns around to look at him. “Take care, Kageyama…”

Iwaizumi leaves before Tobio can thank him. He’s alone once again, but now that the fear has calmed down a bit, everything else comes harshly. He has nowhere to go. There’s no home to go or any person who can accept him in their houses. He’s on the street once again, like when he was a child wandering the streets of New York.

But he was with Tooru. And now he’s all alone.

He lies on the seats and curls up. The thunder is louder, it even trembles the entire car. Tobio whines of fear. It’s dark and scary, and loud, and everything feels like a nightmare. Although it isn’t a nightmare at all. With every flash of lighting, he remembers every humiliation, every touch, every tongues and every kisses that those men gave him. He also remembers every yelling, every insults, every manipulation and every fucked up situation that Oikawa has put him through.

There’s no way back.

Oikawa has told him many times to not trust people. But he’s the first one who he shouldn’t have trust. He’s the most dangerous of them all. Kawashima is a son of a bitch but he never really hide it. Shinoda was an asshole all the time. Oikawa’s cruelty was always hidden. And Tobio should’ve watched carefully every time Oikawa has acted strange. Every time Oikawa laughed weirdly, every time he came up with a new obsession. Every time he forced him to make horrible things. Every time he made him guilty of every disgrace they experienced.

Tobio cries loudly, screaming at every thunder. He’s terrified but also angry. He’s desperate to find some forgiveness but also starting to feel very guilty of everything that happened in his life. He should’ve seen it sooner. He shouldn’t have been that naïve. He shouldn’t have evoke all his life around someone. Now, he has nothing left.

He isn’t able to sleep for the entire night. At least, at dawn the storm stopped and now it’s only drizzling. Tobio puts the hoodie on and gets out the car. The easiest way of getting out of Sendai is by some public transport but there’s a problem. He will be more exposed and detectable, and the gang can easily keep track of him. And, also, he can’t read well. Finding the train station by the signals and maps is so confusing for him. He has to ask some stranger for directions.

But he has the same problem when he arrives at the station. He can’t understand which train to catch or where to go. He doesn’t want to talk to more people, because he will be even more exposed. On the other hand, he can’t waste time. He goes to the ticket office to ask for advice.

“How far can I go with this money…?” Iwaizumi has told him to use it wisely, and he supposes leaving the city is considered as it. Although he doesn’t want to spend all of it.

“With just that? Not much, at least by train. You can try to go by bus, it’s enough to buy a ticket to Tokyo”

“Tokyo…?”

There’s part of the gang there. People who didn’t think twice in selling him, even Kindaichi did. He has no business in Tokyo but it’s a big city and it’s considerably far from Sendai. Maybe, if he stay away from the harbour, they wouldn’t even know that he’s on the same place as them.

He leaves the train station. The bus stop is on the other side of the street. He buys the ticket, more than half of the savings goes for it. He shouldn’t waste the rest he has left. He knows that he can’t afford a hostel or any similar place, so maybe he could save it for food.

He has to wait half an hour until the departure time. He sits on a bench and hides his mouth behind the collar of the jacket. With the hoodie on, no one can see him from afar. And that probably has saved him, since there’s someone leaning on the wall near him. It’s Matsukawa. The gang is probably controlling every exit of the city.

He hasn’t seen him, yet. Tobio covers himself even more with the hoodie but he knows that’s not enough. He needs to hide for thirty minutes, until the bus’ departure. He slowly stands up and walks to the public toilette. Once he’s inside, he runs to a cubicle and latches the door. He sits on the toilet and puts his hands on the face to focus.

Matsukawa can easily recognize him, since they’ve been knowing each other for many years. Also, he could see that he’s wearing Iwaizumi’s jacket. Not only he will be in problems but also Iwaizumi could. Matsukawa is standing close to the buses, so he have to do something to make him move away from there. He needs to be fast.

He sticks his head out of the door. Matsukawa is still there, and the megaphone is announcing the arrival of his bus in five minutes. That would be good for hiding for a while and then run to the bus. He goes out of the toilettes and walks fast to a stationed bus. He hides behind it. People are crowding at the bus stop now that it’s coming, maybe he can hide between the crowds.

Thanks to the other people, he has an idea. Its soft raining, and some of them are wearing umbrellas. If he can get one, he can hide his face. He doesn’t want to waste money on that so maybe he can look at the lost and found of the station office. He just have to say that he has lost an umbrella and take one. Who would know if it’s his or not?

Going to the office requires crossing almost the whole station. He can’t run because Matsukawa will notice him. He has to act as a normal citizen. But, first, he puts on the jacket the other way around, as it has a different tone. From afar, it seems that the jacket is of another colour. He walks slowly but surely. He doesn’t knows if Matsukawa is looking at his direction but he can’t stop to check it. He is just a boy going to the office.

He arrives at the office. For now, Matsukawa doesn’t move. He goes to the lost and found department and ask for an umbrella. The receptionist shows him a few and he chooses the darkest one, to be less identifiable. Now, he can go out without being perceived. He opens the umbrella and walks to the crowd. The bus is already there.

Matsukawa is watching the crowd carefully, he has to keep an eye of all the departures. Tobio inclines the umbrella a bit more, he can feel some raindrops against his back. The crowd is walking in line, slowly getting in the bus. He can feel Matsukawa’s gaze, he can’t mess it up now. But he’s the last one in getting in the bus, he’s still exposed. He has to close the umbrella to get inside, and only with that short second of exposure, Matsukawa starts moving to him.

Tobio quickly goes to the back of the bus. From there, he sees Matsukawa getting near. Did he see him? Does he knows where he’s trying to go? Will he follow him? He closes his eyes and begs for the bus to close its doors and drive away. If Matsukawa gets in the bus, everything will be over.

Thankfully, Japanese punctuality is known for being accurate. The bus closes its door and the driver starts the engines on point. Matsukawa is left behind. Tobio let’s himself drop on the seat, finally at peace. Maybe he has discovered him, but now he can’t do much. He’ll be safe for the five hours than last the trip.

He will stop to think what to do once he’s at Tokyo. For now, he rests his head against the window and closes his eyes to recover the sleep he couldn’t have during the night.

The driver has to wake him up when the bus arrives at Tokyo. He’s on Shinjuku, where there’s so many people that it’s good for him to mix between the crowds. He starts walking around, trying to think what he can do from now on.

Just by walking during daylight at the centre of the city is enough to make him realise how really different is Japan from New York. He’s trying to make a mental map of places to hide, to sleep through the night or to search for food. At first sight, he can’t identify any homeless person around. It’s impossible that there’s none of them, they must be well hidden. But he can’t guess how or where. He’s wandering through a market and there’s stands where the seller isn’t on sight. How can they leave all the things without supervision? That’s crazy.

But convenient. People choose the food and place the money in a box, on the counter. It’s weird to him that no one takes anything for free, but well. He will be the first, then. He picks up a plastic bag and starts stacking things. Only by seeing all the food, makes him hungry. He hasn’t been eating well for the past days, it’s a good opportunity to fill himself and have something to eat. Of course, he can’t recollect a lot of food because people will notice him. For now, he catches something for lunch and dinner. He leaves slowly but surely, trying to not act suspicious.

He sits on a bench at a park and eat a few packaged onigiri. He’s starving and could’ve been able to eat the entire bag, but he needs to ration the food. His life experience on the streets have told him that food is a treasure that’s not always easy to find. Even if he’s on another country, this statement isn’t different.

With the stomach a bit more full, it’s the time to think where he will spend the night. Back in New York, he could learn how to do things by watching other homeless. But now there’s no one in sight, which it still bothers him. If there’s a place to hide, he wants to know it. Maybe it’s because he’s on a busy neighbourhood and should move out of there. Maybe under some bridge or an alley…

He stands up and walks again, although he’s feeling exhausted. His body demands more food and sleep, but he can’t give it now. He can’t stop. But soon he feels tired, he can’t make more steps. His head spins, his legs shake. He needs to rest and although he tries to force himself, he has a limit. As he can’t stop on the middle of the street, he finds an alley. It isn’t as hidden as it should be, but he doesn’t have time to be picky. The alley face the back of a supermarket. There’s a few containers, Tobio is sure that they’re the first trash bins that he sees in the whole day. It should work to hide better.

A loud scream makes him jump. He thought someone is shouting at him, but it’s a bird. A crow are on top of the container, pecking the bags. On top of the building there’s two more. The crows are observing him as if he’s a big animal that comes to steal their food. He has to be careful, he can see their beaks and claws. He walks slowly to the wall in front of the nearest crow and sits down on the floor.

“I just want to rest…” he says. But the crow thinks different. It flies down the container and leaps to him. It pecks his shoe to which Tobio complains. “What do you want? I’m still alive, you know…?”

The crow has seen the bag. It starts scratching it and Tobio tries to keep it away. Both him and the crow growls.

“Fine!” he says. He rummage the bag and takes out the first thing he finds. “Here, eat and stop attacking me”

The crow looks satisfied. But this only causes that the other two fly down to eat too. Tobio complains again, now he has three crows jumping and screeching around him. At the end, he gives them food too. He thinks they will leave him alone but no, they stay there. One of them even jumps on top of his knee. Tobio tries to touch him. First, he bites him but he soon let himself be caressed.

“You’re lucky they didn’t gouge your eyes out” someone says, suddenly. Tobio shrinks of fear and the crows flop their wings. It’s a man, who’s digging in the bins. “You shouldn’t have given them food, now they won’t leave you alone”

“I couldn’t do much, they were practically attacking me”

“That means you aren’t starving enough. Otherwise, you’ll be fighting to death”

Tobio doesn’t answer. It’s the first homeless person he sees by far. It would be good to observe his movements. The man looks at him, a bit angry.

“I haven’t seen anyone living on the streets until now. I thought...”

“That we don’t exist? For all of them, it’s true. We’re invisible”

“How can you survive here…?”

“It’s not the best place for that. Everything is too safe, too correct. It’s difficult to steal, you can get caught easily. There’s very few bins on the street, only in supermarkets or stations. I guess it’s what happens when you’re poor in a first world”

“It’s so different from New York… Not only because of the stealing part. Here, people doesn’t even beg for money”

“The shame is too much…” suddenly, the man’s voice get a bit sadder. “We aren’t fit for this society. Jobless, homeless, unworthy… We don’t deserve people attention. We’re outcasts. I’m a useless old man. You should be studying in a good university and make this country better.”

“I didn’t even go to school…”

“Ha! You’re even stupider than I am, then”

He’s laughing at him and Tobio gets offended. He’s no one to mock him by his situation. Besides, he never needed to go to school, he’s fine like that. Although he probably would know how to read Japanese if he did…

“Now, go off. This is my garbage” the man says.

“Who says so?”

Tobio stands up to be more intimidating, but his legs are still shaking from exhaustion. The man lifts a cane, ready to beat him up to make him go. But as Tobio steps back, the crows fly to the man and start attacking him. He covers himself and tries to fight them, but they are quick and sharp. The man leaves growling, and the crows fly around Tobio, cawing of joy.

“Thank you…” he whispers. One of the crows lands on his head. “We can stay here for the night…”

He finds a thin card box and dismantles it to make it flat. That would serve for a bed… or kind of. He’s thankful that it’s not as cold as it could be, for now he has enough warm from the jacket. Also, he opens the umbrella to cover him from a bit. The crows fly to their nests, high on the buildings, and Tobio stares at the dusky sky.

He knows the worst is about to come. He already knows how difficult is to survive, and more all alone. He had Tooru with him, he knew how to steal and look for things. He always hid behind him…, and now he has to take care of himself. He’s already hungry again, he tries to sleep to fade it away.

But when the night finally arrives, all his worries increases. He’s on a simple alley, barely covered. Anyone can see him, including the gang. They will be more active now that’s night-time. He should be alert, he can’t low his guard in a place like that.

And so, the night is long, lonely, starving and anxious.

He spends a few days like this, sleeping on the alley. For now, he's secure enough here even though the old man still comes and insult him. But it's okay, he can live with it. And the crows also keep the man quiet. He's glad he has befriended them, because they know how to search for good food. The supermarket next to him sometimes throws away still edible leftovers, although he's careful with the expiration date since he had once eaten something that made him throw up.

The rain has stopped for today. Tobio has to change the cardboard box as it was almost destroyed from humidity. He walks around the streets, searching for a good one. And maybe some food too. He finds a lost scarf and keeps it without a doubt. It can be used as a blanket. When he comes back to his alley, he finds a new box near the container. It looks clean and new, someone has brought it here. He sits down and open the box. It is food, and it seems to be in good state. Maybe someone has seen him there and left it here for him to eat. He's glad there's people who cares… also, the crows are jumping to him, attracted by the food. It means it’s edible.

He splits the meat and gives it to the crows. Two of them start fighting for it. The other one, more shy, waits for its turn. But when Tobio splits the second meat, he discovers something. It's a needle. Inside the meat. He wouldn't have noticed if he didn't have split it. His hands begin to shake, and he takes it away from the crow. He doesn't want him to swallow it. Why would someone leave that needle inside food? It's clearly made to hurt… Did someone try to kill him? Maybe someone from the gang?

"You got one of those too, huh?" the voice of the old man appears on the alley. "Welcome"

"What is this…?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? It's made to kill. Maybe some dog, the crows or you. They don't care who swallow it"

"Why?"

"Because we aren't people to their eyes. We are parasites. And too many son of bitches dislike us"

Tobio is trembling. It wasn't a gang member who did this, it's probably a normal citizen. Someone tried to kill him just because he's sleeping on an alley. He can't imagine why someone would do that. Why someone would trick him into thinking that it's food. Thinking that there's still kindness on the world.

"It won't be the first time, silly boy. You should have more care with this things, you should learn not to trust anyone"

There it goes again. Not even being far from Oikawa, he's free of that. No one would help him. No one would give him things for free. He's alone. He only can trust in a crow, an animal. Humans are too dangerous. If things can go more wrong, the supermarket owner comes out and forces him to leave. He had enough of having him there every night. He doesn't want any client to see him there… He even swings a stick ready to hit him and threatens to call the police.

So, Tobio carries up his cardboard and leaves the alley. He thinks the crows will stay there, as their houses are on the alley but they fly close to him. They stop from time to time on top of trees and pylons, and when he thinks they got tired and stop following him they suddenly appear somewhere. Tobio feels good, knowing that they aren't abandoning him. It's good to know that someone stays with him, even though it's a bird.

He notices how no one is paying attention to him, how everyone looks away as he walks. They know what the cardboard means. They know what he looks like. They know what he is. And they won't acknowledge it. But there's someone who is staring at him. He sees him on the other side of the street, he's barely blinking to not lose sight of him. And Tobio recognises him instantly.

It's Kyoutani.

He has found him.

Tobio starts running away, while Kyoutani doesn't think twice about following him. He doesn't even care about the street lights, he just chases him. They are in a centric area, so Tobio has to dodge all the people. It's frustrating, but it's useful to keep Kyoutani far from him. But, soon, Kyoutani begins to take shortcuts and surprise him on some corner. Tobio has to step back and change directions a few times, not being aware that Kyoutani is leading him to where he wants.

Tobio is crossing a less busy street when Kyoutani appears from an alley and jumps at him. Tobio falls on the floor and Kyoutani drags him to the alley, Tobio tries to kick him off. Kyoutani punches him and holds his hands on his neck, tightening. Tobio growls and kicks him, he can't let him win. The crows drop sharply against Kyoutani, screeching and biting him. Using this, Tobio punches him and makes him step away. Tobio is now able to stand up, Kyoutani does it at the same time.

They look at each other, at the eyes, acknowledging the other as a rival. They make a little bow and then jump at each other. They're growling like wild animals. Hiring, scratching and even biting at each other. Tobio's fight skills have dropped a bit since he hasn't trained properly, and also considering his poor diet. But he still knows a few things, and he's more agile than Kyoutani' s pure strength. Kyoutani punches straight on the face, neck and chest while Tobio is more prone to kick him on the stomach, legs and arms. Kyoutani corners him against the wall and Tobio hits his face with his head. Kyoutani steps back, his nose bleeding, and he immediately jumps on him. He starts punching him and Tobio forces, also hitting him and biting his arms. They roll over and now Tobio is the one who gives the punches. Kyoutani kicks him on the face and Tobio falls on the floor. He rolls again and quickly grabs whatever is on the floor. It's his umbrella, which he uses as a weapon to hit him and keep him away.

But, from the constant hitting, the umbrella stick breaks in half. Kyoutani tackles him and they both fall against the container bins. Tobio finds a piece of glass and stabs him on the arm. Kyoutani growls of pain and steps back, holding his injury. Tobio stands up, holding the remaining glass. Kyoutani shows his teeth in anger and takes out a small knife. They attack once again. Tobio's glass breaks easily after another stab and he tries to block and dodge Kyoutani's knife. Kyoutani ends up stabbing his arm too and now, both of them stay away from the other, trying to catch breath. They respect the timebreak.

But the crows don't understand these things. They continue to screech at Kyoutani, trying to scare him off and protect Tobio.

"You have friends…" Kyoutani says, more to himself. "I am outnumbered, and a true fighter knows when to abandon an already lost battle. You win"

"Aren't you going to bring me to Oikawa?"

"I don't care about that, I wanted to settle down our fight. I won't chase you anymore, you're free to go"

"Are you serious?"

"Just go. And avoid the centre"

Tobio stands up and slowly starts walking. He picks up his cardboard, without breaking eye contact with Kyoutani. Kyoutani doesn't move. And, so, Tobio walks away while the crows fly in circles above him, cawing of happiness for the victory of their friend.

Tobio has the intention of walking away from the city centre, as Kyoutani said. He doesn’t really know where he is, so he keeps walking. But his injured arm hurts, and he has to stop and rest from time to time. The main problem is that it’s starting to be hot, as summer is around the corner. He’s wearing a big jacket and a scarf, that isn’t helping at all. He stops by an alley and sits down to rest. He takes off his shirt and takes a look at his injury.

He tries to clean it with the scarf, although some of the blood is already dried. It’s possible that he needs some stitches… He attaches the scarf around the arm but he can’t put the jersey back with it, so he rips the sleeve off. He ties up the jacket around his waist and stands up again.

He’s thirsty. He has fresh water only when he steals a bottle form a store, but mainly he gathers it from the rain. And it has been days since the last storm. He makes little stops at some alleys and spots with shadow but he doesn’t want to stay in any of them. He feels too exposed, knowing that Kyoutani has found him. He believes that Kyoutani won’t say a thing, but he can’t be sure if the others are around. He needs to find a good place.

The sun is burning. It's noon, and there's no shadow nearby. He still walks, unable to find a good place to stay. He needs water. He has a few coins left, and he wishes to save a little more. He tries to keep on but, after a while, he can't bear it anymore. His body is dehydrated, and if he doesn't stop right now, he will suffer more.

He steps into the first store he sees and buys a big bottle and he doesn't even stop to check the change. The shop assistant asks him if he's okay but Tobio doesn't answer. He can barely listen to anything. He immediately opens the bottle and drinks half of it. His hand is trembling, he almost can't keep it balanced. The water splashes him and his shirt. He doesn't understand what's happening. 

Suddenly, he blacks out. 

He wakes up in a hospital room, at the ER. He has an intravenous stick on his hand and when he gets up, his head spins around. He feels better than before but the headache hasn't gone yet. Being on a hospital makes him revive bad memories, from where Oikawa forced him to watch his surgeries. He threw up the first times he opened someone. In some cases, it still gives him chills years later. 

"Hello" a nurse says. "Some clients of a store called an ambulance. You had a sunstroke. We've taken you here since we say your injury on your arm. Can you tell me your name?" 

Tobio doesn't answer. He doesn't know the woman. 

"We need to fill out paperwork. Tell me your name" she insists. But Tobio stays silent. “Where do you live?” 

“I’m okay now, right? I can go…”

“How did you receive that cut? It is a knife injury, right? We need to fill a report in those cases”

“No. It’s fine. I’m going...home”

“If you’re in trouble we can call the police for you. You just have to tell us what happened”

“I want to go. You can’t restrain me against my will…”

“Stay here. We have to solve this” 

Tobio knows she will call the police. And it’s clear that they won’t help him. He’s homeless, he doesn’t have any legal documentation and he has a nice long criminal record. He’s going to be arrested first rather than looking for the one who assaulted him and stabbed him. He needs to leave the hospital. 

He unclinges the serum bag from the stand and puts it in a jacket’s pocket. It’s clearly visible but it’s better to transport it. He knows the serum will help him to stay a bit more hydrated. He will remove the needle later. 

Tobio goes out of the room. He mixes with a few visitors and follows the corridor. He sees the nurse who attended him before and quickly hides behind a curtain. When she walks past, Tobio knows it’s time to hurry up. Once she notices he’s not there, she will call for help. For now, he has found a good spot to hide, but he’s not the only one who had the same idea. There’s someone hidden, talking through a device. Tobio gets closer to listen carefully. He thinks he has heard something familiar…

“Yeah, I think he’s the one you’re looking for, but he’s a bit different. Yes. Well, he’s very thin and dirty. Seems like he’s been living outside all this time. He had a sunstroke. Yes, black hair and blue eyes. He didn’t say the name, but I’m sure he’s that Kageyama Tobio”

Tobio freezes. Why was that nurse talking about him? Who was she calling? He knows that sharing information isn’t allowed in a legal hospital… Could that be someone like…?

“We’ll try to keep him here until you arrive, Oikawa-san”

He knew it! Oikawa has a lot of contacts in hospitals, and she’s an informer. Maybe the other nurse who wants to call the police is one of them too. He isn’t safe here, if Oikawa arrives and sees him, everything will be over. It’s time to run.

He crosses the hallway as fast as he can. The nurse already sees him and screams for someone to hold him. Tobio is being chased again by a group of doctors, like he’s a crazy person who is escaping from a mental ward. Maybe he looks like one, because everyone steps away from him like he’s someone dangerous. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, just run away. 

He’s still weak from the sunstroke, all his senses are a mess. His headache doesn’t let him think straight, and maybe he’s glad for it. Thanks to that, he just runs and doesn’t look back. He almost gets run over by a car and it causes a huge traffic jam but he’s still running. His body doesn't stop, he has a fire inside that makes him move even though he’s exhausted. There’s something that keeps him running and running, his legs have never shown that strength before.

It’s fear. The fear caused by a single mention of a name: Oikawa. 

But he stops. He does it when he reaches the top of a canal hill. There’s water again, maybe he can do the same with the river in Sendai and let himself be carried away by the current. But when he makes the first step, his legs suddenly stop working. All the exhaustion comes at once and he ends up falling on the ground, rolling down the hill. 

He lets himself fall, completely at the mercy of gravity. He stops at the canal shore, half of his body gets in the water. His body shakes violently when he tries to sit up. He manages to lift his hand and see that it’s bleeding because the IV has ripped off. The serum bag lays on the middle of the hill. He sobs a little while he turns his head to the water. It smells weird and it’s a bit dirty, but he can’t refuse a drink. Also, the water can refresh his burning face. 

He looks around slowly, because his head is still dizzy. There’s a bridge a few meters away, where its shadow looks like an oasis in the middle of the desert. But he can only look at it because his body has completely shut down. 

But maybe that’s okay. Maybe his body has come to an end and, soon, his mind would too. Maybe it’s better to let it go, to lay on the grass and wait for the sunstroke to get worse. Or for the night to be so cold that it freezes him. Or that he starves to death. Maybe, he doesn’t want to keep fighting. For what? He doesn’t have a house. There’s no family waiting for him. There’s nowhere to go. So, why survive? It doesn’t matter anymore… 

He looks at the sky. It’s blue with a few white clouds, a warm sunny day. A summer breath that it’s likely to kill him but it’s still welcomed. What a lovely day to lay down and… became nothing. He closes his eyes, fatigued. Maybe he won’t open them again, but who cares? He doesn’t think at all… He’s weirdly calm. 

“ _Meow_ ”

It’s soft at first, so he ignores it. But the sound is getting louder and longer, the meow is intensifying as it gets closer. Tobio opens his eyes and tilts his head a bit. There’s a cat coming to him. Tobio watches it approach, it meows loudly at his face. The cat is almost yelling, like it’s scolding him for being lazy. The cat scratches his jacket. 

“What do you want…?” Tobio mumbles. “I don’t have food”

The cat meows back, scolding him, and then it lays next to him. The cat stretches and moves its paws to him, she wants to play. 

“Read the room,” Tobio says. The cat rolls over and rubs her head against his arm. She then starts playing with a worn-out button. Tobio moves his arm and the cat chases his hand. Tobio scoffs at her but he moves the hand for her to keep playing. 

Due to the game, the cat bits him and Tobio moves his hand away. But that moment only makes the cat follow it more, and she ends jumping on top of him. Tobio howls a bit, his body is still sore. The cat starts kneading his chest. She then sits down and rests on top of him. 

“You good, now…?” Tobio says, looking at the cat. She closes his eyes, very comfortable. “What a weird timing you come...”

The cat releases a soft and sweet meow. Tobio moves his hand and places on her, he scratches her ears and the cat soon starts to purr. 

Maybe it’s not the time to let it all go…

There’s a few clouds that cover the sun, it’s less hot and the sun doesn’t hit him directly. Tobio slowly sits up. He’s all alone on the canal, meaning it’s a good temporary hiding place. The bridge still offers a nice shadow and good coverage from rain. He can stay under it. He tries to stand up, although his legs are still wobbly and he falls on the floor again. He stands up once again and finally stays still. 

“Let’s find food…” he mumbles, to which the cat meows back. 

The cat stays on the canal while Tobio walks around the neighbourhood. It’s quieter than the centre, with some houses and a few shops. He has to be careful if he steals from a store, because there’s fewer than the centre and the owners can snitch on him if they catch him. The only garbage cans are next to those stores, and the food supplies also go down. Tobio wonders if that would be enough. 

After a few minutes walking, he distinguishes a landfill. Judging by the canal close to it, it’s near the bridge he wants to stay in. He can find useful stuff there, maybe some objects to use. He finds a hole on the metal fence and steps in the dumpster. There’s a lot of mountains of garbage to explore, he will look at everything little by little. 

He finds a pocket knife, some clothes and shoes, and a mattress. That will be enough for today, since he has to carry the mattress to the bridge. He has to make little stops to rest from the weight of the mattress but he manages to arrive at the canal and leave the mattress under the bridge. He lies in it, testing it. It’s not comfortable and it's a bit broken, but its okay. 

He takes out the “new” clothes and goes to the canal, to wash them. Since it’s a warm day, they will be dry by dusk. He rubs the clothes in the water and extends them on the grass. He then stops to contemplate his reflection on the water. He never really paid attention to his image but now he looks wasted. He’s dirty and injured, he looks thin and his eye bags show his exhaustion.

His reflection gives him back an image of a boy who’s too distant from him. He doesn’t connect with those dark eyes. He doesn’t recognize the face he has in front of him. He doesn’t know who that guy is. He can’t even say his name, because he can’t find the correlation. He doesn’t know who he is anymore, but it's not as if he has known it before. He has relied so much on Oikawa that he has become his shadow. He never had the opportunity to grow apart. 

And now that he’s alone, he’s too tired to try. His reflection gets angry, his dark eyes stare at him in disdain. Tobio yells and punches the water. He keeps hitting and splashing his image until the waves make it difficult to reflect. 

“Meow”

“You again…?” Tobio huffs. “I thought cats were smart. I don’t have food for you…”

The cat rubs her body against him, purring. Tobio can’t complain much longer, he’s already caressing her white and blond fur. The cat reminds him of the crows. They lost him when the ambulance took him to the hospital and probably they don’t know where he is. He misses them. They were good company… The cat lies on the floor and Tobio rubs her belly. That’s when he notices something.

“Are you pregnant…?” the cat plays with his hand. “Girl, and you trust me for this…? I can’t even take care of myself...”

The cat meows sweetly, and rubs her head against his hand. She seems determined to stay with him, the less he can do is try to provide her. She’s cute and he knows how animals can trust someone purely. They aren’t like humans… He will help the cat, as animals are more grateful. 

“Okay. I’ll go for dinner…”

The cat sleeps on the mattress next to him. She goes out to hunt on mornings and comes at night, to rest with him. Tobio finds a new routine, when she returns to the bridge he feels like the day is completed. He feels less alone. The dumpster becomes a gold mine, since there’s so many things that are still functioning. He only needs to clean them and sells them somewhere. It’s not much, but the money is worth it to buy some canned food. 

“You’re lucky, you are a cat” he says, while he’s eating canned tuna. The cat, now named Kiyoko, is trying to steal it. Kiyoko scolds him. Tobio lifts the can but she still stretches to catch it. “People give you food! I have to earn my dinner. Sit down”

But Tobio hears some noise near the bridge. He finally gives Kiyoko the tuna to keep her quiet. He extinguishes the little fire he has made with a lighter and stands up to hear well. There’s two men on the bridge. 

“I’m telling you, I won’t do it like that”

“Are you doubting me? Come on, man, we have the best good. You’ll earn the money you want, and everyone will be happy”

“Selling drugs is risky, I want the double you’re offering”

“We’ll have it once we start the dealing”

“No, I want it now”

“I can’t!”

“Then, there’s no deal for us”

Perfect. They are drug dealers, just what Tobio needs to encounter. One of the men leaves, and Tobio steps back. It’s night-time, but it’s better to hide. He knows by first hand that no gang likes to be spied on. But it’s too late, the remaining man sees him. Tobio is ready to run but the man jumps over the bridge and, as it isn’t really high, he lands next to him and tackles him. He has a knife, and Tobio looks for his pocket knife too.

“What are you doing down here?!” the man says, a bit nervous. 

“I live here” Tobio says slowly. “You came into my house and argue with the other guy”

“What did you hear?”

“Everything,” Tobio says. The man holds his knife up, ready to stab him if necessary. Tobio needs to calm him down. “Listen, I have a better offer than yours”

“What are you talking about?”

“I guess you need someone to transport the dealings, but he denied it because of the salary. I’ll do it instead of him. I will ask for less than him, and you will distribute the goods while I’m alive. What do you say?”

“Do you work with someone? Where’s your boss?”

“I’m all alone”

“Why do I have to listen to you? How can I know that you won’t ask for more money?”

“I live under a bridge. I have not much to spend, so I can live with little money. Just the basics for food. Since I don’t work for anyone, you won’t have to worry about treasons or corrupt leaders”

“Maybe, it can work… But you’ll have to repeat it to the boss. I do have a leader”

“Okay… Then, tomorrow…”

“No, you’re coming right now so I can know if you’re telling the truth”

“Now…?”

“Yes. Come on, start walking”

Tobio knows he’s messed up. He was trying to trick him and make him leave, so tomorrow he’ll be far from the bridge and fly to another place to hide. But now he’s in bigger trouble. If the man knows he’s being fooled, he’ll kill him. Facing another gang isn’t the best thing to do when you're escaping from one. But he can’t say no now…

“Fine… I’ll follow you”

Tobio holds his hands up, showing him he’s not going to run away. The man still holds his knife, but he doesn’t attack. He catches Tobio by the shirt and makes him walk. He sometimes pushes him to show him dominance. They cross the bridge and arrives at a lonely neighbourhood, where the majority of the houses are abandoned. Tobio doesn’t like the zone, and he starts wondering if it have been a good idea to come here. Maybe they will trick him and he’ll be trapped once again.

The man leads him to the garage of a two-floor house. Tobio is nervous, he remembers the first time he and Tooru arrived at Japan. They had to pass a test before joining the gang.

“Hey, boss!” the man calls. The boss is sitting on a table, with some bags in front of him. “This boy is offering us a deal. He says he demands less money than Matsuda”

The boss stands up and walks to them. The man pushes Tobio to the light, for the boss to look at him better.

“Aren’t you Oikawa’s boy?”

“He said he works alone!” the man says, annoyed.

“And I do!” Tobio says. “I don’t work for him anymore, I’m a lonely wolf now”

“It’s hard to believe. He kept you safe like a treasure, I doubt he would let you go”

“What happened between Oikawa and I don’t have anything to do with this…”

“It does, though. Oikawa was so protective of you, if something happens he will be bothered”

“I’m telling you, I don’t work for him anymore. He doesn’t even know where I am. It’s safe, he won’t know what I am doing”

“What do we do, boss?”

“Maybe he can do a test… If it’s true that Oikawa isn’t around, maybe we’ll trust you. Prove us that you aren’t lying”

“Okay…”

“You’ll take those little bags to different destinations. You have two days to accomplish it. The destinations aren’t far from each other” the boss points at the bags on the table, which contain different types of drugs. “You can start now”

“I need supplies. A bag, something to transport the bags, weapons to protect me…”

“You work alone, don’t you? Figure it out by yourself”

Tobio is a bit annoyed by that, but it’s logical. He has to put up with this, he has fallen here all by himself. Due to the summer time, he isn’t wearing his jacket, so he has to stuff the bags on his pocket pants. He has to be careful to not break the plastic…

“If you don’t accomplish this job, you’ll get it, understood?”

“Yes”

“Good. Now, go off”

Tobio leaves the garage as soon as he can. He doesn’t want to talk any longer with them. It’s still night when he arrives at the bridge. He sits down on the mattress and caresses Kiyoko, who’s already sleeping. He doesn’t know if it’s smart to accomplish the deal but he has no escape now. If he can’t do this, that gang can perfectly finish him. Or even worse, talk to Oikawa. Maybe he can finish the actual job, get money and never come back. Yes, just that.

He decides to leave now, traveling during night would be safer for him while carrying drugs. Although he’s going to Kabukicho, a highly concurred place, nobody will notice him. But there’s still a problem to solve; Kabukicho is near Shinjuku, he would be on the exposed zone once again. He has two days to finish the job, but he will try to do it quicker so he can go away as soon as possible.

He spends the next 24 hours awake, to finish the job. He doesn’t even stop to find food or a place to rest. He wants to finish it quicker. Thanks for this, he arrives at his bridge exhausted. He takes off his shirt, since he’s too hot and sweaty from the extreme walk, and gets in the canal. He splashes water at his face and rubs a bit, trying to clean himself a bit.

Tobio suddenly hears a noise behind him. He quickly stands up and takes out his pocket knife. It’s the man from the gang.

“Hey, easy” the man says. “I’m just checking if you are doing your job”

“I delivered everything” Tobio says, quickly putting on his shirt. He feels too unprotected with that man staring at him.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No. You can check it yourself, I did sell everything”

The man moves away to make some calls. Tobio waits, calmly. He has done his job correctly so there’re no worries. The man comes back after a few minutes.

“You surely did your job…” he looks surprised. “Fine, come with me. You will receive your pay”

Tobio follows him to the garage, where the boss gives him the money. Tobio counts it, it’s enough for him to buy new stuff. He’s ready to leave and never see them again, but the boss stops him.

“You’ve done an efficient job, and quicker than other dealers. I respect that you work alone, but we’ll like to use your services from time to time. Quick jobs, nothing big”

“I will see that…”

He leaves before things gets worse, spending more time there means to be at risk of being accepted as a gang member and he wants to stay away from that life. He had enough. Also, they have other dealers who work for they, so he won’t be called as much as them, right?

But, once again, he’s wrong. They come regularly and ask him to do some tasks, and Tobio sometimes denies it. But when he’s short of money, he usually says yes. With the ‘salary’, he has managed to buy more food, some hygiene products, a bag, a bed for Kiyoko, and a little gas fire to cook. Due to this, he has learnt how to not waste anything, although he’s still annoyed that Kiyoko doesn’t use her new bed at all. She prefers his mattress.

Speaking of Kiyoko, now she stays with him during day too. Due to her pregnancy, she doesn’t go out as much as before and she prefers to rest and being fed by Tobio. Her belly is big now, and sometimes she’s a bit sullen. Tobio lets her be, he’s okay with just being the food giver right now. She’ll be better once the kittens are born, it’s the hormones.

He’s nervous for the birth of the kittens, because he won’t know what to do if something gets complicated. Also, summer is ending and while he will protect them, he doesn’t know if they could survive the winter. She’s late on giving birth, normally cats do it on spring.

And the rainy season is coming again.

It starts raining one morning, while Tobio is out. He thinks it won’t last long, but he deeply knows that he can’t underestimate the storm. The boss of the gang has a new offer, bigger than anyone he’s done before. He’s nervous about that, and more because he can already hear the thunder on the distance.

The boss has called all his dealers to distribute the goods. He tells them that the pay will be better, since it’s a big transaction. Tobio hasn’t take part of something like that before with that gang, so he’s nervous. He prefers to stay away from gang stuff that involves him too much.

“Since we’re getting more clients due to our efficiency, we’re going to do our best deal” the boss explains, looking at Tobio. It’s thanks to him, that things are going okay for them. “See all the bags, here? We’ll move them everywhere. Come on, grab your bags. You can start delivering tomorrow”

Everyone move to the bags and distribute them. Tobio is the last to approach, since he doesn’t care if he gets more or less. The boss is waiting for him at the entrance.

“Thanks to your efficiency, we’ll getting recognized. Once you finish this order, you can join the gang”

That’s what he’d feared the most, to be considered one of them. He doesn’t want to repeat his past…

“No. I want to continue working on my own. I don’t want gangs”

“You would’ve protection and more money. You can stay in the house”

“No… Thank you, but no. I have to go” Tobio leaves the garage.

It’s raining harder than before, so he hurry up. He wants to arrive and lie on his mattress, under the bridge. Kiyoko would be nervous, he needs to calm her. But once he arrives at the bridge, Hell welcomes him. The canal flow has increased due to the rain. Tobio jumps over the bridge and lands on water. It already arrives at the mattress, where Kiyoko meows scared. Some of his things are already lost.

Tobio is quick to recollect the basic things. Since his bag is occupied by the drugs, he prefers to take them out and put his belongings there. He puts on the jacket and he carries Kiyoko gently. He puts her on his chest and closes the zipper, so she’s well secured. It’s time to go and shelter to another place, but the water hits the mattress he’s on and drags them down the river.

He holds tightly on the mattress, trying to keep Kiyoko secured. She’s meowing hysterically and Tobio also screams as the canal takes a sharp curve and throws them on the shore. Tobio rolls on the floor, he tries to protect the cat. He needs time to catch breath, but Kiyoko is still meowing. He needs to find a place to hide and keep her warm. He’s worried about the kittens…

He stands up and starts walking. Tobio is still terrified and he trembles while Kiyoko meows gets higher. She’s stressed and Tobio wonders if it happens something with the babies. He’s disorientated, so he wanders around trying to look for a place to hide. It’s raining a lot, he can’t hide on an alley because Kiyoko needs to be covered.

Tobio is desperate by Kiyoko’s meowing. He’s the other side of the canal, but he’s so bewildered that it’s almost impossible to recognize something. At the end, he sees and abandoned building that it remains standing. But he door is blocked so he yells of anger. Kiyoko meows again, Tobio tries to check her up. Her belly is making weird movements… she’s having contractions.

“Fuck…” Tobio curses. He tries to open the door once again but it’s blocked from behind. He chooses to find another similar building but when he’s stepping away, he sees an opportunity.

The building is lacking of window glass, so he can perfectly sneak in through it by just climbing a container. Tobio quickly does so and, thankfully, the window leads to an empty room. Tobio throws himself on the floor, exhausted, and Kiyoko jumps off his arms. She screams around the room, looking for a place to lay and give birth. She’s scared.

Tobio takes of his jacket and places it on the floor. Kiyoko lays on it, looking for the warmth and comfort on her human’s clothes. Tobio thinks she and the babies need to be keep dry, but it’s impossible to find something like that. It’s raining and he’ll have to wait until everything is dry enough. For now, he has to leave it to the cat.

Tobio stays away from Kiyoko, he’s making her nervous. He walks around the room, trying to focus. What if Kiyoko or the kittens got hurt by the previous fall? What if one of the babies needs help? Does he have to help her? Can he do something?

He hears a soft meow. The first kitten is born. Tobio sits down closer, he caresses Kiyoko to calm her.

“You’re doing good…” he cheers her up. A thunder cracks the sky and resounds through all the building. Kiyoko meows scared, and Tobio keeps caressing her. He’s also trembling, but the cat is more important.

The four and last kitten comes at the storm’s peak. Kiyoko licks them and they move slowly against her. Except one. The first kitten is shaking, but it doesn’t move. He’s cold and if he can’t reach his mother’s nipple, he won’t be able to be fed. Tobio feels he have to do something. He picks up the kitten carefully and places him against his chest. He rubs him slowly, giving him warmth.

“Come on, baby…” Tobio mumbles. He keeps rubbing the cat until it stretches his little paws. The baby can’t see anything, but it’s smelling him. But Tobio isn’t its mother and it needs to eat. “Time to get back to Mom…”

He places the baby with Kiyoko and the kitten begins to eat, along his siblings. Tobio scratches Kiyoko’s ears and smiles softly, looking at the babies.

“Good job, mama” he says, sweetly. Kiyoko meows back. She looks happy too. 

Once the rain stops, Tobio goes out to look for supplies. He brings blankets to keep the kittens warm. Tobio moves the cat family to the blankets so he can wash his jacket and use it. Tobio travels around the garbage dump to look for new things, since he doesn’t bother to look for his belongings. It’s obvious that everything has gone river down.

He finds a mattress and drags it to his building, although he has a lot of problems with getting it through the window. He falls a few times before pushing it to the room. Once he’s inside, he’s welcomed by the soft meows of the kittens. Kiyoko prefers to look for food by herself, so the kittens stay on the blanket, curled up against each other to keep themselves warm. Tobio kneels down and caresses them. One of the kittens meows at him.

Tobio smiles. They are so little and cute, so vulnerable. It feels good to have something to protect, a reason to get back to home and see how a tiny thing relies on him. He feels responsible and, maybe for the first time in his life, he finds a purpose to carry on.

Kiyoko arrives later and lies with her kids. It’s time for Tobio to go out to eat too, now that the kittens are supervised by their mother. He descends through the window and jumps off the trash container. He has to cross the bridge since there aren’t stores on his side. From there, he spots his previous shelter. The water has returned to its flow, but he knows that the next rain it will happen the same. He can’t go back…

He feels stupid. He should’ve known that it would overflow, but he completely ignored it. He should know better. He doesn’t even know how he is still alive after all these months, and he even wonders if the cats will be okay with him. If he doesn’t know how to take care of himself, how is he supposed to look after a baby?

“Here you are” someone said. Tobio doesn’t even bother to turn around. “Where have you been?”

“The river flooded, I had to find another place to live” he says, elusive.

“And the drugs?”

“Probably, at the sea…”

“Son of a bitch” the man says, pushing him against the railing. “That’s a lot of money lost!”

“I’m sorry if I was trying to be alive! I needed to save my things first, my cat and my…”

“A fucking cat? Are you kidding me?! You choose a stupid cat over your job? It was money for you too, are you stupid?”

“I don’t owe you anything, you’re not my boss”

Boss punches him on the face. Tobio doesn’t do anything, he has lost a lot of reflexions and strength during all these months. He wobbles, but he tries to catch on the railing. The boss holds him by the shirt.

“You will finish your job, stupid bitch”

“Don’t call me that” Tobio pushes him away. He’s fed up, he’s been called that so many times. And yes, maybe he considers himself as one but he had enough. “Do not come for me. I don’t want to work with you anymore. I’m done. I don’t care about the money. I don’t care about your drugs. Forget about me”

“Come here!” the man yells, while Tobio runs away.

Tobio lands on his mattress and releases a suffocated scream. It seems that there’s nothing good he can do. Every plan he makes up, it’s a failure. Every move he does, leads for something worse. He’s not smart. He’s not strong anymore. Day by day, he’s feeling weaker. He’s not okay and he knows it. But he can’t do anything. What’s more, he doesn’t want to. He’s tired of living…

A little meow interrupts his thoughts. Maybe, there’s still something worth fighting for. One of the babies is walking around the room, he’s a bit disorientated but he meows at Tobio. He wants to go with him. Tobio sits up and pick the kitty up.

“Where are you going?” he says, softly. The cat fits on his palm, he’s so tiny. “There’s not much to explore here, Shou. Only dust and rubble”

Shou starts purring when Tobio rubs his nose on his head. Tobio lays down on the mattress and puts the kitty on his chest, he keeps caressing him and the cat soon moves his little paws. Tobio smiles, it’s the first time he has one of the cats for that long.

“Where’s your mom? Hunting?” he asks. Shou purrs.

After a while, Shou is back to his siblings. But there’s still no sign of Kiyoko. She doesn’t take that long to hunt, she’s always home when the night falls. Tobio instantly worries. Is she okay? Maybe she got lost. It’s about to rain again, he prefers to have her inside… And so, Tobio leaves the room to look for her.

“Kiyoko! Where are you, girl?” he calls her, but she isn’t around. Otherwise, she would have answered to her name. “Kiyoko!”

“Are you looking for something?” the boss suddenly appears behind him.

“What do you fucking want?” Tobio growls. He has a bad feeling.

“To give you one last job”

“Did you do something to my cat…?”

“Whatever happened, you don’t have any worries now”

“Leave me alone!” Tobio yells. “I don’t have anything to do with you!”

“Now you do. I have one last mission for you. If you keep denying it, I will have a talk with Oikawa”

“What…?”

“I already know what happens. You ran away from the gang, I guess he will be very happy to know where you are”

“Motherfucker…”

“It’s the last thing I will ask you to do. I’ll leave you alone once you finish it. Or else…”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll call Oikawa-san. What’s the job about, that you need my help that much?”

“We have a few deals to provide. You can take your time, since it’s quite far from here” the boss takes out a piece of paper, which show a little map.

“That far?! It can take me hours to arrive to the last stop!”

“You don’t have anything that ties you up here, right? Now, be prepared to leave tomorrow. There’s work to do”

The boss leaves. Tobio clenches his teeth and growls, angrily. Did the boss do something to Kiyoko? Why he wants his help so much? Why is he suddenly so valuable that the boss had to come and trick him? He has enough dealers to do the job. But if he calls Oikawa…, then everything would go worse.

He goes back to the building. He picks up the kittens and hugs them to calm himself. If he did something to Kiyoko, they are vulnerable. The cats need their mother with them… They are better with her than him. He prays for her to return. Maybe, the boss lied and Kiyoko is okay… She is alive, right? She has to be…

Kiyoko saved his life. She has to be okay.

But she doesn’t show up. Tobio waits awake for her to come back, but a few days later she still isn’t home. He looks around to find her, but without success. Tobio is desolated. He wants to lay on the mattress and stay there for the rest of his life, which shouldn’t be long. Kiyoko has done so much for him, and he couldn’t protect her.

Oikawa finding him doesn’t sound that bad, right now. What would he do? Prostitute him once again? Maybe he’s the only thing he can do. Oikawa never trust him in any mission, he never was in charge of stealing and finding supplies. And now he understands why, he’s a complete disaster. Maybe he’s only worth to be fucked and used.

He has a lot of nightmares through the night, he sometimes has taken up screaming and he scared the cats. He’s exhausted by morning, he wishes to keep sleeping and never wake up again. But he feels a tiny claw scratching his shoe and he wakes up confused. A kitty is playing with his shoelaces.

Tobio sighs and let him play. It’s the second time the kittens come to him when he feels the worse. Like their mother did. Every time he had a breakdown, Kiyoko was there to cheer him up. He himself thinks it’s something silly, to rely on a cat. But he can’t help it, Kiyoko was the only thing that was keeping him alive. And now, her babies would do the same.

“It’s not fair…” he mumbles, caressing the kitty. “Why do you keep making me wanting to be alive…?”

Tobio cleans his remaining tears on his face. He stands up and looks for cat food in the boxes. At the sound of the food, the kittens begin to meow. After filling a plastic plate, he hears someone shouting on the street. It seems like there’s someone calling him…

Tobio goes outside, trying to stay away from his building since he feels it’s better that the person who’s calling him won’t know his location. After a few minutes, he finds the boss.

“Here you are, Oikawa Boy”

“Don’t say that. What do you want?”

“Have you reconsider the offer?”

Tobio debates it. He’s tired and not very willing to do the job, but the boss already threatened him before. Yesterday, he didn’t think it as something bad because he was distressed but now he has kittens to take care of. The babies are too little to take care of themselves and if Oikawa finds him, he probably won’t like to have cats around. He doesn’t want to abandon them, he owes them his life.

“Fine. But that will be my last job for you, understood?”

“Of course. You have the list on the paper I gave you yesterday” then, the boss takes out a small bag. “Bring this to the first destination”

“Okay…”

“Take your time”

The boss disappear. Tobio takes out the paper and tries to understand the map. He’ll need to take the bus, he will take the whole day to finish the job and he instantly worries about the cats. He doesn’t know if they can be alone for that long… He needs to hurry up.

He doesn’t bother to pick the bag and prepare things, he doesn’t have time. He fills the plates with water and food for the cats, and believes if that would be enough for them. He goes out and hurry up to get to the bus stop. He sits on the last row of seats and leans on the window. The roar of the engine makes him tremble, and it even gives him a light headache.

Since he hasn’t get any good sleep tonight, he closes his eyes and tries to sleep. He’s going to the last stop of the bus line, so it’s okay. He falls asleep when it starts to rain.

The bus driver wakes him up when he reaches the last stop. Tobio gets scared at first, to see a strange man so close to him. Tobio sits up, feeling a bit dizzy. His headache has increased.

“We’re on the last stop” the driver says. “I have to bring the bus at depot, I won’t drive more for today”

“What happens?”

“You don’t know? There’s a typhoon alert”

“What!?”

“You better go home, boy. It’s raining heavily” the driver says, and Tobio steps off the bus, a bit confused.

A typhoon alert. That’s serious shit, it’s not a simple storm. At the stop, he can see the chaos the city is submerged in. All the cars are stick on a big traffic jam, honking the horn. There’re people running everywhere, filled with big bags with food and supplies. Some of them are securing the doors of their houses and some windows are being covered.

Tobio is stressed by the change of ambiance. He knew it would be a storm when he get out of his house, but not this. Suddenly, he reaches to a severe conclusion.

The boss already knew that there’s a typhoon alert. That’s why he send him to complete the job, that’s why he wanted so much to be him who do the task. He won’t risk his own men, but him… It won’t be a loss, if Tobio goes missing.

“Son of a bitch…” he growls. He then slaps himself a few times, feeling stupid. He grumbles one more time before looking for the departure sign. He can’t read most of it but all the big red letters indicates that every bus line has been cancelled. “Fuck…”

“All public services have been delayed for today” the officer explains to the travellers. “You can try with taxis, but we don’t assure you for it to be fast. The roads are collapsed too”

That’s all Tobio wants to hear. He’s trapped on the other side of the city in the middle of a typhoon. And his kittens are all alone at a poorly build house. He needs to arrive as soon as possible and find a better shelter than that. He doesn’t want the flood of the river to happen again, and less when he is so far from home.

He doesn’t care about the drug thing, his cats are more important than that. He starts walking, it’s the only way to get home as all the other options are collapsed by the rain. It would take him so long to arrive, but there’s no other option.

He puts on the hoodie, and keeps his head down as the rain is hitting too hard against his face. It’s almost blinding. The wind is also strong and makes him stumble from time to time. A sign of a bar falls right in front of him, and Tobio forces himself to look in front. He covers his eyes with the hand. A few people bump into him, running away and he once falls on the floor.

The rain is creating puddles everywhere and some streets are flooded. He even have to swim to reach the other pavement. But the water is too strong for him and it quickly drags him away. Tobio cling to a pole, but it soon breaks and they both goes down the current. Tobio cries of desperation, he moves his arms trying to stay afloat but even if he did know how to swim, he wouldn’t be able to fight against a flood. He manages to grip at the bars of a door, and it’s more resistant than the pole.

Tobio needs a break to breathe and control his fear. He had swallowed a lot of water and he’s shaking violently. Tobio moans painfully, he’s scared of letting himself go from the bar door and drown in the floor. He feels desperate: one time he wishes for not dying and he’s in the worse situation. He has to survive, this time. He has to get home and protect the kittens. He can’t die here.

He climbs the door and sits on blank wall of the house. He stands up and tries to walk, keeping the balance. He almost fall a few times, his body is too shaky. He sees a higher street where the flood hasn’t arrived at a high level. It’s his only way. He arrives at the end of the wall and sighs deeply, focusing on the jump. He counts to three and jumps to the street.

He rolls on the floor and he’s slow to get up. His body was already weak, and that hit worsens it. But since he doesn’t have any broken bone, he forces himself to stand up and keep walking. He’s not in the middle of water now, so he can walk properly. But he has changed the course marked on the map, and he doesn’t have the right state of mind to discover where he is.

He doesn’t even see where he’s going. He just keeps walking. His body hurts too much, his mind is dull and blurred. He knows he needs to stop and rest, but he can’t do it. Not when the cats are alone. They would be so scared…They already lose their mother, he can’t abandon them.

But soon his body shuts down and he falls abruptly. His legs are trembling so much that they aren’t responding. His arms are sore too.

“Move… Keep moving...” He mumbles to himself. His mind and his body are totally disconnected.

Tobio tries to crawl, but he only moves a few inches. He tries to scream but he only coughs. He can’t do anything. He can’t reach his cats. He just fall on the street, completely black out.

He really thinks this time he’s completely dead. It’s over. There won’t be any more pain or misery. He finally died. But he feels exhausted, his body feels like its crushed and his head is completely out. If he’s dead he shouldn’t experience this. He always thought that death would be peaceful…

But he opens his eyes. He’s ready to complain but he finds out that he’s not on the street anymore. He doesn’t recognize the room he’s in. He can’t think deeper than that. He tries to look around and finds a stranger at the door of the room. He’s tall, with dark hair and a short beard. He doesn’t know who he is but, for some reason, he’s not afraid. At least, not now.

“My name is Nicolas Romero. I found you on the street”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess destiny doesn't suck here like some story I know-


	14. Home

_I just wanted a home_

His body is all black and blue, with some bruises covered by band-aids. Tobio plunges a sponge in a bucket and gently releases the water on his skin, tyring to clean himself while being careful with his injuries. He’s sitting on a stool, with his leg covered in a plastic bag to protect the stitches. It’s better to not soak the bandages. He tries to dry himself off with a towel, a few band-aids fall off due to being damped. He’ll need to replace them, but it’s okay. Those bruises aren’t as important as the cut on his leg.

Once he has put on the underwear, he tries to stand up by holding on the sink. He looks at himself in the mirror. His face is still swollen and bruised, but it’s looking better although the exhaustion is still there.

Someone knocks on the door.

“Are you done?” it’s Nicolas. He’s waiting for him to finish. “Can I go in?”

“Yes”

Nicolas goes to the bathroom. Tobio notices his clothes on the floor and, ashamed, tries to pick them up but his wounded leg doesn't allow it. Nicolas picks them up for him, and Tobio looks away.

"Your Band-Aids have fallen. Come to the bed, I'll clean your bandages" Nicolas says. He catches his hand and guides him to the room, Tobio holds to him and walks limping.

Nicolas sits him on the bed, gently. He has the whole first-aid kit on the nightstand and he starts removing the old Band-Aids with new ones. He helps him to put on a shirt, as he feels Tobio is kind of uncomfortable. Then, he kneels down and rest Tobio's leg on his lap. He starts removing the plastic bag.

He's so gentle, so careful. He holds him like he's about to break. Tobio stares at him, unable to look away from him. But when Nicolas eyes fall on him, he can't keep looking at him. He's too ashamed.

"It seems better" Nicolas says, as he's inspecting the stitches. "It doesn't look infected"

He smiles, but Tobio isn't looking. He proceeds to dress his leg with a new and clean bandage. He leaves a kiss near the wound.

"Let's put the pyjama on"

"I will do it" Tobio quickly says, taking off the clothes from Nicolas' hands.

He tries to put the pants on, but as soon as he stands up to finish it, Nicolas is there to hold him. Nicolas holds his chin up.

"Are you okay?" Tobio sighs. Nicolas guides him to sit on the bed again, he stays next to him.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

He fears that moment, when Nicolas would finally talk about what Tobio has told him. He feels ashamed, dirty, miserable. He doesn't want to have disappointed Nicolas. Maybe, he finds him disgusting. Maybe he's only taking care of him now out of courtesy.

But Nicolas holds his hands. He's also nervous. He knows he has to say something, but he doesn't know exactly what. Feeling sorry and pity him don't sit right. Talking about Oikawa would trigger him. He has to choose his words correctly. He has to find something that Tobio needs to hear.

"Babe, " he says, caressing his hands. "This isn't your fault…"

Tobio growls, removing his hands from Nicolas'. Nicolas is afraid that he has mess it up.

"How can you say that…?"

"You were just a kid…, a baby! You didn't know better. And what happened to Jalil, would have happened sooner or later. It wasn't because of you"

"What?"

"He was a victim of police brutality. And they don't need a lot of reasons to attack someone like Jalil, anything would work. Because they're racists and, for them, Jalil's crime was being black and poor. You were just an excuse for them…, you didn't do anything wrong"

"But…" Tobio is puzzled. But thanks to this, Nicolas knows he's in a good direction. "But I… I should've known better! I bring them trouble. I should have left as soon as Tooru woke up…"

"I'm telling you that it would've happened one way or another"

"I was a nuisance. No one wants to take care of a kid. They were poor. And I worsen everything. It's my fault…"

“They were poor, yes. They were risking their little stability, yes. Having you meant more money to spend, yes. But they already knew all of this. But neither of them rejected you, right? That means they wanted you there. Jalil wanted to take care of you. You were as important for him as he was for you”

“I just…” Tobio sobs. He looks at Nicolas, this time he holds the gaze. His eyes are watering and, soon, they release the tears. “I just wanted a family…”

“I know…, and you will have it” Nicolas says, softly. “You will find the happiness you deserve”

“No. I don’t deserve it!” Tobio cries louder. “Everywhere I go, I mess up things. I bring trouble. I’m a stupid worthless loser. I don’t know why I’m still alive…”

“Because you’re strong and brave. You’ve been through a lot of things, and you’re still here, fighting. You’re a survivor, don’t play yourself down”

“It was pure luck… Tooru was the one who did everything and when I had to do it…, I fucked everything. I can’t steal without getting caught. I can’t make deals because I’m stupid and they fool me. I can’t survive alone, I’m always struggling. The only thing I did good was… killing. I’m… I’m disgusting…”

“You aren’t”

“Stop lying!” he shouts. Tobio abruptly removes Nicolas’ hands from him.

Tobio holds his head, his cries hidden underneath his hands. Nicolas doesn’t touch him again; he’ll wait until he releases it all. But he hasn’t finished talking. 

“Why would I lie to you?”

“You will get tired of me… You will leave me. You’ll abandon me and… and I… I will be alone. As always. Even Tooru left me…”

“I won’t do that. I love you”

“Then… Then I’m sorry, you had to fall in love with someone like me… B-because you will hate me. You’ll find me gross. How could you be with a slut like me…?”

“You’re not a slut” Nicolas keeps talking softly, although Tobio is hysterical. He wants him to listen. “Whoever told you that, doesn’t know you well”

“Tooru said it…”

“Well, did he really listen to you? Did he fully know what you wanted?”

“N-no…”

“I can see that you didn’t want to do any of that. I can see how terrified you felt, how manipulated you were. How you didn’t have a choice… You aren’t a slut, you aren’t disgusting, you aren’t a cruel killer. You are a good person who has been forced to do terrible things”

Tobio is speechless. His hiccups and sobs don’t let him breath properly. He looks at him once again. Nicolas waits patiently, Tobio has been hurting for so long that now it’s time to release everything.

“N-Nicolas…” Tobio mumbles, his anxiety doesn’t let him say more. “N-Nico…”

“Yes, gatinho?”

Tobio cries his name, it’s the only thing he’s able to do now. Nicolas smiles and opens his arms. Tobio quickly hides between them, crying against his chest. Nicolas slowly rocks him and caresses his hair. He stays silent, letting Tobio howl all he wants. His only job now is to bring him comfort, to be there for him. The time of words is already gone. He leaves a kiss on his head from time to time. After all the crying, Tobio is exhausted. Nicolas lays him on the bed and tucks him with the blanket. He caresses him and kisses him again, until Tobio falls asleep. Once he’s sure Tobio won’t wake up, he leaves the room.

Fukurou is in the kitchen, preparing the breakfast. They look at each other and Nicolas lets himself fall on a chair. It’s his turn to be exhausted. He holds his head between his hands and sighs deeply. He has to digest everything.

“Dear God, Nico…” Fukurou says, unable to keep cooking.

“Did you hear everything…?”

“Only from time to time…”

“God… Fuk, he was a kid… a baby! I can’t imagine my Ruben being kidnapped and… That’s horrible”

“Can’t we do something against that guy? Oikawa?”

“Maybe, but Tobio would be implicated. What if they charge him too? I won’t take the risk”

“Then, what? We just stay here, like nothing happened?”

“No, that’s for sure. If I ever see him again, I…”

“Be careful, he’s dangerous”

“I know, but that won’t stop me. He’s hurt Tobio so much, and he doesn’t even know it! How can someone be that blind? And don’t even start me with that son of a bitch, Kawashima…”

“I understand you, Nicolas” Fukurou says. “I wouldn’t stop you, but we have to think clearly. Listen, I know a lawyer…”

“A lawyer? He had Tobio in a five-star hotel, where everyone could’ve heard or see him. I bet he has more power than a simple lawyer”

“I just want to help”

“I know Fuk, and I thank you for that. But we can’t expect this to be easy” Nicolas passes a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do… They’ve broken him! And I’m afraid that I can’t do anything to help him…”

“You do, believe me. He’s not the same guy form the first day” Fukurou lands a hand on his shoulder. “He just wants a family; he has already said it. Maybe, you can start introduce him to your family… Or your son. They should know that the other exists”

“Maybe… But I don’t how Ruben will take it. He’s suffered too much because of his mother…”

“Ah, Débora, of course” Fukurou says, tutting. “But Tobio isn’t her”

“Absolutely”

“Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out”

“We…?”

“Well, since he’s part of your life now, I also want to help. And Sachirou likes him, so having friends will help him”

“You like him too, don’t lie~”

“Maybe”

They smile at each other, Nicolas knows that Fukurou is already used to see Tobio around. At first, Fukurou was worried but now he has accepted him. Tobio is part of his life too.

“Ah, shit” Nicolas says. “I have to go to work… My time off sick has finished…”

“Go. I’ll stay here and take care of your Tobio”

“Thanks, Fuk” Nicolas pats his shoulder. He then picks up all he needs and proceeds to leave the house.

Tobio sleeps the whole day. He’s so tired that he could sleep for days, but Nicolas wakes him up the next morning, before going to work.

“Honey, wake up. You have to eat something” Nicolas caresses his hair and kisses him softly. Tobio complains.

When Nicolas leaves the room, Tobio starts opening his eyes. His body weights more than it actually do, his whole soul feels like it has been run over by a truck. He doesn’t like to be prostrated in a bed, but he can’t move. He tries to move his head, trying to see what’s around him. He’s on Nicolas’ bedroom, beneath the warmth of the blanket and the soft light of the sun. He’s safe…

He tries to sit up slowly, but his leg stings. His upper body is more mobile as the cuts are more superficial, but the leg… It will be a nuisance, and that’s annoying as Hell. He doesn’t want to be dependant; he’s sure Nicolas will absolutely devote himself into taking care of him.

He notices something on the nightstand. It’s a note and a vase with a pink flower. Tobio can’t help but smile. He picks up the flower and smell it, he turns it around to see it better. It’s pretty and fresh, it has been recently bought. Then, he picks up the note and reads it. It’s from Nicolas, as he expects.

_Good morning! You have your breakfast on the kitchen and your lunch on the fridge. Eat well and rest properly. I’ll be back at night, Fukurou is around for anything you need. And, if something happens, you can call me whenever you want. You know I’m here for you. Take care, I love you <3_

It’s simple, but it makes him smile. No one has ever given him flowers or left him love notes. This is something new and welcomed, it feels sweet. He puts the flower back to the vase. He’s suddenly in a better mood to leave the bed. He limps through the corridor, balancing himself with the wall. He reaches the kitchen, where he can already see the tray with his breakfast. It’s homemade pancakes and Tobio sits down to devour them, knowing that they will be delicious. Everything that Nicolas does, is good.

He hears the sound of keys outside the door. He tenses up, it can’t be Nicolas because he’s at work but who else has the keys of his house? He discovers it soon, Fukurou opens the door.

“Oh, hi” he says. “I thought you would be still sleeping”

“Nicolas woke me up before leaving”

“Good. I bring you this” Fukurou says, leaving a crutch next to him. “It will be better if you don’t restrain your leg by walking”

“Thanks…” they both stare at each other in silence, until Tobio gets uncomfortable. “Do you want something…?”

“Yeah… I… Look, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel bad with something I said”

“You didn’t like me. You even thought I was a bad influence, right?” Tobio looks at him, but Fukurou can’t hold his gaze. “You don’t have to hide it. I get why you think it”

“That was before. But it wasn’t much for you… I was… kinda jealous, you know?”

“Jealous? Of being sick and living on the streets…?”

“No… of the attention that Nicolas gave to you”

“What…?”

“We… had a thing, when he first came to Japan, two years ago. And although now we are just friends, I was too attached. Like… You know how he is, so magnetic. It’s almost impossible to not pay attention to him…”

“I know…” Tobio sighs.

“He told me that he was married and we couldn’t continue our… thing. He was so nervous about that, I thought he committed a mistake and that he loved his wife. But then, you came and he couldn’t stop thinking about you, the boy who was sleeping on his bed. I started wondering what was the difference between you and me. Why was he so sure about you? Why he didn’t cut you off like he did with me, if he was still married?”

“It’s weird, if I stop to think about. I don’t doubt him but… I still don’t get their relationship”

“I don’t think Nicolas know it neither… As far as I know, she’s a very complicated person to be with. Nico hasn’t told me much, but the little I know is that she’s… overreactive”

“Should I be worried…?”

“He seems pretty nervous when he talks about her. I wouldn’t let my guard down. I don’t think Nicolas would do the same to you as me, but she’s still there, you know?”

“Okay…”

“Yeah, and… Well, if you need something, I’m on the next door”

“Thank you…”

Fukurou pats his shoulder. He’s a bit awkward, but he’s honest so Tobio finds him reliable. Apparently, Kei thinks the same because he meows at him asking for food. He’s completely different form how he treats Nicolas. Fukurou goes to the cats’ plates and fills them with food. He soon has all the cats there, rubbing against his leg.

“Ah, yes” Fukurou says. “Sachirou and Kourai want to come to visit you tomorrow. I thought you would like to know it before they show up here without asking”

“It’s okay, they can come”

“Call me if they get annoying, I’ll kick them out”

“Sure”

“I have to finish somethings at home. If you need anything, just call me”

“Okay”

Fukurou leaves the house. Tobio sighs, he feels relieved after talking with Fukurou but he’s still tired from everything. He finishes his breakfast and drink his milk in one sip. Yachi meows at him and jumps at his lap, she rubs her head on his chest. She’s noticing that he’s feeling down. Tobio holds her with one hand and tires to stand up using the crutch. He slowly goes to the sofa and sits down. Immediately, Shou and Kei come too and Tobio hugs them all.

“We’re here… alive” Tobio reminds himself, caressing the cats. He looks at the little vase that stands on the shelf, where Guchi’s ashes are. “We have found a home… right?”

Tobio is a bit bored through the day. He’s been watching a few movies and napped a little after lunch, but there’s not many other things to do. Until Nicolas arrives. His mood lifts considerably after seeing him.

“Hi” he salutes him. He comes to the couch and gives him a kiss. “How was your day?”

“A bit boring. I have left you ramen in the kitchen”

“You didn’t have to bother” he says, while patting the cats.

“It’s okay. I don’t want to spend the whole day lying down. And Hirugami-san has given me a crutch”

“Great” Nicolas goes to the kitchen. Shou follows him, wanting to play with his shoelaces.

Tobio looks at him from the couch. He likes seeing him cooking, Nicolas seems at ease. He’s happy, and Tobio likes watching his back. It feels reassuring, in some way. Nicolas picks his bowl of ramen and sits down with him on the couch.

“Are you watching a movie?” Nicolas asks.

“It’s just started” Tobio quickly rests the head on his shoulder. “How was your day…?”

“A bit boring” he smiles. “We’re a bit halted right now”

“You’ll do good” he caresses his arm and he receives a kiss on the forehead. Nicolas begins to eat. “I saw the flower”

“You liked it?” Tobio nods. “Then, I’ll give you another tomorrow”

“No one has given me flowers before”

“I’m glad I’m the first, then”

“You’re the first in a lot of things…”

Nicolas stays silent, thinking. He leaves the bowl on the coffee table and looks at Tobio. There’s something that bothers him but he seems to be thinking too hard in what to say. Tobio holds his hands, he’s ready for his question.

“Tobio, I… I need to ask you something”

“Go ahead”

“When we… You didn’t feel forced, did you…?” Nicolas is afraid of having hurt him when they got intimate, he won’t forgive himself if Tobio felt uncomfortable. It would be understandable, after knowing all his bad experience involving sex.

“No, not at all” Tobio says, without a doubt. “On the contrary, I wanted to do it. I trust you…, you would never hurt me. You treated me nothing but gentle, you made me feel safe. In fact, I… I would want to do more… because it’s you”

Nicolas sighs, relieved. He smiles, caressing his hands.

“I would love to, but we can go slow if you need it. Little by little”

“I just need you”

Tobio kisses him. He’s so sweet… He enjoyed when he touched him, he wants to feel it more. Everything Nicolas can give him, will be incredible. But once he moves to him, his leg hurts. He whines a bit and Nicolas stops him.

“I think it’s better to wait until you’re healed” Nicolas says, caressing his face. “I’ll give everything you want by then”

Tobio makes a little pout. He really wants to enjoy sex, but Nicolas is right. He can’t do much with all his injuries, and Nicolas still have some bruises left. He will wait but, for now… He grabs Nicolas hand and guide it to his inner thigh.

“At least… touch me, like you did that day…”

“I can do that” Nicolas smiles. He kisses him slowly; his hand is already massaging the area. Tobio sighs and Nicolas gently lies him on the couch. “Enjoy, Tobio”

Tobio closes his eyes and let himself be touched by the man he loves. He holds onto the couch, arching his back on every stroke and moaning at every kiss and touch. Nicolas leans over to play with his mouth and Tobio tries to cover his moans, ashamed. But Nicolas grabs his hands, he wants to hear him. It’s okay to enjoy it, it’s nice to make him feel good. It’s good for an angel to be pleased.

Tobio sleeps at ease that night, curled up between Nicolas arms. When he wakes up, he finds another flower on the nightstand. Happily, Tobio place the vase on the dinner table, to decorate the kitchen. He eats breakfast while looking at the flowers, they are so pretty.

But the doorbell rings. It’s probably Sachirou and Hoshiumi. He hears a soft woof, Koutarou is with them.

“Heeey!” Hoshiumi screams, at seeing him. He hugs Tobio with strength. “How are you?”

“Don’t break him more than he already is” Sachirou says, patting Tobio’s shoulder. Koutarou also salutes him, wagging his tail, and Tobio quickly pats his head. “Koutarou likes to come, we couldn’t leave our flat without him whining”

“I don’t know if the cats will do well”

“We’ll introduce them correctly, don’t worry. Koutarou is good with cats, he’ll behave”

“We want to introduce you someone too!” Hoshiumi says. “He’s our roommate, he wanted to meet you”

“Yes, he’s parking the car. He knows someone who can check your injuries, he’s studying medicine”

“What…? A doctor…?” Tobio mumbles, but Sachirou and Hoshiumi can’t notice it. They don’t know anything; they both just go in the house.

Shou meows loudly at seeing Koutarou. He’s not scared but he wants to mark territory. Koutarou wags his tail, ready to play, but Sachirou makes him sit. It’s better that the cats approach him by themselves and not the contrary. Koutarou lays on the floor and Shou jumps at him, playing.

“See? They will be okay” Sachirou says.

“Good morning” someone says at the door. It’s a young man, tall and huge. Yachi gets scared.

“Ushi!” Hoshiumi says. “That’s Ushijima Wakatoshi, he’s our roommate”

“Hello” Ushijima salutes Tobio. “Please, don’t leave the door open even if you’re waiting for someone”

“Yes, sorry”

“Did you bring your doctor friend?” Sachirou asks.

“Yes” another guy says. He’s short and has an angry look. “I’m Shirabu Kenjirou. Where’s the injured?”

Tobio can’t escape, mainly because everyone is looking at him. Also, Shirabu has seen the crutch.

“Fine. Sit on the sofa, let’s check the stitches”

Tobi sits down, a bit tensed. He’s nervous every time he has to be with strange people, but it’s worse knowing that the guy is a doctor. Even if he’s still studying, he’s on the same area than Oikawa. He can’t help but compare them. Also, although he only has to roll up his pants, he’s still uncomfortable by having to show his body to someone else.

“God, who did this massacre?” Shirabu complains. Tobio smiles, looking at Sachirou.

“My brother, apparently” he laughs. “He doesn’t know any better”

“Tell your brother that it wasn’t that hard, the cut is straight. He had one of the easiest. He complicated the injury; he’ll will have a scar. Why didn’t you go to a hospital?”

“I… can’t go” Tobio mumbles, looking away from everyone. He doesn’t want to further any explanation. Luckily, Shirabu notices it.

“Luckily for you, I have already anticipated this” he opens his bag, he has brought out many medical supplies. He then looks at the group. “What, are you waiting for a show to start? Go away, I don’t want to have you around. Come on”

He doesn’t have to move; everyone just goes away. Shirabu puts on a mask and a pair of gloves. He then places a towel on the sofa and prepares a syringe with anaesthesia. He injects it on the injury so it won’t hurt Tobio.

“Lie down, don’t look” he orders. Tobio does so, and although he doesn’t notice anything, he’s still tense. “I’m literally healing you, why are you so afraid?”

“Just… bad experience”

“Not everyone is a bad doctor, we’re usually normal”

Tobio doesn’t answer, he didn’t know anyone good enough to check him and not snitch on him to Oikawa. That’s why he’s so tensed with Shirabu, because he can perfectly talk to him afterwards. Also, Shirabu by himself is a bit scary. He’s severe but only for this, he likes him better than Oikawa. At least, Shirabu seems more honest than that poisoned smile from Oikawa.

That’s why he takes the risk and ask him the question in mind.

“Do you… know someone called Oikawa?” Shirabu twitches his nose.

“That presumptuous bastard. He’s taking away all the attention and he doesn’t even have the degree! I know he doesn’t, he can’t fool me. Always doing that stupid smile… He came once to host a conference and I just wanted to punch him on the face so bad”

Tobio feels relieved. Shirabu can’t stand Oikawa, and that’s the best sign he could give him. He closes his eyes, now safer, and let’s Shirabu do his work.

“Done” Shirabu announces, after a while. “Now you’ll be able to walk and move better. I’ll come to see it in two days”

“Okay…”

“Are you done? I’m hungry” Hoshiumi says, coming to the living room with a big bag. Hoshiumi sits on the floor and starts taking out food from the bag, placing it on the coffee table. “We’ve brought a loooot of food. I want you to try this”

Hoshiumi places a bag of chips on Tobio’s chest, since he’s still laying down. Sachirou comes with some tea and Ushijima helps Shirabu to put all his things away.

“I saw your flowers in the kitchen” Ushijima says. “They need a bit more water. If you want to keep them longer, I have fertilizer at home. I can bring you some”

“Thank you” Tobio says.

“Trust him, we have the apartment full of plants” Sachirou says.

“I am a Plant Dad” Ushijima says. “Like you said”

“Anyways, eat” Hoshiumi says, pointing at the chips.

Tobio sits down and tries the chips. Hoshiumi looks at him, waiting for his verdict.

“They’re okay, nothing special”

“What!?”

“I told you” Sachirou mocks him.

“These are the best chips of the world! You have no taste!” Hoshiumi looks offended. “Try this too. I’ll show you the real food”

Hoshiumi starts stacking up all kinds of bags on him. Tobio tries to fight him off but they end up wrestling, and soon Koutarou jumps on them to play with them too.

Tobio discovers that it’s fun to mock Hoshiumi, sometimes he joins Sachirou to mock him and make him angry. Ushijima is chill to deal with, he feels like he can spend time with him in silence without being observed or judged. Shirabu is still scary and hard to talk, but Tobio has already approved him since he’s against Oikawa.

All in all, he has a good time with them. They just watch some movies and eat snacks, no big deal, but for Tobio is a whole new thing. He never had the change to be part of a group; if he had to sit with the gang, he always feels isolated. But here, with them, it’s different. He’s included, they talk to him and make him part of the situation. Tobio also feels safe, because their conversations are simple and normal. They aren’t planning any robbery, any deal or something like that. They just argue about chip flavours and who’s the better parent for Koutarou.

It’s… peaceful.

“Hoshiumi-san almost threw out the vase. With him, the cats and Koutarou, your house is in danger” Tobio explains to Nicolas, later.

“I have an insurance” Nicolas laughs, playing with the cats. “I’m glad you had fun with your friends”

“Friends…” he mumbles, to himself. Calling someone a friend is important to him… Only one person has been considered as one, and yet… “They want to visit me more. Ushijima wants to talk about plants with me”

“Of course, they want to visit you. They like you” Nicolas says. “You’re surrounded by many people, Tobio. Don’t forget it, okay?”

“I know I’m not alone, I have you” Tobio says, wholeheartedly. He smiles, but Nicolas doesn’t reciprocate it.

“While I love how much you like me, I don’t want to be the only one in your life. I want you to have friends, to meet people… I don’t want to isolate you”

“You aren’t doing that. I love being here”

“Yes, and I’m glad but… Look, I know what I’m talking about. Even if I’m not going to hurt you or alienate you in purpose, I can’t be the only person in your life. I don’t want you to depend on me”

“Why…?” Tobio doesn’t understand. He’s been relying to one single person his whole life, he thought he could do the same with Nicolas, since he’s better than Oikawa.

“Because that happened to me” he confesses. “I felt so alone during my sickness, and after that I rely to only one person who I thought I loved… I was so isolated that I didn’t know it was… hell”

“But you aren’t going to hurt me or whatever”

“Of course, not” Nicolas says quickly. “But I want you to enjoy life, like a normal young guy”

“Is your wife that bad…?” Tobio says, carefully. Nicolas stares at him, but doesn’t say a word. “You helped me a lot, I want to do it too… Please, tell me”

“It’s okay” Nicolas is quick to interrupt. “You don’t have to worry”

“Nicolas…”

“It’s okay” he says again. Tobio feels like he’s hiding something, and he dislikes it. He wants him to trust him in this.

“That’s why you had a thing with Hirugami-san?”

“What did he tell you?”

“Only that he liked you so much and you left him because of your wife”

“I don’t want to talk about that”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course, I do. But… Look, I came to Japan to forget all of that, so I don’t want to talk about her. I don’t want to think about it. That’s all”

Tobio knows better. He also tried to forget about his past, but it’s impossible. It still haunts him, because it has been so difficult to deal with. And judging by Nicolas’ body language, he can feel that his wife is triggering him.

“Nicolas…”

“Tobio, please. Don’t”

“You came to Japan just two years ago. By that time, you have forgotten your wife? You told Hirugami-san that you loved her…”

“Tobio”

“Why am I different?”

“I love you. That’s the difference”

“But she’s still there…”

“I said I don’t want to talk about that”

Nicolas doesn’t have to shout; his stern voice is enough to make him shut up. Tobio is a bit shocked, because he had never raised his voice at him. Nicolas is usually happy and sweet. He’s tense and angry. He stands up and disappears from the living room. Tobio is left alone thinking what do to.

Nicolas has been patient enough to wait for him to talk about Oikawa and his past, but Tobio wants him to talk. He wants to help him and comfort him, like he always does. It’s not fair, if he’s the only one in being supported.

Also, he wants to know what’s the matter with the wife or if it’s something he should worry about. Fukurou seemed nervous about it, he warned him about her. He believes Nicolas when he says he loves him, but he can’t help but wonder if she can mess things up.

He waits for a while until he gets up and goes to the bedroom. He’s trying to give him some space but he also wants him to know that he’s there for him. Just like Nicolas did with him. Nicolas is lying on the bed, his back facing the door. He’s not sleeping, Tobio knows it. So, he gets under the sheets and hugs him from the back. Nicolas sighs and Tobio kisses him on the neck.

“I’m sorry…” Tobio says, softly. “But you know everything about me, now… I want to know you too”

Nicolas holds his arms; he doesn’t break the embrace but he doesn’t give it back. He’s still angry, but not that much.

“I really don’t want to talk about her. Please, respect that”

“But I can see that it’s hurting you. I want to help…”

“You will help me by not mention it again”

Tobio is a bit fed up. He’s trying to help and be patient, but Nicolas has decided to be a child.

“If you want to forget her, why is she still your wife?”

That doesn’t help at all. He immediately regrets it but Nicolas is already annoyed. He stands up and leaves the room, clearly angry. Tobio slaps himself. Nicolas doesn’t return to the bed; he must be staying on the couch.

Tobio can’t sleep. He wants to help but he also doesn’t want him to be angry or stressed. It’s something new, seeing him so tensed. He tries to think how he can comfort him. Nicolas waited until Tobio talked about his past, maybe he should do the same. Wait until he wants to say it… but he’s worried. What if it’s a matter like Oikawa? What if it’s something to worry and Nicolas is just whipping out?

He misses him, during the night. It’s good to give him space, but he doesn’t want to sleep alone. It’s so windy, tonight, and the constant clacking of the window is making him nervous. It’s not raining, but it’s still as stressful for him. Kei comes to bed. He’s surprised to see that Nicolas isn’t there, but he soon goes to Tobio and purrs against him. Tobio caresses him, his cats are always a good distraction. But Shou and Yachi don’t appear, they must be sleeping with Nicolas on the couch.

Tobio visits Nicolas a few times during the night, but he's sleeping. Tobio doesn't want to disturb his sleep so, at the end, he leaves him be. But, at dawn, Tobio has enough. He wants him there, with him, and he knows he will still be angry when he wakes up, so Tobio needs to do something about it. He wants to say sorry, for having stressed him.

But he feels that a simple sorry won't work. Nicolas is always treating him good, especially when he's sad, so he needs to give it back. He decides to not cook anything, because it probably will burn. He then looks at the flowers on the table. That could work!

He leaves the flat. Outside, it's freezing cold and he has to hug himself to protect from the icy wind. He walks slowly to the crutch, trying to find a flower shop. It can't be far, since Nicolas had managed to buy some.

He gazes at one and goes to it. It's still close, but the owner is at the door. By his surprise, it's Ushijima.

"Hello" Ushijima says. "It's good to see you"

"I didn't know that you had a shop here"

"It's quite new, but it's going well. Do you want to come in?"

"Aren't you still close?"

"Yes, but I can let you in if I want"

Ushijima raises the metal door and let it down once Tobio has passed. Ushijima leads him through the shop and he stays watching the flowers while Ushijima is in the storage room.

"So, what do you want?" Ushijima asks.

"Flowers"

"Of course,"

"I… I want to give them to Nicolas. As an apology…"

"I see" Ushijima goes to the plants and starts making a small bouquet. "Roses are always welcomed"

"Cool"

Ushijima gives him the bouquet and Tobio pays with his money. All he had left is gone for the flowers. But he isn't sorry.

"Take one of these fertilizers, I told you about. That's on me"

"Really?"

"Yes. Do you need help with the flowers? You're still using the crutch"

"If you don't mind"

Ushijima takes them and walks with Tobio back to Nicolas' house. Once they arrive, Ushijima gives Tobio the flowers.

"Is Romero-san sleeping on the couch? That's bad for his back, he should rest as he isn't as young as before"

"I'll tell him that. Thank you"

Ushijima leaves the flat. Tobio takes the time to look at Nicolas. He has a hard look, his forehead a little frowned. He must have a bad sleep… Little he knows that Nico is faking it.

Tobio sits on the floor. He wants to leave him a letter like he did, but he doesn't know what to write. First of all, he still sucks at reading and writing. He tries to write "I love you" but he doesn't know how to write it in Japanese. He then wants to write it in Portuguese, as Nicolas would love it but he doesn't know the language. Nicolas mobile is blocked by a pin number, so he can't use a translator.

He ends drawing a little heart and places it on the couch along the flowers, next to Nicolas. Nicolas starts smelling them and he opens his eyes to see what's happening. He finds the flowers right at his face. He sits up, confused.

“I’m sorry…” Tobio mutters. “I didn’t want you to feel bad”

“Oh, dear…” Nicolas sighs. He stands up and hugs him. “I’m sorry if I overreacted… I’m okay, you don’t have to worry”

“Are you sure?” Tobio says, snuggling between his arms.

“Absolutely. I’m happy with you, I’m happy here. Whatever happened in the past, doesn’t have to worry you. It’s over”

“Okay…”

“Thank you for the flowers, I like roses” Nicolas picks up the bouquet. “Let’s put them on the vase, with the other two”

Before Nicolas could move, Tobio grabs him by the wrist and get him back to the embrace.

“I missed you tonight” he mumbles, against his shoulder. He feels Nicolas’ body vibrating by his soft giggle.

“That can be fixed” Nicolas places the flowers on the coffee table. Then, he carries Tobio bride-style, to the bed. He leaves him on it and quickly kisses him. “I love you. Forget about Débora, Fukurou or whoever I was with. You’re the only one who makes me feel like this. Listen…”

Nicolas grabs his hand and places it on his chest. Tobio can feel his heart beating loudly. Tobio smiles and caresses him, he kisses him back and lays on the bed, dragging him with him. Nicolas hugs him tightly, deepening the kiss. 

Nicolas hands go down to the shirt, but Tobio stops them. Without questioning, he raises them again to keep caressing him. He also kisses his lips, his neck, everywhere visible. Tobio is already red, when Nicolas sits up to see him.

"Are you fine with it…?" he asks.

"Yes…, please"

"I want you to be honest with me and say if something doesn't like you. I'm yours tonight, I'm going to give you everything you want. Just ask what you need"

"I want you to undress…"

"As you wish"

Nicolas takes his shirt, first. He waits like that, letting Tobio touch him and explore his body. Nicolas kisses him once again and then; he starts rummaging in the nightstand. He takes out a bottle of lube and a few condoms. Tobio gasps, a bit nervous.

"Don't worry, we're going to play a little bit," Nicolas says, and Tobio is ready to give him everything he wants.

First, Nicolas keeps kissing him to ease him. Tobio doesn't want to take his shirt off, but he lets him undress his pants. Nicolas kisses his injured leg and goes up to his crotch. He knows Tobio already likes this, it's a good start to make him comfortable. He can already hear his soft gasps. Tobio's hand intertwines with his hair, caressing and pulling it.

He would love to keep hearing him moan like that, but that's not the only dish on the menu. And Tobio knows it. He pulls Nicolas's trousers down, he also wants to please his man. Nicolas moans at his lover's touch, he pulls his hair and kisses him deep. They both moan, feeling each other's hands.

"Nicolas…" Tobio gasps. "Let's go further…"

"Whatever you want, meu amor" he whispers back. He lays him down but Tobio soon stops him.

"Not like this… not on top. Please…"

Nicolas carries him gently and sits him up. He makes him rest against the headboard and opens his legs slowly. Tobio is nervous, now, it's something they didn't try before. Nicolas smiles.

"I can stop, gatinho"

"No…" Tobio caresses his cheek. "I want to do it… I want you to show me…"

It's him, it's Nicolas. He's there, looking handsome, charming and beautiful. It's his man, his everything. He's not scary, controlling nor dangerous. It's him…

Nicolas plays with his fingers, filled with lube. It's weird, at first, but Tobio trusts him. He won't do anything that can hurt him, so he closes his eyes and. Soon, Tobio feels at ease and he enjoys it. He clings on the pillow and moans softly.

"Tobio…" Nicolas huffs. "You're so beautiful right now…"

"M-more, Nicolas…" Tobio trembles.

Nicolas removes the fingers and hugs Tobio by the waist. He gently sits him on his lap, and holds him against his body. Tobio rests his hands on his shoulders, he can feel him very close. They both look at each other's eyes.

"When you're ready, amor…" Nicolas whispers.

Tobio lets himself fall abruptly, it hurts a little and even Nicolas puffs from the surprise. Nicolas doesn't move, he kisses him softly and waits for him to start. Tobio wraps his legs around his waist, and starts moving slowly. Nicolas guides him and, soon, Tobio matches the rhythm.

Tobio remembers it, he still feels his hands touching him. He remembers him inside, hurting him and forcing him. But when he opens the eyes, he sees Nicolas under him, all red and sweaty, kissing him and adoring him. Every nightmare is washed away, every hit and insults start to fade away. His whole body welcomes Nicolas, all his senses are ready to receive his love.

His body trembles a lot and Nicolas hug him tightly. With one last scream, Tobio comes and collapses on Nicolas' shoulder. He's exhausted but in a happy cloud, he snuggles while Nicolas finishes. Nicolas lays him on the bed and he rests his head on Tobio's chest. He leaves a trail of kisses from his neck to his lips. He caresses his hair and cheek, and smiles widely.

"I… I did it" Tobio mumbles, look at him. He smiles back. "We did it…"

"Yes, my angel"

Tobio starts giggling. It soon turns into a sweet laugh. He never felt like that before. Everything was painful and traumatic. But this is different, this is soft, sweet, safe, lovely. He finally can enjoy sex.

He cuddles up with Nicolas, who keeps caressing him. Between his arms, he feels so relaxed. He loves him, and with he can laugh of happiness.


	15. Threat

_Help me_

Tobio is glad that it’s weekend and Nicolas doesn’t have to work, because he can curl up with him for the rest of the day. Nicolas caresses him and leaves soft kisses all over his body, and Tobio feels like his in paradise. Everything is calm and sweet. He doesn’t want to abandon his arms. He feels completely at ease.

“We should move” Nicolas says, keeping him close.

“Mnm, nah” Tobio snuggles more. Tobio caresses him, his fingers tracing all the skin until he finds a scar on his chest. He hadn’t noticed before because he was too excited to pay attention to details. He looks at Nicolas.

“That’s where I had the catheter. The chemo was introduced through here, for a time”

Tobio looks back at the scar, he keeps caressing the area. Oikawa had some books about cancer, but he never really paid attention. He wishes he did, now. He would understand Nicolas better.

“It must have hurt a lot…” he mumbles. Nicolas caresses his hand.

“Yes, it did… And it was terrifying. But I won over it” Nicolas kisses his temple and smiles at him. “We should get a shower, we’re still sticky”

“Right now, I don’t feel dirty at all…” Tobio mumbles, with a little smile.

It’s so different from what Kawashima did. Tobio doesn’t feel dirty or uncomfortable, he doesn’t have the urge to rip his skin off. He doesn’t want to scream and cry. He doesn’t want to run away. On the contrary, he wants to stay. He wants more kisses and more touches.

Nicolas leans over him and kisses him on the lips, Tobio embraces him immediately keeping him like this. He hugs him by the neck, he doesn’t want him to leave. Nicolas giggles.

“Tobio, my greedy boy” he smiles. “Let’s keep that for later. We can shower together, if you want”

“Okay”

“I’ll prepare the bath” Nicolas sits up after one last kiss and Tobio caresses his back while he stands up. Tobio stretches his arms and sits up too.

“Look!” Nicolas suddenly says, happy. “It’s snowing!”

Nicolas is at the window, smiling like a child. Tobio smiles too and runs to his side, to see the snow. A few snowflakes are piling up on the window ledge and the street is starting to get white.

“Do you like snow?” Nicolas asks.

“Yes! It’s quiet and pretty…”

“You know, I really never saw snow until I came to Japan”

“Really?!”

“It’s too hot in Brazil, even in winter. Seeing snow, it’s still amazing for me”

“Can we go to play in the snow?”

“Of course, but be careful with your leg”

“It’s okay, I survived you” Tobio smiles and Nicolas’ eyes shine. Then, Tobio realize something. “Cover up! You’re naked in front of the window!”

Tobio quickly pushes him away from the window, while Nicolas laughs. Nico turns around and hugs him.

“Don’t worry, no one other than you is watching me” he smiles. “Let’s go to the shower”

Nicolas grabs him by the wrist and takes him to the bathroom. He sits him on the stool and wraps his leg with plastic.

“Shirabu really did a good job!” Nicolas says, looking at the stitches.

“Yes… I was surprised by how nice he was…”

“Well, just because you only knew Oikawa doesn’t mean all doctors are like him. They’re mostly great people!” Nicolas prepares the sponges and the soaps. He also brings the shampoo. “Can you take off your shirt?”

Tobio nods. He takes it off but he looks away. He’s kinda shrunken. Nicolas places the shirt to the dirty clothes bin and kneels down to his heigh.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I just… feel a little exposed. Even if it’s you… Sorry”

“Don’t be, I understand” Nicolas caresses his arms, touching his scars, bruises and scratches. “Your body is beautiful”

“I’m too thin, and beaten…” Tobio shakes his head. “I can’t even look myself at a mirror. I… don’t want to _see_ me”

“Meu gatinho…” Nicolas caresses his face. “I see myself in you in so many ways… I also suffered the same”

“No way, you’re hot!”

“Thank you!” Nicolas laughs. “But it’s because I started to exercise. Before that, I felt the worst. I was underweight but swollen because of the medication. I couldn’t look at myself either, just like you”

“You were sick, it’s not the same”

Nicolas smiles and stands up.

“Come” he takes him by the wrists and moves him to the mirror. He stands next to Tobio, letting him see his full image. He hugs him by the waist. “I want you to look at yourself, Tobio. You have to start acknowledging it as yours”

“No…” Tobio hides his face against Nicolas shoulder. Nicolas caresses his back.

“Our bodies have been through hell and their scars tell us that we are still here, alive. You are a fighter, Tobio. You never really give up, because you’re here another day. And I’m proud of you”

Tobio looks at his eyes. Nicolas gives him an Eskimo kiss. Tobio closes his eyes for a second, he rests his head on his chest and, this time, his face turns to the mirror. Nicolas also looks at their reflexion, while resting his head on Tobio’s.

“When I was first diagnosed, everybody was crying and praying for me. But I didn’t really realise what was happening until I look at myself… That’s why I didn’t like it, because it was showing me a painful reality. It was telling me that I was sick….” Nicolas explains. “But you know what? I’m glad I did. I could acknowledge it and start fighting it”

“You always know what to say…” Tobio whispers, snuggling between his arms.

“That’s because I also been there, but I went to therapy once I was clean. I mean it when I say that I see myself in you, and I don’t want you to commit the same mistakes I did”

“I won’t do that, because you’re here with me” Tobio looks at him, while he caresses his chest. He kisses him on the lips.

Once Tobio feels more relaxed, they take the shower. Nicolas is in charge of rinsing while Tobio handles the sponges. From time to time, they share some kisses and play with the soap. Nicolas loves making him laugh, it’s not something normal to hear. He wants to make him feel so at ease that he can behave freely. That’s why they go outside after the shower to play with the snow.

Tobio starts throwing snowballs at him and Nicolas soon chases him around. He wins, as Tobio can’t run properly but Tobio finds his revenge by sneak snow under his clothes. Nicolas shrieks loudly and Tobio mocks him. He looks so happy that Nicolas lets him win. They hold hands and buy some hot chocolate to keep them warm.

“Tobio, there’s something I want to ask you” Nicolas asks, as they drink the chocolates. “You see… I know that you guys don’t really celebrate it, but I do. Christmas is important to me, especially if there’s kids around… And last year Ruben came here, so I have to go now”

“Are you going to Brazil?”

“Yes… And I want to ask you if you want to come with me”

“With… what?”

“Well, I want you and Ruben to meet so… It can be an opportunity”

“But… Will your son accept this? And your family? I just… I can’t appear out of the sudden!”

“You won’t. I already talked with Rubens about someone special to me… I’m sure he will love to have you around to play. And my mother will love you!”

“I’m… not good at meeting people. What if they ask things, I can’t answer…?”

“Hey, don’t worry. Just think about it, we still have time”

“Okay…”

“We should go back home, it’s getting colder” Nicolas says, standing up. Tobio quickly follows him.

Tobio doesn’t know what to do. He’s partly happy that Nicolas is involving him in his life but, for the same reason, it terrifies him. How would his family react if Nicolas comes home with a criminal? Even if it would be still a secret, there would be a lot of lies…

When they reach the main door, Nicolas’ phone starts ringing. He soon stops walking after checking it.

“Nicolas?”

“I… Do you mind if you go ahead? I have a call to attend…”

“Okay…”

Nicolas is smiling nervously. Something is happening, but Tobio feels he won’t get an answer from him. He goes upstairs, to their home, leaving him behind. Nicolas steps outside, he’s biting his lips. The name on the screen doesn’t give any good vibe.

Because nothing good comes from Débora.

“Guess where I am?” Débora’s high-pitched voice can be heard from the phone. “I’m going straight to your house!”

“You’re what…?”

“I just left the airport. Surprise!”

“But… how? Why you didn’t say that before?”

“What happens? You don’t have anything to do, right?” Débora is definitely hiding something. Nicolas knows too well that voice. “I’m coming to visit you!”

“I thought you hated the idea of traveling”

“Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Nicolas sighs. It’s a trick question. 

“I can’t wait to see you, Nicolas” Débora says. “I’m sure you missed me a lot, being so alone…”

Nicolas can’t help but wonder what she knows. It’s impossible, but still… He ends the call and quickly goes upstairs, with Tobio. He needs to do something before Débora arrives. She can’t see Tobio there…

“Tobio, this is important. Listen to me” he says. Tobio looks at him, in wonder. “I need you to go with Fukurou, just for a few hours”

“Why? What happens?”

“It’s… uh… Débora. She’s here. It’s better if you don’t meet here”

“What!?”

“Please, go… And take the cats with you. She dislikes animals”

“But, Nico, are you kicking ME out? Kick her out!”

“I need to talk to her before. If I have to explain everything to her, it’s better if she’s in a good mood…”

“But…”

“Please, go. Hurry up, she’s about to arrive”

Nicolas finds the cats and puts them on Tobio’s arms. He looks offended, but it’s for the best. He will talk with Débora and when she leaves, Tobio can come back. He pushes him to the hall and knocks at Fukurou’s door.

“Fuk, please. Tobio needs to be with you for a while”

“Is something wrong, Nico?”

“Yes… she’s here”

Fukurou opens his eyes, in shock. He doesn’t add anything else, and lets Tobio in. Tobio is still processing everything. He looks at him before Fukurou closes the door. Nicolas yanks his hair, nervous. He needs to be delicate. Débora is like an inactive volcano, you never know with what she will ignite.

He knows he owes Tobio an explanation after that, but he has to deal with his wife first. Maybe, it’s the right time to tell her the truth.

Nicolas roams around the house, hiding the cat’s toys. After a few minutes, someone knocks at the door. It’s Débora.

“Hi, _husband”_ she says, remarking the word. She tries to kiss him but Nicolas dodges it. “Did you miss me?”

“Débora, I’m… You should’ve told me earlier”

“Can’t I surprise my _husband?”_

“There’s something I need to tell you”

“Really? Because I also have something to say” Débora crosses her arms, Nicolas waits for it. “Do you remember who is in charge of your bank account, dear? Yes, me. Why are you spending so much, lately? It’s almost like there’s two people living here”

“I’ve had a few friends over…” Nicolas quickly says. He hates himself, he should talk about Tobio and end this thing, but he can’t fight.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Débora smiles, while her eyes darken. She takes out her phone and shows him a photo. It’s Nicolas, hugging Tobio under an umbrella. “You, miserable cheater”

“How did you get that pic?”

“Forget it. You cheated again! I get you this apartment, thanks to me you got the promotion and this is how you pay me? Cheating your wife with some Japanese guy?”

“We’re not living like a marriage, Débora, you know that”

“And who’s fault is that!? You’re useless as a husband”

“I asked for the divorce long time ago…”

“You’re hurting me, Nicolas” Débora sobs, falsely. “I gave you everything and yet… I guess it’s about time for Ruben to know how his father really is”

“Ruben doesn’t have to do anything with this”

“He does! Poor Ruben, who misses his father so much… he doesn’t know that his daddy left him to fuck a Japanese bitch”

“Don’t say that” Nicolas raises his voice. “First of all, Ruben already knows that I’m seeing something and, you know what? He doesn’t mind because you are nothing to him. You were never there for him, and he surely knows it”

“That’s it! You put my poor son against me! You’re a horrible husband and a terrible father. Poor Ruben…”

“Stop pretending you care about him”

“I do care! I care for him as much as I cared for my baby that you managed to kill”

Nicolas shuts up. Débora knows where to attack, and the death of their unborn child is one of them. Nicolas hasn’t forgotten himself for that, and Débora still reminds him of it.

“Débora…” he says, almost whispering. “I don’t want to keep with this…”

“You can’t go, and you know it”

“I’m happy here. You’re just tying me down”

“You’re just like your father”

“I’m not like him…”

“Of course, you are. You hate him and yet, you’re turning like him”

“Shut up…”

“It’s the truth, honey. You’re a bad husband, a bad father, you probably are a bad boyfriend too. You’re juuuust like him”

“Get out of my house…” Nicolas clenches his teeth. Débora makes a step further, ready to reply but Nicolas has had enough. “Get out!”

Débora finally shuts up, impressed by the scream. Normally, Nicolas would have endured her words in silence.

“This won’t end here, Nicolas. You know that” she says, before turning around and leaving the house.

Nicolas knows that perfectly. He always feels like he’s out of breath when Débora is around. And now, a lump in his throat keeps him out form catching some air. He has to sit down; everything is getting dizzy. He holds his head between his hands, trembling. He feels helpless. He tried to escape from Débora’s grip and was so focused on Tobio that he totally forgot that she’s still there. He feels stupid. He can’t do anything. Even at his 30’s, he still feels like the lost kid he was.

“Nicolas…?” he hears. Nicolas lifts his head to see Tobio standing in front of him. “I heard you scream…”

Nicolas stands up and quickly embraces him. He closes his eyes and buries his face on his hair. Tobio caresses his back, and that relaxes him inmediateyl. Feeling his warmth is enough to make him breath again.

“I’m sorry…” he whispers.

“What is happening?”

Nicolas breaks the embrace, he’s not able to look at him. He feels ashamed, by how he treated him before Débora arrived. Tobio still looks confused and a bit offended, and Nicolas regrets it.

“Someone sent Débora a picture of us. I wanted to talk with her but… I forget that our conversations always lead to arguments”

“But now, she’s gone, right?”

“I don’t think so… She never left”

“But, Nicolas, you’re more than her. You just have to quit this; you can do it!”

“No, Tobio… I’m not”

“You’re the strongest person I know”

“I’m sorry, but I’m really the weakest…” Nicolas sits down again, defeated. Tobio kneels down so he can match his heigh. Nicolas doesn’t like that.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I’m trapped with her… and I can’t do anything about that. I… I signed a marriage contract…”

“What…?”

“If I divorce her, I will lose my job, my money my house… I will lose my son… I can’t lose him, he’s my life… And… God, I’m so stupid. Why I signed that?!” Nicolas trembles, desperate. Tobio has never seen him like that.

“Why you never told me that…?”

“I don’t know… I’ve been so happy with you that I completely forget her threats… I’m sorry, Tobio. I’m not the strong man you think I am…”

Tobio stands up. He has never seen Nicolas so nervous like that, and he wonders what else he’s hiding. He knew he had a wife, but a contract makes things harder. Nicolas is tied up, and if he can’t divorce her Tobio will always be the second one. Although Nicolas loves him, he will always be behind her.

“Tobio… I’m sorry…”

“Now, what…? It will be always like that? I will have to hide every time she’s around…?”

“I love you, Tobio. No contract can change that”

“But it does change things. I won’t ever be fully yours with her here…”

“Don’t say that. She doesn’t mean anything for me. I stop loving her long time ago. I love you; you are the first”

“Being the first means there’s a second…”

“Tobio, please…” Nicolas pleads.

He’s so distressed, so afraid of losing him. He looks at him, begging. Tobio calms down and hugs him, Nicolas hiding his face against his chest. The rolls have changed, now it’s Tobio’s time to comfort him.

“I love you too…” Tobio says, softly. Nicolas sighs deeply and tights the embrace. Tobio caresses his hair.

Fukurou is at the door, observing them quietly. Tobio exchange a look with him. He’s worried that it can happen the same with Fukurou and Nicolas. He’s afraid that, someday, Nicolas tells him that he still loves his wife and he will be left alone… one more time. Tobio tightens the embrace, afraid of losing him. Fukurou leaves, unable to keep looking at them.

Nicolas takes his time to calm down. He keeps in silence, something very uncommon in him. Tobio feels awkward with his silence, he feels like he’s the one in charge to talk. That’s something that always made him nervous, he’s the worst in terms of speaking and having conversations. Nicolas looks still a bit down, so the only thing he can do is to bring him the cats. He picks them up and puts them in his lap, so he can caress them. They always helped him when he’s feeling sad, it can work with Nicolas too.

Immediately, the cats start purring and making biscuits. Even Kei keeps himself near him. Nicolas plays with the cats and feels a bit better. However, he knows he can’t let his guard down. Débora is still here, and he knows she will try to strike again. And he isn’t wrong, because she comes back at night.

Nicolas is already nervous when someone knocks at the door. He knows who it is, but Tobio stands up and goes to open it. Nicolas should warn him, but their meeting is inevitable. Tobio opens the door and faces her.

The tension between them is almost palpable. Tobio looks directly at her, using his heigh to make himself bigger than her. Débora raises her head and puts the hands on her hips, standing firmly. Nicolas quickly gets next to Tobio.

“Do you need something? “Nicolas says. Having Tobio on his side makes him feel a bit more confident.

“Yes. My husband” Débora says, staring back at Tobio. He doesn’t understand Portuguese, but he can take a guess. “I see you’re with your… friend”

“Go away, Débora” Nicolas is about to close the door, but Débora steps in, blocking it.

“Do you know I just talked with your boss?” Débora says, calmly. Tobio moves on to her but Nicolas stops him.

“What did you say?”

“I just talked with him; you know he’s a good friend of my uncle. Your real boss” Débora gets inside the house, walking haughty. “There hasn’t been much changes in the business since you came here, right?”

“We did good last year, we’re maintaining it…”

“Well… that means you already did your job. You aren’t needed here anymore… right?”

“Don’t you dare”

“We can go back to Brazil now”

“I think it’s the time for you to leave” Tobio interrupts them, in English. He didn’t understand her, but he sees how Nicolas is distressed.

“Não fale comigo, sua puta”

“Débora” Nicolas roars. Even Tobio jumps a little, from the sudden raise of voice. He can’t stand nobody talking about Tobio like that, even if he didn’t understand it. Nicolas grabs her by the arm and pushes her outside the house. “If you think you can come here, to my house and insult my boyfriend you’re very wrong. Get out of here”

“I’ll be back, Nicolas” Débora says, shaking his hand off “Don’t forget that”

Nicolas knows this, but for now he slams the door on her face. It slams so hard that the whole house trembles. Tobio approaches Nicolas carefully, seeing him angry is a bit scary. He gently touches his shoulder and Nicolas quickly hugs him.

“I’m sorry for this scene…” he says. “She was getting too far”

“Nicolas… I don’t want to see you so angry. She’s causing you too much stress!”

“You tell me, I’ve been putting up with her for mostly ten years…”

“Why…? I’ve seen her for only a few minutes and I can’t stand her”

“Because…, she found me in a very bad moment. And every time I tried to end our relationship something happened…”

“What do you mean something happened?”

“I don’t want to say it…”

“I want to help you… You’re stressed and angry, I barely recognise you”

“Maybe that’s what I am. Someone unstable who can’t keep his family…”

“Why are you saying that…?” Tobio says, worried.

Nicolas breaks the embrace and moves away from him. Tobio can’t understand why Nicolas is acting so different right now. Where’s the happy man he always is? Was that a mask? Is Nicolas okay?

“I just lose my job” Nicolas says, dully. “Then I will lose everything until I have nothing. My Ruben will hate me…”

“I’m sure he loves you. He’s your kid…”

“I hated my father for leaving me. I’m doing the same…”

“No!” Tobio tries to hug him back but Nicolas steps away. He’s so anxious… Suddenly, he sees a pattern. “Nicolas…, she’s like him. Like Oikawa-san…”

“Come on…”

“She blames you for everything that goes wrong, right? That’s why you’re saying those things. What else does she tell you?”

“Tobio, you can’t compare her with a psycho like Oikawa. She’s… Okay, she’s not great but our life isn’t the same as yours”

“You told me she isolated you… Oikawa-san did the same to me!”

“I was the one who couldn’t stand being alone. I couldn’t do anything good” Nicolas is raising his voice again. “Everything that went wrong year after year, was my fault! I am the one to blame. I’m the one who didn’t have a job, who couldn’t even stand up without feeling fatigated. Being with other people is what made Débora so angry…”

“You were sick, she took advantage of it”

“I was completely healed when I start living with her. She was my donor… She…”

“Saved your life? You know what Oikawa said to me…”

“I don’t care about Oikawa; this isn’t about him”

“It’s about you!” Tobio raises his voice too. “You’re being manipulated”

“Well done, Sherlock! Yes, maybe I’m being manipulated but guess what? I let it happen. I saw it coming and I did nothing. Why? Because maybe I’m just as horrible as her… and I deserved it”

“You’re a good person…”

“She suffered a miscarriage because I stressed her too much… I killed my own baby… How can I be a decent father for Ruben if I couldn’t bring my little one to life?”

Tobio is left speechless. The man in front of him is breaking down, his saviour and protector is now vulnerable and showing his hidden side. Nicolas has been strong for him all the time, but he’s as broken as him… Nicolas can’t control himself anymore, he falls on the couch and holds his head, hiding the tears.

Nicolas has helped him uncountable times. And although he’s bad at words, he wants to try to comfort him. Tobio kneels down and holds his hands, like Nico did so many times.

“You didn’t want to kill your baby…” he says. “It was an accident”

“Even if was… I did so many bad things to her. Not only, that but I also cheated and… I was… I was like a parasite…”

“Like me?”

“No, of course not…”

“You know I won’t judge you” Tobio caresses his face and Nicolas looks at him. He’s so desperate… “I want to hear it all. I want to know, Nico… Like you did with me. I want you to share your life with me… Please”

Nicolas takes a deep breath.

“Not today… I will, I promise you. But not today. I just want to sleep”

“Okay…”

Nicolas stands up and goes directly to the bedroom. He lies on the bed, without taking off his clothes. Tobio’s heart squeezes. He just looks like him… Lost, depressed and desperate. For how long Nicolas has been hiding all of this? Tobio himself knows how hard it is to carry on day after day.

He lays next to him and hugs him tightly. It’s his time to spend the night awake, watching over his sleep. It’s his turn to fade away his nightmares and to kiss him until he falls asleep again. It’s his turn to be the caretaker.

On morning, Tobio tries to make him breakfast. He also buys him a flower, like he did. The food isn’t extraordinary, but Nicolas eats it all. The cats play with him too and Tobio stays next to him all the time.

“You don’t have to do all of this, Tobio” Nicolas says. “I’m okay”

“But I want to”

“Don’t worry” Nicolas tries to smile. “It’s just a break down, it will pass”

“I did it so many times with you, and it worked for me. Same for you…” Tobio holds his hand and kisses it. Nicolas sits up and kisses his cheek, as a thank you.

Then, his phone starts ringing.

“It’s her?” Tobio mumbles. Nicolas takes a glance at the phone.

“It’s my boss”

Nicolas stands up and picks up the phone. Although Tobio won’t understand anything since he’s boss is Brazilian, he leaves the room to be in private. He knows that there’s an incoming storm from that call.

“Nicolas” his boss says, firmly as always. His boss, that happens to be Débora’s uncle. “I already been informed of your “too stable” workflow. Are the Japanese too much for you?”

Nicolas bites his tongue. He hates how obtrusive that man can be. He always looked at him over the shoulder.

“Everything’s alright, Raimundo. I don’t see any problem, and my co-workers are very fine with me. I haven’t received any complaints”

“However, my beloved niece doesn’t think the same and you know her opinion is above everyone else, even yours”

“And…?”

“We trusted you in the negotiations with Japan, but your time is over. We’ll send someone else more qualified. Come back to Brazil, and we’ll see what we do with your position”

That’s all he has to say. Nicolas growls a bit. He’s more angry than sad, right now. Tobio finds him, he wants to know what happened.

“It’s obvious he wants to fire me…” he explains. “He does everything Débora wants, and he never liked me there for a start”

“You will lose your job like that…?” Nicolas shrugs. “Maybe Hirugami-san can do something, he always says he knows a lawyer”

“I don’t know if a lawyer can do much… After all, I signed a contract”

“We can ask. I’ll go get him”

Tobio is quick to leave the house and knock at his neighbour’s door. Nicolas follows him slowly.

“Hirugami-san” Tobio says, when Fukurou opens the door. “You know a lawyer, right?”

“For you?”

“For him. He’s been fired!” Fukurou looks at Nicolas, who evades it. “We can do something, right?”

“Of course…” Fukurou is still looking at Nicolas. “Kageyama, do you mind leaving us alone for a moment?”

“Uh… Okay” Tobio is a bit awkward with that, but he respects Fukurou’s wish. He goes back to his apartment.

Fukurou and Nicolas are left on the entrance, Fukurou still staring at him. Nicolas doesn’t want to hear his lecture.

“What are you doing, Nico…?”

“I didn’t ask to be fired”

“You know what I mean. Are you letting this happen again? With Tobio?”

“I’ve lost my job, what will come next?”

“Losing Tobio, maybe?” this time, Nicolas stares back. “I already know how this will go. You will end hurting him in the process, and for what? For Débora, who always mistreated you?”

“I’m also to blame, Fuk…”

“Oh, shut up. You know it’s not true, she just made you believe that. Why are you letting her do all of this? Don’t you have enough?”

“She will go after Ruben, I know…” Nicolas shakes again. “I can’t lose him…”

“Then, stop her! She just gets what she wants because you’re letting her! Divorce her”

“But…”

“Come on. You’ll lose your house, money, job… Yes. But do you really think you’ll be alone in this? Don’t you know you have a bed here, in my house? Don’t you think your family won’t help you? There’s a lot of people who cares about you” Fukurou puts a hand on Nicolas’ shoulder. “And if that bitch touches your son, we’ll go after her”

Nicolas feels relieved. He’s still terrified, but Fukurou is so confident that he can be a little optimistic. Fukurou is right… All those years being isolated at Débora’s mercy couldn’t fight against the love of his mother and the rest of his family. He has friends that care for him, even though he kept them away.

After a long sigh, Nicolas hugs his friend. He feels lucky, to have him there. And Tobio too. They both are keeping him sane these days. He feels stronger.

“Fuk… thank you” he says, sincerely. Fukurou nods.

“Now, get your shit together and get rid of that woman”

“I will…”

“Go back with Tobio, he looks worried for you”

“My poor _gatinho_. I’ve been giving him a hard time…” Nicolas smiles and gets back home.

He’s quiet for the rest of the day. He’s feeling better but there’s a lot of things to consider. He can’t make wild moves with someone like Débora, he needs to plan everything carefully. He answers to Tobio’s kisses and caresses to not make him worry more.

Later, he has decided something. He has to start from somewhere if he wants to get rid of Débora once and for all. He needs to go deep to the origins.

“Tobio… There’s something I need to tell you” he says. Tobio sits down and pays attention. “I need to go back to Brazil”

“Why?”

“I want to find a way to divorce Débora. But I need to keep an eye on my son, because I know she will try to do something. Also, I need to find anything that can make me win against her. Everything started there, on Brazil, so… I think it’s the right place to start”

“I’ll go with you…”

“I have to do this alone, Tobio”

“But we’re in this together…”

“Of course, we are. You’re here with me, that’s all I want. This is my healing process; I need time to be with myself. I haven’t done that in ages. Do you understand?”

“Yes… I will miss you”

“And I too, my love” Nicolas smiles. “I’ll keep you in touch. And I promise you, I’ll be back as a divorced man”

“I believe in you. As always” Tobio smiles back.

Nicolas kisses him. After all these desperate days, he welcomes Tobio’s warmth. He’s never felt so much reinvigorated before, not even when he first landed on Japan. He has a good man by his side, someone who loves him and cares for him. It’s so different form his days with Débora, where everything was oppressive except for his son. Tobio is his breath of spring too.

He makes love to him as a thank you for bringing him the beginning of a change. He kisses and plays with him as a soft goodbye, because his journey to the depths of his heart has started with him.

On morning, he feels brave enough to prepare a suitcase. He feels confident in leaving the house to the airport. Tobio looks a bit worried, he’s abandonment issues are increasing. Nicolas kisses him on the lips, making it long.

“Take care of our house and the cats” he says, caressing his cheek. “I’ll call you via Fukurou every day and keep you updated. Take care, gatinho. I love you”

“I love you too” Tobio says, his night blue eyes shining in worry. Nicolas kisses him one more time.

“Fuk, take care well of my Tobio” Nico says to Fukurou, who’s standing on the corridor to tell him goodbye. Nicolas pats his shoulder. “I’ll be back”

“Take care, Nico”

Nicolas leaves the building, holding tightly to his suitcase. His heart is beating loudly, his body is in alert. He’s going to put an end of something he’s been dragging on for many times, since he was just a teen. He’s afraid of many things, of what Débora can do and if Ruben would be okay. But he has people that trust in him. His happiness in Japan can’t continue if he doesn’t fix himself. And just by that, he feels ready to get back to his homeland.

He’s ready to go to the beginning of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapters, we'll going to see how Nicolas tries to fix his mistakes with Débora. Aaand a nice flashback is coming, although it won't be as long as Tobio's!


End file.
